Very few dates live in memory here in my head, but this one does. Nine years ago this morning my husband passed away here at home. I was not aware of this. I knew he was not doing well and I planned a little visit to the doctor that morning with the little fellow in tow. He did not like to go there so I was girding myself for that little confrontation. We have always been early risers, he more so than me. So it was unusual that I was up and he was still in bed. I knew he had a rough night so I thought I would just let him sleep and I pulled the door shut behind me. I sent Bret off to school and then decided to get him stirring so we could go to the doctor. He seemed disoriented and that frightened me, so I called his daughter, Jackie who lives right up the road. She came and then we called 911.
They arrived in very short order and assessed the situation. Did he have a DNR? Yes, but it was with papers that since had been moved and I could not lay my hands on it. Fatal mistake #1. If you have a Do Not Resuscitate order, keep it in your hand at all times. Or at the very least within arms reach. Do you know what happens if you don't? The rescue crew will resuscitate you and put you on life support and there you will stay. If you think "putting them on life support " is the end of it, it you are sadly mistaken.
Life support is exactly what it says. A machine breathes for you and another beats for your heart. Kenny had a very strong heart so it kept beating without the help of a machine. The first few days in the ICU he remained in a coma. When he awoke from that and looked around he began to cry. He had apparently been in a much happier place and I, through my ineptness had forced him back into this world. And there he remained. For three weeks he was in ICU. Then came the point when he was stabilized enough to "take him off the respirator." That sounds very simple, doesn't it? Not so.
When a machine breathes for you for three weeks, your body begins to accept that as normal. They have hospitals that are skilled at respiratory care and know how to remove a patient from the respirator with great success. Or so they say. So off we went to Colorado Springs, to a place called Semper Care. And there he stayed. I went every morning and came home evey night. Bret was in grade school so I tried to maintain some semblance of normality. Yeah, right.
Kenny never spoke again. He did know us and his friends came to visit. His kids were in and out and his mom, sister, brothers, ex-wife, the preacher, whoever would pop in and his eyes would light up in recognition. Or at least at first they did.
Man was not meant to be kept alive on machines. He began to have seizures, brought on by the staph infection, Merza. That was cleared up. By then we began to notice that he was not his usual self. Then it returned. More seizures and by then it was evident that there was brain damage from the seizures or high fever or something. What now?
If putting him on life support had been hard, taking him off was even harder. That is a chore I would not wish on my worst enemy. For some unknown reason all of his kids were there that morning that the decision was made. I had kept Bret home from school and brought him to the Springs with me. I guess we all just knew it was time. We met with the Chaplain and the arrangements were made. Then began our long watch. The oxygen was left on, but the machine was turned off. After all the time he had been on the machine his body had learned to replicate the breathing. Towards morning it began to slow and at 5:23 A.M. on January 30, 2003, it stopped.
The purpose of this post? What words of wisdom do I have for you today? Just this. Get your affairs in order. Have a DNR? Put it on the refrigerator where mine is now located. If God chooses to remove me from this place today, I want to be able to go peacefully. Kenny would have liked that, but it did not happen. Losing that man was like losing my will to live, and going on alone is not what I had it mind, but that is what we call life. So that is what I will do until I hear that trumpet call in my mind and then I am out of here! And you bette wish me God Speed!
They arrived in very short order and assessed the situation. Did he have a DNR? Yes, but it was with papers that since had been moved and I could not lay my hands on it. Fatal mistake #1. If you have a Do Not Resuscitate order, keep it in your hand at all times. Or at the very least within arms reach. Do you know what happens if you don't? The rescue crew will resuscitate you and put you on life support and there you will stay. If you think "putting them on life support " is the end of it, it you are sadly mistaken.
Life support is exactly what it says. A machine breathes for you and another beats for your heart. Kenny had a very strong heart so it kept beating without the help of a machine. The first few days in the ICU he remained in a coma. When he awoke from that and looked around he began to cry. He had apparently been in a much happier place and I, through my ineptness had forced him back into this world. And there he remained. For three weeks he was in ICU. Then came the point when he was stabilized enough to "take him off the respirator." That sounds very simple, doesn't it? Not so.
When a machine breathes for you for three weeks, your body begins to accept that as normal. They have hospitals that are skilled at respiratory care and know how to remove a patient from the respirator with great success. Or so they say. So off we went to Colorado Springs, to a place called Semper Care. And there he stayed. I went every morning and came home evey night. Bret was in grade school so I tried to maintain some semblance of normality. Yeah, right.
Kenny never spoke again. He did know us and his friends came to visit. His kids were in and out and his mom, sister, brothers, ex-wife, the preacher, whoever would pop in and his eyes would light up in recognition. Or at least at first they did.
Man was not meant to be kept alive on machines. He began to have seizures, brought on by the staph infection, Merza. That was cleared up. By then we began to notice that he was not his usual self. Then it returned. More seizures and by then it was evident that there was brain damage from the seizures or high fever or something. What now?
If putting him on life support had been hard, taking him off was even harder. That is a chore I would not wish on my worst enemy. For some unknown reason all of his kids were there that morning that the decision was made. I had kept Bret home from school and brought him to the Springs with me. I guess we all just knew it was time. We met with the Chaplain and the arrangements were made. Then began our long watch. The oxygen was left on, but the machine was turned off. After all the time he had been on the machine his body had learned to replicate the breathing. Towards morning it began to slow and at 5:23 A.M. on January 30, 2003, it stopped.
The purpose of this post? What words of wisdom do I have for you today? Just this. Get your affairs in order. Have a DNR? Put it on the refrigerator where mine is now located. If God chooses to remove me from this place today, I want to be able to go peacefully. Kenny would have liked that, but it did not happen. Losing that man was like losing my will to live, and going on alone is not what I had it mind, but that is what we call life. So that is what I will do until I hear that trumpet call in my mind and then I am out of here! And you bette wish me God Speed!
