Here is Sister Mary in her new jammies all ready for bed!

You should know that one of the favorite past times around here is going to bed.  Just love to do that, you know.  This is my sister Mary who lives in Wichita, Kansas most of the time.  This is January and it is very cold every where, so she has come to stay with me for a while.  The first night she was here it got down to -20 and the second night it was -13.  So I am sure she is not here for the heat!  She is here because she likes me and likes to come stay with me!  I think a lot of it is the cooking!

See, my mother used to come a couple times a year and stay.  She would con someone into hauling her out here and leaving her for a couple weeks.  When she stepped out of her conveyance, she would have a piece of paper clutched in her bony little fingers.  This was handed to me before the second foot hit the ground.  It was the "Things I want to eat" list that she had been working on.  She need not have bothered since it was always the same.

1.  Cream puffs with that filling you cook.

2.  Tomato soup made with home canned tomatoes and milk.

3.  Salmon patties with onions like I like.

4.  Potato Salad and don't put Miracle Whip in it or sweet relish.

But this is not mother, this is Sister Mary and her desires are different.  She will eat what ever I put in front of her.  Well, not the beets.  And she does not eat enough to keep a bird alive.  That may change.  She sets at the kitchen counter while I am in the kitchen and nibbles at Carmel Corn that her daughter, Tina made for her. We got a bag of Clementines she also likes.  And coffee!  Girl is coffee hound.  Someone gave me some coffee beans for Christmas and we had a bit of a problem there.  I use my coffee grinder to pulverize Habanero's for a dip I make (and sell to a choice few).  Now, I do not think she was real fond of that first pot of coffee!  Then there was the problem of getting it just the right degree of strongness.  Finally solved that problem by buying a can of Maxwell House Breakfast Blend!

My mind does tend to wander.  I was going to tell you about the new pajama's Mary has.  She got them for Christmas and they are pink.  I know the picture does not show pink, but they are.  I think Mary's favorite color must be pink!  Yesterday when we went to church she wore a pink sweat shirt with Gingerbread men on it that says, "My grandkids are Sugar and Spice."  Very pretty little lady she was!  She likes my church cause it is very old and the people are very nice.  Course they are very old also, but that is what God put us here for, I'm a thinking.

Well, I better get off of here cause she is going to be getting up in just a little while.  I went yesterday and bought her the bread she likes.  She likes the 7 or 9 grain bread, but we found some yesterday with 12 or 14 grains and it is very good.  So I will make her toast and she puts her own jelly on cause I use to much.  I do not actually eat jelly, but I think that people who eat it should put lots on the toast.

Ok, I am off to go play with Sister Mary.  I have a friend who thinks Sister Mary should be a nun!  I will sing her a song.  That always makes her smile.

Have a good one, because I intend to!

Merry Christmas!!

Well, it is here.  The longest awaited day of the year.  I went to church last night and was absolutely amazed at how many people were there that I had never seen before!  My little church was filled with strangers and the best part is many of them were young people!

For many years I have been a cynic as to why people treat Christmas as a pagan holiday and a time to celebrate lord only knows what.  It is feverish shopping, ostentatious over decorating, over indulgence of every sort, and gotta have a drink cause it is Christmas.  Last night gave me insight into what exactly is going on. 

Now this was not my first rodeo as far as Christmas Eve service goes, however, this was much different.  Usually it is the Sunday morning crowd all dressed up and out after dark.  This time there were very few of the Sunday morning crowd, but there were a lot of young people.  Our church has only 3 small children.  They were not there last night, but these were young adults I had never seen before.  It was just great and made me think back to the Nickerson, Kansas, First Christian Church with Reverend Barnett.

I met a lady in South Fork (and that is another story altogether that I shall tell) many years back who told me Reverend Barnett wound up down in Texas and had lost everything in the collapse of the Savings and Loan business, which is but a dark, lurking memory and I am not going there today. 

Mother always took us to church on Sunday and of course Christmas Eve.  My father was an agnostic so he never attended any of that stuff.  Now you need to know that in the period I grew up in, poverty was the norm.  How my mother ever managed to put anything under the tree still amazes me to this day.  On the last day of school before we left for Christmas break, one of the teachers would give one of us 5 kids the tree from their room.  Which ever one of us received the tree would drag it home the mile to the house and mother would put it up. 

