I have been doing a lot of thinking since I did the last post. Deer in the headlight sort of thing. As we get older we tend to think back over our lives and wonder if we made the right decisions, or at least I do. I must take in to consideration that had I done things differently, one of the repercussions would be that I would not have the kids and grand kids today and that would be sad. But can I be sure? Let me take a small turn back in time to the day I sat with the Reverend Barnett when I was 16 years old and I told him I wanted to be a missionary. He was very pleased and gave me some books to read. Then he moved away and was replaced by a new minister who did not much like young girls seeking validation. First missed opportunity.
Then we moved to Hutchinson and I started dating a little guy in my class named Gary. We were high school sweet hearts and that was that. I loved his mother and his sister. But alas, I wanted to date someone who was taller. Gary was very short, only about 3 inches taller than me. I wanted to dance and I needed a taller boy for that and Gary had no rhythm. So I dated Corky and we won all the dance contests, but alas I did not love Corky, I loved Gary. But Gary had moved on, and this was my first taste of love gone wrong. My first, but not my last, by any stretch of the imagination.
Since time began, older brothers have been bringing home boyfriends for little sisters, so Jake brought home to me Earl D. Seeger who was to become my first husband and the father of my children. My brother died in a car wreck when my son was one month old. Life was never the same after I lost my brother and Earl and I divorced a few years later.
Then it was the long legged guitar picker, the director of the radio station, the guy who owned the construction company, the steel worker and finally Kenny. Some times I think I may have a little Mae West in me cause I never met a man I didn't like. Some of them I could not live with, but I remained on speaking terms with all of them except one. He was really mean. Now do not think I remained friends with them, just on speaking terms. If life could be lived over, Kenny would have been first and only, but life does not work that way.
At some point during the last 30 years I began to realize that I was a very viable woman and did not need to be defined as Mrs. Anybody. Kenny did that for me. He gave me the confidence to know that no matter what happened in my life, I was responsible and resourceful and I would always come out on top. When he died in 2003 I knew a short period of panic and then I remembered what he had taught me and I have been fine ever since. Good Lord put me on this earth for a reason, put me through my trials and tribulations for a reason , tested me with fire and tempered me with love and pronounced me ready for what ever is next.
I can never go back and undo anything I did and all the wrong turns I have taken have led me to this spot in the road. And here I will stand, looking left, right and down the road and back behind, knowing that what ever I decide to do next will be done because this is where God put me and all I have to do is listen and that still small voice will lead me where he wants me to go and I will do what he has chosen me to do. He has been leading me all along and I never even knew it. Now I do!
Then we moved to Hutchinson and I started dating a little guy in my class named Gary. We were high school sweet hearts and that was that. I loved his mother and his sister. But alas, I wanted to date someone who was taller. Gary was very short, only about 3 inches taller than me. I wanted to dance and I needed a taller boy for that and Gary had no rhythm. So I dated Corky and we won all the dance contests, but alas I did not love Corky, I loved Gary. But Gary had moved on, and this was my first taste of love gone wrong. My first, but not my last, by any stretch of the imagination.
Since time began, older brothers have been bringing home boyfriends for little sisters, so Jake brought home to me Earl D. Seeger who was to become my first husband and the father of my children. My brother died in a car wreck when my son was one month old. Life was never the same after I lost my brother and Earl and I divorced a few years later.
Then it was the long legged guitar picker, the director of the radio station, the guy who owned the construction company, the steel worker and finally Kenny. Some times I think I may have a little Mae West in me cause I never met a man I didn't like. Some of them I could not live with, but I remained on speaking terms with all of them except one. He was really mean. Now do not think I remained friends with them, just on speaking terms. If life could be lived over, Kenny would have been first and only, but life does not work that way.
At some point during the last 30 years I began to realize that I was a very viable woman and did not need to be defined as Mrs. Anybody. Kenny did that for me. He gave me the confidence to know that no matter what happened in my life, I was responsible and resourceful and I would always come out on top. When he died in 2003 I knew a short period of panic and then I remembered what he had taught me and I have been fine ever since. Good Lord put me on this earth for a reason, put me through my trials and tribulations for a reason , tested me with fire and tempered me with love and pronounced me ready for what ever is next.
I can never go back and undo anything I did and all the wrong turns I have taken have led me to this spot in the road. And here I will stand, looking left, right and down the road and back behind, knowing that what ever I decide to do next will be done because this is where God put me and all I have to do is listen and that still small voice will lead me where he wants me to go and I will do what he has chosen me to do. He has been leading me all along and I never even knew it. Now I do!
1 comment:
One night I had a dream. I was walking along a beach with the Lord, and across the skies flashed scenes from my life. In each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One was mine, and one was the Lord's. When the last scene of my life appeared before me, I looked back at the footprints in the sand, and to my surprize, I noticed that many times along the path of my life there ' was only one set of footprints. And I noticed that' it was at the lowest and saddest times in my life. I asked the Lord about it: "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk with me all the way. But I notice that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I do not understan why you left my side when I needed you most. "The Lord said:" My precious child, I never left you during your time of trial, Where you see only one set of footprints, I was carrying you.
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