1:35 A,M. This is Gordon with your local bank.....

 "It is the middle of the friggin' night!  Don't you people ever sleep?"

 That was my wake up call that woke me up out of a sound sleep and pissed me off.  When I go to bed, I go to sleep.  All day long I have fended off the robo calls that want to insure my eleven year old car with almost 200,000 miles on it against any repairs.  Bumper to bumper.   Or they want to loan me thousands of dollars on just my signature.  Or house insurance.  Or life insurance.  Or buy my house.  Or sell my house.  The list goes on of things I might possible want that I have not thought of by myself.

Tell me this, how can we put a man on the moon, but not stop robo calls that bombard me all day and into the night!  I pay for my phone.  I bought it and I pay every month for the privilege's of using it and it would be nice if when I picked it up on the second ring if it could be someone I knew and wanted to talk to, but such is not the case.  

"Hi!  This is Dan."

"Good Afternoon.  I hope you are having a good day so far."

"Don't hang up!  I have a bank that can solve all your financial woes at 0% interest."

"I want to buy your house!"

I have signed up on the national do not call list.  I have blocked calls.  I screen my calls with caller id, but I gave that up when I saw my late husbands name and  phone number.  I tried making a list of the numbers, but they are smarter then I will ever be.  There is no hope.

I could turn my phone off at night, but I have 6 kids who are subject to accidents and need momma.  Or maybe they just need to tell momma a little good news.  (That could happen!)  Sometimes a friend will call just to pass the time of day.  I should be able to actually use my phone for my personal needs.

On the computer I can mark spam mail as such and send it to the trash bin and it goes to a folder and gets deleted, but not here at home in the real world.  The phone is subject to jangle at any time, day or night.  I often wonder if these people ever sell what ever they are selling.  They must or they would not keep calling.

So here I set with my jangled nerves, ready to face another day of missed opportunities here in my home.  Wouldn't it be nice if Gordon could get a real job and work like the rest of us instead of spending all night trying to figure out a way to separate me from my meager savings?

Good luck on that!

Oh, damn it anyway!!

Today I decided to pick up the phone and call the credit card that I had charged when I got tires for the Ford before I sold it.  My intent was to pay the card off so I did not have to worry about it any more.  So I dialed the 1-800 number and waited.  Soon a voice came on the line  instructing me to "press 1 for English."

Wait a minute!  Press 1 for English?  Who are we kidding here?  Where am I?  Am I not in America, the land of the free and the home of the brave?  The land where the Constitution is written in English.  The Bill of Rights is in English.  The Declaration of Independence is written in English.  My President speaks to me on the television in English.  Press 1 for English?  I think not.

I hung up the phone.  Of course I called back later and pressed 1 for English because I did want to pay the bill, and English is the only language I know.  So here I set tonight wondering if I am unreasonable?  I hear about minorities and I now think I must be the minority.  If I had not pressed English, what language would I have gotten?  The voice did not mention any other language,  just told me to  press 1 for English.

Now, as I think about it, a lot of things have changed and I just did not notice.  I was talking to my son this evening and learned he had lost his cell phone for some reason and he needed to make a call.  There are no pay phones, or so he says and I have no reason to doubt him.  I know there used to be pay phones every block or so, but now I try to think if I have seen one and I don't think so.  Not much need for them when everyone has a cell phone stuck in their ear.

I know vinyl records, 8 track tapes, and cassette players have all been replaced by MP3 players and Lord only knows what else.  Cars have camera's to see behind you when you reverse the car.  Wifi is every where.  Money has been replaced with a plastic card.  Theaters are about a thing of the past.

I long for the good old days when we hung our clothes on the line to dry.  A night on the town consisted of a trek up the long stair way to the second floor to dance at the "Crystal Ballroom"  where the big shiny ball hung above our heads and caught the light as it spun slowly around.  I always thought it was magic.  All the songs were in English.

I know our world is changing and apparently I did not get the memo when English was made a secondary language and I had to press 1 to hear it.  My food has been genetically modified so much that I can leave a tomato on the counter for a month and it looks the same as the day I put it there.  I can leave a loaf of bread on the counter and it just sets there until I either eat it or throw it out.  Can't even make penicillin out of it.  My 7 year old grandson has hair under his arms thanks to growth hormones in the meat products we eat. Technology is such that news from around the world is in my front room 3 minutes later.  I have come to accept this as normal, but press 1 for English just might be the straw that broke this old camels back!