Then we strung popcorn or made a rope of papers glued together and draped that around the branches.  Somehow we always had hot chocolate on that special night.  Nothing for Santa though because he was getting plenty of cookies from other people.  I wish I had owned a camera then.  I do not think we have a picture anywhere of Christmas morning at our house.  But those days are as clear in my memory as if they were happening today.  One year it was an orange (always it was an orange), a book of paper dolls to cut out, and a red ball.  Once when times were really good, I got a tin  miniature doll house with miniature furniture and tiny mother, father, boy, girl and dog.  It even had a tiny patio!

Those memories are best left locked in the back of my mind if I want to be in any kind of mood to be festive today.  Why is it that the past, that was so stark and depressing, is the time we yearn for in our heart of hearts?  I think it is like my mother said, "You grew up with that.  That was your normal life.  The tasteless food is what you ate for years and since that is what you know, that is what you want."  My mother was the wisest woman in the whole world and I miss her with my whole heart, especially today. 

Christmas is about the Christ Child and it is about reaching down deep inside yourself and remembering.  I know the greatest honor I can pay my mother is to never forget my roots; to always know that the generations that went before me left a legacy that I must carry on.  I must and have tried to teach my children that we came from good stock and our roots run deep in forgein lands.  Our life is founded on honesty, truth, compassion and a steadfast beleif in God.

And that, my friends is what Christmas is all about!  Welcome Christ Child!

Twenty-seven years ago today.

Twenty-seven years ago today it was 15 degrees below zero.  There was snow on the ground and the drive line was out on one of our trucks.  Bet you think I  have total recall?  No, just some days I can actually remember better than others.

You see, at that time I was a living in sin with a man and had been for over a year.  I do not have a very good track record with the men, you know.  Seems to me that the quickest way to turn one of those fellows from a saint to a raging lunatic is to slip a ring on that third finger, left hand.  This guy was perfect.  We had the same sense of humor, same goals in life, both loved to fish, I liked his kids, they tolerated me, my kids liked him and so there was just one problem.  Could this match that seemed made in heaven remain so if it were on a 24/7 basis.

Our solution was to live together for one year and if at the end of that year we still felt the same, we would do the deed, so to speak.  So we found this little place back here on a back acre with a huge garage.  House was nothing to write home about and was in fact, not finished.  They had put a door on the bathroom and that was it for the inside.  They were getting a divorce and the price was right.  But the best part was a huge two story garage in the back that was a trucker's dream.  So we combined his house and mine into one household and set up housekeeping.

Now, I need to tell you this one little thing, Kenny was not near as liberal minded as I was.  He did not like Mexicans, Negroes, or Gays.  Well, it seems I had all those in my family and he tolerated them well.   OOPS! His daughter divorced her white guy and married an Indian!  Well, by now we were looking like the United Nations around here.  Dinner at our house on holidays looked like Calico Bean Soup!

So on December 23, 1983 we were working an Eby pipeline job down the center of Prairie.  The job was shut down for the holidays.  One of our tandems had broken a drive line so Kenny and Gene Baugh had taken it out the day before and dropped it off to be rebuilt at Pueblo Brake and Clutch.  December 23 they went to Pueblo Brake and Clutch to pick it up and they were closed for their Christmas party!  It being 15 degrees below zero the little guys decided to call it a day.  Gene went home and Kenny came in the house.  I can never forget that romantic little fellow that day.

He walked in, looked at me and said,( and this is a direct quote ) "Well, let's go get this shittin' mess over with!"  Now how could a woman of my stature resist  a proposal like that!

Luckily I had a new pair of jeans and his were passable.  So off we went to Canon City, thirty five miles west of here.  Now why we did not just go to town is more than I can figure out, but Canon it was.  We picked up our license and were referred to a Senior Citizen assisted living place somewhere and assured we could find a minister there.  We did.    The minister told us to come back at 4:00 and he would be ready.  So we went and got a doughnut at the doughnut shop and returned at the appointed time.

As you know, at that time we needed 2 witnesses.  His wife was bedridden and we had to poke our head around the corner so she could see us before she would sign.  The second one was somebody wandering the halls and we never laid eyes on her.  But by then the ceremony (?) was complete, we paid our fee and came home.  Do not remember the ministers name, where we were or any of the particulars, but I know it was cold!  We came home and found a bottle of wine on the kitchen table.  Seems Gene had figured out what we were up to that cold day!  I might add that several months later we asked Gene if he would like to have a glass since it had not been opened yet and his reply was (another direct quote) "Oh shit!  If I knew I had to drink it I would have gotten the good stuff!"

