Me, covid, and liver and onions!

 That sentence right there breaks every rule in the English language!  That having been said, let me forge ahead with my tale.

Over the last 2 years I have become pretty much a recluse.  I venture out to the store and church and that is about it.  I am fully vaccinated, but I did contract Covid about a year ago.  I did not like it.  I was incapacitated for 2 full days and nights.  I would not call it "sick" because sick entails a lot of throwing up and I rarely get sick.  I did take to my bed for two days with respiratory symptoms that caused me to once more renew my lifelong commitment to God, Mother and the flag.  That was over a year ago!  I had a small gathering for Thanksgiving and a granddaughter tested positive for Covid, so she gathered her brood and left.  Her mother remained with me and she immediately tested positive, so we quarantined for about a week.  So...

I test weekly and wear my mask when I go to the store.  Now I have always been a fairly "out and about person", but Covid has changed that.  So I have decided to make a greater effort to be social again.

Last night I had my dear friends, Rebecca and Ron over for liver and onions.  I like to cook and I like to have people in for meals.  I think most people are gregarious and that old saying "No man is an island unto himself." comes to mind.  Now on to the jest of the conversation that led to this blog post.

The subject came up of the blog that I have, that you are now reading.  I used to write regularly, but now it seems my main thing in life is to doze in front of the television while Ken Jenning regales me with the afternoon version of Jeopardy! 

Well, to make a long story short, I invited them for supper last night and the fare was Liver and Onions.  A good time was had by all and I sent the leftovers home with them.  It was nice to have someone to talk to beside myself!  Conversation is defined as an exchange of ideas between two or more people.  Now granted, I do occasionally talk to myself, or sing out loud, but this is different.  I say something, then they say something and it goes on like that!  

So, thank you, Rebecca and Ron, for coming to my house and talking to me!  We will have to do this more often!  Next time I will cook something besides Liver and we will include Ross in the dinner party! That should be fun!

Peace!

Christmas Day 2021

 For those of you out there who worried that I would be sad on Christmas, you can put your worries to rest!  I had a very good Christmas! I went over to Ross Barnhart's and had lunch with him and his family.  Food was delicious because Rooster and Missy grow their own vegetables and cook from scratch.  I think Ross made the pork roast.  Robin and Terri made something very good as an appetizer, but I do not know what it is called.

This is Ben!  Ben belongs to Robin and Terri and is a very sweet boy.  He likes to play video games and you will hear more about that yellow thing that someone is playing with there a tad bit later.

This is Terri, Ben's mom.  She appears happy, but trust me, you better "duck" when she looks at you!

This is Robin, Ben's dad.  He is trying to look so innocent here, but do not let your guard down. He kind of loses something against the bright window, but is still a lovely person.  You can not see too well, but he is setting with a cat who is almost as old as Ben, his son.  Terri and Ben belong to Robin, Ross's brother.

This is Ross's other brother, Rooster!  Rooster is married to Missy and I did not get a picture of her for some reason.  Rooster appears very innocent, doesn't he?  He is not!!!   For the record, he "ducked" me many times!

Now for the record, this is a duck!  It is a rubber duck!  It is about 3 inches long and made of rubber.  You stick your finger in it's head, stretch it out and let it fly at your opponent.  Now for some reason all of them decided I was fair game!  Can you imagine that?  little innocent me! 

This is the host, Ross Barnhart and the smile that looks so innocent is acutally an evil snicker!

And this is what they did to me!  They all shot me with ducks and almost killed me!  But, I have to be honest.... I shot them back!! I am not sure if those are ducks or chickens, but they stretch out to be about a foot long and fly through the air and do not hurt a bit when they hit you.  Where do people come up with this stuff?!?  I am thinking an idle mind is the devils workshop!

I do have to admit, this was one of the best Christmases I have had in recent years!  I usually just go to church and then set home and be miserable, but not this year!  I must admit that this is also the first time I have ever shot a duck!  I did try to conduct myself with some sort of decorum so maybe they will invite me back again!  Sure hope so!

So now, Christmas is but a fond memory and we are fast approaching the New Year.  Christmas was so much fun that New Years Eve will surely be anti-climatic!  And since I am so slow in my blogging now days, I am going to go ahead and wish you all a very Happy New Year!  

  Remember that what does not kill you will make you strong.  May the new year bring you peace and harmony and may the Lord shine his face upon you. 

 

But most of all I wish you peace and love, because when it is all said and done we only get out of this life what we put into it.

Shalom!

Way back when

 Back when I was a wee lass and protected from the harsh reality of the world, Thanksgiving was different.  Our mode of transportation was mostly on the back of an old plow horse or our two feet.  Of course we rarely left Nickerson, but occasionally we did.  The grandmas and aunts lived in Plevna which was 20 miles.  But this one time I am remembering my dad had a son that lived in Hutchinson and invited us to Thanksgiving dinner.  That was a 12 mile trip and central Kansas in the winter is nothing short of brutal.  So, us kids were all a twitter for the upcoming adventure.  

Since it had snowed the night before we awoke to a freezing cold landscape with a brilliant sun shining.  Mom and dad figured it would take us about 3 hours to make the trip.  We bundled up in our coats and scarves and prayed to the good Lord above to please, just keep us out of the ditch.  Mother had heated rocks in a bundle to help keep us warm since the cars back then did not have heaters.   We had wool army blankets to huddle under.  And off we went.

