The changing of the coffee pot!

 For over 30 years, this coffee pot has set in the same place and every morning I have poured a pitcher of water through it and been rewarded with a pot of hot coffee, just the strength I wanted, but yesterday my world changed.  At my age this should not be, and yet here I set with my world in shambles.  Kenny and

I bought this Bunn after about 10 years of marriage.  We both liked coffee and this pot would give you a full bodied brew in less than 2 minutes.

Now Bunn has a warranty that if something goes wrong they will replace parts for as long as you own the Bunn.  We did have a new something put on it a time or 2, but we are talking over 30 years!  Hell, my ovaries did not even last that long!  So when the hot plate switch did not turn off any more, I made an executive decision and since I do live alone, I can do that.  I set the Bunn over onto the trash can.  It has served me well and I will give it a decent retirement.  

I reached for my trusty French Coffee Press and I shall henceforth make one cup of coffee at a time.  It requires one tablespoon of coffee and one cup of very hot water.  Perfect for an old lady that lives alone!

Now, parting with the Bunn is not going to be easy and it will not remain in the trash can for an uncaring pickup man to small it with the hydraulic press that mashes all my other trash.  It will set by the back door for a while.  Then I will move it to the tin shed.  In the spring I will probably let it set in the garden for a while.  Some day, when I forget having coffee with Kenny every morning I will throw it in the trash bin.  

Now with utmost sadness, I have to tell you, I do not think it will ever leave the house.  I will never forget Kenny.  I have lived in this house for over 40 years.  I raised 2 of my kids and one of my grandchildren here.  I buried my husband and a couple ex husbands, my mother, a grandchild, sisters, in laws and outlaws with one hand on that coffee carafe.  I just can not see the Bunn ever being put out to pasture.  I might just plant an African Violet in the pot and set it over by the front window. For sure, it will not end up in the trash!

So for now, I am going to heat up another cup of water and put a tablespoon of coffee in the French Press and take another look back down the road I have been traveling and relive a little of the life I no longer live.

Never forget the good times!  

Until death us do part.

That used to be in the wedding vows.  Let me see if I can actually remember those vows.  "I, Louella Beth (insert last name here) do take thee, so and so, to be my wedded husband, to love, honor, cherish  and OBEY, in sickness and in health , forsaking all others and cleaving only unto thee till death us do part."  Or something like that.  Now you should know that every time I took those vows, I really meant them.  At least at the time.  As I recall, the vows kind of changed over the years and when I married Kenny, the ceremony consisted of a retired minister in an assisted living, his wife in the next room asleep and Kenny and myself.  Oh, yeah and the handing of a $20 bill which he quickly pocketed.

He signed the license and said, "Well, for all intents and purposes you are married unless you want me to say something more?"

"Well, yeah.  but leave out that obey part and just say about him loving and cherishing me.  Oh, and bringing home the paycheck.  Leave out the part about me having to clean house and all that,  I'll cook but that is about it."  So he laughed and said that and then had  us sign .

The whole time spent with him was about six minutes, after which we stopped at the donut shop and had a donut for our wedding supper.  It was 15 degrees below zero when we passed the bank in Canon City that day.  But you know what?  That marriage worked!

It is now 35 years later and here I set.  Kenny has been gone 17 years. and it is like he is still here.  To put this in perspective, he occupied almost half of my life.  No other man can make that claim.   We thought alike.  We liked the same foods.  We both liked the same music.  We went fishing and I baited my own hook.  We had one serious disagreement (which was of course his fault.).  I did not have to wear makeup and whatever I made for supper was fine and if not, we went out to eat.  Time flies!

So anyway, I woke up this morning thinking on my life.  I think I am turning into a hermit.  I get up and kill time until bedtime.  Then I sleep until it is time to get up and do the whole thing again.  Ever once in a while I think I should start dating, but then I have a second thought that beats hell out of that first thought.  I dated one guy for a while, but sadly he succumbed to cancer.  Then there was a guy that was way younger than me, but he loved himself enough for both of us, so that one fizzled out.

Well, to get to the point of this missive, there is no point.  I am just kind of putting things in perspective in my life and I do that by poking the keys and reading what I wrote.  Life is good, and most importantly, the world is still turning.  I should, no doubt, go on a cruise or something, but I do not want to leave home.  I am going to crawl on an airplane on April 28th and fly to Dallas.  Getting on an airplane is something I swore I would never do, but here I am with my ticket in hand and the day approaching.  Sometimes we just have to do stuff because.  I guess that is what is known as making a bucket list.  So far, it is the only thing on my bucket list.  Perhaps if I make it to Dallas and back, I shall make a bucket list.  We will see.

Happy Anniversary to me.

 First let me say, I do not share this anniversary with Kay and Frank. Thiers is in August.  That is why it catches me off guard when i see it in the church bulletin.  That is a mistake every year.

