Do we ever forget? I mean completely?

Kansas is a very flat state as you enter from the West.  You can see for miles.  Even a Prairie Dog will catch your eye.  So sometimes the foot tends to get a tad bit heavy on the gas pedal.  I know it does for me, especially when I am driving West and headed for my home in Colorado.  I had spotted these two roadside markers on my way down, so I was watching on my way back. 

The stretch of road between Syracuse and Lakin is as straight as a laser beam.  There are a few rolling hills, but if you have ever driven Kansas, you know just how little those rolls are!  The distance is about 35 miles.  That is why I was a little surprised to spot these and the sad part is, they are just a few yards apart and they are very new.

I could have researched this and found out all the details of who, what, when, where and why, as good reporters do, but I did not.  By being on the side of a highway, they by virtue of the location become public.  The details matter, but are of little relevance in this piece.   They can only serve as a reminder and memorial to the  people who placed them there for that purpose. 

I must confess that as I passed the first one, the blue cross, my foot came off the gas just a little.  The second one, brought it up a little more and by that point I was probably obeying the speed limit.  

I know these little markers can be found all along every highway in this proud land.  As we speed past a little beacon flashes on and makes us aware that some one died on that precise spot.  This has been marked by friends or family of the deceased and thereby committed forever to memory.  Or so it seems.  But years will come and go and the memorials will become faded and then turn to dust.  They will be replaced by newer ones with a different name and date.  That is just the way it goes.

My brother Jake was an enigma.  He was my only brother and I loved him dearly.  After I married and left home we sort of drifted apart, but not really.  I knew he was there.  I knew if I needed him he would be where I was, somehow.  His name was Delbert Leroy, but we never called him that.  We called him Jake.  Mostly Shakey Jake.  He made people laugh, and everyone loved him.  He had a scar that ran  from the bottom of his eye, across his cheek and down and back up.  A horrible looking thing that came from a horse kicking him in the face, but nobody ever noticed it.  He was that kind of guy!

My brother was killed in 1964 at an intersection some where near Inman, Kansas, I think.  Or maybe it was McPherson.  I know he had just gotten off work and he and his friend, John Rogers were heading for home.  Probably they were in a hurry.  Jake had only recently discovered the Lord and I think he was hurrying home to go to church.  He was not driving, but that is not important.  What matters is that there on a very lonely stretch of road, my brother and his friend went through a stop sign and into the side of a loaded gravel truck.  Clearly they were at fault.

Efforts were made to save Jake and he did in fact live long enough for me to get home from Western Kansas.  He wrecked on my daughters first birthday which was also my 4th anniversary.  He died on Halloween. I never went to see that intersection.  I never went to see the pickup or the gravel truck.  The day we buried him the doctors amputated Johnny's leg.  Four days later we buried him.  That was a bad year.

I did not put up a cross, but I have one in my heart.  I thank God every day from October 31, 1964 to this very day that he found Jake before he became a statistic.  I need no marker and hardly ever visit his grave.  He lives in my heart today bigger and stronger than ever before.  I think of Johnny occasionally and am secure that all the markers in the world would not make a difference.  I think he and Jake were talking about how great life was when the conversation ended abruptly.  I do not think either of them seen it coming.

So, when I came to this particular place on Highway 50, I stopped.  I stood for a while and thought about Jake.  And I thought about Johnny.  I can still see Jake in my minds eye.  Johnny has fade, but Jake remains there still 29 years old and still with his lopsided smile.  He will never grow old.  He will never loose his boyish grin.  His eyes will forever twinkle and I will forever think of him along a lonely stretch of road, or up in the mountains, or down by the river, and I will pray for him every time I pray.  I will never cease to thank God for the chance to know this little fellow that slipped through my life and brought me so much joy!



Dedicated to my brother

Delbert Leroy Bartholomew

October 5, 1939-October 31,1964

Follow the yellow brick road................

