When I first met Earl Duane Seeger 68 years ago, I knew immediately what love was. One look in those sky blue eyes, a toss of that sunshine blonde hair and the muscles rippling in his arms and I was in a tailspin. He was fresh out of the service and looking for love! He had a job and a car and lived with 2 of his brothers. A short 3 weeks later we were standing in front of the minister in the Presbyterian Church on Sherman Street in Hutchinson, Kansas. His mother had come in from Jetmore, Kansas and a blizzard sent her and Walter back before the service began. October 30, 1960. One or 2 of my sisters were there. I can still close my eyes and remember my first love.
They say you never forget your first love and I believe that to be the gospel truth. I know he loved me till the day he died and I still hold a very special place for him. The marriage lasted 10 years and produced 5 beautiful, healthy children! We shared custody and no one paid child support. Some times the kids were with me and some times with him. Even when I married husband #3 and moved to Colorado, the kids traveled back and forth. Child support was never an issue. Early on when the kids were with me full time he made the statement "Why should I pay you child support? You have the kids and I have nothing." Made sense to me!
So now, many years later he is gone. I am a widow of 20 years from my 5th husband. I live in a 2400 square foot house and do not even date. Church on Sunday, Lagrees grocery through the week and occasionally the little grandson spends the night. I do have a male friend and sometimes I make lunch or supper for us. I have coffee with his brother a couple times a month if I remember. I work as a seamstress for the local uniform store to make a little extra money. That is my life. That and taking walks around the neighborhood several times a week and going to the doctor in the spring for my annual checkup.
So what I am wondering this morning, is when did the fire go out and complacency set it as my new normal? There was a time when I marched for gay rights. A time when Martin Luther King's dream was also my dream. When child abuse and neglect would bring me toe to toe with the offender. A time when I would grab my fishing pole and head to the river all alone to catch the "big one". A time when a man in a pair of tight Levi's was like waving a red flag in front of a bull!
I guess what I want to know is this: At what point did I become an old woman and leave the vibrant being I used to be soaking up the sun in a solarium some where? Is there an internal clock in all of us that one day just shuts off all the emotions I used to have and turns on the nap in front of the television through the news mode? And through the Jeopardy! I used to like? I still like to cook, but that is because I need to eat. I take a shower every morning, but I do not even see the reasoning behind that because I do not even get dusty most of the time. When did dancing all night end and 8:30 bedtime begin? Is this all there is to life?
Do not misconstrue this missive as me complaining about my life. My life is good. I am secure in my retirement. I do not want to join the Red Hat Club or volunteer at the local food bank. Sixty five years ago my dream was to be a missionary in Africa. I wanted to feed the hungry and comfort the sick, but instead a blonde headed, blue eyed Greek God crossed my path and I never got back on track. I guess what I want to know is this: Do any of you out there ever regret the path you followed?
Momma always said, "You can not get the toothpaste back in the tube." That just means that nothing once done, can ever be completely undone. If I had never met Earl Duane Seeger, my life would definitely be different. Better? Probably not because I would not have the kids I have today. They are my legacy and my life.
But sometimes I just wonder had I actually made it to Africa, would I have made it back home? I could have been in a pot and been dinner for a bunch of cannibals! God works in wonderous ways, his miracles to perform.
Peace!
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