'Tis the season!

 

This is the tree.  It is a little taller than the television remote.  Now, all you nay sayers can relax.  I am ready for Christmas.  This time of year is not one of my best times.  I remember when I was in grade school and each class had a Christmas tree all decorated and festooned for the occasion.  At the end of the last day before Christmas break one of the little Bartholomew kids would get to take the tree home from their classroom.  It was a really big deal!  I remember dragging it home when I got it.  It had pieces of tinsel clinging to it's branches and it was wonderful!  I was so proud!  And momma added to it as she thanked me for bringing it because we surely would not have had one if not for me!  Needless to say she showered the same praise on whichever one of us brought the tree home.

And then I was grown up and I was the momma struggling to give my kids a Merry Christmas.  Some how it always happened.  The jobs I worked were never big on Christmas Bonuses, but I always seemed to manage.  The kid's dad was always big on Christmas so that helped.  I do recall borrowing money at the last minute one year at a very high interest rate and dashing to the stores with my friend Gibby Fields in tow to fill the Santa list.  Now be real here!  Have you ever gone shopping on Christmas eve?  That is akin to a bomb being tossed into the store and blowing all the toys out the window. 

 

But we survived and my kids grew up to teach their kids about Santa.  So when I married Kenny and had time on my hands I decided to make all the grandsons Dinosaurs for Christmas since that was the rage. (I thought!)  I think I made the girls Care Bears.  The kids were all thrilled until I handed the last one to the grandson who shall remain nameless for this tale.  I was especially proud of it because it was a Brontosaurs and as such was the biggest package.  His eyes lit up as he ripped into the package.  When he saw what it was, he threw it to the floor and burst into tears.  I was astounded and perplexed.  His father laughed and said, "Oh, he wanted a transformer!"

          I think that was the year, I quit believing in Santa Claus and started just putting money in                          envelopes.  I have now advanced to hiding in my house and hoping Christmas does not see me                here alone with my peas and porridge.  The kids are all grown and have kids and grandkids of                  their own along with the customs they have inherited mostly from their dad.  I am good with that.

          I will go to church on Christmas Eve because that is what it is all about when everything is said                and done.  The baby in the manger is what brings us all to the foot of the cross.  That is my                      Christmas cheer and to all my friends and acquaintances out there I wish you a very Merry                        Christmas and a Happy and prosperous New Year.  

           May the road rise to meet you and the wind be ever at your back.

           Peace!

   

 

 

 

One thing I have learned....

 The one thing I have learned and the hardest thing for me to do is to set back and let someone else take the lead and do something for me.  My years with hospice were so fulfilling because it all came naturally to me.  My job was to accept a client in or near their final journey.  Sometimes the job was just a one night or day, but several lasted longer and I became a "part of the family" and remained so for the duration of that person's journey.  So it was with Dorothy and later Doug.  Mona was one, as was  Ruby.  My latest was Annie. 

In all of these journeys I have dealt with families on a very close and personal level.  Early in the  relationships, I would set with the family member while the caregivers took time for other activities.  They knew someone that they could trust was with mother, father, or whoever.  When death is imminent the family sometimes just needs a "friend" to help them understand what the process entails.  While I am not an expert on death by any means I do know that death is inevitable, and no one is going to get out of this world alive.  

In most of my dealings I was able to establish a relationship with the client and we could talk about the hereafter.  Having never been there, I can only imagine what life on the other side of the veil could be like.  I am pretty sure it is a big step up from life on this side and I tried to relay that to them.  It is a fine line between preaching and visualizing a perfect world that is waiting for us.  

It is after the death that I, by virtue of having been there through the last days,  become a part of the family.  My presence seems to give people a connection to the loved one on the other side.  I can not explain it, but that is how it is.  I no longer operate in the capacity of "companion", but I still deal with families who remember.

So now to the crux of the matter.  I am no longer with hospice.  I do not volunteer at any place.  I rest on my laurels and that pretty much is about it.  Covid has changed all of our lives and it is quite possible that this is our new normal.  But, I have been invited out by my friends Rebecca and Ron for a high tea at Miramount Castle in Manitou.  And I am going!  And here is the one thing I have learned:

My first thought was "Oh, no!  I can not do that.  It will cost her a lot of money and time and I am not worth the effort."  But then I analyzed the situation.  Rebecca is a wonderful person as is her husband, Ron.  [She actually sent him out to scope out the fox problem in hopes there was something they could do.]  They are dear friends and as such want to do something nice and include me!  So..... Saturday I am being picked up by car and transported to a High Tea!  I am sure it will be lovely and you can bet I will be giving you a full report.

