Now they call it harassment. I thought it was a way of life.

I had a long talk with my son today.  Not the young one, the older one who will no doubt put me  in Shady Pines someday.  The subject of the "Me To" movement came up and I was explaining to him that when I was newly divorced and in the work force needing to make a living it was what it was.  Back then women were supposed to stay home and if a divorce was your lot you should quickly find another husband.  When I mentioned that I was paid less then the men in the work place for the same exact work or sometimes more work because the men had families to support, he could not believe it.

When I left my husband, I immediately went to work because I needed a place to live and food for the table.  I applied for welfare, but was turned down because I worked.  I could not get a medical card because I worked.  There were no programs to help me because I was eligible for child support.  Of course there was no child support forthcoming, but since I was eligible I was out of luck.  No stipend for child care either because I had a husband who did not pay child support.  I am happy to say that has changed.  Well, not for me, because my kids are all grown and gone, but for other women.

Back in the early 1970's I went to work at the Holidome which was owned by Holiday Inn.  Fancy place with an indoor pool and poolside rooms.  Top notch back in the day.  There were 2 cooks.  I do not remember the other cooks name, but it seems like it was George.  Our duties were the same.  We cooked orders for the clientele.  George had a helper so mostly he just smoked (and you could have a cigarette dangling out of your mouth and a spatula in your other hand and that was alright back then) and told his helper what to do.  Imagine my surprise when I learned that they were both paid more per hour than I was.  I say surprised, but not really.  Back then it was expected.  Men were superior to women and they had families to support.  I had 5 kids at home, but that was irrelevant.  What really frosted my cookie was when I found out that the boy who made salads earned more than I did.  He was hired after me and called in sick at least once a week.  That meant I had my work and his work to do for $2.00 an hour less than he made.

I talked to many people about starting some sort of union so pay was more equitable and sick days could actually be earned, but all that ever got me was laughed at.  It was a lot easier to get a  husband then to get a day or 2 paid vacation.  When I first started the restaurant jobs we got free meals, but then the owners decided we were eating them out of house and home so we could buy our meals at a reduced rate, but if we sat down to eat them we had to clock out.  Having a pizza delivered was out of the question as was bringing a sack lunch.  We either paid or starved until we got home where food was free.  Although free in not to say it was free.  Just cheaper then eating at work.

I bartended a while and was also a waitress in a bar.  Now if you think my ass was not grabbed on a regular basis you are nuttier than bat shit!  It went with the territory.  If a woman worked in a bar it was because she wanted a husband or a sugar daddy or at the very least a one night stand.  Being friendly brought tips and I needed tips, but not that badly.  A drunk in a bar is not what I wanted out of life.  When the bell tolled midnight I just wanted to jump in my car and race home to my bed...alone.  I did not last very long in the bar setting.

The point I am trying to make here is that sexual harassment has been around as long as I can remember.  The "glass ceiling"  has always existed and it was not until I left the work place that there were improvements made.  I am happy for the women who have made strides, but let me clue you and them in on something, it is still alive and well in suburbia.  After my husband passed I was left to handle all the household repairs and maintenance.  First order of business was to have the septic tank pumped.  Being new to this I got out my yellow pages and called the first one listed.  And here he came.

Short, greasy and with a definite attitude.  He jerked the lid off and informed me that it was dirty and nasty.  (Concrete lid covered with dirt on top of a riser where there were spider webs.)  Where was my husband and why was he not there?  Let's see, after he died he quit caring about the septic tank!  The $100 fee I was quoted immediately jumped to $150.  He informed me that it needed pumped every 6 months.  I paid him and never called them again.  I have a nice guy now who comes every 2 or 3 years.  Just one of the ways he discriminated.

Want my car worked on?  I get several estimates and if they ask about my husband, I don't call back.  There are shops out there who will discount because I am a widow.  And they repair what I want repaired and don't pad the bill.

It is no fun being a widow in this world of men, but more women are making it better for me.  I appreciate that.  But do not kid yourself into believing that we are on equal footing with the male population because they want us to be.  It is dog eat dog world out there and you can bet your sweet ass on one thing and that is I am no longer going to cow tow to the mean spirited little men I deal with on a regular basis.  If I pay they are going to treat me fair.

Life goes on.

Now it is tomorrow.

Yesterday Al Franken resigned from the Senate.  That made me very sad.  To be honest, this whole mess has made me stop and rethink and wonder just what in the hell kind of mess we have gotten ourselves into with the "Me to" movement.  I woke up at 4:00 AM with this on my mind.  I guess this is just the one that pushed me over the edge.

You all know most of my story.  I married before I was 20 and had my first baby 2 years later.  That one was the first of 4 born in 4 years and then a short break and the 5th came along.  Sometimes love does not conquer all and I ended up a single mother with no skills with which to support myself and an ex-husband that did not pay child support because he did not want a divorce.  Needless to say he was my first "me to" although I can not say it was so much sexual harassment as just a case of a man trying to hold a woman and keep her in her place.  But that is neither here nor there and it is what it is and ended up in a divorce.  I was awarded $50 a month for 5 kids, but that was back in the day when a man could just move to another state and the child support was not going to follow him.  And that was what he did.

Of course, I had to go to work and the only work I had ever done was restaurant or laundry.  Laundry work is very hot, and very heavy lifting, so I opted for waitress work.  The night shift always had better tips, but I wanted to be home with the kids at night so I approached the boss about training me to be a cook.  That was better.  I guess the first time I ran into blatant sexual harassment was at the Holiday Inn.  It was not really harassment so much as just being paid half as much as the fry cook that I did the same work as and less than the salad boy.  When I complained the boss explained to me that it was just the way it was.  Men had families to take care of so they needed more money.  When I told him I had 5 kids to take care of he told me I should have practiced keeping my legs together.   Back in those days restaurants were not covered by any kind of wage control, so to make the money I needed I worked double shifts.  I went to night school and got a degree in accounting, but I was still a woman and did not make the wages I needed.

I lost count of how many times I was propositioned when I was a waitress and how many men tied the amount of my tip to how friendly I was to them.  Of course I also learned that the wife was prone to just reach over and pick up that tip if I were too friendly to her husband.  It became a balancing act of being just nice enough to the man that he would leave a tip and even nicer to his wife so she would not pick it up.

I am glad that things have changed and women can now actually support themselves.  Too bad I am too damned old to work now.  And I rather resent it when I go to the feed store and load my cart with 50 pound bags while the clerk is over selling a roll of wire to some farmer.  And I hate that I have to tell them at the counter that I need help loading it into my car.  Course when I get home I am on my own,

But back to Al Franken.  I loved him when he was a comedian and was happy when he was elected to the Senate.  I saw the picture where he appeared to be groping that woman and it was clear to me that was something from his comedy days, back when that was considered funny.  I do realize that there is a real problem with some men and their inflated egos',  but I do not think for one minute Al Franken falls in that bunch.  It is sad that we lost him in the shuffle, but I was happy to hear he will still be an activist.  I really expect him to make another run because the people in his home state know the character of the man.  And they know what an asset he is to our party.

So until our government figures it out I am just going to stay in my little house and when I need a repair man, I will call my son, because if I call the repairman, the house call rate doubles.  But that is not because I am a woman living alone, it is just how it is.