I still believe in waltzes!

 It has been a couple of rough months, but there is a new sun on my horizon!  I woke up with this song on my mind and realized that where there is life there is hope.  Loretta and Conway 

The last two months have not been kind to me to say the very least, but I am still here.  A saying comes to my mind that I always credited to my mother, but I actually think it was my oldest daughter that spits it out fairly regularly, and that is this "What doesn't kill you will make you strong."  And that saying is spot on!  ( I love that phrase!  Spot on!  But more about that later.)

Those of you who know me well, know that my track record for husbands was not anything that would be something that you would want to emulate nor the footsteps I wanted my children to walk in behind me, but it is what it is.  I spent 20 years with my last husband and another 16 mourning his passing before I took my first tremulous steps into the world of dating and learning to care for a man.  In all fairness, I learned to care for him long before the dating dance began.

He was kind.  He was fun.  He was thoughtful.  All of those are important, but he was also one of the smartest men I have met.  Intelligence is very important to me.  Kindness is very important to me.  Although we never discussed it, I knew he was a man I could trust and depend on to be there for me.  If I was having a bad day, I could call him and I knew he would be there.  That is the kind of man he was.  He was empathetic and while he may not have been as wise in the ways of the world as some men, he was perfect for me.

Momma always said, "All good things must come to an end."  And you all know, Momma was always right.  So the good thing came to an end and it broke my heart.  Death is a very hard pill to swallow and when it happens suddenly it leaves shock waves behind that are not always easy to deal with.  My last husband spent over 2 months on machines that kept him alive because I could not find his DNR at the precise moment I needed it.  (If you have one, keep it on the front of your refrigerator and make sure it is there every day!  When the EMT comes they will need to see it or you are going to end up some where you do NOT want to be.  Enough about that)

So the man who opened doors for me, who made sure I had my seat belt fastened, and told me to call when I got home so he would know I made it is no more.  

No more coffee on Sunday afternoon. 

No more Boggle.

No more flying the kite.

No more walks at the Reservoir.

Not going to see the Aspens change next fall.

Not going to the Sand Dunes.

No bantering over which is best, Jazz or Country Classics.

No more happy to see him and sad to leave.

No more anything but a long empty road that leads to no where.

It is called life.  Naked come we into this world and naked we will leave.  Happiness is only what we catch every now and then and it only lasts for a fleeting time, so enjoy it while you can, because it can all change in the blink of an eye.

I will survive, because that is what I do.  I am a better person for having known him and his family is my rock.  Of course I have friends who want to help and they do, but at the close of day, when I lay in my bed and reflect back, I can not help but shed a tear and remember what a Bard of long ago wrote:

"Of all the things of mice and men, the saddest of all is what might have been."

So laugh while you can, love while you can and remember the movie "Gone with the wind" and Scarlett Ohara standing in the rubble saying "Tomorrow is another day!"  

And to that I might add, "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday."  I am a better person for having known Anthony and a sadder person for losing him, but I will survive, "the good lord willing and the creek don't rise!"

Peace!