Sometimes I have to just remember, that there are people out there who care about me and want to show me.  It is called accepting from others.  It is an art I need to cultivate.

I am so excited by this new adventure that I am almost tempted to go buy a dress.  Key word there is almost!  

Stay tuned for a full report next week!

Competitive little waifs!

 Following instructions runs deep in my veins and I rather suspect I have passed it on to my children, but I did not know until tonight, just how deeply it was ingrained in my son.  I have been referred to as "anal retentive" a time or two.  He is a vegetarian, bordering on, if not completely vegan.  Tonight we were talking about a visit to his doctor in which he was instructed to collect all of his urine for a 24 hour period.  Now being the obedient patient, he did just that.  Needless to say he drinks a lot of water.  LOTS of water!  

To say the doctor was surprised at just how much urine he actually collected would be an understatement.  Apparently his doctor has a bit of an accent.  When Sam produced his specimen jars, the doctor exclaimed that this was a lot of urine for 24 hours and he must drink a lot of water!  When he was relaying the conversation to me he used the accent.  Of course I got to laughing.  The upshot of the whole conversation degenerated into a laugh fest and I asked him if he had hauled it in with his little red wagon.  I never did find out what the doctor learned from all that urine or what he was even looking for.  Apparently the little specimen bottles from days of yore are not used in this doctors office.

Sam and I have much the same sense of humor.  Our conversation had started because I want to sell a china cabinet and he thought I needed money. I explained that it was not full of what it was supposed to be full of and had now become a "catch all" so I wanted the space more than the piece of furniture.  When I finally got it across to him, he was good with that.  Little guy just worries about his mommy going around the bend!

I go once a year for my annual exam.  The doctor does not actually touch me.  He does wave the stethoscope at me  which is anti-climatic since he does not use it.  The nurse does take my blood pressure and it is always a tad bit low unless I have just made the dash across the parking garage and up three flights of stairs.  

Well this may be short as the cat is wanting to lay on the keyboard and if I do not yield to her wants she does tend to bite me and that hurts.  That and the fact that cats, by virtue of their  use of the litter box, are actually filthy little germ bombs, makes me give her a very wide berth!

So enjoy your day and remember, you can not sprinkle showers of happiness on other people without getting a few drops on yourself!  

You cannot get the toothpaste back in the tube!

 There are 2 phrases that my psyche is shaped by and that I also fight with most of my adult life.  The first is "Hind sight is 20/20 looking back." and the second is "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."  There are many little things momma threw in along this line and for the life of me I do not know where she got them.  I strongly suspect that she got them from her mother since they lived a fairly cloistered life there in south central Kansas.  The sad fact remains, that all these years later, those are burned into the depths of my being.

In my younger days I was surrounded by Aunts, cousins, grandmothers and a few uncles.  Males in my lineage tended to either die young or live forever.  Uncle Coon lived to be over 100.  (Now I am not sure that this was his given name.  Seems like it might have been Conrad, but it is irrelevant to this article!)  The point is that while the rule at the time was that children should be seen and not heard, the other was that men were the strong silent type and it was best to remember that.  As kids it was our past time at family gatherings to hide under the table and watch the men enjoying an after dinner cigar or pipe.  As I recall there was a lot of coughing and choking while this "pleasure" was being indulged.  

This pastime was second only to spying on the chickens in the coop and hoping one would poop out an egg and we could see where it came from. (To this day I do not actually know how the plumbing of a chicken works, nor do I care!)

I only recall one male cousin in my youth and that was cousin Carl. The girl cousins were named Rosetta, Alvina and Marilyn.  I had another cousin named Donna, but she lived in St. Louis and we rarely seen her.  She never married.  

Carl and I were close at the time.  We used to weed the garden for grandma after family dinners.  Carl grew up and married someone and they had one child.  I am not sure it grew to adulthood.  Seems momma was the only one out of the whole family that was a good "breeder."

Momma had eloped immediately after graduation.  She married a man named Jack Walden and ran away to Chicago.  They lived near the "Loop" whatever that was.  They had a baby girl and for some reason mother found herself hitchhiking back to Kansas with the baby in her arms and fearing for her life.  (Or so I hear. Little bit of "toothpaste" for you there.)  When the baby was but a year old she married what would be my father and they lived not so happily ever after.  While the marriage may have been a bit rocky it lasted until his death in 1965.  I ended up with 3 half brothers, 1 full brother and 3 sisters.  Guess Josephine was my half sister.

