Kinda' funny how the dating thing works.

I recall when I was 18 years old and in a hurry to find a husband to father my children.  I had my criterea.  Number one, he must be handsome.  Number 2, he must have a job.  Number 3, he must love me.  The first two were easy to find.  Since all handsome meant to me was that he not be covered with zits, that was about it.  The first three years of high school seemed to be spent overcoming the teenage acne.  Then after graduation, or in the Senior year, most of the boys started jobs.  By the time a boy reached the age of 20 he was pretty well on his way into adulthood.

So when I met Duane Seeger,who was 3 years older then me,  he was hell bent on marrying and starting a family.  A home would come later.   So after a whirlwind courtship of 3 weeks, we announced our intent to wed.  The wedding would be in 2 days at the chuch on Sherman street.  That marriage lasted 10 years and produced a total of 5 children.  He had met all the criterea, he had a job, he was handsome and thought I thought he hung the moon.  Number 2 met none of the criterea and that marriage lasted 3 months.  Then along came Charlie.  He was handsome and successful.  He brought me to Colorado. I married and divorced him twice.  Sadly he was a philanderer.  Then came Henry.  That one lasted 3 months.  Kenny was the keeper and I spent 20 years in a solid marriage with a man who did not fool around on me, did not drink, never hit me and never forgot a birthday or anniversary.  Sadly I lost him after 20 years.  Mother told me once that if I ever lost a husband he would live in my memory as perfect.  She was right!

So now it is 20 years later and I look at the crop of men to choose from and I am astounded at the lack of interest I can muster!  Since I have now matured to the age of 80 I cannot date a man older than me, because that crop is dead.  If I rake through the ones younger than me they are looking forward to retirement and want to travel.    Get too young and I am robbing the cradle and I do not want to have to get up in the morning and pack his lunch for work!  I can not even find one that wants to dance. Country Western music is the genre I prefer, but all the guitar pickers I used to date are dead and gone.

I guess maybe I just need to set back and enjoy my old age.    

I been thinking about dating.

It gets a little lonely here in this big house all alone.  To counteract that, I was thinking about dating.  You know, some guy picks me up, takes me out to eat (and I do love to eat!) and then go some where like a movie, or a play or drive around and look at "stuff".  We could even take a walk along the River Walk downtown.  There are all kinds of things to do.  Then he could bring me home and walk me up to the door.  We could look at the moon and say goodnight.

With this in mind, I have begun to look at the crop of men out there.  As most of you know, I am well past the age of consent.  This having been said, so are any of the men I would consider dating.  Moving along, I am pretty sure that were I decide to actually date one of the creatures, I need to update my wardrobe.  I do not recall the last time I actually purchased an item of clothing other then underwear (full cut cotton white) or socks (cotton ankle high white).  I wear mostly tee shirts which are slowly becoming threadbare and grease spotted.  I own 2 button up blouses.  I have worn the checkered one twice and looked at the other one once.  Mostly I wear jeans, but I do have several pairs of slacks for church.  So a ward robe update is necessary if I want to impress anyone.  Seems like a lot of work just to be socially acceptable.

So, to get to the crux of the matter, I flipped on the television the other day and happened onto a channel that I did not even know existed.  Perhaps God poked my remote, but I was treated to several episodes of "Forensic Files".  First one was an affluent family, husband a dentist, wife beaten to death in her bed.  Spoiler alert, the husband did it because he was trying to save on child support and had 2 mistresses who needed attention.  Another man killed his girlfriend, dismembered her, cut her bones in half and scattered them in a forest.  Her head he tossed in the lake.  But DNA did them both in at the end of the investigation.  One of them was so stupid that setting up the crime scene, he had the ladder to the upstairs bedroom window backwards! I do not know just how many of you have tried to climb a ladder backwards to an upstairs window, but I am pretty sure it can not be done!

Any way, that afternoon of binge watching people killing other people, made me rethink this whole dating thing.  Other than serial killers who would kill me just for the fun of it, most of the murders are committed by some one who loves you!  These people have kissed and held their victims in a scenario where intimacy is involved.  Several of them had children! Did you read about the guy here in town who killed his mother, cut her up, put part of her in a suit case and threw it in the dumpster?  Or the guy in the Springs who beat his fiancée to death with a ball bat?  So, back to this dating thing...

It is kind of nice to set here with my comfortable wardrobe, in my little house that needs a good cleaning and not have to worry about going out in the dark with someone who just might be the last trip out I take.  It would be nice to have some one actually care enough to call and say goodnight, but it is really not necessary.  I have kids that check on me.  I have friends  who drop by occasionally.  I have a cat and a dog.