We sailed down the highway at about 6 miles an hour.  Of course we carried cans of water because the radiator leaked and we stopped regularly to add water to the radiator.  We arrived at Earl's house before noon and we were so relieved to be there.  His wife's name was Gertie.  The house was heated by a "gravity flow heater".  The heat was transferred to the house by means of an open grate in the floor.  One of the boys (Leon I think) had crawled across the grate and been badly burned.  Back in those days this was a fairly regular occurrence. He did carry the scars for as long as I knew him.

I do not recall the dinner, perse, but I know it was good and I know there was pie.  And corn, mashed potatoes, gravy, turkey, dinner rolls and casseroles of something.  We prayed over our dinner.  We never ate a meal that was not prayed over by the men of the household.  Well except at the grandma's because there were no men there.  We used to pray about everything that affected us from the moment we got up until the prayers were said preparatory to bed.  I kind of miss that.  But back to the trip.

We had to leave as soon as the midday meal was over and the kitchen "redded up" in order to be home in time to do the nightly chores.  So loaded with leftovers we began the trip back to our house.  We knew if we waited too long the roads would "freeze up" and make driving hazardous.  Every one of us had to make a last stop in the necessay room to avoid having to pee alongside the road where "God and everybody would see our bottom!"

Even back then at the tender age of 8 or nine, I loved my family.  All of them.  Even the ones I did not know.  Looking back is always better because I have my selective memory and I was bound to my sisters and brothers with a blood line that would never change.  Or so I thought.  I have one sister left.  We are not in touch any more.  She is busy and I am in Colorado.  It used to bother me, but not any more.  I have friends who are closer then any blood could ever be.  I have children that think I hung the moon! I just had my 80th Thanksgiving and there was no one there that carried my blood in their veins, but that does not matter.  I was thankful for the meal and the comraderie and the 2 dogs that showed up later.

The trip up and the trip back was uneventful and with traffic like it is, uneventful is good!  So this Thanksgiving I can give thanks for those that I love and those that love me.  Thanks for friendships and kinships that make my world go around.  And most of thank the universe for spinning and holding me to the earth, grounded in friendships, kinships and the tiny flowers that are going to sleep for the winter and will burst forth next Spring to thrill me with their beauty.

But most of all thank my God for surrounding me with the compassion of my friends and family who have accepted me as I am with all my faults and short comings.  Thanks to God for giving me a clear mind and a strong back and an innate insight that lets me see people as they are and overlook their shortcomings.

Today is the day that the Lord has made!  Let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Peace!       

It is what it is.

Every morning I wake up to face another day.  Usually it is about 5 AM.  I lay there for a little while thinking about yesterday and wondering about today.  I know there is nothing I can do to change yesterday, but today there is hope.  I think hope is the one thing that keeps me going, but things do not always work out like I had planned.  Sadly, I do not have the ability to control other people.  I know what would make their life work better and bring them happiness, but they have their own ideas.  So I accept that.

I once told a friend of mine "I do not understand why John Doe did what he did.  I thought I knew him better than that."  My friend told me, "You never know a person.  You only know what they let you see."  Of course he was right.  I do not see John Doe any more, but I do see my friend.  Some people become our friends for life, it seems and some are just ships passing in the night.  That makes me sad.

Mother was wise in the ways of the world.  I miss her more than words can convey.  If I was sad, she would tell me "Tomorrow is another day."  It seems my poor little tender heart has been broken so many times that it would  never heal, but losing her was like losing a part of myself.  I have her picture on the top of my desk.  It is a black and white picture.  I have an 8 x 10 that is the last thing I see when I leave the house. It is a colored photograph and I see her gray eyes.  Her and I had the same color eyes.  I assume my father had eyes, but I forget what color they were.  It has been over 50 years since I saw his eyes.

Mother always told me "If you can reach the end of your life and you have 5 true friends that you can count on one hand, you are blessed."  And for many years I did.  But now I am beginning to wonder.  Some of them have gone to a better place (which means they died), some have moved away.  Some have remarried and built new lives.  And some of them just found other interests.  Sad. My 2 best friends are men.  One has been in my life since I came to Colorado in 1973 (?).  The other I met when I married Kenny.  I do not see them often, but we keep in touch.  I guess maybe I do have 5 friends left.  I am hoping they outlive me!

So where was I?  I guess I am just facing my mortality and learning to accept all the death and sorrow that life has to  offer.  The old body may very well be wearing out, but my mind is still sharp and I can still feed myself, so I guess life is good.  One thing is for sure....

It is what it is. 

It used to be a very long ways from her house to mine.

Back when I was in third or fourth grade, I had a best friend.  Her name was Barbara.  Her house was in the center of town very close to the school.  Mine was on the edge of town on the other side of the school.  Mother cleaned house for her mother so we were connected by that, I guess.  Arrangements would be made that I went home with Barbara on occasion.  Usually we just played and some times I would spend the night.  That was the best.  There were sheets on her bed and the bathroom was inside the house.  Now that was not a deal breaker, but it was really nice and I could always hope that some day I would live in a house so fine.

I don't remember what we played, but I am sure it entailed dolls and stuff like that.  Maybe we colored. I think we played hide and seek sometimes.  I liked hiding at her house because she had a garage and a car port.  I think,  I just don't remember. I do remember that her dad would sometimes make us an ice cream sundae and he always put a cherry on the top.  That was to die for and to this day when I see a squirt of whipped cream with a cherry on it, I revert back to my childhood and my friend Barbara.

I do remember that when it was time for me to go home I dreaded that long walk.  The streets in Nickerson were not paved.  Well, Main Street was.  It was paved from the school to the highway.  Then the highway ran off to Hutchinson or Sterling depending on which way you turned.