We did finally talk a son-in-law (since replaced) into doing it for us.  He shook it up, popped the cork and shot me in the head with it.  Gotta' love these kids!

And to any one who wonders if it was worth it all, it sure was.  Those twenty years were what made me the woman I am today.  Kenny Mercer was the person in my life who reached inside me and brought out the good.  He was the man who gave me the self esteem to say "Yes, I can!"  He gave me a home and security and the means to be independent.  He gave me common sense to make the right decisions on this road alone.  He was not much of a church going guy, but he went with me lot.  Pastor Faye baptised him.

Now, I do need to tell you this.  He did not do all the teaching.  As time went by my bigoted, racist, Republican husband became an open and affirming member of society.  He was the first to jump on the band wagon for gay rights,
the first to defend the migrant population, and his grand kids were the greatest things on earth what ever color they were.  He went from being a staunch Republican to being an Independent and bless his little Democratic heart when it stopped beating.

So that is my tale.  Life for me this time of year gets a little melancholy, but I think Garth Brooks says it all in his song, part of which says something like this, "Some things are better left to chance, I could have missed it all, but I'd a had to miss The Dance!"
 
That part of the dance is over.  Not forgotten and the strains of the music still play in my head, and I fully expect to hear it when I waltz off the edge of this realm and into that great beyond.  I have the belief that life is meant to be just that! Do not light your candle and hide it under a bushel!  Put it on a hill where the whole world can benefit from your light.  I learned that in Sunday school more years ago then I care to remember.  That and "Life goes on."

Oh, look at what day it is!!! I did it again. Curses!

Curses!! Foiled again!  Today is December 17.  In one week is Christmas and at least the tree is up.  Only because Bret and Amanda drug it out of the box, hit it a lick with the air compressor and ran around it with a string of lights.  Now I distinctly remember last year swearing that this would not happen this year. And yet here I am and the only thing under that tree is a brown box and in the box is Bret's birthday present, which is tomorrow!  Now the birthday is covered.  They got paid yesterday and when they went grocery shopping they brought home a chocolate cake laden with chocolate frosting and swirls.  My God!  I can hear my arteries slamming shut thinking about that thing!  But there it is.  When the boy turns 19 the mother/birthday party, per se, is a thing of the past.  Oh, damn good thing!

Now back to this dilemma of the Christmas that has once more crept up on me.  I do not know how it does this year after year.  And of course my back has chosen this time to have one of it's little spasming drop me to my knees three times a day spells that it has on occasions when I am unduly stressed. So, I got to think here.

First stop will be Vitamin Cottage.  They had burlap Eco bags out there with heavy rope handles.  I bought 2 so I need to go back and buy 14 more of those bags.  Then 16 pounds of mixed beans at Mauro Farms.  Dig out 16 quart jars and 16 pint jars.  32 towels. Soap, lotion and body butter with a couple Lip balms and that takes care of the immediate big kids.  Then the 20 smaller grand kids and great grand kids I will make glycerin soap with a $5 bill inside.  That only leaves 7 odd sized kids to do for.  Big kids always appreciate the soap and stuff and let's face it, you can not buy anything this good anywhere but my house!

Oh, then comes my menagerie of token friends who get just a tiny love gift.  One year I donated a flock of chickens to Heifer International for  all the adults and they looked at me like I was nuts.  I felt good though and some body somewhere got an egg out of the deal! 

OK, I can see that I do not have time to set here and gas on this thing.  Oh, crap!  Now it is snowing.  Now I will have to drive very carefully so I do not slip into someone.  Can not put this off.  I am on a mission!  Now, next year, I am definitely going to be prepared.  Do not paint me the procrastinator just yet.  Where there is life, there is hope.


This is my new shopping network.  Let me know if it works!http://www.biggestshoppingstore.com/?a_aid=1880

This was last year's Christmas Tree!