Sunday is the day I took sister Mary to meet her girls who will take her to her home.After driving for about 3 hours we are now at the beginning of the Yellow Brick Road.  I have this particular picture in a lot of my albums.  I never fail to honk  when I pass it, but usually stop and take a picture with whoever is with me.  All the husbands are framed by this back drop except #1 and #2. Reason for that being I did not even know Colorado existed until the long, legged guitar picker told me it was here.  He tried to lure me, but I just laughed.

 And here we start the last leg of the trip.  Daughter said we would not miss the truck stop; we would see it!  She was right.  Had she said an ant hill, we would have seen that also!  LOL  I lived many years on this flat land.  Kenny used to call me a Flat Lander.  He was so cute.  No matter which way I point the camera it is pretty much the same view.

 You can drive really fast cause there is not a thing to slow you down.  The highway is as straight as a string and goes for miles without the scenery being broken by a house, field of cattle, damn near anything.  Got the cruise control on and just kicked back coasting.  Probably warbling along with Johnny or Charlie or one of my other boys.  The thrill of the  open road!

 Now, here is the favorite part of the drive, the Welcome to Colorado sign which you can not read because I was too far away and going way to fast to focus!  (Little side note here:  I drive a Ford Focus. Do that cause it gets phenomenal gas mileage.) But the sign is up there....trust me. (snicker)

Before I leave this country I do want to put in a plug for the fair state of Kansas.  I lived many years on these flat plains and there is a lot to be said for the view.  You can look in any direction and see for miles.  You know where the river runs, because there are trees there.  In the summer the wheat fields are spectacular.  Oh, and signs of spring on the way down!  The winter wheat is starting to turn the fields green.  I saw at least 5 separate fields with baby calves.

The sunrise is beautiful and lasts for about 45 minutes as does the sunset.  In the evening the shadows start growing very long and if you are a little kid, you know that it is time to head for home or the dark is going to catch you.  In Colorado, the sun just sort of pops up and then in the evening it falls behind the mountains like that ball at Times Square on New Years Eve.  Those are the two things I miss most about Kansas.  Those and the humidity and the black ice.  (Little sarcasm there.)

Oh, but here is the view I most wanted to see!  Coming up the highway headed West, I noticed the sun was starting to set behind the mountains.  Oh, it was spectacular!  Having been in Colorado for over thirty years, I have learned that this was not going to last long.  I stopped beside the road, pulled out my trusty camera and snapped this picture for posterity.  Thirty minutes later I pulled into my drive in total darkness.  I do not get to see many pretty sunsets out here, but I think this one was well worth the wait.

So here I am in my very quiet house.  Sister Mary is home in hers.  I know you girls are reading this, so I want you to know first of all that one of her pill containers (with 7 boxes) is here on the counter.  I have not been down to her room to do the final shake down, although the Daisy dog is waiting for her to come to bed.  There may be more down there. 

What else you need to know, is that we may not have done a lot while she was here, but what we did, we did well!  I enjoyed my visit with your mother, my sister, and we laughed about some of the things of which you know nothing!  We had a life before all you little kids cropped up and both of us still remember that time.  Some memories never fade.  So enjoy my sister while you can and remember,  we are all traveling the same road and headed the same place.  North, South, East or West.  I still think, Heaven is best.

Aunt Lou

Sister Mary at the half way point on the journey home!

Well, here goes Mary with her two daughters!  She has more than this, but the other one is in North Carolina.  She also has a son, but he is home in Hutch.  This is Tina on the left and Dorothy on the right.  Mary is in the middle. 

 I do think she is most happy to be going home, although I did tell her I will not be there to cook and she could very well starve to death.  At least she will not have the chicken and home made noodles, Black Walnut Ice Cream, home made cinnamon rolls, chocolate chip cookies and that stuff.  When she started crying, I told her I was teasing!  I am a good sister!

 Now here we are in front of the Truck Plaza outside Garden City, Kansas.  Left to right is Tina, Mary, Me , and Dorothy.  Let me digress here for just a moment.  We tend to get a name in this family and then wear it completely out using it.  Tina is named after mother and Mary.  Dorothy is named after Mary's mother in law, but we also have a sister Dorothy.  I had a sister in law Dorothy.  I have a daughter Dona, a sister Donna, and a sister in law Dona.  You get the picture?

