Money tied in the corner of a handkerchief.

I remember only snippets of life on the Stroh place because I was 6 years old when we left there, but I do remember my very first trip to the grocery store alone.  Looking back I realize it must have been 6 or seven blocks one way which would make it about a mile round trip.  Back in those days most errands were done without the benefit of a motor vehicle because if we had one we did not want to "wear it out" doing menial things like going to the grocery.

I remember mother placing some coins on top of the grocery list and tying  them into the corner of a tattered handkerchief.  That was what served as a coin purse back in the days of abject poverty.  I had walked to the store many times with mother and my sisters, but for some reason this would be my first trip alone.  I expect sister Dorothy was either newly born or about to be and momma needed something from the store for supper.

I clutched the handkerchief  in my little fist and began the journey.  I was familiar with our long driveway so that was no problem.  Jake and I ran up and down it many times barefoot in the soft, silty black dirt.  It was under the tree at the start of the driveway that Donna had gotten a turtle latched on to her finger, but I think I told you about that!  What lay ahead was a long block before I got to Main Street where I would be safe.

I entered that block very slowly because on the right side was a big black cow (which was no doubt a bull) that looked at me with huge black eyes.  He watched my slow progress as I never took my eyes off of him for fear he would jump the fence and eat me.  His horns were long and I knew he was going to be there when I came back so I did not want to make him mad.  I did not see his teeth, but I knew he had them because he was chewing.  I was flooded with relief  when I reached the end of his fence and safety!

The next block had 3 houses before I got to Main Street.  I walked quietly and slowly in case there was a mean dog that wanted to eat me.  As I recall there was not and I reached the safety of Main Street.  Why I thought I would be safe on Main Street is beyond me because I still had the railroad tracks to cross, but Main Street and the Nickerson High School was a beacon to me.  With the giant cow and his big teeth behind me I breathed a sigh of relief, and turned right onto Main Street.  Two blocks passed without incident and there was no train.  I was almost there!

Arriving at the downtown area which was 2 blocks long was monumental to me!  I was only 2 blocks from my goal!  I remember looking in the window at the Library and seeing all the books.  Then Corrington Dry Goods had a dress in the window that I knew my mother would never own.  Then the jail which I walked past very quickly lest a bad guy grab me.  The sheriff was on his chair in front of the door.  He had the chair leaned back against the door and was sound asleep.  The bank was next and then Berridge IGA, but I was going to Flemings.  The drug store was on the corner and across the street I reached Flemings Grocery.  

I handed the handkerchief to the lady at the counter like mother had told me to do.  She opened it and went to fetch the items.  Seems like it was a loaf of bread, a piece of suet, and a portion of butter.  She handed me the parcel with the now empty handkerchief, smiled and I left the store.  My job was almost over!  

The trip home was uneventful until I reached the railroad track.  I saw the arms go down on the crossing and I knew the train was coming!  If I hurried I could make it, but fear froze me in place and I waited by the grain elevator until until the train lumbered past and the arms were once more raised.  Then I waited a little longer just to be sure it was not coming back.  And I still had the giant cow to pass.

I left Main Street and walked as quietly as possible, but that damn cow had supersonic hearing and when I reached his fence I was scared shitless to see that he was looking right at me.  He was waiting.  My mind raced for another way home, but there was nothing coming to mind.  He looked at me and chewed something that I would learn later was a cud.  He never took his eyes off me and after a time I knew I had to go past him again.  Every watch something move so slowly that you never really detected  movement?  That was me!  Looking back and watching this is slow motion from the cows perspective, I am pretty sure he was laughing his ass off, if cows laugh!

When I reached the head of our driveway I broke into a dead run.  When I burst through the door and into my mothers arms I also burst into tears.  I was safe at home!  The mean cow had not eaten me!  The train had not run over me!  I had not been devoured by a vicious dog!  And best of all my mother was proud that I had gone to the store all alone and came home with exactly what she needed.  

I realize now that my mother had probably been more worried about me, then I was. It was my first tremulous step into being a responsible person, but it would not be my last.  Life would always hold challenges and I would always know that at the end of the task my mother would be there with open arms and pride in her hazel eyes for me.

I have met many people through life who have cheered me on and celebrated my victories and wept at my failures, but none as special as the one I called  "Momma."

I glimpsed my future and that shit ain't gonna happen here!

Remember a while back when I was flirting with the idea of dating because I thought it might be nice to have a gentleman friend to hang out with?  Plead the blood of Jesus over that thought!  I saw myself at the grocery store yesterday and Lou Mercer is not ready for that!  We are in week number something or other ( I have actually lost track of time) of this social distancing and not getting closer than 6 feet to any other human.  I am a rather gregarious soul and do enjoy people so this has been very trying for me and probably a lot of other people.  But, back to the subject.

