Oh, the hell you say?

Birth and death are both amazing things that everyone of us will encounter at some time.  And it is utterly fascinating that at both those events we will be seeking the light!  I have had the pleasure of being present at both ends of the spectrum and I must say it was an honor every time!

First think about the birth.  What starts out as a little seed grows into a tiny human being in the space of 9 months give or take a few days one way or the other.  When the time comes it comes.  The mother does not have a choice as to what day and time this will occur in most cases.  Baby starts positioning itself for the downward journey and if mother is not ready, she better get ready.  I wonder if babies think on this trip?  I doubt it.  Birth seems to be one of the miracles of life.  And then here is baby!  In a well run clinical setting, baby pops out into a room full of medical people ready to catch baby and clear it's breathing passages, weigh the little bundle, measure, probe, prod, and so on as mommy and daddy, grandma and grandpa, aunts and uncles, beam with pride.  That is a perfect world.

We are all born, there is no disputing that fact and as sure as the world turns, we will all die.  In a lonely room some where we will face out destiny.  We will be the mother or father, the grandma or grandpa, the aunt or uncle, son or daughter.  We know what happens after birth when we have followed the light into this world, but we have no manual to follow when we follow the light at the end.

I am a simple minded woman.  I believe in God and I beleive his name is God.  I beleive in the Holy Bible and I beleive that Jesus is the son of God.  I beleive that when I follow the light out of this world I will be swept up in the arms of Jesus and carried to a place in Heaven,  wherever that might be, where I will never be hungry or cold and will walk on streets that are paved in gold.

Those are my thoughts for this day as I set here thinking of my sisters that have gone before me and the babies that have come since.  My God is good.

How sad is the death of Whitney Houston.  The death of anyone leaves a hole in our soul and when someone who is as famous as Whitney was with her phenomenal voice, her grace, and her  beauty we are reminded that no one is exempt from this thing called death.  And no matter where we are when our final moment comes, we are completely and totally alone.  We could be in the middle of Grand Central Station during rush hour, but when the final breathe leaves our body and our eyes lock on the great beyond and its' secrets;  we are alone.
As I make my way on down my own bucket list, I some times think about what kind of setting I would like to have as I sprout my wings and leave this plain.  I do believe I would like to be up in the mountains, alone on the top of one of the highest mountains very near the edge so I could gaze at the vista that I have only seen a few times.  I am terrified of heights, but I do like to look out across the miles and realize how much beauty this world holds.  That and the fact that if I leap from a precipice there is a good chance I can catch an updraft!  This picture was taken in Rye, Colorado on the deck of a friends house.

I

I guess, the place I am located at will not be nearly as important as the state of mind I am in at the time.  I think about death and I am ready when ever the Good Lord is ready.  Now I am not trying to hurry that little fellow in any way, but he could surprise me if he wants to and that would be alright with me.  Gonna have some grouchy kids when they try to figure out my filing system.  You know, where do I bank and who do I owe and stuff like that.  Most of that is in my head and course when I leave this world that little part of my hard drive is going to crash, big time.

But today, I am not going to worry about any of that stuff.  I am going to say my prayers for all the Whitney Houstons' in the world who have embarked on their new journey.  Today will be no different than every other day that way.  And I will pray for peace, strength and understanding.  And when I lay my head on my pillow at night, I will thank God for keeping me one more day.  Then I picture my childhood home in Nickerson, Kansas, and I walk the mile to school and see momma doing the ironing for the lady in town.  Those are my days of innocence and those are what sustain me as I reach for the stars that Whitney Houston now holds in her hands.

Rest In Peace

Whitney Houston

Girl, your work on earth is through.

********Sponsored Links********

Well, if this is any thing like hell, I am going to straighten myself up and live right.