Oh, speaking of Dona, here is my daughter Patty on the left and Dona on the right.  Behind Patty is her daughter (my grand daughter) September, who was born in November.

So here you have pictures from the mini reunion at the Truck Plaza.  Mary should be waking up in her little house this morning.  She is gonna miss me, but such is life.  We had a very good time while she was here.  The girls asked what we did and we said, "Nothing!"  I do, however think we did something.  I know we went to Beulah which Mary likes to do.  We had lunch at the airport with Tim a couple times.  Lyn brought a grand baby by a couple times for us to play with.  It snowed and Mary slipped and kind of busted her butt.  I hit her in the head with the car door.  We went to church.  Had company several times for supper  or dessert.  We went out to eat.  Yeah, I think nothing may have been an inadequate answer!

So here I set all alone with no Mary.  Guess I will put my new to me Charlie Pride on the turntable and hop on the tread mill and go for a little walk before I have to do the chores.  Tomorrow I am going to take you on the drive to Garden City and back.  You will love those miles and miles of flat country!  Gonna do it anyway!

Miss you, sister Mary!  Remember if you get hungry, lonely or just need a change of scenery, I am still here in Colorado and if I keep up the house payments I will still have your bed!   Good Night, John Boy!  Good night, Mary Belle!  (click)

I have a place for you to go!  Have fun there.          My really big store!

50 years ago or was it yesterday?

Yesterday  marked the 50 year anniversary of John Fitzgerald Kennedy being inaugurated as the 35th president of our fair land.  The newscaster noted that only 30% of the people alive today would remember that event.  I am among the chosen few!  I realize this dates me, but oh, well.  Facts are facts.

I remember so clearly that period of time.  It was amazing that a Roman Catholic of Irish descent was elected to the highest office of the land.  If I recall, he is the only Roman Catholic to ever hold the Presidency.  Correct me if I am wrong.

He was the most drop dead gorgeous thing and his wife was beautiful and every inch a lady.  Caroline was cute as a button and rode a horse named Macaroni.  As I recall, son John was born after the election and prior to the inauguration.  "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country!"  " The torch is passed to a new generation."  "Tear down this wall!"  "I am a Berliner!"  Every word the man uttered was carved in stone!

He was a family man all the way and every day.  I stood with millions of other young women with our noses pressed to the window watching the whirling couples dip and sway in a land called Camelot.  We all knew what and where Camelot was because John and Jackie taught us.  We learned about touch football from the Kennedy's on vacation in Hyannis Port.   From 1959 to 1963 we dreamed a dream and we loved our government!

We loved our government and tried to be good people.  We could envision a future for our children that had not been dreamed of before JFK threw down the gauntlet and his beautiful wife cheered him on to victory.  In that short period of time, I married and had two children.  I prayed as John and Jackie stood vigil over the crib of their premature son in 1963 and wept as they buried the tiny coffin. 

And I stood with my second child in my arms as I watched the motorcade wind through the streets of Dallas.  I watched as Jackie in her pink dress splattered with blood tried to help her fallen hero.  I flinched as Jack Ruby fired a point blank shot into the stomach of Lee Harvey Oswald, the man who had taken our dream away.

It was a magical time.  It was a time of hope and aspirations that had never been seen before and will never be seen again.  Who knows what the future would have been for this man with the funny accent and his perfect family, so clouded with tragedy and triumph?  I do not know.  What I do know is I am so blessed that I am part of this 30%.  It is a period of my life that gave me hope to make it to this point in my life.

I look at our government now and I look at how little respect we have for our chosen officials.  Fresh after the mess in Tuscon I look back at how we treat our heroes.  One person, whether it be Lee Harvey Oswald,  James Earl Ray, Sirhan Sirhan, or the guy in Tuscon, can wreak so much havoc and destroy so many dreams.  I do not know the solution, well I do, but no one wants to hear it.  It is in a song that goes like this...."What the world needs now, is love, sweet love!  That's the only thing we have too little of." 