I went to Lagrees yesterday to pick up a couple items that I needed.  I always start on the produce aisle.  I picked up a bag of lettuce, a tomato, and 3 bananas.  Next stop was the mark down shelf.  There was already a gentleman there, so I waited.  He picked up each bag and ran his fingers over the plastic covering of each item in every bag.  He deemed three of them as good enough to go home with him and I watched as he took them over and put them in a grocery cart that was attended by a lovely lady that I figured must be his wife.  I saw he already had several of the bags in the cart.  A cursory look at the rack told me he had taken anything that was worth paying for.

I caught sight of him several more times in my journey through the store.  The lady never let go of the cart and when he would venture off to check something out, she remained with the cart.  Very soon I formed a vision in my mind of what life with this guy would be like.  I would be in charge of the cart and he, as the bread winner, would be in charge of what went in the cart, and also what I would eat.  I pictured the home with him collecting the mail and sorting through it and letting me look at the advertisements that arrived.  He would pay the bills while I stood quietly by.  I wondered if the woman had any wants or desires of her own.  I know I have plenty!

The jest here is that he was the man of the house.  He decided what they would eat.  My job would be lord only knows what.  I made up my mind from that 15  minute peek into some one else's life that no way in hell do I need a man.  Been there, done that, and like it like it is. I want to push my own cart and put in it what I want to eat.  I really do not mind picking up a bag on the discount shelf and finding day old produce in it.  I usually always buy my bananas when they are ready to turn because they make better banana bread.  When I buy eating bananas they are usually pretty green.

I did not see them leave the store, but I am betting money, he was driving.  Now, I am pretty sure that  they have a tidy house, they eat good and no doubt watch the same shows every week night that they watched for the last 40 years.  Maybe I am just getting old and set in my ways, but I would like to steer the boat, so to speak, every once in a while.

Granted it would be nice to have a man around to talk to and share my day with, but I have baggage and I am pretty sure any man I find in this day and age is going to have his own baggage and I just am not ready for that.  I sometimes eat breakfast for supper and sometimes my noon day meal is something I just ran through the blender.  Or more often than not, a nap instead of eating.

I am a packrat, by nature.  I buy my own car when I need one.  I love my company and I am pretty sure it is going to stay that way.  The square dancing lessons are over.  Fishing out the back of the boat is over.  Classic Country music still plays on my stereo and always will.  Last man friend I had gave me a jazz cd.  Wonder where that went?

So, stay home.  Stay safe.  And stay single!  That will be my mantra!

I am now a checker at King Soopers!

I love to go to the grocery store and wander the aisles looking for what ever I might be able to cram in my pantry and forget about.  I also love to visit with the checkers when I go through the check out lane.  King Soopers is always so clean and I can find what I need fairly easily.  So Saturday afternoon I wandered into the one on 29th Street.  I knew they had turkey's on sale and I need one for an upcoming catering job in December.

Of course I had to park far from the door because they were busy.  And they are busy because they are a top notch destination store.  Little did I know my world perception was about to change!

It did not take long to find what I needed.  The turkey was on sale.  No, they do not carry bean sprouts any more.  No, they do not carry the seasoning stuff for egg rolls. And the Dole salad in a bag with the 5 veggies is not there.  So with my turkey and napa cabbage I headed for the checkout.  There I met my demise!

The few checkers had lines 4 blocks long!  Ah, but here I found "self check machines" that were waiting for me!  I am sorry but those thing intimidate the hell right out of me, but since it was apparent that this was my lot in life I approached one.  The first item I scanned was the turkey.  "place item in the bagging area" was announced by this machine.  Since the damn thing weighed 18 pounds I did not want to wrestle it around very long, so I placed it in my cart and reached for my next item, which was a napa cabbage.  No!  It repeated the order to "place item in bagging area."  I tried again.  "place item in bagging area."  By this time the woman inside the scanner was losing patience with me.  I finally put the damn turkey "in the bagging area" which seemed to please her no end!

Back to the cabbage.   Of course it did not have a bar code.  After waving it before the scanning area and having no luck, the man behind me stepped up to help.  He called up a screen which had more choices.  He chose produce, which called up another screen.  Not finding the Napa cabbage he poked something else.  By this time  I had given up totally and he continued to check my items, while I stood there mumbling about not wanting to be a checker at my age and I was actually retired.

When it called up the screen where payment was needed, he did step away and let me pay.  Good man.  He offered to "help me to my car with my purchases."  His name was George.  A very nice man.  However, my puritan upbringing dictates that I not pick up men in the grocery store, so I demurred.  Of course the parking lot of a grocery store is a damn good place to get mugged and he may have been a safer bet than the strangers out there.  He did smile at me and tell me that he shops there every Saturday afternoon about this same time.  Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.  They will probably have something on sale next week that I cannot live with out.  We will see.

Back to the subject of this blog.  I never was a checker in a grocery store, nor did I ever aspire to be one.  Yesterday I took Jerome to Walmart to buy his groceries.  Once more we were confronted with  many banks of self check outs.  He refuses to use them.  I got in line just in time for the checker to open the aisle right beside me!  Dodged that bullet.  I was out on the street in 5 minutes or less.  Jerome had wandered off to find someone to check him out and arrived shortly after me.  The God's must have been smiling on us.