Now even I have to admit that is a sad sight for a Christmas Tree!  That was last year and this year is shaping up to be a little bit better.  This poor dead tree is laying out by the trash barrel and is well on it's way to becoming compost!  Bret and Amanda have the big tree up over there where the treadmill is so we are good to go.  Course if someone hits the button the tree is going to shoot out through the front window.

Today would have been Kenny's birthday, had he hung around, but we know he did not.  Being a widow pretty much sucks if you want to know the truth of the whole matter.  Divorces are so cathartic!  Mother always told me, when I was ranting and raving  about something one of the idiot husbands had done to bring about the latest divorce, "If you are ever a widow your husband will take on sainthood."  Mothers are always right!  I do not understand that, though, because I am a mother and I am not always right!  I digress.

I have been alone 7 years.  That is a long time.  From Thanksgiving until the end of January, I pretty much stay in a funk.  I had lunch yesterday with a minister friend and he was telling me how lackadaisical he has been the last few weeks.  We talked a bit and then he mentioned his mother had been gone just one year.  I then explained to him how the grief cycle works.  Anniversaries are just that.  We may not even realize, but when we put our finger on it, we know.

So does life go on?  Sure it does.  We mark one month, then one year, then 5 years, and so it goes.  What is our alternative?  There is none.  Do our memories become less acute?  Sure they do.  What was raw emotion fades to a dull ache and that eventually turns into just another day.  Another page on the calendar and just another day to get through.  Sometimes I actually think I am going to be happy again, someday.  For now it will just have to do that the Christmas Tree is up and I think it is pretty.  I will spend more time in church this season and do a little more volunteer work.  I am actually going to Colorado Springs for the volunteer party at SCAP.  Never did that before, but Linda is insisting on it this time.

So as we enter this Holy Season, I want to tell you Merry Christmas way early.  I will miss Kenny this year, but I miss him every day anyway.  I think all the little fellow ever wanted was for me to be happy, so after seven long years I am going to work on that and it is going to start this Christmas.  I have friends and family.  I have people who love me and need me and if I can spread the cheer, that is what it is all about.  And remember,

Jesus is the reason for the season!

School starts at Plevna, Kansas and I am there!

Catty cornered from Grandma's house lived the Smith family.  I do not know how many girls there were in that family, I just know there were a lot of them.  I remember Mr. Smith had one brown eye and one blue eye.  I also remember they had a television set.  I could go over and visit them, but I could not set in the room where the television was and I could not look at it when I walked past.  I was very good and did as I was told.  I did not look at that television except once just to see what it was.

I wish I had pictures, but I do not.  If I did they would be black and white snap shots and they would be fuzzy.  But true to my word school did start the next week and I was there!  I started my Freshman year at Plevna High School  I was in heaven.  I do not know why.  The whole High School was 40 kids.  The first crack out of the box, I was picked to be in the Junior Play!

Now in tiny schools like this, things like that happen.  The Juniors had picked the play they wanted to do and there were not enough Juniors to fill the roles, so since I was a hick and used the word "ain't" a lot and this play was about hillbilly's, I got elected.  I was rather impressed that I was in the Junior Play, but I was scared to death.  See,this is how that worked.  I could read all I wanted as long as I was reading the Bible.  No books, no book reports, no reading play books, only the Bible.  So memorizing my lines was a real challenge.  Somehow I did get them learned and the play went off without a hitch so I was happy about that.  It even helped my English grade.


 The box lunch social was another small town tradition. We all had to bring a box with something to eat in it and then each one was auctioned off.  The buyer ate the lunch with whoever made the lunch.  We all lived in mortal terror that no one would buy ours.  Mine was bought by the coach of the basket ball team, so I was good to go.

But horror of all horrors for my first year of high school was Home Economics.  My teacher was (I forgot her name!) my mother's Nemesis from her high school days.  I flat out flunked cooking!  Not a bad grade, a fail grade.  A big fat "F".  All that woman had to do was glare at me and my knees turned to jelly. A quivering mass of jello, I tell you.  I would love to know the history of those two women, but it was enough to know that they did not like each other in the least.

Small towns are really an experience in and unto themselves.  The whole high school went carolling for Christmas.  One of the teachers made hot cocoa in the gymnasium.  Somebody brought us an apple.  Togetherness in a small town! 

Tomorrow I will tell you how my Freshman year ended, but I am too tired tonight to do it justice.  Just show up tomorrow and I will fill you in on that.