That is all I know.  The Camelot years are gone, but not forgotten by 30% of the nation today.   I only hope I never forget the euphoria that gripped our nation at that time!  I hope I never quit clinging to the dream of a better life and time.  I do not want to ever give up the optimism that I cultivated at that time.  Camelot will always live in this woman's mind!

Martin Luther King Jr. day.

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  There will be no mail.  Banks are probably closed.  School is out.  But how many of you reading this know or care what went on in connection with Martin Luther King Jr.    I  do. Do I remember the dates?  No, I do not.  Do I remember specific incidents?  No I do not.  I remember in generalities.  Selma, as a fleeting memory.  The 3 civil rights workers that were murdered and buried in a dam or something.  As an injustice.  The integration of Little Rock, Arkansas as something I was glad was not happening here.  Man's inhumanity to man was at that point in history at the pinnacle of injustice, hatred, and every vile word that comes to the front of my mind.

I remember being incensed, but I do not recall feeling empathy.  They were, after all,  only niggers.  They had been born as niggers and they still were, only now they were different.  I remember thinking, somewhere in the recesses of my mind that these people (?) could have feelings.  For many, many years, I had been aware of their existence, but they were not a part of my life.  I did not interact with them at all, because there were none in my small town.  But now here they were, angry and wanting civil rights.  What was civil rights?  Hell, I had no idea, nor did I care.  I just knew that black people were acting up and it was affecting the whole world.  My world.

Then at some point in time I had a thought.  What if that were me?  What if I was black?  Would my friends spit on me?  Sure they would.  Could I go to school?  No I could not.  I watched the kids going to Little Rock and wondered why they were doing that.  I watched the white kids throwing rocks and bottles at them.  I could not understand that either.  I listened to Martin Luther King Jr. speeches and they made sense to me.  I was not raised in a racist home.  Mom and dad were more concerned with putting food on the table then who went to school in Little Rock, Arkansas.

I remember.  I remember the White Only signs in restaurants and on bathroom doors.  I remember Medgar Evers, the Black Panthers, Rosa Parks and I tremble with shame and rage at the whole thing.  We, proud citizens of the United States of America, brought black people to the shores of this great country in chains and yokes and forced them to labor in the hot sun in fields and kitchens of the aristocrats.  They were niggers.  They were not allowed to marry, they were sold and families broken and shattered.  What were we thinking?  What justification did our forefathers offer as a reason for this?  We killed a man who tried to set them free.

For years they suffered in silence and then came another saviour.  John Kennedy strove for civil rights and we killed him. Martin Luther King Jr.  He did it.  He freed them.  And again we killed him.  Our answer to everything is to kill some body.  We now have Civil Rights laws in place and the second class citizens that suffered so many years are treated as equal.  Not separate but equal, as once was proposed.  This is a lot like don't ask don't tell.  Who will we kill when that one is repealed?

I am not a very smart woman, but I do know right from wrong.  We have done lots of things in this country to make me scratch my head and wonder, but you know what?  Back in that era there was a lot of hate.  Two sides and both thinking that their side was right.  Emotions ran high.  But it all worked out.  I am a quilt maker.  Sometimes a piece does not want to go in where it is supposed to and I have found if I tug a little here and a little more there, pretty soon it is in there right where it goes and it looks very good.  Same thing happened in the civil rights movement.  I watch Oprah.  I saw some of the white kids who were there in Little Rock and some of the black kids.  It is many years later and they have come to terms and faced their demons. 

That is what life is all about.  Just like the first time they flipped the switch and a light came on.  Bet that scared hell out of some one.  I think humans by very nature of being human want to do what is right.  We just have a hard time figuring out what right is, but when we get the big picture we are the best in the world at enforcing it.  Lincoln did not die in vain.  Nor did JFK, or Martin Luther King Jr.  We have come full circle, but there are more circles ahead of us. 

My favorite quote of Martin Luther King Jr. is not from the I Have a Dream Speech, but this one:

"In the end we will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."    Martin Luther King Jr.

Sister Mary, the boy and girl, and Robin who I have known for years.

