Really! Really? I got this email today or yesterday and it absolutely amazed me. My name is Lou therefore I must be a man. And I must not be able to get it up. Now this is not the first one of these ED letters I have gotten. And quite frequently I am contacted by a sweet young thing who would love to share her "unique" pictures with me. Hmmm. What is the world coming to?
Many years back I signed up for one of those dating sights. I would like to meet an older man for companionship, walks along the river, dining out, and maybe a movie. I love county music and dancing would be a plus. Must be a Christian.
That unleashed a torrent of men who wanted me to know that their "plumbing" still worked and that their stomach was flat. We could meet for a drink at some hotel that had a bar. The Library was out.
A walk was fine as long as it entailed walking to the car. Country was alright as long as it included a dark road and no music. Dining out was fine, but home cooked was a lot better. And church was definitely not on the table at all.
Maybe I am just too old and jaded for this life as it exists now. I still want conversations. I want walks. I like people and I do not want to be looked up and down like a piece of prize meat at the butcher shop. I want to know who you are, not what you are. Are you honest and trustworthy or are you looking for a slam, bam, thank you mam? Will you call me for no reason? Will you surprise me with a doughnut and a cup of coffee? A trip to Starbucks on a Tuesday afternoon and then check out the movies. Will you unload my goose food and put it in the barrel? And will you show up at church just because you want to see what it is like even though you are a Catholic? That is what I am looking for. Oh yeah. and if and when it snows I need the walk shoveled and a trail broken out to the goose pen. But I gotta tell you, I am not holding out much hope for such a man to exist in this world I live in. So I am not going to the dating sites, no, not me!
Living alone definitely has it's advantages. Like right now, I am eating a breakfast burrito with green chile. Breakfast for supper. No salad for the digestive tract. No iced tea. No have to set at the table because that is the eating place. No dessert because I want to eat up the rest of the Pina Colada ice cream I made a year ago. I have moved by clocks back an hour and instead of going to bed at 9:30 I am going to bed at 8:30. Which will be 9:30, or at least I think that is right. Who knows. I hate the damned time change almost as much as I hate cooked apples.
I wish I was a goose. The geese go to bed at dark and get up at dawn. They have no idea of what time it is. All they have to worry about is eating their food before the other goose eats it up from them. I have never been able to check the sleeping arrangement in the goose house so I am not sure who sleeps beside who. Oh, and there is another joy for remaining alone... I can sleep on either side of the bed. I always sleep on the side closest to the door, but I could sleep on the other side if I so choose. Hell, I could even sleep with my head at the bottom of the bed, or I could sleep downstairs. Or on the couch. The possibilities are endless!
My house phone is not working and a quick check with repair service tells me it is not going to work for a couple days. Damn! I wonder if they will understand when I deduct 2 days off the bill. Ok, I am having dessert. It is Carmel popcorn. The house is very quiet. The cat has snuck onto my lap making typing rather awkward, but at least she is quiet. See if I could find a man this good, I would be all over that, but it ain't happening so I think I will go to bed now. So if my clock says 6:30 now, a few minutes ago it was 7:30 and my body is thinking it is 8:30 or maybe 9:30. I know one thing and that is about the only thing a man could do for me at this point in my life is tell me what time it is and why in the hell do we have to change it every time I figure out what time it is!
Many years back I signed up for one of those dating sights. I would like to meet an older man for companionship, walks along the river, dining out, and maybe a movie. I love county music and dancing would be a plus. Must be a Christian.
That unleashed a torrent of men who wanted me to know that their "plumbing" still worked and that their stomach was flat. We could meet for a drink at some hotel that had a bar. The Library was out.
A walk was fine as long as it entailed walking to the car. Country was alright as long as it included a dark road and no music. Dining out was fine, but home cooked was a lot better. And church was definitely not on the table at all.
Maybe I am just too old and jaded for this life as it exists now. I still want conversations. I want walks. I like people and I do not want to be looked up and down like a piece of prize meat at the butcher shop. I want to know who you are, not what you are. Are you honest and trustworthy or are you looking for a slam, bam, thank you mam? Will you call me for no reason? Will you surprise me with a doughnut and a cup of coffee? A trip to Starbucks on a Tuesday afternoon and then check out the movies. Will you unload my goose food and put it in the barrel? And will you show up at church just because you want to see what it is like even though you are a Catholic? That is what I am looking for. Oh yeah. and if and when it snows I need the walk shoveled and a trail broken out to the goose pen. But I gotta tell you, I am not holding out much hope for such a man to exist in this world I live in. So I am not going to the dating sites, no, not me!
Living alone definitely has it's advantages. Like right now, I am eating a breakfast burrito with green chile. Breakfast for supper. No salad for the digestive tract. No iced tea. No have to set at the table because that is the eating place. No dessert because I want to eat up the rest of the Pina Colada ice cream I made a year ago. I have moved by clocks back an hour and instead of going to bed at 9:30 I am going to bed at 8:30. Which will be 9:30, or at least I think that is right. Who knows. I hate the damned time change almost as much as I hate cooked apples.
I wish I was a goose. The geese go to bed at dark and get up at dawn. They have no idea of what time it is. All they have to worry about is eating their food before the other goose eats it up from them. I have never been able to check the sleeping arrangement in the goose house so I am not sure who sleeps beside who. Oh, and there is another joy for remaining alone... I can sleep on either side of the bed. I always sleep on the side closest to the door, but I could sleep on the other side if I so choose. Hell, I could even sleep with my head at the bottom of the bed, or I could sleep downstairs. Or on the couch. The possibilities are endless!
My house phone is not working and a quick check with repair service tells me it is not going to work for a couple days. Damn! I wonder if they will understand when I deduct 2 days off the bill. Ok, I am having dessert. It is Carmel popcorn. The house is very quiet. The cat has snuck onto my lap making typing rather awkward, but at least she is quiet. See if I could find a man this good, I would be all over that, but it ain't happening so I think I will go to bed now. So if my clock says 6:30 now, a few minutes ago it was 7:30 and my body is thinking it is 8:30 or maybe 9:30. I know one thing and that is about the only thing a man could do for me at this point in my life is tell me what time it is and why in the hell do we have to change it every time I figure out what time it is!