Sometimes Barbara would let me borrow her roller skates because it was so far to my house.  As I calculate it in my mind now it was probably about 1/2 - 3/4 of a mile.  The roller skates were really of little use because I only had 4 blocks of sidewalk then I had to take them off and carry them because anyone knows you can not skate on dirt.  I was careful to take very good care of the skates so I could use them again.  In all fairness, I spent a lot of time falling down and getting back up.  I could have been home a lot sooner had I just hoofed it.

Barbara never came to my house.  I always went to hers.  I guess that had something to do with her house being more modern that ours.  I sometimes wonder what became of her.  I saw her mother after I was married and learned a little about the years between.  Seems her mom and dad were divorced.  Barbara had moved to Kansas City and had a very good job and a very rich fiance.  I let it drop there, because I had no reason to pursue it.  Still I wonder.

I wonder about a lot of people back there in Nickerson, Kansas.  Sherry Stires who lived up by the high school in a big two story house.  She invited me to spend the night once, but she showed me a spider web on the outside of her house with a giant spider in it.  Scared the living pee wadding right out of me!  No way could I have stayed in her house.  I think I never went back there again.   Sometimes at night when I can't sleep I try to remember the names of my classmates.  Seems like there were about 23 or 24 of them.  I think I will try that now.  Let me know if any of these ring a bell.

Gay Withrow, Joan Moore, Barbara Hawk, Irene Reinke, Martha Knoblock, Nancy Cuthbertson, Sherry Stires, Beth McGonigle, Gary Battey, Loren McQueen, Larry Collee, Earl Kelley, Barbara Massey, Eleanor Kirkpatrick, Joyce Pedersen, Ronnie Beck, David Sjoberg,  zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Happy Thanksgiving, happy birthday to Susie and here comes the cat!

Yesterday is over and I think I accomplished everything I set out to do.  Told Susie happy birthday, went to Florence and ate way more food than I should.  Played with the baby for 16 minutes and then drove home the back way through Wetmore.   Pretty drive but I only seen one lonely little deer.  I got home and lit the emergency candle I am making for the homeless.  I had lit it at Arlene and Hillary's and let it burn for 2 hours.  This one is made of cardboard strips and paraffin in a cat food can.  It started out very small and burned like that for about an hour and a half before I blew it out and came home. Perhaps I should back up and tell you about said candles before you think I am nuts.
I know the homeless population needs a heat source at times so I got on youtube (and I do love that channel) and typed in "emergency candles" and up popped my information.  This particular one calls for tuna/catfood/altoid cans, paraffin and wicks.  Looked pretty simple to me, so I assembled said ingredients and began the process.

Paraffin

wicks

Something to melt it in.

And, voila!  There you have the finished product.

Of course this was many tedious hours later after I had cut many cardboard strips and wound them around a tiny wick and pressed them into my chosen containers covered them with melted paraffin and let them cool. Trust me, the winding around the tiny wick with stiff cardboard strips was no easy task, but it can be done.

The finished product is ready for testing.

And like any kid with a new toy, it was imperative that my creation be tested and the testing witnessed by an impartial audience.  I started out with Arlene, Alonzo, Jamie, Bret, Amanda, Jiraiya, a  little black dog.  That was before Bret hollered that the flame was about to get into the curtain, so I came home and finished with this audience.

The findings were thus:  A candle in a tuna can will start out as a small flickering flame and burn for  about 1 hour.  Then the flame begins to spread and burn the wax from the cardboard.  At this point it is best to move it away from the kitchen curtains, blow it out and bring it home to finish the test, and that is what I did.  Of course, I decided to set it in a bucket just in case and it is a good thing I did.  Before it was all over there were flames over a foot high and the whole can was an inferno.  Total burn time about 3 hours.  Oh, the things I do for my projects.

Ok, it is ready and I shall deliver them to Posado on Monday when we make supper for the kids there.  For now, I am off to the shower and then going to do some baking.  And going out east to see Shirley and her grandson and probably pop in on Los Pobres just for grins and giggles.

What is a friend and where can I buy one?

I woke up at 4:10 this morning.  That is not unusual.  What is unusual was the emptiness I felt.  Not emptiness of the soul, because I always have God with me.  Always.  I could not live if I did not.  This emptiness is different.  I guess I can only describe it as a lack of a  life force.  Now what that means can be a variety of things, but for me it seems to be the force that makes me want to face the day with a big smile and reach out and grab life with both hands.  That is missing.
 
I opened the back door to find something I did not expect in the form of rain.  Not just a sprinkle, but real rain falling and splashing on the back sidewalk.  That is usually enough to pull me out of a funk, but not today.  I put a turkey in the oven to bake, tidied the kitchen a bit and thought about this new phase of my thought process.  Emptiness is not a feeling I like.  So I will analyze it here and see if that helps.

I have friends; lots of friends.  Or do I?  Webster defines a friend as "1.  a person attached to another by affection or regard.   (Regard is defined as esteem or respect by the same dictionary.)  2.  a patron; a supporter.  3.  a person who is not hostile.  4.  a member of the Society of Friends:  a Quaker."  Now I have a lot of the 1, 2, 3, and even a few 4.  But I do not agree with his definition of "friend."  To me, a friend is so much more.

My mother always told me that to "have a friend you have to be a friend."  She also told me that if I could reach my golden years and count my true friends on one hand I was to consider myself blessed.  So here I am looking back down the road of my life and it looks like a damn war zone.   My best friend all through grade school was Barbara Hawk.  I do not know what became of her.   I remember when I was in  high school, I had a friend named Carol Mason who had moved to California.  She was going to give me a one way train ticket to San Diego for my graduation.  That never happened.

