Every morning I wake up to face another day. Usually it is about 5 AM. I lay there for a little while thinking about yesterday and wondering about today. I know there is nothing I can do to change yesterday, but today there is hope. I think hope is the one thing that keeps me going, but things do not always work out like I had planned. Sadly, I do not have the ability to control other people. I know what would make their life work better and bring them happiness, but they have their own ideas. So I accept that.
I once told a friend of mine "I do not understand why John Doe did what he did. I thought I knew him better than that." My friend told me, "You never know a person. You only know what they let you see." Of course he was right. I do not see John Doe any more, but I do see my friend. Some people become our friends for life, it seems and some are just ships passing in the night. That makes me sad.
Mother was wise in the ways of the world. I miss her more than words can convey. If I was sad, she would tell me "Tomorrow is another day." It seems my poor little tender heart has been broken so many times that it would never heal, but losing her was like losing a part of myself. I have her picture on the top of my desk. It is a black and white picture. I have an 8 x 10 that is the last thing I see when I leave the house. It is a colored photograph and I see her gray eyes. Her and I had the same color eyes. I assume my father had eyes, but I forget what color they were. It has been over 50 years since I saw his eyes.
Mother always told me "If you can reach the end of your life and you have 5 true friends that you can count on one hand, you are blessed." And for many years I did. But now I am beginning to wonder. Some of them have gone to a better place (which means they died), some have moved away. Some have remarried and built new lives. And some of them just found other interests. Sad. My 2 best friends are men. One has been in my life since I came to Colorado in 1973 (?). The other I met when I married Kenny. I do not see them often, but we keep in touch. I guess maybe I do have 5 friends left. I am hoping they outlive me!
So where was I? I guess I am just facing my mortality and learning to accept all the death and sorrow that life has to offer. The old body may very well be wearing out, but my mind is still sharp and I can still feed myself, so I guess life is good. One thing is for sure....
It is what it is.
I once told a friend of mine "I do not understand why John Doe did what he did. I thought I knew him better than that." My friend told me, "You never know a person. You only know what they let you see." Of course he was right. I do not see John Doe any more, but I do see my friend. Some people become our friends for life, it seems and some are just ships passing in the night. That makes me sad.
Mother was wise in the ways of the world. I miss her more than words can convey. If I was sad, she would tell me "Tomorrow is another day." It seems my poor little tender heart has been broken so many times that it would never heal, but losing her was like losing a part of myself. I have her picture on the top of my desk. It is a black and white picture. I have an 8 x 10 that is the last thing I see when I leave the house. It is a colored photograph and I see her gray eyes. Her and I had the same color eyes. I assume my father had eyes, but I forget what color they were. It has been over 50 years since I saw his eyes.
Mother always told me "If you can reach the end of your life and you have 5 true friends that you can count on one hand, you are blessed." And for many years I did. But now I am beginning to wonder. Some of them have gone to a better place (which means they died), some have moved away. Some have remarried and built new lives. And some of them just found other interests. Sad. My 2 best friends are men. One has been in my life since I came to Colorado in 1973 (?). The other I met when I married Kenny. I do not see them often, but we keep in touch. I guess maybe I do have 5 friends left. I am hoping they outlive me!
So where was I? I guess I am just facing my mortality and learning to accept all the death and sorrow that life has to offer. The old body may very well be wearing out, but my mind is still sharp and I can still feed myself, so I guess life is good. One thing is for sure....
It is what it is.
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