Kinda' funny how the dating thing works.

I recall when I was 18 years old and in a hurry to find a husband to father my children.  I had my criterea.  Number one, he must be handsome.  Number 2, he must have a job.  Number 3, he must love me.  The first two were easy to find.  Since all handsome meant to me was that he not be covered with zits, that was about it.  The first three years of high school seemed to be spent overcoming the teenage acne.  Then after graduation, or in the Senior year, most of the boys started jobs.  By the time a boy reached the age of 20 he was pretty well on his way into adulthood.

So when I met Duane Seeger,who was 3 years older then me,  he was hell bent on marrying and starting a family.  A home would come later.   So after a whirlwind courtship of 3 weeks, we announced our intent to wed.  The wedding would be in 2 days at the chuch on Sherman street.  That marriage lasted 10 years and produced a total of 5 children.  He had met all the criterea, he had a job, he was handsome and thought I thought he hung the moon.  Number 2 met none of the criterea and that marriage lasted 3 months.  Then along came Charlie.  He was handsome and successful.  He brought me to Colorado. I married and divorced him twice.  Sadly he was a philanderer.  Then came Henry.  That one lasted 3 months.  Kenny was the keeper and I spent 20 years in a solid marriage with a man who did not fool around on me, did not drink, never hit me and never forgot a birthday or anniversary.  Sadly I lost him after 20 years.  Mother told me once that if I ever lost a husband he would live in my memory as perfect.  She was right!

So now it is 20 years later and I look at the crop of men to choose from and I am astounded at the lack of interest I can muster!  Since I have now matured to the age of 80 I cannot date a man older than me, because that crop is dead.  If I rake through the ones younger than me they are looking forward to retirement and want to travel.    Get too young and I am robbing the cradle and I do not want to have to get up in the morning and pack his lunch for work!  I can not even find one that wants to dance. Country Western music is the genre I prefer, but all the guitar pickers I used to date are dead and gone.

I guess maybe I just need to set back and enjoy my old age.    

You have got to be kidding!!

Oh, now this is more than even I can fathom!  I am used to receiving the dating sites advertisements in my spam box through my email.  But wait a minute.  Do you know what LinkedIn is?  Well what I thought it was and what it is may be two entirely different thing.  Again I blame my naivete!  See I thought it was a place where professional people could meet like  minded people and maybe pick up a referral for a service they or I offer.  I know my son has made great contacts through there and gotten his resume in the proper hands.  So I carefully filled out my little profile and listed all the things I can do and just finished that update a couple days ago.  Today I received a list of 4 groups I might want to join. 
First one was for the Millionairs Club which I was pretty sure was out of my league, but hey, a girl can dream, can't she?  I clicked on that sucker and was amazed to find it was one of those dating sites that usually ends up in the spam filter.  I was just a  little disappointed to find that cause I thought hob nobbing with millionaires might be kind of fun.  So with a sad little sigh, I went to #2.
That was a dating service as well.  Same with numbers 3 and 4.  Give me a break here!
So the question here would be this; why does every place I go think that because I am single  and domesticated, meaning I can cook and sew, that I am therefore looking for a mate?  Or is the mere fact that I am a warm blooded being enough to qualify me as "eligible"?   Is the fact that I am living alone a desperate plea for someone to save me from this solitary existence?  Did I say that?  If I wanted a man, trust me, there are plenty of them within reach. 
Do I need to be constantly bombarded with pictures of the lonely fellow gazing in profile towards an empty window?  Looking for love?  No, not really.  Sure I would like to have someone to shovel the walk when it snows, or run the tiller in the spring, or clean out the goose house and tank, and wash the car.  Send me that ad and I will be all over that one. 
I can see that one: "Very handsome and healthy single male looking for a short, fat woman in her waning years to pay bills for, do yard work for, general handyman duties to include cleaning the car and changing oil.  I love to clean house, do laundry and entertain grandkids on occasion.  Sucessful applicant must be intelligent, selfish, cook occasionally, and go to bed early every night and get up at 4 AM because it is the best part of the day and sunrise won't happen if she is not there to jerk it out of the ground.  Age is not a factor as long as she is breathing, little over weight is preferable, bad breathe is a plus,and slovenliness is a necessity.  I require no attention, no attaboys, and sex only when she deems it necessary."
Send me that one and my name is all over that dotted line!  Not really, but it sounds good, doesn't it?
Just wanted to vent my fustrations a little bit.  I am very happy with my life just like it is and I can send that stuff to the spam box all day long and set right here and enjoy my sunrise, sunset and the weeds sprouting all day long!