Well, it is Friday, December 23, 2011. I know where I was on this date in 1983 and I know what temperature it was.  I was here, in this house preparing to become a new bride.  Kenny and I had been living together for just over a year.  My theory on that was that I did not have a very good track record in the marriage department, so I decided if we could live together for one year that it should be good to go.  So now the year was up.

Kenny had dropped a drive line in one of the dump trucks and had left it to be repaired at Pueblo Brake and Clutch.  Gene Baugh was helping him on the repair work.  It was -15 degrees so working outside was not a fun thing anyway.  Well, about 11 AM they had gone to pick up the drive line and found the shop closed for the Christmas Party.  No way to get it and so what to do with the rest of the day?  We had decided a while back that marriage was definitely an option, so him being the romantic that he was, he stomped the snow off his boots, slammed the door behind himself and announced, "Well, let's go get this shittin' mess over with!"

Now, ladies, who could resist anything that romantic?  I happened to have a new pair of jeans, a very nice checkered western shirt, and a new pair of white cowgirl boots.  He had some nice Levi's and a clean shirt, and wellington boots.  So off we toodled to Canon City.  Went there because Pueblo published marriage licenses in the paper every day and we did not want the fuss and bother of explaining why we never invited anyone.  We got to the Canon City courthouse about 30 minutes before closing, grabbed out license and the name of a retired minister and away we went.  4th floor of the retirement home.  Nice little man, but I forgot his name.  Two witnesses to sign.  One was his wife who was bedridden and another was walking down the hall and knew how to spell her name.  Whole thing took about 7 minutes and that included introductions, staging, and paying for his
services.  Then it was off to our wedding supper.  That was a chocolate covered doughnut and a cup of coffee at the doughnut shop.

When we got home we found a note from Gene.  "Congratulations!"  And a bottle of very cheap wine.  We never did get that gagged down.  We asked Gene to share a few months later and his response was "If I knew I had to drink it I would have got the good stuff."  Finally found a son in law who could be talked into drinking about anything.  He shook it up good and when he took his thumb off the cork, it flew out of the bottle, hit the ceiling, and ricocheted into the side of my head and almost cold cocked me.  Made him take it with him when he left since he was the last one to touch the bottle.

So now here I set 28 years later.  It is -7 below zero.  Got a foot and a half of snow out there on the level.  Got no Kenny, but I got a lot of memories.  It may have started out  a little non traditional, but it was quite the ride and I would not undo one minute of those years.  And when life gets a bit more than I can handle, I remember Kenny and the song he always said was "ours" and when you have that once in your life, once is probably enough.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EigVvZMw3Ds&feature=fvsr

Happy Birthday to Kenny.

Kenny with the Polly dog.  Kenny sharing breakfast with Rowdy bird.  Jimmy modeling for Kenny!

Just a few of the things I miss.  Today he would be 80 years old.  Lots of people are living way past that, but I think that is not good always.  He spent his last birthday in ICU.  That was definitely not good.  And he spent his last Christmas on a respirator.  New Years too.

All I have to say today is that I am very glad I have my memories and if I ever lose them, just shoot me.

November 22, 2002

Very few dates live in memory here in my head, but this one does.  Nine years ago this morning my husband passed away here at home.  I was not aware of this.  I knew he was not doing well and I planned a little visit to the doctor that morning with the little fellow in tow.  He did not like to go there so I was girding myself for that little confrontation.  We have always been early risers, he more so than me. So it was unusual that I was up and he was still in bed.  I knew he had a rough night so I thought I would just let him sleep and I pulled the door shut behind me.  I sent Bret off to school and then decided to get him stirring so we could go to the doctor.  He seemed disoriented and that frightened me, so I called his daughter, Jackie who lives right up the road.  She came and then we called 911.
They arrived in very short order and assessed the situation.  Did he have a DNR?  Yes, but it was with papers that since had been moved and I could not lay my hands on it.  Fatal mistake #1.  If you have a Do Not Resuscitate order, keep it in your hand at all times.  Or at the very least within arms reach.  Do you know what happens if you don't?  The rescue crew will resuscitate you and put you on life support and there you will stay. If you think "putting them on life support " is the end of it, it you are sadly mistaken.
Life support is exactly what it says.  A machine breathes for you and another beats for your heart.  Kenny had a very strong heart so it kept beating without the help of a machine.  The first few days in the ICU he remained in a coma.  When he awoke from that and looked around he began to cry.  He had apparently been in a much happier place and I, through my ineptness had forced him back into this world.  And there he remained.  For three weeks he was in ICU.  Then came the point when he was stabilized enough to "take him off the respirator."  That sounds very simple, doesn't it?  Not so.
When a machine breathes for you for three weeks, your body begins to accept that as normal.  They have hospitals that are skilled at respiratory care and know how to remove a patient from the respirator with great success.  Or so they say.  So off we went to Colorado Springs, to a place called Semper Care.  And there he stayed.  I went every morning and came home evey night.  Bret was in grade school so I tried to maintain some semblance of normality.  Yeah, right.
Kenny never spoke again.  He did know us and his friends came to visit.  His kids were in and out and his mom, sister, brothers, ex-wife, the preacher, whoever would pop in and his eyes would light up in recognition.  Or at least at first they did. 
Man was not meant to be kept alive on machines.  He began to have seizures, brought on by the staph infection, Merza.  That was cleared up.  By then we began to notice that he was not his usual self.  Then it returned.  More seizures and by then it was evident that there was brain damage from the seizures or high fever or something.  What now?
If putting him on life support had been hard, taking him off was even harder.   That is a chore I would not wish on my worst enemy.  For some unknown reason all of his kids were there that morning that the decision was made.  I had kept Bret home from school and brought him to the Springs with me.  I guess we all just knew it was time.  We met with the Chaplain and the arrangements were made.  Then began our long watch.  The oxygen was left on, but the machine was turned off.  After all the time he had been on the machine his body had learned to replicate the breathing.  Towards morning it began to slow and at 5:23 A.M. on January 30, 2003, it stopped. 
The purpose of this post?  What words of wisdom do I have for you today?  Just this.  Get your affairs in order.  Have a DNR?  Put it on the refrigerator where mine is now located.  If God chooses to remove me from this place today, I want to be able to go peacefully.  Kenny would have liked that, but it did not happen.  Losing that man was like losing my will to live, and going on alone is not what I had it mind, but that is what we call life.  So that is what I will do until I hear that trumpet call in my mind and then I am out of here! And you bette wish me God Speed!

