You have got to be kidding!!

Oh, now this is more than even I can fathom!  I am used to receiving the dating sites advertisements in my spam box through my email.  But wait a minute.  Do you know what LinkedIn is?  Well what I thought it was and what it is may be two entirely different thing.  Again I blame my naivete!  See I thought it was a place where professional people could meet like  minded people and maybe pick up a referral for a service they or I offer.  I know my son has made great contacts through there and gotten his resume in the proper hands.  So I carefully filled out my little profile and listed all the things I can do and just finished that update a couple days ago.  Today I received a list of 4 groups I might want to join. 
First one was for the Millionairs Club which I was pretty sure was out of my league, but hey, a girl can dream, can't she?  I clicked on that sucker and was amazed to find it was one of those dating sites that usually ends up in the spam filter.  I was just a  little disappointed to find that cause I thought hob nobbing with millionaires might be kind of fun.  So with a sad little sigh, I went to #2.
That was a dating service as well.  Same with numbers 3 and 4.  Give me a break here!
So the question here would be this; why does every place I go think that because I am single  and domesticated, meaning I can cook and sew, that I am therefore looking for a mate?  Or is the mere fact that I am a warm blooded being enough to qualify me as "eligible"?   Is the fact that I am living alone a desperate plea for someone to save me from this solitary existence?  Did I say that?  If I wanted a man, trust me, there are plenty of them within reach. 
Do I need to be constantly bombarded with pictures of the lonely fellow gazing in profile towards an empty window?  Looking for love?  No, not really.  Sure I would like to have someone to shovel the walk when it snows, or run the tiller in the spring, or clean out the goose house and tank, and wash the car.  Send me that ad and I will be all over that one. 
I can see that one: "Very handsome and healthy single male looking for a short, fat woman in her waning years to pay bills for, do yard work for, general handyman duties to include cleaning the car and changing oil.  I love to clean house, do laundry and entertain grandkids on occasion.  Sucessful applicant must be intelligent, selfish, cook occasionally, and go to bed early every night and get up at 4 AM because it is the best part of the day and sunrise won't happen if she is not there to jerk it out of the ground.  Age is not a factor as long as she is breathing, little over weight is preferable, bad breathe is a plus,and slovenliness is a necessity.  I require no attention, no attaboys, and sex only when she deems it necessary."
Send me that one and my name is all over that dotted line!  Not really, but it sounds good, doesn't it?
Just wanted to vent my fustrations a little bit.  I am very happy with my life just like it is and I can send that stuff to the spam box all day long and set right here and enjoy my sunrise, sunset and the weeds sprouting all day long!

But are you missing my real calling?

Just a little note here to let some of you know that if you are not checking in on http://www.delilahsdatingdilemma.blogspot.com then you are missing my feeble attempt at a novel.  I do not want to give it away, but I am writing ahead of what you will be reading and I have to work on it in the daylight because I am scaring myself.
You will need to go to the address above and go back to the November 6 post to start at the beginning, unless of course, you like to read magazines as I do.  I start at the back and read to the front.  But on books I start at the front.  All a matter of personal preference, me thinks.
When you read this please keep in mind that it is pure fiction at it's very best  And leave me a comment which you do by clicking on that little envelope at the end of the post.  Give me your real opinion, cause you know I appreciate honesty!
The name of it is Chapter One.

My world is slowly tilting back to the level mark, but not 100%.