I used to walk around Runyon Lake, but then I noticed there were a lot of druggies hanging out there and I stopped that.  Now I just walk around out here.  No one knows when I leave and no one knows when I come back, but I am pretty sure if something happens to me, it will be a random act and not some guy that I decided to "date".  

Yep.  It is going to be another long day!

Should I or shouldn't I?

I woke up in a new world this morning!  For some reason I woke up thinking about dating!  Now you must realize that I have had my share of husbands, but they do not really count.  I can not remember ever really dating.  You know the thing where some guy calls you up and says "Would you like to go out to dinner and then catch a movie?"   No, that never happened.  Usually, I meet some guy and the next thing I know I am Mrs. So and So.

I do recall back in Hutch when I met a guy who played lead guitar in a band and he invited me to come and watch him play and then we would grab a bite to eat.  Sounded good, but in the meantime I bought a restaurant and got involved in the cleaning process  and buying groceries so I could open Monday morning and completely spaced that date out and he must have been ticked because he never called again.  And then I married Charlie and we moved to Colorado.  After a divorce or 2 I met Kenny and that is now history.  9 years after he passed, I met a guy named Sherman.  He occupied 2 years of my life off and on until he died in 2012.  I then "hung out" and hiked with a guy named Dan until I decided that was a lost cause.  We went out to eat one night, and of course it was my turn to pay.  When we parted it was with his words, "Next time it will be my turn."  Now that was 4 years ago and I have not seen him since.

So back to the business at hand.  I think I would like to go on a date.  Now, I am not going to run out and willy nilly date some guy.  I think I would like to date a blue eyed man.  I really like the brown eyed men, but I have not had very good luck with them.  3 of my husbands were brown eyed and while I can get lost in their eyes, I find them to be kind of sneaky and not very forthright.  "Eyes of blue; a love that's true.  Eyes of brown will let you down."

Forthrightness is something I value in a man.  Men that have lasted any length of time in my life were blue eyed men.  Duane was around for 10 years.  Kenny lasted 20 years before he died on me.  And dear little Sherman and I were engaged to be married when he drew his last breathe.  The last guy I entertained the idea of dating was brown eyed and I think he stepped off the face of the earth, because I have not seen nor heard from him in a very long time.  Such is the perils of caring for one of the creatures.

So, back to this dating business.  I think I would like to date, but then I remember all that entails.  I may not be up to it.  I do not want to go out at night, because I can not see to drive, so he would have to pick me up at my house and I do not want anyone to know where I live.  I could meet him at the end of the drive, but I am afraid of the dark.  So it would have to be in the afternoon, but then I sleep through Jeopardy! from 3:00-3:30.  So if I could meet him at 4:00 and we could have a 2 hour date that would be good.  See Jeopardy! comes on again at 6:30.  And on the eye color, if he could have one blue eye and one brown eye, that would be perfect.  Oh, and he needs to be over 5'7" and under 6'3".  Any shorter and he can not protect me and any taller gives me a crick in my neck.  He has to have a sense of humor.  He has to believe in God and I prefer a Protestant as opposed to a Catholic.  That is not a deal breaker, just a preference.  One of my husbands was a Catholic.  So was Sherman.  He has to like kids and liver and onions.

Well, I just reread what I had written and I am thinking, I may be better off if I just go to the pound and get a dog.  A dog will have brown eyes.  A dog will love me unconditionally, as long as I don't beat it.  A dog is warm.  Sadly, a dog will shed, but I have looked at my hair brush and I am doing a pretty good job of that myself.

So, I guess, what I am looking for is someone that will take me out to eat.  Entertain me with intelligent inane chatter, pay the bill and then disappear into a puff of smoke.  I am not real sure such a man exists.  If you see one, throw a net over his head and call me.  I just might be interested!  Or not.

Still water is not always running deep!

When I started datiing I drug home some of the damnedest things you ever saw.  Back in those days "cool" boys wore jeans with no belt and the waist band rode about 5" below the waist.  The legs were hemmed so they did not drag the ground.  Of course, back then kids had mothers that sewed and knew how to hem pants.  A sewing machine was a staple in any home.  Steve Dorrel was the first in our class to comb his hair into a "duck tail" and it was held in place with "greasy kid stuff."  He always wore a white shirt and the collar was turned up.  Every boy in school was measured by the Steve code and they all were found wanting.  Luckily, we had no idea what sex even was back in the 8th grade or everyone of us girls would have been in big trouble.

