It is almost 5:00 AM. Coffee is perking. The cat is fighting me for the keyboard and life is good. I woke up a while ago and thought back to the Christmas seasons on 5th street. I was divorced with my little nest full of babies and they always expected Santa to come. I was not much into church back then. Kind of hard to work God in when I was working a full time job and 2 part time jobs to put food on the table. I did make sure the kids got on the bus for church every Sunday. At least most of the time. OK. Some of the time, but that was a rough time for me.
So anyway, I tried to have money put aside for Christmas, and usually did. If not there was always the credit card and that was used more often then not for Christmas. Nothing else. I recall the first year. I really thought Duane would come and help me, but he didn't. I ended up the afternoon of Christmas Eve doing the shopping for Santa. Talk about a joke. The shelves were bare and pickings were very slim, but I ended up with my car loaded. Not sure anyone got anything they wanted, but they did get to unwrap presents on Christmas Day. I vowed that the next year would be better and it was, kind of.
That year I splurged and bought each of the girls a bike and Sam a trike. By the end of Christmas Day every tire on the bikes was flat. I heard the rumor that Sam did it because he was jealous that he did not get one, but Lord only knows what the truth was in that case. The next year they got Susie for Christmas, the gift of a failed reconciliation. At least they did not flatten her and she was actually kind of cute. Debbie, Patty, and Dona wanted to take her for "show and tell" and Sam just wanted her gone. Take her to school and leave her was fine with him.
Christmas Dinner was varied. Sometimes it was turkey and all that stuff. Once it was ham. One year I let the kids choose and we had corn dogs. I can not eat a corn dog now without thinking back to that day. I made red chile once. I think Coloradans call it chile beans. I did not know what green chile was back then.
Time kind of runs together back in those days. Seems like I was always in a money crunch, but that is what 5 kids and no education will do for you. If I had it to do over again, I would, but there would be some rules laid down on the first date. I strongly suspect I would not have had 5 kids, but I am not sure which ones I would send back. In later years they had welfare programs, to help with mothers like me, but at that time it was either sink or swim. I paid $15 a week for child care and I had some doozies. Ida May was a friend of mom's. She always had a pocket full of candy for the kids. She also had a full beard so they were afraid of her. Mrs. McIvers lasted a few months. Then there was a lady on 6th street, but her kids were meaner than shit! I finally found Mrs Benson, who moved across town to be close. At the time she seemed like the answer, but now I hear horror stories. We did survive though.
Back to Christmas. Christmas of 2002 found Kenneth in Colorado Springs on life support. He had been in the hospital since Thanksgiving. Our 20th Anniversary was December 23, so I spent the night at Semper Care. I spent a lot of nights there . Christmas was pretty sad that year. He died the end of January 30, 2003. Christmas has never been the same since. Probably never will be. Seems I always get weepy this time of year. Hell, it seems the older I get the more weepy I get. I tried dating a couple times, but that did not turn out well. The first one died about the time I got to really know him. The second one was just a jerk. There are a lot of those out there, so I am giving up on that.
There is no tree in my house. No decorations. I will spend Christmas Eve at church for the morning service and the evening service. That is how I want it. I think this Christmas I may get out the box of cards I got when Kenny passed and read them one more time. I have not opened that box since he died. I may go through Mother's box also. But who knows. This may be the year I do something wild and crazy. I do know that unless it snows, I will be taking a long walk along the ditch. It is quiet there.
Surely we will talk again between now and then, but just in case, I am going to tell you
So anyway, I tried to have money put aside for Christmas, and usually did. If not there was always the credit card and that was used more often then not for Christmas. Nothing else. I recall the first year. I really thought Duane would come and help me, but he didn't. I ended up the afternoon of Christmas Eve doing the shopping for Santa. Talk about a joke. The shelves were bare and pickings were very slim, but I ended up with my car loaded. Not sure anyone got anything they wanted, but they did get to unwrap presents on Christmas Day. I vowed that the next year would be better and it was, kind of.
That year I splurged and bought each of the girls a bike and Sam a trike. By the end of Christmas Day every tire on the bikes was flat. I heard the rumor that Sam did it because he was jealous that he did not get one, but Lord only knows what the truth was in that case. The next year they got Susie for Christmas, the gift of a failed reconciliation. At least they did not flatten her and she was actually kind of cute. Debbie, Patty, and Dona wanted to take her for "show and tell" and Sam just wanted her gone. Take her to school and leave her was fine with him.
Christmas Dinner was varied. Sometimes it was turkey and all that stuff. Once it was ham. One year I let the kids choose and we had corn dogs. I can not eat a corn dog now without thinking back to that day. I made red chile once. I think Coloradans call it chile beans. I did not know what green chile was back then.
Time kind of runs together back in those days. Seems like I was always in a money crunch, but that is what 5 kids and no education will do for you. If I had it to do over again, I would, but there would be some rules laid down on the first date. I strongly suspect I would not have had 5 kids, but I am not sure which ones I would send back. In later years they had welfare programs, to help with mothers like me, but at that time it was either sink or swim. I paid $15 a week for child care and I had some doozies. Ida May was a friend of mom's. She always had a pocket full of candy for the kids. She also had a full beard so they were afraid of her. Mrs. McIvers lasted a few months. Then there was a lady on 6th street, but her kids were meaner than shit! I finally found Mrs Benson, who moved across town to be close. At the time she seemed like the answer, but now I hear horror stories. We did survive though.
Back to Christmas. Christmas of 2002 found Kenneth in Colorado Springs on life support. He had been in the hospital since Thanksgiving. Our 20th Anniversary was December 23, so I spent the night at Semper Care. I spent a lot of nights there . Christmas was pretty sad that year. He died the end of January 30, 2003. Christmas has never been the same since. Probably never will be. Seems I always get weepy this time of year. Hell, it seems the older I get the more weepy I get. I tried dating a couple times, but that did not turn out well. The first one died about the time I got to really know him. The second one was just a jerk. There are a lot of those out there, so I am giving up on that.
There is no tree in my house. No decorations. I will spend Christmas Eve at church for the morning service and the evening service. That is how I want it. I think this Christmas I may get out the box of cards I got when Kenny passed and read them one more time. I have not opened that box since he died. I may go through Mother's box also. But who knows. This may be the year I do something wild and crazy. I do know that unless it snows, I will be taking a long walk along the ditch. It is quiet there.
Surely we will talk again between now and then, but just in case, I am going to tell you
Merry Christmas and a Happy New year and grab all the happiness you can while you can!