Hey! Wait just one minute here!

This is not fair!  No way is this a fair thing to happen to me!  Yesterday it was 70+ degrees.  Day before that it hit 80.  Now  this morning there is snow.  Stop this madness.  It is Spring.  The Daffodils are blooming and everything!  The ducks are mating as are the geese. Now I have Robins playing in the snow.  What is wrong with this scenario?

Oh, yeah, now I remember, I live in Colorado!  Beautiful Colorado in the foothills to the Rockie Mountains.  Kenneth and I were on our way to a place near Durango many years ago to get a load of coal for some one.  Being the end of May and hotter than the dickens, I wore my shorts and we did not bother taking a coat.  The first problem we encountered was that the pass had the chain law in effect.  Usually we called and checked things like that, but rarely, if ever do you worry about it when it is 80 degrees.  Course there is that little altitude thing we should have thought about.  A lesson learned, but not retained, although we did make it a habit to carry chains and coats no matter where we went or when we went.

See, I should have known when I met that man what I was in for.  Before we ever did the "I do" thing in front of the minister in the assisted living center in Canon City and had a celebratory doughnut as our wedding supper, there were signs of the future.  Take for instance, the weekend camp out and boating trip the weekend AFTER Labor Day. 

We loaded the camper shell, boat, fishing tackle, lots of food, camp stove, two kids and my poodle/chihuahua, Sysnyck  and headed for Turquoise Lake, about as high up as you can get without going clear to heaven.  It was late when we got there so we immediately pitched the tent and went to bed.  It immediately began to rain.  The bathrooms were locked up, being after Labor Day and all, but it was a big forest.  Morning broke to show a beautiful view of the lake, ice floes and all.  Fuel had leaked out of the camp stove.  Kids were wet and frozen.  My bottom  and the forest floor did not take to well to each other.  But we had come to boat and fish and by jeepers that was what we would do.  And did it we did.

The worms were frozen, but the boat was not.  We boarded the seaworthy vessel and cranked it up;  fishing poles remained on the bank.  My stalwart Captain roared away from the dock, the dog jumped overboard, the daughter burst out in tears because she was going to die.  He idled, turned  around and picked up the dog and headed back to shore.  We arrived home early that afternoon and it was again 80 degrees, but we were still frozen.

The year on that was 1982.  Perhaps you recall that being the year there was a sudden spike in antibiotic sales?  Both kids had raging fevers the next day.  I am a firm believer that such things are brought on by a virus and not getting cold and wet, but I did make an exception in that case.

The following summer, July 4 weekend to be exact, we took a 3 day weekend, same boat, vacation to the high lakes in the Rockies.  Kids refused to step foot off the place after the first vacation.  When we got home I was so sunburned I had to sleep standing up.  Not really, but it was bad!  So I now know, but still occasionally forget what Colorado is all about.  Check my car.  I have blankets, coats, sunscreen, water, an emergency stable food source, and my Bible.  I am taking no chances. 

The kids are grown up and gone.  Kenny has passed to his much deserved  reward and I am here alone.  I do still go to the mountains, but only for the day.  I go with a friend or sometimes just drive up to Beulah to see my friend Jan.  So I stay in Colorado.  It has become home to me and I expect when I close my eyes and see Kenny coming to pick me up, his silhouette will be against the back drop of Pikes Peak or Turquoise Lake or something else quite as beautiful.  When that happens I will not look back.  And I expect you all to be happy and wish me bon voyage!  Cause I will be tripping the light fantastic with a man who never had a lick of rythym any where near his body, but he could catch a fish.