But grade school passed and high school was a new game.  No more Steve.  High school was pretty much a blur the first 3 years in Nickerson.  I was friends with a girl whose dad made home brew and that was fun.  My senior year I started in Hutchinson High School, ran away from home, came back and got a job in a "Toot and Tellum" which did not work out well at all.  It was at this juncture that mother suggested I might want to catch a man and get married, because I did not have a very bright future in store.

Now mother had always dispensed her wisdom on every subject known to man and people seemed to be her specialty.  "Still waters run deep."  This meant if a man was quiet, he was thinking, and if he was thinking that meant he was a good man.  Well, momma missed the  mark on that one!  I met my first husband because my brother brought him home to me.  He was quiet.  He opened doors for me.  So he had a beer now and then, but dad kept corn whiskey in the refrigerator so that meant nothing.  So in a matter of a few weeks I became Mrs. Tall Dark and Handsome.  He was actually a blue eyed blonde, and he wanted to get married and have babies and there I was!  Sadly, my first baby did not arrive for almost 2 years.  Mr. Still Waters became a regular little babbling brook and it was all aimed at my inability to conceive.  Hell, I was doing all I could and it seemed maybe he was at fault.  Yep.  Got scars on that one!  When my fertility kicked in, it was not to kick out for 7 years and 5 kids later.

But back to this still water running deep crappola mother was so fond of telling me.  My baby daddy was just the first water I encountered and let me assure you, I have learned a lot over the years, but it has taken me 75 years to get that one out of my head.  So let me fill you in.

(Now I am using the masculine noun here, because I am giving you my perspective as a woman.  Nothing personal)

If a man is not talking, it may be because he actually has nothing to say!  

Or he has something to say and he knows he is going to get an ass  eating if he says it.
Or he may be thinking about the hot little number he has lined up to see as soon as he gets rid of me.
Or he is waiting for me to excuse myself so he can pull his bottle out of his boot.
Or he may have actually forgotten I am there.

So there is a lot to be said on the subject of still waters.  Sometimes the still water is over the cesspool.  As I struggle through this life I meet a lot of people.  Most of them are just people and to be taken at face value.  But ever so often I latch on to one and hang on for dear life.  It never turns out well.  I have been a widow for 15 years and I have dated 2 men in that time.  I never really knew either one of them. 

I had a real connection with the first one, but he passed away.  He loved me and had we met at another time it would have been different, or so I think.  I even wrote a story about he and I.

The second one was a lot like a feather in the wind.  I never knew him at all, although I invested 5 years in what should have been a relationship, but was pretty much a superficial  sort of  a one sided friendship.  The boy was a lot like a bubble riding down a babbling brook.  Not all of us have to deal with reality.

I do not regret the time I invested in them, but I am pretty sure I am done with that dating business.  I tend my own flock, mow my own weeds, wash my own dishes and drive myself where ever I choose to go. I am starting to get out and do things that I did not have confidence in myself to do.  I went to Lakin last week and got my hair cut.  In April I am going to crawl on an airplane and fly to Dallas.  

Lord only knows what heights I can achieve if I just soar on my own wings for once in my life.  Bottoms up, momma, your little girl may be a woman yet! 

But are you missing my real calling?

Just a little note here to let some of you know that if you are not checking in on http://www.delilahsdatingdilemma.blogspot.com then you are missing my feeble attempt at a novel.  I do not want to give it away, but I am writing ahead of what you will be reading and I have to work on it in the daylight because I am scaring myself.
You will need to go to the address above and go back to the November 6 post to start at the beginning, unless of course, you like to read magazines as I do.  I start at the back and read to the front.  But on books I start at the front.  All a matter of personal preference, me thinks.
When you read this please keep in mind that it is pure fiction at it's very best  And leave me a comment which you do by clicking on that little envelope at the end of the post.  Give me your real opinion, cause you know I appreciate honesty!
The name of it is Chapter One.

Do I have class? I do not think so.

I used to think I had class.  May not have been high class, but I could get by and fit in with almost anyone any where.  Now I have had occasion to rethink the whole class thing.  I was having coffee with a friend the other day when I first began thinking maybe I was not on the same level as he was.  Granted he came from Denver via San Francisco via Philadelphia, drives a Lexus and actually owns a camel hair jacket of some sort or another.  Maybe it was a blazer.  We were discussing a play he had seen and as I sat there I watched him as he described having gone to the theater.  Theater.  I had at one time watched a movie.  The fact that I could not recall what it was about when it was over should have been the first clue.  "Shall we go to the theater?" is a far cry from "Want to catch a movie?" or "There is a play at the Impossible Players tonight".   Theater denotes that I will be wearing a dress of some sort and will behave in a civilized manner.  Movie would be jeans and tennies.  Play means we are going to eat before we go!