Then I got married and had babies and divorces and lots of acquaintences, but few "friends".  Gilbert Fields was my friend, but he died early on in the AIDS epidemic.  He is the reason I am an activist today.   ( I wonder if he ever checks in on me?)

 Oh, there are a  couple.  Vi Luna and Evelyn Decker come to mind.  I met them 50 years ago when I worked at the Red Carpet.  I have not seen Vi for several years, but I do see Evelyn and talk to her regularly.  She was out this summer.  So, let's see, that is 2.  And then there is Shirley Bagbey.  Shirley lived out here in the county and then moved to Kansas City 7 years ago.  Now she is back and we talk every day and do "stuff."  That makes 3.  I consider all my kids as friends, but technically they are family, so they go in that category.  There is a man in my life who is sort of boyfriend, kind of a friend and more like family, but not really.

I guess maybe I am expecting too much out of life.  Maybe I should not take life so seriously.  It is all an illusion anyway, or at least that is how it appears to me.  I suppose it is the getting old that bothers me.  I had such high hopes when I was young and even into middle age.  I was optimistic enough back then to adopt a 7 year old kid when I was 50 years old.  I look at the world around me and I hear the rumblings that they will have a pill someday that will keep us alive forever.  Sorry, but that sounds like pure hell to me.

Somewhere I am remembering "Greater love hath no man than he lay down his life for his friends."  That may not be accurate, but it sounds good to me.  I want a friend like that.

So, I guess I will go open the kitchen window and listen to the rain.  The sun should come up pretty soon and the day will grab me and suck me dry.  Life has a way of doing that!

You never really know a person...

Once upon a time I was visiting with  a very wise man.  We were discussing a friend we had in common.  OK, it happened to be an ex husband of mine who had done something exceptionally stupid and I said, "Why I thought I knew him better than that!"  To which he replied, "You never know anyone.  You only know of them.  You only know what they let you see."  Good point!

I recall standing at the grave of my mothers last husband and her saying, "Who was that man?"  He had presented himself as a lonely widower with a son and a daughter and no other relation in the world.  The funeral had been well attended by brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles and a former parole officer. She never knew him.

So this morning at 4:15 AM when the eyelids opened for the day, I thought of this and I wondered, "Who do I have in this world that I really know? "  I came up with nobody.   So I took this thought to the next level and asked myself, "Who am I?  Does anyone really know me?'  Once more I came up with a negative answer.

I know some of you out there think you know me, but do you?  I may not be who you think I am.  I present a face to the public and a face to my friends that may not reveal the depths of my soul.  I appear to be very well adjusted, compassionate, caring, honest, giving, kind and so many other things, but you know little about the person who lives in this body.  I have lots of friends, but do I?  What is a friend?  When I am lonely, who do I turn to for companionship?  Who do I trust with  my deepest secrets?  When the dark abyss of the deepest recesses of my mind cry out for comfort, who do I reach for?  When I am sinking in despair at the long road ahead, who reaches to lift me up?

When your phone rings and I am on the other end and I ask, "Whatcha' doing?"  Is this really what I mean or am I saying "I am so lonely I can not think straight.  I am sinking in depression.  Save me!"   The sad part of life is that no matter how transparent people seem to be, they are not.

I have learned that depression is depression.  It comes.  It stays.  It lifts and it leaves, but it comes back.  How is depression lived with every day?  I do not know, but I do know it is fairly common in this day and age.  I read one article that said, "Depression is like a big black dog that is always there and when he lays on you, you can not get him off and you can not move."  I guess that sort of explained it for me.

I guess the point I am trying to make here is that we should always make the effort to be kind to each other because we never know what is going on in another person's life and mind.  Watching a baby at play may make someone happy, but it may make someone sad.  A cheery, "Good morning!" may make one person feel special, and make the next one think you are nuts.  So what is the answer?  I do not have it, for all my years of experience.

My advice?  Keep plugging away.  All that glitters is not gold.  Everything that goes up, must come down.  Let a smile be your umbrella.  And most importantly,

You cannot sprinkle showers of happiness on other people without getting a few drops on yourself!

Another High Tea is in the books.

The tea cups patiently await the tea drinkers.

The tea pots are lined up to carry the brew!

Scones are trying to get out of the bag.

And away we go!

Classical music is provided by Jerome.

Sorry you missed it!

Check it out here!

Funny how this friendship thing works, isn't it?

Over the course of many years I have had lots of friends.  I guess one would call them friends.  I had one friend in grade school, but she moved on to other friends when we began high school.  I did not leave high school with any real friends.   After marriage I moved around a lot so that was not conducive to any friendships.  When I moved back to Hutchinson and went to work I did begin to form relationships with other women who were in the same postition of raising a family on my own.  Unfortuneately I also met men who were marriage minded and so it goes.  To cut to the chase, when I moved to Colorado I left the few friends I had and did not look back.
 
So now it is 35 years later and here I am.  I still have 2 of the Kansas friends, although I do not talk to them much.  Several others have passed away as the human race is known to do.   I have culivated a whole  new crop out here in Colorado and for the most part I am pretty happy with my friend situation.  My mother once told me that true friends are hard to come by and that if you reach the end of your life and you can count your true friends on one hand you are blessed.

Here is my take on a friend...a friend is someone that I have something in common with.  A great friend knows what I am saying and takes me at face value.  A true friend does not judge me because I stumble and will help me up when I fall.   My friend likes to spend time with me, but does not smother me.