This is a happy little family outing.  Since it has been freezing cold since my sister Mary got here and snow is refusing to melt, we are becoming home bound.  So I saw on the weather that today was going to get up over the freezing mark and decided we should make a break!   I had to go give blood for my annual physical that I have every year and a half or so.  That meant I could not eat or drink till that chore was out of the way.

I thought it might be fun to meet the kids at Souper! Salad.  Bret is very fond of the Chicken Enchilada soup in there.  He actually will eat a little salad and thereby confuse his digestive system into thinking it got something healthy.  Amanda actually will eat a little salad and a vegetable on occasion without being threatened.

 So there are the three of them.  Mary ate two bowls of soup and a small salad, but what she is working on here is a bowl of ice cream with sprinkles and oreo cookies.   Amanda had to take off her jacket so she would not flip food on it.  We do know how to enjoy our food.

Now here is the surprise.  See this lovely lady?  No, not me!  The one on my left, your right.  That is Robin.  Now I know this means little to you, but she has worked here for many years.  That is not all.  I knew this young lady when she was 15 years old and attending Central High School here in Pueblo.  At that time she and my daughter, Dona, were friends.  As I recall, they were both kind of ornery, but not as ornery as some.  They did like to go to concerts.  Robin was dating a boy who actually had a car.  I think they later married, but I could not say for sure.  I do know she has some kids and a couple are still at home.

Every time I go to the Souper! Salad and run into Robin I vow I will get her phone number and I think I did once, but Lord only knows where that went.  I am going to get organized soon, very soon.  Right now, I am going to call Dona and see if she remembers Robin, but as I set here and think about this, I think I have already done that.  I think I do that every time I see Robin.  Got to be careful here or my kids will think I am getting senile.

So if you have never been to Souper! Salad  you should venture in to one.  I am pretty sure they are a national chain.  The salad bar is always crisp and cold with any addition you want.  The  four kinds of soup are hot and tasty.  Baked white and sweet potatoes.  An assortment of fresh baked breads.  Spaghetti, chili and pizza.  Lots of fruit, strawberry short cake.  Oh, I am getting fat thinking about it.

So, now it is night, and sister Mary is off to bed.  Bret and Amanda went some where for some reason.  My house is very quiet.  Scratch that!  They are home again and having a little discussion.  My little eyes are getting very heavy.  I need to go delete a bunch of stuff on the other side of this computer.  Think the last time I looked I had over 3000 emails in the old mail. 

So if you are in this fair city stop out at the Souper! Salad and see Robin.  Tell her Lou sent you and then give her a wink.  That should drive her nuts!   She is a very nice lady and she works very hard for her money, so be nice to her.  Thanks.



Today is 1/11/11 and I feel the need to say something special.

When I looked at that my first thought was a lottery ticket.  Now I know people were all excited and doing something special on 1/1/11.  But look at that.  It is special.  Oh, and I think November will bring us 11/11/11.   And September 9/10/11.  You know what I think?  I think every day is special!

Any morning I wake up on the top side of the sod, I consider a very good day.  Usually some one or something will come along and make me rethink that, but most days are good!  Now today I woke up thinking about some one I know who wears a lot of makeup.  I have seen her apply this and it is no easy chore and is very time consuming.  I do not do it.  I did for a few weeks when I was living in Liberal, Kansas.  I was 26 at the time.  I remember it clearly. 

I have been blessed with a very unique skin that requires little care and has never been cursed with a pimple.  Course after a few days of smearing that crap around on my face, I got one.  So now, it is au naturelle (or however you spell that).   But, back to my friend.  First there is white stuff under the eyes to cover a dark circle that might be there.  Now I am not sure what order this all happens in, but during the construction of this face, there will be liquid something,  powder, red stuff on the cheeks, purple stuff on the eye lids, lines around the eyes, dark stuff in the eyebrows, black stuff on the eye lashes and then comes a curling iron to curl them. 

Now, I know this is a lot of work and I do not have the proper sequence of events that just took place,  but I can tell you the end result is a face that is without flaw and a perpetual deer in the head light look that will not leave until it all comes off at night.  At least I think that is when it happens.  I have not been around to see the coming off part.  I do know the putting on part takes well over an hour.  I like my routine....