I shall resist the self check as long as I can.  My choice is to shop at Albertson's or Lagrees' where they do not have self check.  The checkers at Lagrees's know me by name.  They know my grandson.  I have left my purse in their parking lot 2 times and found it in their office when I did.  They are up the road just one mile, so that is good.  Maybe they are a little higher than in town, but like Kenny always said, "Better support them or we will be driving into town for a loaf of bread."  So I do.

Course I may make a trip into King Soopers next Saturday just for kicks and to see if George is hanging around the self check looking for someone to help.  My puritan upbringing be damned!

Wish me luck on that! 

Nickerson, Kansas, or the good old days.

Well, another day and another class trying to learn something.  It is amazing to me that when I was young and learning stuff was free and easy, I was not interested in the whole concept.  And now, here I am 70 years old with my mind so full of stuff that I can not pick out one vital piece of information and I now want to cram some more stuff in there to clutter it up even  worse.  But I shall clutter, none the less.
Let me see, what else have I been up to?  Well, I have been trying to figure out how to write about my childhood in Nickerson, Kansas and I am getting confused.  If I just start at the beginning that is a pretty boring story.  So I have arrived at the concept of just giving you snippets of my younger days.  Like now, the story playing out in my head is the one where I got my first bicycle. 
The local grocery had a contest and whoever came in with the most labels won  their choice of either a 3 speed bicycle or a radio.  At the same time the IGA was having a contest, but their prize was a trip to St. Louis.  I knocked on doors, scavenged through trash barrels, begged in front of the store, and otherwise just made a nuisance of myself.
Well, when the contest ended and all the labels were counted, I had like 7,000 and the next kid had 300+.  He was very upset because he wanted that bike.  His dad owned the local newspaper and I was pretty sure that his dad had way more money then my mother who cleaned their house. 
Ah, that bike was a beauty!  It was a boys bike because I did not want to wait for them to order in a girls' bike.  It was maroon and some chrome and I thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world. And it had the little skinny tires and it was called an "English Racing Bike".  I very proudly pushed it all the way home.  I pushed it up on to the front porch and there it stayed.  Having never had a bicycle, I did not know how to ride.  The neighbor girls had bikes.  Little bicycles that I could actually step over the bar and set on the seat.  Irene agreed to give me "bike riding lessons".  Told me it was "easy as pie"!  Ever make a pie?  It is not that easy. 
So this is how this would happen;  I would get on the bike and she would hold on to the back fender and keep me in an upright postition.  Hell, that sounded like a genius idea to me.  The first short little bursts worked well.  Now she would let me go when she was sure I had my balance.  Brilliant!  Off we went and I quickly achieved "lift off", and down the road I went.  Course any fool knows what happened next.  Dead end road so it was either stop or turn the corner.  Unfortuneately we had discussed neither of thos option in advance.  I suddenly remembered something about pedaling backwards and so I reversed my direction.  Now I do not know if you have ever ridden a bike with that kind of brake, but I am here to tell you, when you suddenly reverse the foot pedals, you stop.  That is where that old saying "It can stop on a dime!" came from.  Of course when the bike stops so does the balance thing you had going on.  This was my first wreck.  Irene was very proud that I had gone almost half a block.  I was not real sure the other half of that block was left in me.
Of course in due time I learned to do it right.  And then my new bike was waiting for me.  It was taller then me and I needed to park by the step to climb on and take off.  Now I find my whole life has been lived this way.  I know how to start and I know how to get on, I just don't know how to end the ride!  I quickly learned to ride close to a hill, squeeze the brake and then lean toward the hill with my leg extended.  That was all in the first day!  Sadly though, the first day was about all there was to that.  Remember those little skinny tires I was so proud of the first day?  They do not stand up well against the dreaded Goat Head, which is a very sharp sticker.  I would pump the tires up and ride until they went flat.  The rides got shorter and I moved on to other things, like playing "Annie Over" Irene's house.
I think that was the name of the game.  She was on one side of the house and I was on the other.  Whoever had the ball would holler "Annie Over" and throw it over the house.  You got three tries to get it over and then we had to change sides.  If she missed, she got three chances.  The most amazing part of the whole thing was that there was a lot of honesty went on without us even knowing.  If we missed the ball, we called "miss" and if it did not go over the house we called "do over!"  I guess at that place in our lives we had not yet learned how to cheat and lie.  Of course we all picked that habit up as we got out in the real world, but something else I have noticed is that as I get older, I am reverting to my honesty days.  I do not find it necessary to embellish the truth any more.  I think part of that happened when I realized I better tell the truth because I was having a hard time remembering the lies.  Or maybe I am just returning to what is known as my "second childhood." 
Either way I am enjoying this part of life and as the prize gets closer I remember the good old days with a clarity I never had when I was there.
Wonder what I will think about tomorrow!

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