Recently I have had occasion to wonder about a "true friend".  True is defined as faithful, loyal.  Friend is defined as a person attached to another by affection or regard.  I have always just tried to be there for my friends, to listen, lend a helping hand and when the rough spots are over, forget that they were there.
So, following that premise, I think my friends should do the same for me.   Not so with one.  I looked at something he had done and thought , "What a petty, mean little man he is!"  I told him that, too.  His reply to me was to point out all the things he had done for us over the years out of the "kindness of his heart."  What all he had "given " us.

Fifteen years is a long time to be friends with someone and then have them remember every thing they did and recount it.  Did my loyalty mean nothing?  Sure looks that way to me.

I was at a loss to counter what I had did for him because what I had done, I had done and forgotten about.    He is a business man and I had recommended him to several lucrative clients.  And prepared lots of special diet food for him and the wife, but I forgot about it as soon as it was delivered.  Labors of love are not remembered after they are done.

So water goes under the bridge.  Chalk it up to experience and move on.  So, I called my friend in Missouri and made plans to meet her in August.  That is how it goes.  She asks nothing of me and I expect the same of her.  Good talking to her.  Kind of renews my faith in friends.  We have a long history and we shall catch up in August and forget about the inconsequential little people who want stroked and told they are wonderful  when they are hurting people for no good reason except selfishness.

One thing I have learned on my journey is that  to have a friend, you must first be a friend and that is how it goes!

I love my animals. They are the most devoted friends I have.

Ah, here is Icarus.  She is so very tired.  She is always tired.  Here she us in my chair.  When the flash went off it kind of woke her up.  Just a little. 

If you notice her left foot went down just a tiny bit.  Not enough to cause her to get fully woke up.  Just enough so that I knew I better leaver her alone. So I did.  That made her get up and go find a new place to lay. 

There.  The cold hard floor is always better than a nice soft recliner.  And we both know that when she laid down there the dog began to shift his eyes.  The only thing more scary than a cat in front of you, is a cat behind you.  Nope!  Can not trust a cat behind you even if it is sound asleep.  Pretty sure there is no such thing as a sound asleep cat. 

Think I will just go on outside and see what the weather is up to.  I think that cat can move without really moving and get really close and I have seen them claws.  Sure glad she is my friend.

There we go!

 

There is never a dull moment at my house.  I am sure the little dog, Elvira is on her pillow at the end of the couch.   Nope!  Here she is just looking at me and wanting Lord only knows what.  The biggest problem with Elvira is she stays so close to me that sometimes I trip over her.  Her full name is Elvira, Mistress of the Night, but she does not know what that means.

I do not know what I would do without my little animals.  This I do know, friends come and they go.  People tend to be selfish, but my little animals ask absolutely nothing from me.  I feed them and give them fresh water and for this they give me undying devotion.  They are never mean or thoughtless.  They are just always there.  Some times they want petted, but sometimes I want petted to, so it works out.  When I get a dog, it is for life.  I have known people that get a pet and then they decide that it is too big, or too little, or it barks, or it gets out of the fence, or this or that.  Well, I know I am not perfect and sometimes I get out of the fence, but my animals forgive me.  My geese talk to me.  As long as I have my animals I am not sure I really need friends. 

I just wish they could talk!

 

 

One year ago....Long Ago and Not Very Far Away....

"Oshermo"

Sherman Joseph Schroeder, Jr.

2/17/1935

7/13/2012

Some one once said that in order to have a friend you must first be a friend.

So very true in this case.

Sadly missed by a multitude of friends.

I saw Cleo and we went for a nice walk with Steve.

The date was September 8 and the place was Pueblo.  The guy is a very good friend of Sherman's named Steve Vallejo.  He and I chanced to meet and since it was my first visit with Cleo since she had gone to her new home way up north, I wanted to take her for a nice walk along the levee like we used to do when Sherman was still with us.  Steve was kind enough to accompany us.  Cleo does not like to have her picture taken, but Steve was good at tricking her.

Me not so good!

And what in the world is that out there on that rock in the middle of the river?  We decided for argument's sake that it must be a heron.  Sure was not a goose or a duck.  The more I did to it in Picassa the worse it got.  It's neck got longer and it became more blurry.  Hell, it might have been a sea creature for all I know.

Steve and I walked almost up to Union and back.  It was a very nice walk.  Cool and a little light breeze.  I had not met Steve when Sherman was still with us, but I had heard his name many times and knew he was a good friend of his.  Sherman had many good friends and I never met most of them until just recently.  I know that is sort of like closing the barn door after the horse is gone, and I certainly regret not taking a more active role in that department, but isn't that how life goes?  When we are young we are invincible  and think we will live forever.  There is always tomorrow. 

Mother used to try to teach me the one about, "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today."  Some how that was never very important to me. Something else mama used to tell me was "Let's see you get that toothpaste back in the tube!"

 This is one of those things I wish I had handled a little differently.  When he would say, so and so was coming by, I made myself scarce so he could visit with his friends.  Little did I know that he and his friends would have welcomed my presence. 

Mama was very wise.  And so to all of Sherman's friends that I have met since and the few I met before, and the one's who I have yet to meet, I would like to apologize and tell you that you were all very important to him and he bragged about every one of you to me.  I do understand after the fact that maybe he was a little proud of me also.  I will hold you all in my heart and I thank you all for the part you played in Sherman's life to make him into the man I came to care so much about in the twilight of our lives. 

                                         

And look, Steve!  I think she posed for me!  When Dana snapped the leash on her after the sale she looked at me and walked straight to his car as if to say "OK, time to go.  See you Lou.  It was nice, but I have to go home now."  Just like Sherman.  Everyone has gone home and the party is over.

It is time to move on.

 

 

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Another Chapter is ended.

"Oshermo"

Sherman Joseph Schroeder, Jr.