  Oh, it was 100 degrees yesterday and going to do it again today.  I forgot how many days this has been.  Course there is no rain in sight, just more sun.  Best we can hope for is that the wind will blow and plaster us with dust like happened down south of here.  So I got to thinking about that really hot place I might go to if I do not be a good little girl and I decided I do not under any conditions want to go there.  So I will be very good.  Of course, even I have my breaking point.  So let me see if I actually know what being good entails.
1.  You shall have no other gods before me. Well that is an easy one.  Why would I want to put anyone else first?
2.  You shall not make any idols or graven images.  I am cool on that one. I am not one bit artistic.
3.  You shall not misuse the name of the Lord they God.  Ok, now does that mean cussing with the Lord's name?  If it does, I may be in trouble on this one.  If it means being disrespectful, I don't do that.  I may need a lawyer on this one.
4.  Remember the Sabbath to keep it Holy.  Work six days and rest on the seventh.  Pretty clear there and I have no problem with this one.  I am so good with this one that some times I even do it three or four times a week. ;)
5.  Honor your Father and Mother.  I did this one really well.  Yes, I did.
6.  I did not commit murder.
7.  I did not commit adultery.
8.  You shall not steal. This is another of the kind of gray areas.  I seem to recall liberating a case of Pecan Pie from the Red Carpet Resturant which was supposed to be delivered to the Red Carpet Bakery.  Then there was that one incident...but I did all that stuff before I decided I wanted to go to heaven and as I understand a lot of this stuff is closed book.  Man, I sure hope so!
9.  You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.  Now how close does one need to live to be considered a neighbor?  And it was not false, just told a secret out of school a time or two.  Better talk to the big guy again.
10. You shall not covet your neighbors wife, or his manservant, or maidservant, his ox or donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor.  Well, he is just pretty clear on this one now isn't he?  I am pretty safe on this one right up to the part that comes after donkey!
  Alright, I may not be perfect.  As a matter of fact, I am far from perfect.  Let's just call a spade a spade here!  I am in deep dodo. See, it is not only the 10 Commandments I need to worry about, it is a lot of other stuff that is sprinkled around here and there in the Bible.  I know about the Golden Rule "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  Just for many years I remembered it a little bit differently. "Do unto others as they would do unto you, but do it first."  Now there is a technicality that the lawyer is not going to get around.
  And I had a lot of trouble with that turn the other cheek one.   I will never be a pious person.  I know very well, that I have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God in many areas of my life.  There are people out there who can be pious and can point my faults out to me, and I can safely say that they are going to have to be pretty quick to spot it before I do.   I am not perfect.  The one thing I have learned in this life is not to beat myself up over past transgressions, because there are plenty of other people that will do that for me.  Lots of people take delight in pointing out my faults and shortcomings.  Do I care?  Hell no!  I think I am a pretty good person when all the good points are added.  So, where were we?
  Oh, yeah.  It is hotter than Hell.  Not really.  Hell is very, very hot and I refuse to go there.  I do like summer, so I am going to enjoy this heat because I know Winter is going to come sooner or later and I will miss the shorts and tee shirts and sandals.  Tomorrow I am going to have a picture of the baby geese in the stock tank if I have to catch them and throw them in it myself.  But right now I have to go talk to God for a bit and explain some of those things that I am not sure he is real clear on my intentions, just in case!

It is official, my life is in the crapper, again.

Yep!  I am once more drowning in a sea of "what in the world was I thinking!"  My little life usually goes along on an even keel; some times I win, some times I lose, and all is well, because it is life.  I am busy most, if not all of the time, but I do take time to smell the roses.  Life is good as I stand here like a deer in the headlights and watch the last little bit of freedom I know disappear under a pile of eBay items that need to be listed, quilts that need quilted, thread that needs spun and woven, garden that needs tilled, hats that need embroidered, meals that need cooked, dogs that need petted, and friends that "need to talk".

I have never learned to say no.  It is a word that is completely forgien to my vocabulary.  I have not learned the art of sitting quietly and watching a movie, reading a book, or just contemplating my navel. Lyn and I planned our vacation yesterday.  At least we picked the dates.  She, of course, had to give me the lecture about how this time "You will relax and not be heading for home the next day."  She knows me and I thank her for trying and maybe this time it will work. 

Now, this all sounds good, but this is something that throws me into a tail spin.  We started talking about this a couple weeks ago and the cloud of dread slowly floated over my head and began to settle on my shoulders.  With the cloud of dread came the depression that creeps in at times of dire stress in my life.  So, I bit the bullet and the dates are set.