Get nekkid.  Step in the shower.  Grab shampoo bottle and lather hair.  Smear a little soap around.  Brush teeth while rinsing.  Water off, dry, deodorant, pick through the hair, dress from the bottom up.  Total elapsed time: 7 minutes.  I have the theory that if I do happen to see anyone I know today they will not remember tomorrow what I looked like today.  They will remember forever what I said, but not what color shirt I was wearing.  And that is the premise of my life!

Now, I think I digressed again.  But here is my theory on that...it is not the first time and it will not be the last time!  The date today is just another day on my march to that big blog site in the sky!  So I fully intend to live this day with the same gusto I lived the 26,000 (give or take) before.  Reminds me of a song......" You got to give a little, take a little , and let your poor heart break a little!  That's the story of, that's the glory of love! "

Have a good one!

Arggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!! More cold and snow!!!!!!!

The Arctic front is back!!  Right now it is 12 degrees and falling.  I am already frozen.  I never lost the last snow.  It melted a little here on my sloped driveway that I have to walk across to get to the car port and then quickly froze into a sheet of the slickest ice I have encountered since I left Kansas!  As I recall those days, when winter came it first rained.  Then that changed to freezing rain.  This left a sheet of ice on everything known as "black ice".  You have not lived until you have driven 200 or so miles on that. 

Black ice is just what the name implies.  Inevitably this phenomena would occur right before I wanted to make the trip from Garden City back to Hutchinson.  Course  who ever heard of postponing a trip?  Well, yeah, that and the fact that the ice would be there until Spring so why fight it?  Then it would snow and the temperatures would fall and 15 degrees below was a good day.  But you will recall that I left Kansas. 

Now I know you think Colorado is the land of beautiful snow falls and skiing and that sort of thing, but what you do not know is this......I live in a hole.  I am here in Pueblo where it never rains, temperatures are moderate and the sun shines every day.  Except of course, when it does not!  Give us an Albuquerque Low and we measure the snowfall in feet or the rain in gallons.  And then there is that little thing called an Arctic Front that comes creeping down from God only knows where and drops the bottom right out of the thermometers.

So back to the sloped drive and the sheet of ice.  I myself have found it easier to go out the back door, across the deck, down the side walk, out the gate, across the back lot, crawl over the front fence, stumble through the rose bushes and exit into the car port.  Most of the time I have the presence of mind to have my keys with me.  But occasionally I exit the front door.  Side walk is clear (Thanks to my back breaking work and Bret sleeping late cause he does not do a good job of shoveling.) so I can get up a little speed, lock my knees when I hit the ice patch, glide to the bottom and stop suddenly when I hit the dry gravel which marks the neighbors drive.  Then it is just a matter of turning right, walking spraddle legged and holding on to the trash can, water hydrant and springing forward to the first pole in the car port.  I could never do that sober!

Had a man stop buy last evening to pick up some thread.  Course he parked right in the middle of the ice patch I laughingly call "Widow Maker".  I was happy to see he had been around enough to have mastered the spraddle legged walk which I also laughingly call "Widow Maker".  When it came time for him to leave I told him I  would watch him to his car to make sure he did not fall.  He, of course, thought I would pick him up if he did.  I told him, "No, but I think I can slide you over to the car port and you can grab hold of something and pull yourself up."  Luckily he made it to his vehicle and all was well.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, I woke up this morning and what do I have?  Got another 6-7 inches of fresh snow out there.  I have no idea where I left that damn snow shovel.  I think it is with the sledge hammer I need to break the ice on the pond.  I expect they are in the tin shed which has yet another drift in front of it.  If life were fair, things would be different.  I know where I went wrong.  See, a couple weeks ago I went to have my tires rotated and the little guy at Peerless (whom I love) told me, " Gee, Lou, your tread is about gone.  Want to take care of that now?"  And I in my lackadaisical manner did my usual procrastination thing.  I love it when I do that! ( Sarcasm, just another service I offer.)

