Adoption in Fayetville of Russian boy really wasn't what she wanted.

Hey! Wait a minute!  I changed my mind. What was I thinking?  Those thoughts flashed through my mind many times after we adopted Bret when he was eight years old. Lucky for hm, I did not know about that loop hole. I should have just called him a cab and got on with my life. Not really.

Putting that boy on a plane to Russia has probably traumatized that kid beyond repair. Could you picture yourself at 7 years old leaving your homeland and flying to another country only to be slapped back on the plane and sent back to your homeland? I know first hand that the kids who are taken, or thrown away, by the birth parents, can and do suffer rejection. DUH! There minds are not developed enough to set down and methodically decipher all that has happened in there short lives. So they react.

Their reactions are not understood, by the adults as reaching out, but rather as pushing.  In order to gain your love, they need to push and most humans do not react well to being pushed away. They think of it as being pushed away.  I was well acquainted with the people who ran the mental health facility. I was there for the anger management, attachment disorder, and the sports programs to build self esteem. We had the lying, the stealing, and the threats of running away. Been there, done all that. Social Service was not the only group available to help, but they were paramont. It is not in their or the children's best interest for the adoption not to work, so every effort is made to transition.

So rather than haul old Bret off and get on with it, I chose to stand and fight. Now, I may not have the most successful kid it town, but I do have a funtioning member of society. He isn't in a gang, he is a very soft hearted and kind to animals, old people,  and babies, so I don't think he is a serial killer. True, he does not run out and do chores when I first tell him, and sometimes not the second or third time, but he really feels bad when I wind up dumping the 50 pound bags of feed. Or at least he says he feels bad.

I do know, however, that he does love me.  I know he appreciates that I chose to keep him and not let him filter down through the foster care system. Not that the foster care system is bad, but rather that being with grandmother is better. At least there is a connection.

So to the woman who put her son on the plane and walked away, I would say this: "You did what you had to do.  You based your actions on information you had at the time.  There may have been other choices, but you chose the path you walk. Walk forward knowing that we can not say what you should do until we have walked in your shoes. God Bless You!"