Do not misunderstand me here, I love to go back home and see the kids, grand kids, sisters, cousins, friends (Hi, Joe!), and just chill.  I love to eat at Skaets.  Kansas City is always a treat with Shirley fussing over us.  I love to drive and take pictures and every moment I am on my vacation, I count the moments until I can get back home.  I can not relax.  I can not remember the last time I just let go and relaxed.  You know, the one where you lay on a hill and watch a cloud float past, or set on a creek bank and wait for that old cat fish to bite?  When I am back there I think how great it would be to live there.  You know, just pick up and move back.  It all sounds so simple; just move.

But with home comes memories and with memories comes sadness.  Sadness for a life that could have been; a life that should have been.  Dreams of a little country home and a picket fence and kids in the yard and a puppy barking at the cat.  And with sadness comes depression.  And with depression comes memories and the cycle starts all over again.  If I could go back and make the choices I should have made, who would I be today?  But, I can not do that, can I?  With age comes wisdom, or so they say.  With age comes hopelessness and dread.  I had one shot at this life and I think I may have screwed it up.  Deer in the head lights!

So this is Holy Week.  I take consolation in that.  I also take consolation in the fact that only a few of my friends and family read this, so they will not know how nuts I actually am.  So maybe some one out there can flip my switch and tell me how I can salvage what is left?  Some one sent me an email the other day, which I read in my typical every other line fashion, but I think I got the gist. 

Lord, help me when I complain about having to fix supper, to remember those who have no food.  When I complain about the cost of gas, help me be thankful that I have a car and can get around.  When I complain about having to clean house, help me be thankful that I have a home.  When I complain about the long walk to the duck house, help me be thankful that I can walk, and see, and feel.  And when I am antsy because a friend drops by to take me from my chores, be thankful that I have friends.  Amen

There!  I might have solved my problems.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRoVH5u9Qk8&feature=related

Today is 1/11/11 and I feel the need to say something special.

When I looked at that my first thought was a lottery ticket.  Now I know people were all excited and doing something special on 1/1/11.  But look at that.  It is special.  Oh, and I think November will bring us 11/11/11.   And September 9/10/11.  You know what I think?  I think every day is special!

Any morning I wake up on the top side of the sod, I consider a very good day.  Usually some one or something will come along and make me rethink that, but most days are good!  Now today I woke up thinking about some one I know who wears a lot of makeup.  I have seen her apply this and it is no easy chore and is very time consuming.  I do not do it.  I did for a few weeks when I was living in Liberal, Kansas.  I was 26 at the time.  I remember it clearly. 

I have been blessed with a very unique skin that requires little care and has never been cursed with a pimple.  Course after a few days of smearing that crap around on my face, I got one.  So now, it is au naturelle (or however you spell that).   But, back to my friend.  First there is white stuff under the eyes to cover a dark circle that might be there.  Now I am not sure what order this all happens in, but during the construction of this face, there will be liquid something,  powder, red stuff on the cheeks, purple stuff on the eye lids, lines around the eyes, dark stuff in the eyebrows, black stuff on the eye lashes and then comes a curling iron to curl them. 

Now, I know this is a lot of work and I do not have the proper sequence of events that just took place,  but I can tell you the end result is a face that is without flaw and a perpetual deer in the head light look that will not leave until it all comes off at night.  At least I think that is when it happens.  I have not been around to see the coming off part.  I do know the putting on part takes well over an hour.  I like my routine....

Get nekkid.  Step in the shower.  Grab shampoo bottle and lather hair.  Smear a little soap around.  Brush teeth while rinsing.  Water off, dry, deodorant, pick through the hair, dress from the bottom up.  Total elapsed time: 7 minutes.  I have the theory that if I do happen to see anyone I know today they will not remember tomorrow what I looked like today.  They will remember forever what I said, but not what color shirt I was wearing.  And that is the premise of my life!

Now, I think I digressed again.  But here is my theory on that...it is not the first time and it will not be the last time!  The date today is just another day on my march to that big blog site in the sky!  So I fully intend to live this day with the same gusto I lived the 26,000 (give or take) before.  Reminds me of a song......" You got to give a little, take a little , and let your poor heart break a little!  That's the story of, that's the glory of love! "

Have a good one!