Ok, so I was wrong about it never snowing here.  If this were the first time I was wrong you might be able to cackle, but seems to me specialty.  That and dumplings that do not have a hard ball of dough in the middle.  So now you have a good day and think about poor old Lou out here in Colorado freezing to death and driving around on bald tires. ( I would insert a happy face here if I had any idea how to do that!)

From daughter Patty for Christmas, or a mindless blog today!

Today should be the day I blog about my second daughter, Patty, if I were on schedule, but I am not!  I need pictures and I am not prone to dig in that closet today!  Well, actually, ever, but that is beside the point.  So today, I will show you one of my Christmas gifts from said daughter and tell you what havoc it has caused in my home!

Do you see that picture?  Do you know what it is?  It is a bird house.  It is a bird house clock.  It has batteries.  It actually works and Patty gave it to me for Christmas.  As with all gifts I receive, I put the batteries in it, and started it up, as you should do with all gifts you receive that require batteries.  That was my first mistake!

I set the hands to 2:47 and then went about my business.  13 minutes later I heard a tweeting sound.  Had I been the only one that heard the sound, life could have been good, but 2 dogs snapped to attention and immediately set to barking.  If they could have found the intruder it might have been a different story, but they could not.  With the sound gone they were soon back at their favorite pastime, which is sleeping.

One hour passed and the tweeting began again.  This time Icarus was in the house and was bent on finding the helpless bird.  As luck would have it she was at her feed bowl which is located on a built in desk in my kitchen.  It is there so the dogs do not eat her food.  Her head popped up and in one quick leap she had the birdhouse clock in her clutches!  In one quick leap I had her in my clutches!  Of course the dogs were immediately on point and barking like mad.  This scenario was repeated every hour on the hour until I took the batteries out of the clock.

So, now here is the dilemma that I face today.   I know that there has to be a way to silence that clock.  Unfortunately, as with most everything I own, the first thing I did was throw away the instructions.  So now I can dig through the trash and try to find that little 4 inch square piece of paper.  I do not like to dig through trash under the best of conditions.  Oh, what I can do is put the batteries back in and put it up on top of my cupboards where there is a place for such stuff but I do not like to do that cause then I have to clean that because it will attract every drop of grease that floats in the air.  Amanda, my little flash fryer of food, adds to that little problem daily!

So, in the meantime, the little clock sets there very quietly, awaiting my decision.  It is a very pretty little clock and the cheeping did not bother me.  Scared hell out of me the first couple times because Icarus has been known to bring in a bird or two and give them flying lessons.   I blogged once about how she undressed that one a feather at a time.

OK.  It is time to go let the ducks and geese out into the pond area.  I have lost one duck so far this year.  Old age is invading my flock. Time marches on and all that.  I see we have another Arctic Front coming.  Wish I had recovered from the last one, before the next one gets here.

Meet the oldest daughter, Debbie and her hubby, Hammer.

Son in law, Hammer and middle daughter, Dona

This is oldest, Debbie and second, Patty off to the right.

This is the littlest great grandson.

And here he is showing Grandma Lou how he can ride his bike!

This is the great grand daughter.  Girls are few and far between this generation!

This is the trap that hangs on her wall to keep grand kids under control!

This is the radio and it actually works!

Welcome to Longton, Kansas and the Bar HD or HD Bar ranch.  I forgot just what she said her brand was.  I know I have the HD part right.  Since they are retired bikers living the good live in Eastern Kansas, I thought HD was Harley- Davidson.  She was quick to tell me that it was Hammer and Debbie.  Might have been H Bar D.  That sounds good!  Crap!  Don't tell her I forgot.  And don't tell her I forgot how long she has been married either!  But I remember that day very well.

Here she came dragging in this giant of a man, hippie type, 2 tours in Viet Nam and what more could I expect out of life?  I had known him about 6 minutes when he said something and I asked him, "Man, are you frigging nuts!" To which he replied, "I sure am and I have the papers to prove it."  Probably the best son in law I ever had!  Devoted to Debbie.  When they decided to tie the knot they picked me up and the lady who ran the U Pump It and off we went to the court house.  I was Maid of Honor and Shirley Smith was Hammer's Best Man.  That is how we do things here in Colorado!  That had to of been over 20 years ago.

