And when I start screaming and clawing at the front of your shirt and trying to crawl on top of your head, it is called arachnophobia. And yes it is a very real mental condition, and yes it can be controlled. Death of the human suffering this condition will cure it, pretty much. How do I know it is real? Stick with me here for just a bit.
Now, many of you know me. You know that I fear nothing. I have walked through the very fires of hell and came out the other side smiling. Now that might be an exaggeration, but I have seen my scary things in life and for the most part been unaffected. I can see a snake slithering into the goose house and still manage to go in and do my chores. The only snakes I kill are the ones who get aggressive with me and that only happened the one time. (Course that can also be said for a few husbands who were not smart enough to know when to stop.)
When I came to Colorado I was married to a guy named Charlie and he had a son who was pretty much grown. Of course, they wanted to show me the high spots of Colorado and one of them is Beulah. Since we had a two door car and they were both big, Susie and I were in the back seat when we were coming down from Beulah. Suddenly Charlie pulled over and stopped. There was a tarantula crossing the road and heading into the ditch. When I saw the size of that thing, my eyes glazed over and purple lightening was flashing inside my head.
Now, a note here to my friends in Kansas. These things are BIG! I swear to God that one had to be a foot across! It had teeth! It was looking at me in the back seat. It wanted to eat me. When David started to open the door to "get it and take it home for a pet" my world went suddenly black. I shit you not! I had both of those guys by the collar and raised up out of the seat. At that point they decided they really did not need a spider for a pet. I still have flashbacks when I think of that day.
Years passed and I never encountered another spider of that size until I married Kenneth. One evening after supper Jackie and Jim walked into our house. Jimmy carried a paper cup and had something to show me. I knew! Instinct kicked in and I told him not to do it, but being the California boy he was, he was proud of his catch and wanted to show me. When he dumped that spider out on my table, I lost all sense of reason. The next thing I clearly remember is him begging me to forgive him. Here to tell you right now he is still on thin ice. Ask him about it. Today we can look back and laugh, but that took a year or so.
And now I do not even think about tarantulas, unless something kicks in and triggers me. Hiking at the reservoir the other day was a challenge to me because it is breeding season and they are migrating to the breeding grounds. Oh, dear God! My hiking partner was quick to tell me that if we saw one he would not catch it and he understood I would not like a closer look. And no he would not kill it just because it wanted to go in the bushes and have a little spider fun. Watching for rattlesnakes was not an issue, but the thought of beady eyed spiders became one! Luckily the man did not have to witness my descent into total paranoia!
So there you have it. The worst things I had to contend with in Kansas were millipedes. They are about an inch or so long and have millions of legs. They scurry up the wall and then hide so you can not kill them. The spiders are mostly granddaddy long legs. Couse the Black Widow likes to build a web in your basement window and hatch out her babies. The Black Widows with babies are always females because they eat their husband after sex. Preying Mantis females eat their husbands head off after sex. Gives a whole new meaning to "losing your head over a woman!"
So, now you have learned a new word, arachnophobia, and a little lesson on the sex life of those innocent looking little insects that inhabit our earth. Just remember this:
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing!
Peace!