2/17/1935

7/13/2012

Some one once said that in order to have a friend you must first be a friend.

So very true in this case.

Sadly missed by a multitude of friends.

Lunch with friends, I think.

Well, here we are.  On the left is Frank and Shelly, his daughter.  On the right is Ron and Cliff.  I had crossed paths with Ron and Cliff a few weeks back and we decided, since we could not remember when we did it last, that a lunch date was in order.

See, many years ago, in a land that time forgot, Kenneth and I had worked with Frank, Cliff, and Shelly who have an excavation and demolition business called Colorado Dirt Contractors.  I think that was back in 1982.  Frank's mom and dad were wonderful people and for a while we all attended the same church; Temple Baptist on Thatcher Avenue.  I rented my home on Scranton from Frank, via his mother.  I loved that little house. But, I digress.

The date was set for our outing and we agreed to meet at Papa Jose's at noon on Friday.  Of course I arrived first, being the anal retentive that I am.  I was amazed to see that none of these people had aged.  Shelly tried to tell me she had, but I was not buying that.   I was taken aback to learn that her "baby" was 24 years old.  I do not know how that happened.  I knew Frank's dad had passed many years ago, but I was saddened to learn his mom was in a nursing home.  Last I knew she was still canning tomatoes in the back yard with all her daughter-in-laws.

As we all set there it was apparent that they all were on thier lunch hour from work, so I asked the question that was foremost in our minds.  "Hey guys, remember when we were all together and we talked about how we would retire when we were 55 or 60?  What happened with that?"  Blank looks, everyone.

Then Frank said, "Well, we don't work very much.  Just now and then.  Mostly we set around and try to remember people's names, or something we did and wait for lunch time.  Like, 'Remember Kenny Mercer?  What was his wife's name?'"  We all laughed at that. 

I told them the last time I had seen Gene, another acquaintence of bygone days,  he invited me to a barbeque and I told him to have his wife call me.  That was right after Kenny passed.  Still waiting for a call on that one. 

Then we tried to remember the last time we had gotten together and found that one eluded us.  I told them I had written a book and was going to have it published.  Some one asked what it was about, but I could not remember.  I asked about the wives and confessed that I probably would not recognize them if I saw them.

We discussed a former nemisis, recalled the junk equipment we had started out with and decided they had come full circle, once more tried to remember when we had last had lunch together and vowed to do this again very soon.  As we said goodbye in the parking lot and tried to find our respective vehicles, I could not help but laugh.  Here we are, a bunch of over the hill (Shelly excepted) friends who are still capable of being friends, and if they are like me, thinking of each other on a regular basis, but not bothering to do anything about it and then when we do, being very happy that it had happened. 

I have known these guys since I moved to Colorado.  Frank since 1979 and Cliff shortly thereafter.  That is well over 30 years.  Never had a disagreement with either of them.  Like their wives, care about their kids and in-laws.  Just never bother to keep in touch.  Is that the mark of an enduring friendship, or what?  I think so.

The last thing Cliff said was "Hey, Lou!  Let us know about that barbeque."  I stopped in my tracks, dumbfounded.  What was that all about?  And then I remembered about Gene and realized that maybe we were not as forgetful as we thought we were, or at least Cliff was not! 

So, guys, I look forward to our next meeting, when ever and where ever it may be!  My regards to the family!

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Amy will be here today!

A long time ago, I became friends on the Internet with a girl named Amy who lives with her husband and mother in Daytona Beach, Florida.  Amy loves cookies, but she does not cook.  So I make her cookies and send them to her and she eats them, that is the deal.  So now I guess she is coming to see just where these cookies are coming from.  So she called last night and they were in Kentucky.  The GPS said they will be here at 8:30 this morning.  Now I rather doubt that because they are surely going to need to have a rest stop and they might even want to eat.  Knowing Amy, I am sure they are going to eat.
And Amy likes the cold, so guess what the forecast is for this next week?  I think today is going to be up over 70 degrees.  So she may not get the cold weather she wants, but we will be making a trip up to Beulah to see Jan at the Stompin' Grounds.  Oh, and Rye.  Pretty sure there will still be snow up there. 
Of course there are those who are concerned that I may be murdered in my bed, never stopping to think that perhaps I might be the one who is going to do the murdering.  You know, slip a little something in the cookies?  A couple years back I stopped in Missouri and met a  lady named Cindy.  Went right to her house.  The wiccan was with me.   Now if anyone had a right to be scared, that woman should have been terrified.  She lived on the edge of a lake and no neighbors for quite a little radius of her house.  Her husband drives a truck over the road so I could have done her in and no one would have known for days.  She turned out to be lovely lady and showed us around Crescent City and bought us an ice cream at a quaint little ice cream store.  Yummy.  (Hi, Cindy!  See I still think about you!)
Years ago we had pen pals that we wrote to and put a stamp on the envelope and mailed.  These pen pals were sometimes overseas, or far away.  Sometimes we would read in the paper about "meet and greets".   So why was it safe back then when we exchanged a few letters with a post mark on them and is not safe now when with the click of my mouse I can get the whole history of her Internet address?  I can type her address in Google and a camera will pan in on her front door and I can go out back and see how much trash is piled there? 
I think you would be amazed if you knew how many "Internet Friends" I have.  Some of them last a long time and some of them are just here for a while.  They are still my friends.  They send me pictures and cards and video's and touch base regularly.   If I ever get rich enough to travel there are a few people I would like to meet in New York, a couple in California, Florida, Missouri and one in Texas.  I did correspond with one fellow for over a year, but I never felt like I knew him at all and it turned out I was right.  So, see, there are ways to tell.  I would never have jumped in my car and gone there, nor would I have had him here.  Just a premonition sort of thing I guess.  But Amy has always been open and honest with me and anyone who knows me, knows how important that is to me. She has been through a lot and shared most of it with me. 
So, I am waiting for Amy as we speak!  I am going to cook for her and Bernie and I have cookies in the freezer, and lots of milk and got the sheets already to put on the bed.  I think we will have a lovely visit and I am probably not going to have time for the blog for a few days.  But get ready when it is over I am going to have a ton or pictures for you!  And she is going to have to drive 3 days to get back home!