Before I can continue with my mother and father, I have to wait for a part to arrive from the Philippine's for my new printer/copier/scanner.  In the mean time life rather goes on here on South Road and on the Internet.  Kids are settling into their house and getting ready for an open house on the day I have to work at the weavers sale all day, but that is par for the course.
Today it is snowing but not sticking.  I went out and planted Rye for the geese and they should be very happy in a few weeks.  See the rain will fatten the seeds and the sun will warm them and they will sprout. Hooray!  I can see better days ahead.  I have been in a terrible funk, mostly of my own doing, but you know me, I never accept all the responsibility for anything.  Wiggle room abounds in my world.
My eBay is chirping right along and I hope you read about my string of plastic pearls getting 16,000+ hits.  My products are all ready for the November sales here in the real world except  for putting the bottoms in some purses and finishing weaving the big bath towel.  Patty came and helped (did) with the packaging of the lotion and body butter. 
I am currently alone and think I shall remain that way.  I had a fellow on the East Coast that I had met in the chat room over a year ago and that was perfect, but alas, all perfection is in the eye of the beholder and apparently I had a rather cock eyed view which was way different than his.  I figured he and I and Amy would continue our friendships until we grew old or the hard drive got a virus.  Well that was kinda what happened.  Amy and I are still tight and she and her husband are coming out to Colorado next month.  Course I have to lure her with cookies, but it will be a very fun time and I am looking forward to the visit.
But see the online romance was perfect.  We talked and laughed and everything was hunky dory as long as that was all there was to that.  I made the mistake of thinking that mayhap the guy ought to acknowledge my birthday or the fact that I was going on a long trip alone and he actually chastised me for feeling that way as he was very busy.  OK, now you people who deal with me in the twilight world of reality know how well I took that little rebuke.  You know like when I thought the Fourth Street Bridge should be straight and not curved in the middle.  I was right and you all know I was right, but the engineers just would not see it my way.  I am still pouting over that one and the bridge has been open for over a year.  Or when the AIDS walk did not go my way.  Well, you see what happened there don't you?  I pulled out and then Karma sent all that snow and they had to close the Garden of the Gods.  I am not saying I was right or wrong on this one either.  But you all understand Karma, don't you?
But this is how it goes in my world.  I always get what I want.  If I don't I don't play.  So I have had to kill him.  I hated to do that, but I just can see no other solution.  If two people disagree the game is over. Should I apologize for being a needy neurotic woman?  No.  that is what I am.  Should he apologize for not wanting to be bothered in his busy little life?  No.  He has his life  and I have mine, but in order for everyone to win, he has to die.  Course he has the option of killing me also.  And the joy of it is no one ever knows.  He does not know he is dead and if I am I do not know that either.
But then the Internet is a big place and I know there are a couple little fellows out there who are waiting in line.  Just a word to the wise, be very careful what you wish for cause you just might get it. 
For now I am content to set here in my little world and dream up things to do.  I want to write a book and have the blog set up for that.  It is called  Chapter One and as soon as the Weaver's Sale is over I am going to jump into that.  It is going to be about an online stalker and I am making notes!  I have the notes made on the stalker and he is a hunk and a half,  just a little off in the head.  And Meg is a very sweet woman.  I hate to see her have to go through this, but hey!  She should not have gotten in my head!!  LOL

I have come to a decision and you shall be the first to know, after me of course.

I am going to start dating after the first of the year.  Now I know, I did hang out with the tall guy for a while, but I am not sure that qualified as dating.  The way that worked is I hung out at his house or garage and kind of helped him organize stuff and we talked a lot.  Sometimes he fed me or we went out and ate.  I do not think that was dating.  I think it was hanging out mostly.  None of that personal stuff, you know.

I think dating is where the guy actually would come to the house, ring the door bell, open the car door and take me some place, like out to eat or the movies or something like that.   Maybe we could hit some garage sales.  I don't know, but I am sure if we work at it we can come up with something to do.  Oh, yeah, like the fundraiser things that I hate to go to alone, I could like to have someone take me.  OK, now comes the "someone" part.  How do I get me one of those?   Sometime back a thing kept popping up on my email telling me I could find me a man at Match.com, or Zoosk, or any number of places and all I had to do was click on there and it was free.  Let me tell you, that sounded pretty easy to me, so click I did.  That is an experience I shall not soon forget. 

There were pages and pages of men who described themselves as "good looking, hard bodies, long walks,romantic, financially secure, and looking for love."  Now no offense intended here, but if he has to tell me he is good looking that is strike number one.  A 75 year old man with a flat stomach and hard body is a little hard to imagine.  I am having a hard time even imagining one with hair!  Now his idea of a long walk and mine may not be the same.  Right away I started thinking of a long walk on a short pier!  First hit I got was a guy from Pennsylvania who was ready to relocate, all I had to do was send him my email.  I may be a bit of a doubting Thomas on this "Get the man of your dreams for only $7.95.  Limited time only." 

Now, in all fairness, this may be the way to go for some people, but not for me.  Hell, I could not quit laughing long enough.  I found another way!  And it is free!  I can just pick one up.  They are every where!  My friends know single guys.  Well, mostly widowers.  So I am a widow.  That works, or should work.  All they have to do is introduce me.  Course they have to screen them first, you know, weed out the ultra conservatives, homophobes, Catholics, men afraid of spiders, and things like that.  Don't want one in a suit. No smokers.  No drinkers. Like animals.  Don't want to ski.  No racists and must like big dysfunctional families.  I am a thinking, I may be a little too particular.  You think?

Well, now that I think about it, I am not sure I want to do that dating thing.  I suppose it would probably happen at night and I like to go to bed about 9 PM.  That could present a problem right there!  And say I did date one, what if I got to liking him?  What then?  If I start liking him and he starts liking me, then we got another problem.  But if he could just like walk me to the door at 8:30, peck on the cheek and hit the road, that might be alright.  Yes, dating will be a good thing if I don't actually have to spend any time with him!  I am going to think about this some more.  When I reach my final decision I will share that with you.

Right now I think I just looked at the full moon the other night and thought about the good old days when I was a young, romantic girl.  That was when the wee, wee hours were for snuggling with a fella, or dancing the night away, not trying to kick the cat out of bed and letting the dog out for a quick minute then back to sleep.  Well, I do love my bed and I think right now I am going to go crawl in it and say my prayers.  May rethink this whole thing.  Got a whole month before the first of the year and everything is subject to change.