I have come to a decision and you shall be the first to know, after me of course.

I am going to start dating after the first of the year.  Now I know, I did hang out with the tall guy for a while, but I am not sure that qualified as dating.  The way that worked is I hung out at his house or garage and kind of helped him organize stuff and we talked a lot.  Sometimes he fed me or we went out and ate.  I do not think that was dating.  I think it was hanging out mostly.  None of that personal stuff, you know.

I think dating is where the guy actually would come to the house, ring the door bell, open the car door and take me some place, like out to eat or the movies or something like that.   Maybe we could hit some garage sales.  I don't know, but I am sure if we work at it we can come up with something to do.  Oh, yeah, like the fundraiser things that I hate to go to alone, I could like to have someone take me.  OK, now comes the "someone" part.  How do I get me one of those?   Sometime back a thing kept popping up on my email telling me I could find me a man at Match.com, or Zoosk, or any number of places and all I had to do was click on there and it was free.  Let me tell you, that sounded pretty easy to me, so click I did.  That is an experience I shall not soon forget. 

There were pages and pages of men who described themselves as "good looking, hard bodies, long walks,romantic, financially secure, and looking for love."  Now no offense intended here, but if he has to tell me he is good looking that is strike number one.  A 75 year old man with a flat stomach and hard body is a little hard to imagine.  I am having a hard time even imagining one with hair!  Now his idea of a long walk and mine may not be the same.  Right away I started thinking of a long walk on a short pier!  First hit I got was a guy from Pennsylvania who was ready to relocate, all I had to do was send him my email.  I may be a bit of a doubting Thomas on this "Get the man of your dreams for only $7.95.  Limited time only." 

Now, in all fairness, this may be the way to go for some people, but not for me.  Hell, I could not quit laughing long enough.  I found another way!  And it is free!  I can just pick one up.  They are every where!  My friends know single guys.  Well, mostly widowers.  So I am a widow.  That works, or should work.  All they have to do is introduce me.  Course they have to screen them first, you know, weed out the ultra conservatives, homophobes, Catholics, men afraid of spiders, and things like that.  Don't want one in a suit. No smokers.  No drinkers. Like animals.  Don't want to ski.  No racists and must like big dysfunctional families.  I am a thinking, I may be a little too particular.  You think?

Well, now that I think about it, I am not sure I want to do that dating thing.  I suppose it would probably happen at night and I like to go to bed about 9 PM.  That could present a problem right there!  And say I did date one, what if I got to liking him?  What then?  If I start liking him and he starts liking me, then we got another problem.  But if he could just like walk me to the door at 8:30, peck on the cheek and hit the road, that might be alright.  Yes, dating will be a good thing if I don't actually have to spend any time with him!  I am going to think about this some more.  When I reach my final decision I will share that with you.

Right now I think I just looked at the full moon the other night and thought about the good old days when I was a young, romantic girl.  That was when the wee, wee hours were for snuggling with a fella, or dancing the night away, not trying to kick the cat out of bed and letting the dog out for a quick minute then back to sleep.  Well, I do love my bed and I think right now I am going to go crawl in it and say my prayers.  May rethink this whole thing.  Got a whole month before the first of the year and everything is subject to change.