No, it don't take much, does it?

Time is running out for me to meet my goal for this year!! Help Me!

Some times it is not what some one says, but rather what they do not say.  Or maybe what someone does not say is expounded by what some one else did say.  It throws me into a quandary and keeps me awake at night.  First the boy and girl brought home KFC.  And while we were eating they announced that they would be moving to Idaho this winter.  I knew they were moving, but not quite that far.  Thought it was just across town.  Course the fact that the life I planned for him with Sprinkles and all is sort of fodder for the grist mill with this announcement.  But I can live with that.
I put my last years AIDS Walk shoes up for auction on eBay.  I put a link to the chat room and it stayed up about 10 minutes before some one reported me and it was pulled.  What a jerk.  We are not supposed to do business in the chat rooms, but I hardly thought the link to an auction that is 100% charity on eBay, through an eBay forum was "doing business."   I think the word AIDS had more to do with that then anything, but I am sure someone will set me straight. (Hi, Steven).  But that is alright because I had my opening bid before I even posted to the chat room. ;)
So with these two little set backs under my belt, I settled in to enjoy the little soft rain we were getting.  And I was sort of thinking some one special might email me and tell to have a safe trip.  But that did not happen.  Maybe he was just so busy he could not spare two minutes to shoot out an email.  Or maybe he forgot.  Or maybe he just doesn't care.  The point here is this (and you  knew there would be one!)......
I have gotten soft in my old age.  I have actually come to think that how other people interact with me actually matters.  A few years ago I would have blown this incident off and not given it a second thought.  But here I am this morning feeling sorry for myself, or depressed or something.  Something I sure do not like to feel.  And I am reflecting back on things I have done to other people and never given a thought to how they felt.  Selfish Lou.  I guess this is what we call  "man's inhumanity to man." 
And how many times have I neglected to send a card, make a call, tap out an email or made contact in some way with a person who could have used that one little human contact at just that moment? How many times have I forgotten to just smile at a stranger for no reason?  How many times have I not walked those extra two steps to give a hug to some one I know needs one?  But I am very quick to point out to someone else how they neglected me.  Look, you hurt me.  You made me cry.  Poor me.  The world is spinning out of control and all I care about is me!
Maybe I do need a vacation.  I am sure I need some time to reflect on life in general. I will have 8 hours alone with myself in the car going and another 8 hours coming back.  That is a total of 16 hours to think about things.  My brain may explode.  But I am nothing if not organized.  I have a very pretty notebook and I fully intend to make lots of notes and hopefully I will be in a better frame of mind when I arrive at my destination.  I talked to Vi yesterday and she will meet me there.  So that is good.  Step daughter just called and told me to drive safely.  And an email from a friend telling me to have a good time.  So I guess there are people out there who care after all.  I guess I do win now and then, just makes me sad that I can not win them all!
See you in about a week unless I feel a driving need to tell you something.

I been doing it wrong all this time!

I was tooling down South Road the other day and I came across 4 people on bicycles.  I was luckily in my  little car so I did not embarrass myself.  This is when I discovered just what it is I am doing wrong.

When I ride I just hop on this old balloon tire bike with no gears and away I go.  I wear what ever I happen to have on at the time.  Usually wear tennis shoes, but only cause that is what I wear.

I need to get me one of those skinny tired bikes with a bunch of gears up there and the brakes on the handlebars.  On mine I just pedal backwards and I stop right now!  Not later on down the road, right where I pushed backwards is where I will be when you find me cause the sudden stop sometimes unseats me.

And I need to get me some stretchy clothes.  Little shorts that come about mid thigh or whatever that bone is there between my knee and my bottom.  And a stretchy top.  Oh, yeah and some little gloves and a helmet and some sort of goggles.  Some sturdy shoes that are small.  Now I was going pretty good clip when I shot past  those people, but I think I got it in my mind's eye.  So I am going to go look at bikes this weekend.  It has got to be purple though.

And while I am there looking I shall check out the stretchy clothes.  I have always wished I had stretchy clothes.  Sure would solve that diet business I keep thinking about.

Now the biggest problem I have is finding friends.  Got plenty of them that want to hang out, go to lunch, stop by for coffee, but very few that I can talk into actually riding a bike or even going for a long walk.  They will come for supper, but leave before the dishes are done.  And if I did have a friend that would ride with me, the talking would have to wait.  I like to just kind of pedal along and look at the sky and the flowers and hope a dog don't chase me.  I do not have stamina enough to ride and talk both.  I usually have my headphones on and will probably get run over some day.  In that case a friend would be handy to call 911 assuming I am dead.

So there you have it.  And my solution is this.  I think I am going to get a new tire and tube for this bike.  Squirt a little more WD40 on the pedal thing and there where the tires turn.  Save my friends for later.  Shorts and tees I have now will get me by another year.  And these green, pink, and grey shoes are just getting broken in good.

Well, I tried to come into this century, I am just too tight!

Five words no mother wants to hear, ever.

