I was talking to my daughter Debbie, for her happy birthday this morning and I got to tell you, I am getting damned old here. I know this because she is now officially almost old and I am her mother so that makes me 20 years older than her. Now in all fairness, I knew I was old before she brought it up. I had reason to face my aging body head on earlier this week. I had mentioned it on facebook, but since she is not on facebook she had to hear it second or third hand and was a tad bit upset by that. So for her sake I shall once more relive the humiliating episode. I do want to say up front, this was not due to anything on my part and I am still capable of living alone most of the time.
So, I have a deadbolt and a locking knob on my back door. Now, I should tell you that the locking knob tricks you. You can lock it and then open it up and go outside. Most knobs of that ilk will not turn when locked, but this sucker does. After several times of locking myself outside, I got my shipping tape and covered the knob so it could not be turned. This worked very well for a year or so. I have a coded lock on my front door and the last thing I do before going to bed is lock the deadbolt on the back and the screen door on the front. If someone needs to get inside after I am bolted, locked and safely secured inside, they are SOL (Sadly Out of Luck.)
When I get up in the morning I get on the computer, talk on the phone, drink coffee, and just hang out in my pajama's. About 7:30 or so I wander out in my pajams's to let the geese out. If I think about it, I take my phone, but rarely do I carry it with me. Such was my journey on Monday morning. Since I am in the boonies out here I can wander all day and never see a soul. Neighbors leave for work about 5:30 AM. So after checking this and that I decided to come inside. Whoops! The knob did not turn. I was locked out. I hurried to the front door hoping I had forgotten to lock the screen. Nope! I am a creature of habit. Damn the luck!
So I set on the deck and assessed my options. I could walk up the road to a friends house in my pajama's and house shoes and hope she was home.That was iffy. I could get the drill and drill out the center of the knob, but the drill was inside. I even eyeballed the doggie door, but I was pretty sure I did not want to be stuck in that for any length of time. Then I remembered that I had ran an antenna wire out the window in Susie/Sam/Bret's old room. I would simply pop the screen open the window and crawl through. That seemed like a really good plan, but thinking was a hellofalot easier then the completion of the task. So with trusty screwdriver in hand I began my task.
The screen popped right out and I think I can have it rebuilt for $15 or so. The window slid open very easily. I put my right leg in and set down on the sill. So far so good. I could see the floor down below me about 6 1/2 feet. I knew where the ceiling was cause I kept hitting it with my head. I do not know how burglars do it. There was absolutely nothing to hang on to and nothing to cushion my fall assuming I could get my left leg to bend in three places so it would be on the side of the window that the other 3/4 of my body was on. I would have given all my worldly possessions for a chance at the throat of whoever locked the door. ( I have since forgiven her.)
In a moment of clarity I seen my right leg sliding down to the floor and pictured my left leg scraping across the sill and catching on the cross bar. I envisioned being split down the middle and I was pretty sure I better think fast. So I then seen that if I could hang on to center post and move to my right my left leg might follow my lead. That worked and by clinging to the center post and hoping it did not come loose I could then take that left leg and flail around enough to catch my toe on the tv table. It was a good plan as long as everything went very slowly. One slip and I was nursing home bound. It went smooth as silk and soon I was inside my house with one foot on the tv table and the other in a wire laundry basket. Hell, I felt like Spartacus!!!
So, dear Debbie, there you have my saga. My arm is almost healed and my hip will probably go back in it's socket soon. The first item on my agenda was to unlock the storm door. Then I took the knob off the back door and removed the innards so it could not lock. I have a step ladder under the window now, just in case, but I really think I am probably good to go. Who knows!
So, I have a deadbolt and a locking knob on my back door. Now, I should tell you that the locking knob tricks you. You can lock it and then open it up and go outside. Most knobs of that ilk will not turn when locked, but this sucker does. After several times of locking myself outside, I got my shipping tape and covered the knob so it could not be turned. This worked very well for a year or so. I have a coded lock on my front door and the last thing I do before going to bed is lock the deadbolt on the back and the screen door on the front. If someone needs to get inside after I am bolted, locked and safely secured inside, they are SOL (Sadly Out of Luck.)
When I get up in the morning I get on the computer, talk on the phone, drink coffee, and just hang out in my pajama's. About 7:30 or so I wander out in my pajams's to let the geese out. If I think about it, I take my phone, but rarely do I carry it with me. Such was my journey on Monday morning. Since I am in the boonies out here I can wander all day and never see a soul. Neighbors leave for work about 5:30 AM. So after checking this and that I decided to come inside. Whoops! The knob did not turn. I was locked out. I hurried to the front door hoping I had forgotten to lock the screen. Nope! I am a creature of habit. Damn the luck!
So I set on the deck and assessed my options. I could walk up the road to a friends house in my pajama's and house shoes and hope she was home.That was iffy. I could get the drill and drill out the center of the knob, but the drill was inside. I even eyeballed the doggie door, but I was pretty sure I did not want to be stuck in that for any length of time. Then I remembered that I had ran an antenna wire out the window in Susie/Sam/Bret's old room. I would simply pop the screen open the window and crawl through. That seemed like a really good plan, but thinking was a hellofalot easier then the completion of the task. So with trusty screwdriver in hand I began my task.
The screen popped right out and I think I can have it rebuilt for $15 or so. The window slid open very easily. I put my right leg in and set down on the sill. So far so good. I could see the floor down below me about 6 1/2 feet. I knew where the ceiling was cause I kept hitting it with my head. I do not know how burglars do it. There was absolutely nothing to hang on to and nothing to cushion my fall assuming I could get my left leg to bend in three places so it would be on the side of the window that the other 3/4 of my body was on. I would have given all my worldly possessions for a chance at the throat of whoever locked the door. ( I have since forgiven her.)
In a moment of clarity I seen my right leg sliding down to the floor and pictured my left leg scraping across the sill and catching on the cross bar. I envisioned being split down the middle and I was pretty sure I better think fast. So I then seen that if I could hang on to center post and move to my right my left leg might follow my lead. That worked and by clinging to the center post and hoping it did not come loose I could then take that left leg and flail around enough to catch my toe on the tv table. It was a good plan as long as everything went very slowly. One slip and I was nursing home bound. It went smooth as silk and soon I was inside my house with one foot on the tv table and the other in a wire laundry basket. Hell, I felt like Spartacus!!!
So, dear Debbie, there you have my saga. My arm is almost healed and my hip will probably go back in it's socket soon. The first item on my agenda was to unlock the storm door. Then I took the knob off the back door and removed the innards so it could not lock. I have a step ladder under the window now, just in case, but I really think I am probably good to go. Who knows!
Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
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