Pandemic. Such an evil word. There was talk before about the possibility of a "pandemic." What would we do? All the people in power had simple solutions. It was easy back then, wasn't it? Medical was ready. Hospitals were ready. Every thing was in place to handle a health crisis. What went wrong?
The flu kills people every year, doesn't it? Sure. People got their flu shots. But my mind kept going back to the little red man in the diagram flying over here in a shiny plane. The diagram showed him getting off the plane on the west coast. Washington I think. Then he got back on the plane and flew to Florida. Such a simple little diagram, but then all the best laid plans of mice and men, as was inevitable, went to hell in a hand basket. Little red dots began showing up all over the map. OMG! The impossible had happened. We were smack in the middle of a pandemic which covered the whole world.
Even back then it was fascinating to watch. They could trace it. They could see it move across the country. They could see people dying, but the little red dots meant nothing until they chose my world to come into. We have lost a complete year out of our lives. Our kids have adapted to online learning, but where is interaction with other people and kids occurring? Online? There is no electronic device that can replace the touch of a human hand; the sound of laughter. Even a cup of coffee with a friend at Starbucks is a thing of the past.
My car rarely leaves the car port. A quick trip to Lagreese is about the best I can do. I still mail a few orders out from the neighborhood drug store, but my zest for life is gone. The library where I used to spend so much time, is now off limits. The AIDS quilt was not hung this year. It is deserted and a time limit is imposed. Church is closed and shuttered. I can still walk down on the levee, but even that is a lonely undertaking.
My Sunday afternoon Scrabble in no more. I fear I could slip into the doldrums and just wither away. The sad part is that I am pretty sure I am not alone in this. I met a friend at Starbucks last Saturday and we drank coffee in her car. When our visit was over she walked to my side of the car and she hugged me. She hugged me for probably a full minute and it felt so good. We are not supposed to do that you know, but sometimes you just gotta' go with your gut and to hell with the outcome.
Someday this will all be over, but it will never be forgotten. People are gone from my life like they were never there. But they were there! They were warm, caring, kind people! Some of them were funny and made me laugh. Some were super intelligent and challenged my mind. One was special in every way. I have a picture on my screen and I see him every day, all day long. But he doesn't smile. I still feel special, but it is an empty specialness and it leaves me cold.
Maybe some day I can smile again, but not today. Maybe some day when my friends stop dying, and my church is open and I can see the rose window, I can smile. But not today. The pain is too fresh and the wound too deep.
Enjoy what you have, while you have it, because life is fleeting and love an illusion.
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