Always in my mind, the 5 words I never wanted to hear were, "There has been an accident."  I heard them years ago when I lost my brother.  And then I heard them yesterday.  They held the same paralyzing fear yesterday as they did back in 1965.  Only this time I heard them through my mother's ears and there were other words, motorcycle, son, ambulance.  Each word was tearing me apart and I had to pull into a parking lot to make sense of them.

Lou, this is Carolyn and I was on my way to town and there has been an accident.  Bret, Amanda, motorcycle, Cruiser, ......."I need to know which hospital you want him transported to.  They will want to know."  A million questions rushed through my mind, but I asked none.  She had no answers, so it was not fair to ask.  My first instinct was to race to Santa Fe Drive to the scene, but a cooler head prevailed.  I would go to the hospital and wait.  So I did.  I left my car with the valet and went immediately to the ER.  No ambulance yet.

I would call my minister.  Phone book was in the car.  So I called the church.  Answering machine.  In case of emergency call.....my pen was in the car.  Why is it that we delude ourselves into believing we are organized right up until the moment when we need to lay our hands on information and we find we are like Babes in the woods.  I knew I should call some one, but I did not know who.  Oh, wait.  He has sisters, I have kids!  But what would I tell them?  What did I know?  Motorcycle, son, ambulance.

So, Lou Mercer, the woman with so many friends stood in an empty emergency room staring out a window all by herself, the loneliest woman in the world.  And like so many mothers before me I turned to the one person who could and would listen.  I had never faced anything like this with any of my children before, but yesterday I did and yesterday I remembered why I had spent my whole life clinging to this man.  So I called on him,  "Oh, God!  I know I am always wanting something, but this time I really, really need you to do this for me.  Make it right.  Make this go away and if you choose not to do that then give me the strength to deal with what I must."  I am sure there was a lot more said and I bet I made promises, but God knows me pretty good.  We have been there before and while some of his greatest gifts were unanswered prayers, I knew in the depths of my being that he would answer this one.

It was orchestrated from the beginning when a friend came upon the accident and she chose to call me instead of letting the sheriff call, and she was allowed to call.  Things always come easier when delivered by a friend.  I want to thank her for doing me that favor.  I will not use her last name, but she know who she is and she also knows that I loved her when she was my daughter in law and I love her today, because she is a beautiful person.

So, as you have guessed by now, little Bret is alright.  He is alright because all the things that usually happened did not.  The speed limit there where this happened is 50MPH but it was moving slow.  Amanda saw a wreck ahead so she slowed down and changed lanes.  Bret passed her and then he saw the accident so he cut in front of her and slowed.  Some one ahead hit the brakes, Bret hit his brakes and Amanda hit hers.  She hit the back of the bike which shot out from under Bret.  All speeds were reduced or the boy on the bike would not be here today.

Later Bret was recounting the accident and he said " I seen Amanda coming behind me and I knew she was going to hit me, but I had to brake."  I asked him, "Did you at that point in time wish you might have been a little nicer to her?"  His answer was, "Oh, yeah!"

So today we are getting through the "what if " phase of this.  Will he ride his bike again?  Sure!  Will he wear a helmet next time?  No!  I never wore one.  It restricted my vision and my hearing.  On long trips I guess they are all right.  Will Amanda drive again.  Sure!  I hauled her to work today, but that is not going to happen again.  Things happen.  Life goes on.  What will I do different?  Keep a phone list in my purse or make sure all the important numbers are in my phone.  But the most important number is burned in my brain and that is the hot line to Heaven.  And the best part is that no matter where I am, it is still a local call!

The end of an era here in my corner of the world.

A moving trailer backed up to the house and with that simple move we end an era here.  Twenty-five years is a lot like a quarter of a century any way you cut it.  I remember when Jacque and Clifford moved in.  There was a ratty old double wide trailer on an acre of ground.  The huge shop building was the only solid thing on the property.  They had no kids at home, but his mom and dad lived over on the corner.  They came with 2 dogs and a parrot.  That soon changed.

Seems the property came with a miniature goat.  Well, that goat was pregnant.  Soon there were 2 goats, and the cat, Blueberry.  Then came 3 turkeys and a few more goats.  Then the turkeys hatched babies, and they bought more goats.  Well, then along came a grand son, born to the son who was in the service and stationed  in Okinawa.  Then the dogs got old and died and they got more dogs, and more cats.  Pretty soon it looked like Green Acres over there! 

Well, then they adopted the grandson.  We adopted our grandson.  They were the same age and learned to get into lots of things together.  I got lots of good pictures before we got them trained to keep their clothes on and only pee in the house.  Some day those pictures are going to come in handy!

They decided to put a new double wide on the property since the other one was falling down.  They bought a camper to live in while that was happening.  I did lots of cooking, the neighborly thing to do!  The new double wide on a foundation was a definite improvement! 

Time passed and things happened.  They buried his Mother and Father.  I buried lots of people, including my mother, sister and husband.  When I needed some thing that I was incapable of doing, I knew Clifford was there for me.  Anything from a mechanical problem to untangling the barbed wire in the high wheeler to wringing the neck of the goose who was having seizures! 

We grew apart, but not really.  They were always there.  They waved and I waved.  Occasionally I baked something and took it over.  It became a more taken for granted thing than an active friendship, but  a friendship none the less.  Then she lost her job and he lost his.  A sign of the times.  Then it seemed that a major move was the only answer.  She scored first in North Dakota, of all places!

And that is why yesterday when I went out to start the car very early and found the Uhaul backed up to the door, it hit me.  And there was Clifford.  We made small talk about the weather and how it might slow down the move, but not much.  Then there was nothing else to say.  So I just hugged him.  Another part of my life is over.