Just as "dinner engagement" is the direct opposite of "What's for supper?"  so "Brunch" is to "early lunch or late breakfast."  As I sat there engaged in this one sided conversation, my mind began to slowly point out the differences in our two worlds.  He talks in a quiet, well enunciated, sedate voice.  If something is funny, he laughs softly or smiles to himself.  I am more middle of the road, well more clear the hell and gone over there in the ditch.  I have been known to throw my head back and laugh very loudly if something is funny.  That is not done in polite society.  I usually kick my shoes off at the front door.  He wears his even when he is home alone. His hands are very soft and white.  His nails are manicured.  My hands are calloused. The majority of my nails are out of the quick, and no two are the same length.  His hair is pulled back and I think he just got in from the stylist.  No two hairs in my head go the same direction.  He will open the door for me and all I have to do is stand  and smile at him, but I don't feel like playing the game today.  I am out of there.

Now I should make a note here that this was not our first cup of coffee.  We had, in fact been to lunch a couple times and gone for a drive in the mountains.  He seemed to have the sense of humor that is necessary to me.  He is financially secure,  which is also important.  This was not my first rodeo, but it may have been his.  Remember when I said I was going to do the dating thing this year?  Well, this was  a feeble attempt at getting started on that road.  So in my typical fashion I have interviewed and discarded one of the male species.  I have decided that since I really do not care if I have one in my life on a permanent basis that I can afford to be very picky.  I am just afraid that by being a woman who does not care if she has a man, it is like waving a red flag at one of them. 

So, while this particular SWM and I had several good days over a three week period together I fear that this is not the one for me.  Oh, I fully intend to "see" him on occasion and we will talk on the phone from time to time.  He is a very interesting man, but way out of my comfort level for someone I want to introduce to my kids.  I am pretty sure he is not the one that will bait my hook when we go fishing, if we were to go fishing.  Doesn't strike me as anyone who could gut a fish either.  Although in all fairness he did listen attentively while I described the process to him.  I know he was attentive, because he did not blink one time.  Course shock has much the same reaction.  Hmmmmmmmmmmm?

So back to the drawing board for the dating thing. 

So that was yesterday and now we are on today!

I know you are holding your breathe to see how the "date" worked out last night.  Well, it was not quiet what I feared.  Joan made a very lovely dinner.  Her and Bobby's daughter, son-in-law, and the son from New York were there.  (Bobby is Ray's twin brother.) Course about as soon as I got into town, it started snowing.  Very big flakes!  If one hit me in the head I would have been history. 

So I called Ray and explained that rather than jockey vehicles around, I would just pick him up.  That was mistake #1 on my part.  Mistake #1 on his part was the screaming that went on during the trip across town.  Apparently he has not become accustomed to being at the mercy of a female driver in a blizzard.  Seemed to  be a lot of sniveling and crying going on over there in the passenger seat!

Conversation was great and the son-in-law and nephew gave me some tips on just how long to dip the lady fingers for a perfect Tiramasu.  The first time I made it I held them in the Kahlua until they quit bubbling.  I thought I had maybe not done it correctly since 3 people eating that first one I made, failed breathalizer tests alonside the road.  I now know you grasp the lady finger firmly and dip and raise rather quickly.  No bubbling should occur!  Just to be on the safe side, I had taken a Peanut Butter Pie for dessert!

Bobby gave me a tour of the house which included several stained glass windows that he had made.  They are really great and he seems to go more for the different textures as opposed to bright colors.  Very subtle.  Very nice.  And of course the snow continued to fall!  Time to go and Bobby cleared a path to the car for us.  There was some mention of a cook out in the summer!  That was rather tentative as to exactly when.

By this time those giant flakes had been falling for 3 hours, so I let Ray drive home.  Same sniveling and crying from the passenger seat, only this time it was not him!  I never knew my car could plow through drifts that deep and that fast!  He did trust me to hop in the drivers side when we got to his place and drive the seven miles of country roads to my place alone.  Course he did remind me to call when I got home so he would not have to worry.  I did.  The line was busy.

And there you have it in a nutshell.  One interesting note here,  he lives 3 blocks from the SWM of last summer fame.  Since we drove right past his house I pointed out his Victorian with the 3rd floor turret and the 7 windows that I made curtains for that are  still  not hung.  Small world after all.

And tonight will mark a new era!

