An exercise in futility.

Mother called a lot of the things I did "an exercise in futility" and she was right on things like holding a marriage together, hoping for a raise, cleaning house with 5 kids under the age of 6, and she was usually right.  Now let me tell you what the biggest "exercise in futility" is in my world today.  It is that damned email.

When I open AOL a cheerful voice announces "You've got mail!"  It is such a cheerful voice and I never cease to open said mail box.  I run the cursor down the list and click on the first one that is an actual email from someone I know.  Early in the morning it is not unusual to have 45 or 50 emails and maybe 2 will be real communications from a real person.  I deal with those and then go to any that says  "Paypal", "Etsy" or "ebay".  Paypal will be an order and Etsy is usually a question and ebay requires some sort of action.  These days orders are a rarity.  AOL sorts my email and puts a lot of it in the spam folder.  I look at that list and click the "delete all" button.  Then comes the part that pisses me off.

I go back to the original mail list and look at the first one.  I open it and it is from some vitamin company.  Now if I simply delete it, they think I like to read their crap and the send me more.  Learned my lesson the hard way on that!  So I go to the bottom of their spiel and click the "unsubscribe" button.  It pisses me off that I have to unsubscribe to something that I never subscribed to in the first place, but that is beside the point.  I click on "unsubscribe" and if the gods are smiling on me I get the "sorry to see you go your name has been removed."  That is in an ideal world.  More often than not I get one of the following:

"We are sorry to lose you.  Please update the reason you are leaving." which is a pain in my keester.

Or a simple "you are unsubscribe ."  That is good.

But the one that sends me through the roof is the one that pops up and says: "You must prove you are not a robot."  Then there is a set of pictures. "Choose the pictures with cars."  I do that.  "Choose the pictures with street signs."  I do that.  "Chose the pictures with store fronts."  It is at this point that I loose it.

I have been know to write scathing letters telling them that no way in hell do I need Viagra or whatever they are wanting to sell me and hit the send button.  On those occasions I immediately hear the click on AOL that means I have mail and it is to say that my missive has been returned because that mail box is not a reply address.  Grrrrrrrrrrrr!

So now here I set wasting time telling you things you already know.  The cat is on my lap digging her claws in the tender part of my legs and bumping my chin with her head and the mailbox is continuing to open and close over on the open screen under this one.

So there you go.  My bitching for the day.  A definite exercise in futility if I ever saw one!

I'm Buster Brown! I live in a shoe!!

Thinking about my new brown shoes way back when, and I remembered the ditty.  "I'm Buster Brown!  I live in a shoe! (Bark) That's my dog Tide, look for him in there too!"  That was back when they knew how to make advertising that stuck with you.  That was also back when shoes were made to last.

"Aren't you glad you use Dial?  Don't you wish everybody did?"  "Ivory Snow is 99 44/100ths percent pure.  It floats!"  Never mind that it only floats because the man in charge of stirring it to "trace"  went to lunch and forgot it and it stirred air into it while it was hardening on the mixer.  They did not want to waste the whole batch so they tested it and discovered it floats and that set it apart from the other soaps.  Back then baby diapers and clothes had to be washed in Ivory because it was "pure".  Later Dreft figured out how to do that and it was almost as pure as Ivory, but they only had powdered laundry soap, so they could not float it to show how "pure" it was.

I remember the Sears and Roebuck catalog.  Montgomery Ward had one also, but since they were so hard to come by we did not have one of those.  When Dad would bring home the Sears catalog it was like Christmas all over again.  Some of the pages were color and that was always a treat.  We had to be careful though and not look at the panties and bras because they were almost naked women there.  I think Jake snuck a peek now and then.  And when we had pored over the pages until they were dog eared and the new catalog arrived, the old one was "re purposed" .  That means it went out back to the privy and was used for toilet tissue, which was not invented yet, or if it was we could not afford it.  We learned early in life that the colored pictures, which were slick, were good for nothing except papering the cracks in the wall of the out house!

Thinking about that old outhouse always brings back memories of the Currant bushes that grew along the path.  Ever eat a  currant?  You would remember.  In the Spring, the bushes are covered with small yellow flowers.  In due time those dry up and tiny little round fruits appear.  They are about the size of a very small pea.  Do not under any condition eat one of those things when they are green!  That is second only to a Gooseberry in sourness!  My God, those things can pucker your whole digestive tract!  When they turn purple you might be able to choke one down, but best to wait for black.  When they are black and just begin to be a tiny bit soft is peak eating.  Now I did not say they are good.  Under no condition is that statement coming out of this mouth.  Black and a tiny bit soft they are edible.  I know there are some recipes that call for currants and I am assuming they are alright in that context, but this is definitely not a fruit I am going to seek out. I see in my back yard that the birds have planted me some currant bushes.  Oh, I am excited.  I will leave them for the birds.  The birds will also get the Choke Cherries.  I will pick enough to make one batch of Choke  Cherry Jelly and then let them feast on the remainder.

And now to the point I am coming too which I have forgotten in my rambling.  Oh, yeah, advertising.  I recall when Coke used to have the bears and Budweiser had the Clydesdale's.  That was advertising.  I knew they wanted me to drink Coke and have a Budweiser beer.  Couse that was also back in the day when you drank a Coke and then burped and it burnt your nose.  (I heard that the original Coke had cocaine in it, but who knows.)  Irish Spring was like taking a shower in Ireland!  Levi was probably the first to show a woman with out a blouse(from the back so the Levi label could be seen), but I knew it was Levi.  Maytag washers were built to last and last and I believe that to this day!

I set in front of the television now and wonder just what subliminal message they are sending me.  A sullen, skinny little guy walks into an empty room, probably a loft warehouse some where, and suddenly the music knocks me out of my rocker, a scantily clad woman appears out of no where and  her and the skinny guy begin wallowing on each other.  Since she has very long hair I finally decide it is an ad for hair color.  Or maybe a bra.  Oh, wait!  It is a granola bar.  She is eating healthy. OK.  I give up.

I especially like since lawyers can now advertise, those ads.  A woman comes on and says, "I was delivering pizza and got hit by a truck and for 2 years my insurance did not pay me anything until I called "Mr Good Guy"  and he got me 2.3 million dollars."  Now he can not get everyone that kind of money, but call anyway.  There is no mention that he takes 30-40% and the hospital, doctors, therapists, etc. relieved her of the rest.  Also, law dictates for the most part how much she is going to receive.

Drug companies advertise for blood thinners and then the disclaimer that you may bleed to death.  Irregular heart beat?  High blood pressure?  Overweight?  Disclaimer that side effects of this medicine may be death.  You know what I am saying here, don't you?

And now in closing, I know the rule about "i" before "e" except after "c", or when sounded as "a" in "neighbor" and "weigh".  Why can't it just be "i" before "e"  all the time?   Just a little something to think about as we go about our busy day!