All that is irrelevant!  It was at my mothers knee that I learned the art of being seen and not heard.  I also learned that when the words "Little pitchers have big ears!" were used I was about to be banished to another room and I better not listen to what was being said.  "Ixnay" meant no.  Anyone who died went directly to heaven!  No doubt about it!  The meanest SOB that ever walked went to Heaven.  Man beats his horse; straight to Heaven!  Seems like the only thing that would actually keep you out of heaven was lying to your mother and disrespecting your elders.  Stealing and pulling the legs off grasshoppers were minor infractions.  

So, here I set lo! these many years later, still a child!  Could it be that as we age, we become our mothers?  I need to ask my kids how their minds work.  Did they actually learn anything from me and if so, what was it?  Did they walk away with my good qualities or the bad ones?  Do they look back on their childhood as a learning experience?  Was I a good mother?  I know I was rarely there, but do they know I tried?

I guess only time will tell.  I do know they are all independent, compassionate human beings and I love them and they appear to love me.  I hope that I imparted just a bit of my wisdom and honesty to them by my actions.  It may be something I never really know, but when I look at the lives they live, I am proud of each and every one of them.  And I am proud of their offspring.  

Kinda hope that the fruit does not fall too far from the tree in my family tree!

Peace and love!

Momma

As I look back down the road that brought me here to where I have lived for the last 40 years, there is one person I see that quietly shaped me into the woman I am today.  My momma.  She was the glue that held our family together.  She was a very proud woman.  I only remember her holding me a few times, but those were times when I needed held or I would have surely shattered.  Once was when the baby calf died and the other was when I lost my brother, her only son.  I am sure that hug was what both of us needed at the time.

My first memories of my life centered around the Stroh place.  Those were the good days.  Those were the times when dad worked and took care of us.  Momma belonged to "club" and attended once a month.  She dressed in her "good dress" and wore a hat.  Josephine and Jake were old enough to stay home but I went with her.  I had to set on the floor beside her chair and be quiet because children were to be seen and not heard and I seemed to be the only kid there.  The women discussed recipes and sewing and stuff like that which any 4 year old kid would not understand.  Never anything personal.  God forbid!

I do not know what my dad did for a living, but I am pretty sure it was shady because I have snippets of memory of a big 3 story house across the river and my dad went inside and left me in the wagon.  I was terrified of that big horse and some times it looked at me and snorted, showing his big yellow teeth, which added to my fear.  Then some time after that we loaded all our "stuff" on a hay rack and moved down the road to the other side of town to the Ailmore place.  It was at that time that Dad quit whatever he was doing and mother started cleaning houses for the "ladies" in town.  By this time I was in first grade.  Then, whoosh!  we moved again.  

This time we were buying the house on the other side of town.  Dad was share cropping with a man named John Britain.  Momma took business classes at Salt City Business College and then started working as a secretary.  Dad started running the Domino/Pool Hall up on main street in Nickerson.  In my Junior year we moved to Hutchinson and it was downhill from there.

The point of this is that through my life, my mother has been the one constant in my life.  She was always there.  She was never the "touchy feally" mother in the story books, but she was always the backbone of the family.  She made sure the food was on the table.  She made sure we had clothes on our backs.  She was the one that inisisted we go to Sunday School and then sit quietly in church.  My first communion was at her knee.  My first poem was published in some kids magazine and she bought it and kept it for years.  

 When I married my first husband and went to her with my first black eye, she explained that "this is a man's right and you need to try harder."  That was the only time she tried to guide me through my "wifely duties."  My method of dealing with my children when a husband hit them was much different from my mother.  "Divorce the a##hole!"

But I digress. This is about my mother and the examples she set for me.  From her I learned a deep and abiding love for my saviour.  Jesus Christ is never far from my thoughts and I do not make a decision without first running it by him and then thinking "What would momma think about this?"  Now granted, I do not always do what I know either one of them would recommend and I usually regret my decision.  Good Lord made the mistake of giving us "free will".  That means he lets us make our own decisions.  In those instances, I usually end up regretting my actions which brings into play the next lesson, "live and learn."

So here I set in the sunset of my life, thinking about momma.  I wonder what my life would have been had I actually listened to her?  She was a wise woman.  Compassion for other people and for the citizens of the world was paramount in her life.  I knew my mother loved me as surely as I know the sun will come up tomorrow.  My mother was wise and kind and when I would tell her that she say that I was prejudiced.  When I told her she was the best mother in the world she said other kids thought that about their mothers.  