I have fully recovered from my little dating fiasco of last summer, so I am going to try this one again.  Not real sure of this guy's political affiliations, but I have pointed mine out to him.  I even printed my profile description and gave it to him to study.  He does not have a computer so he has not read my blog.  I do not know if that is good or bad.  I have taken him to Weaver's Guild where he was the only man in a room full of women and he seemed comfortable.  He has attended my church several times and fits in well in that area of my  life.

OK, I met him and his brother and his sister in law at the craft fair last November.  They do woodworking, so I know he is adept at something.  Then I found out he is a weaver, so I sold him a loom.  And some thread.  And loaned him some books.  And some shuttles.  He was out for coffee and pie once.  He has met Tim.  And sister Mary, who thinks he is a very handsome fella'.  But you know me,  "Beauty is skin deep, while ugly goes clear to the bone."

So, he has a tremendous sense of humor which is a definite plus in my world.  He knows where I do volunteer work and why and seems very compassionate in that area.  He even goes to the gym several times a week and works out, so he is into the fitness thing.  He has a dog just like Elvira only his is a full blooded Lahso and Elvira is part Shitzu. 

So, after 8 years of dinging around on my own, I may be on the verge of entering uncharted waters.  After 3 months of casual friendship I am going some where in the dark, so I almost have to call it a date.  I hope nothing changes, cause I been enjoying the friendship part.  I do know Kenny did not want me to spend my life alone, but he may not get his way on this one.  Time will tell.

By the way, just for future reference, his name is Ray.

I have come to a decision and you shall be the first to know, after me of course.

I am going to start dating after the first of the year.  Now I know, I did hang out with the tall guy for a while, but I am not sure that qualified as dating.  The way that worked is I hung out at his house or garage and kind of helped him organize stuff and we talked a lot.  Sometimes he fed me or we went out and ate.  I do not think that was dating.  I think it was hanging out mostly.  None of that personal stuff, you know.

I think dating is where the guy actually would come to the house, ring the door bell, open the car door and take me some place, like out to eat or the movies or something like that.   Maybe we could hit some garage sales.  I don't know, but I am sure if we work at it we can come up with something to do.  Oh, yeah, like the fundraiser things that I hate to go to alone, I could like to have someone take me.  OK, now comes the "someone" part.  How do I get me one of those?   Sometime back a thing kept popping up on my email telling me I could find me a man at Match.com, or Zoosk, or any number of places and all I had to do was click on there and it was free.  Let me tell you, that sounded pretty easy to me, so click I did.  That is an experience I shall not soon forget. 

There were pages and pages of men who described themselves as "good looking, hard bodies, long walks,romantic, financially secure, and looking for love."  Now no offense intended here, but if he has to tell me he is good looking that is strike number one.  A 75 year old man with a flat stomach and hard body is a little hard to imagine.  I am having a hard time even imagining one with hair!  Now his idea of a long walk and mine may not be the same.  Right away I started thinking of a long walk on a short pier!  First hit I got was a guy from Pennsylvania who was ready to relocate, all I had to do was send him my email.  I may be a bit of a doubting Thomas on this "Get the man of your dreams for only $7.95.  Limited time only." 

Now, in all fairness, this may be the way to go for some people, but not for me.  Hell, I could not quit laughing long enough.  I found another way!  And it is free!  I can just pick one up.  They are every where!  My friends know single guys.  Well, mostly widowers.  So I am a widow.  That works, or should work.  All they have to do is introduce me.  Course they have to screen them first, you know, weed out the ultra conservatives, homophobes, Catholics, men afraid of spiders, and things like that.  Don't want one in a suit. No smokers.  No drinkers. Like animals.  Don't want to ski.  No racists and must like big dysfunctional families.  I am a thinking, I may be a little too particular.  You think?

Well, now that I think about it, I am not sure I want to do that dating thing.  I suppose it would probably happen at night and I like to go to bed about 9 PM.  That could present a problem right there!  And say I did date one, what if I got to liking him?  What then?  If I start liking him and he starts liking me, then we got another problem.  But if he could just like walk me to the door at 8:30, peck on the cheek and hit the road, that might be alright.  Yes, dating will be a good thing if I don't actually have to spend any time with him!  I am going to think about this some more.  When I reach my final decision I will share that with you.

Right now I think I just looked at the full moon the other night and thought about the good old days when I was a young, romantic girl.  That was when the wee, wee hours were for snuggling with a fella, or dancing the night away, not trying to kick the cat out of bed and letting the dog out for a quick minute then back to sleep.  Well, I do love my bed and I think right now I am going to go crawl in it and say my prayers.  May rethink this whole thing.  Got a whole month before the first of the year and everything is subject to change.