But I do know this, I did have the best mother in the world.  She may not have been the best mother for other kids, but she was best for me.  God put me right where he wanted me to be to learn the lessons I needed. Some day I will get it right and be right up there in heaven with my sweet Jesus and my momma!  I may see a lot of people I know, or I may not see any.  It will all be revealed when the time is right.  

But until that day, I shall watch and wait, and I shall remember my sweet momma.  While I mourn my brother and my sisters that have gone before me and yearn for my grandmas and the grandpas I never knew, I am filled with anticipation!  Some one asked me once if I believed in the hereafter and Jesus.  I told them this, "If I did not believe I could not continue to put one foot in front of the other here on this earth. "  

My goal is my crown and my hope is in my salvation and all of that is centered around my saviour and my mother.

Any more questions?

.  

5 sons in law!

 The last blog I did was totally in accurate!  I have 5 sons in law and only God knows how many ex sons in law.  Course if I count the exes and the steps we could be here for days, so I am just not going there!  

I am not going into further detail.  I will just update you on the Covid-19 situation at my house.  Yesterday I went over to Mesa Pharmacy and got my booster.  In and out in 15 minutes.  Just had to wait to make sure I wasn't dizzy.  I love that place!  They have the sharpest needles in the world.  Not that I get a lot of shots but when I do, I so enjoy a sharp needle!

I am going to move my prescription over there since I am in there dropping things in thier mailbox several times a week.

I have to go buy goose food today and that is all for my errands.  Lord I hope this day is good!

Ok, I am out of here.  Have a good day!

No matter where you go...

 No matter where you go, you are still going to be there!  This was the brilliant observation of one of my  ex-sons in law.  Not sure which one it was, but I will attribute it to one named Keith and leave his last name buried in my memory.  I rather doubt that he reads this blog or even knows of its, but in the event he does, I am sure he will get a kick out of this.  I still see him from time to time and we are both surprised that the other has survived life this long.  Of course he is no longer with the daughter he was married to at the time, but since I was not named in the divorce action I can call him one of my old used to be sons in law.

Most of my sons in law lived in mortal terror of offending me in one way or another, but a couple actually endeared themselves in my heart and remain so to this day.  Take Hammer for instance!  He was 2 tours in Vietnam, a biker with a Harley, drank like a fish and had more hair than Lady Godiva!  He and my daughter Debbie, were jailed once for refusing to break the death grip they had on each other in the middle of 4th Street.  The first time he came to my house he ended up face down here in my office because an aerosol can exploded in the neighbor's trash that was burning in the field out back.  PTSD.  He said something once and I exclaimed, "Are you nuts?" and he replied, "Yes I am and I am certified!  Get a pension for it!"   They are still together and live in Eastern Kansas.  They are raising 3 grandkids and are approaching 40 years of wedded bliss, I think.  They were married at the Pueblo County Court house.  I was Maid of Honor and Shirly Smith was Hammer's Best Man.  Good times!

My girls are much like me in that they need to sort through and figure out just what they actually want in a husband and then they are settled for life.  My son, however, waited for what he was sure he wanted and is now living happily ever after in Dallas, Texas.

I guess Kenny spoiled me for ever wanting to take the plunge again.  I have been a widow for 20 years now.  I rarely date, and when I do, it does not take long to figure out that being alone suits me!  Something about not answering to a man appeals to my base nature. "I eat when I'm hungry, I drink when I'm dry, and if whiskey don't kill me, I'll live till I die."

Right now it is 3:21 AM and I am up for the day.  What man would understand this?  I am going to go into the kitchen pretty soon and warm up some butter beans I cooked a couple days ago.  Man would want something cooked like hashbrowns, bacon, eggs and toast with a big cup of coffee.  I may cook that some afternoon, but not today.

I am just setting here counting my sons in law.  I have 4 daughters and have had a total of 12 sons in law I think.  May have missed one there somewhere, but if so I apologize.  

The other thing I have learned in life is that when you are over the hill you pick up speed.  That little adage puts all the rest in perspective.  

So as my clock approaches 4:00 AM, I am going to say that I am happy with the men in my daughters lives at the present time, and they all look like they have settled in for the long haul!  That is good.  Life is good.  My life is good.  One word of advice...

If life hands you a lemon, make lemonade!

Peace!