They kicked around as kids will do. They lived in Lakin, Kansas.  They moved to Guffy, Colorado.  Then they bought 40 acres on Eleven Mile Reservoir.  They built a cabin with just their two hands.  They went to Sturgis and I am hoping she kept her shirt on, and if she didn't I do not want to know about it.  They moved to Pueblo, then to Lakin.  They bought matching Harley's.I am not sure of the order of all this.  I am sure that they had several "I have fallen and I can't get up moments."  Then they found this little piece of Heaven called Longton, Kansas.

They got the house and 40 acres with a pond and wild Raspberries and the rest is history.  They have horses and I do not know why.  Sometimes they have a goat or a cow.  Look at her picture up there.  Click on it and make it big.  Who does that look like?  That girl is the spitting image of me in more ways than one.  She looks like me, she walks like me, she talks like me, but I think she can spit further than I can, cause I am out of practice.  She can out hunt, out fish, out track and out shoot most men I know.  She can gut a deer quicker than you can bat an eye!

She gets up at 5 AM and feeds the animals, works the land, cans the bounty and has never tackled a job she did not finish.  Her husband loves her, grand kids worship her, her friends adore her, her siblings look to her for validation.  How did I raise such a strong, independent woman?  How did she go from the first tiny baby I suckled to this survivalist, frontier woman?  Beats hell out of me!  I think she was just born with a mind of her own. Course her father might have had something to do with the hunting and that stuff. 

I know Hammer has another name, but I told you I would keep a few secrets.   So, daughter Debbie, know you have made your mother proud.  You were my first born and I think you were a learning process for me.  Hope the next one I had turns out as well.

Longton, Kansas, center of someone's universe.



 This is a tree growing out of a roof on a building at the end of Main Street!



This is looking down Main Street from some direction.

I be thinking this is the grocery store.

Now we are leaving town.  This barn is on Main Street!

This is the house on 5 lots with a garage my other daughter bought for $12,000.

  I have decided to let you meet my children.  This is about my daughter, Debbie.  She is the oldest.  Today I am going to introduce you to her fair city.  Tomorrow you will meet her and the grand kids.  Her grand kids, my great grand kids.

So this is Longton, Kansas, down in the Southeast corner of the state.  Just got off the phone with them and it rained there, while it was dumping snow all over me!  Today they had a little frost on the window. Now, a brief description of Longton and then a link so you can explore further if you like.

It was established in 1870, elevation 918 feet, and population dropped from 396 in 1980 to 389 in 1990.  Some body must have left town or a lot of them died.  The Cappers Weekly , if you remember that paper, was founded by the Capper Family and the Capper home still stands there to this day.

Longton is in a very lush, beautiful part of the state with gentle hillocks and oak trees in abundance.  Debbie is on 40 acres and has her own pond.  Unfortunately she also has Copperheads and other poison snakes which just scare the bejeepers out of me.  When you are headed for their house you better know where you are going because physical addresses mean nothing back in those hills.  And do not be surprised if you encounter an Armadillo running across the road.

I know people think Kansas is a flat, desert like place, but Longton is the exception to the rule.  It is very humid down there and I think if I were to leave Colorado it would be for somewhere like Longton.  Might buy that building with the tree growing out of the roof!  I would be close to my friend Ely May in Missouri and closer to Vi on over in West Plains.

So, see you tomorrow when you will meet my daughter Debbie and her husband, Hammer!  They are the biker survivalists in my family and if the world is going to end in 2012 I am headed for their house, snakes or no snakes.  So see you tomorrow!

Here is that link I promised you!
http://www.skyways.org/towns/Longton/index.html

Here is Sister Mary in her new jammies all ready for bed!

You should know that one of the favorite past times around here is going to bed.  Just love to do that, you know.  This is my sister Mary who lives in Wichita, Kansas most of the time.  This is January and it is very cold every where, so she has come to stay with me for a while.  The first night she was here it got down to -20 and the second night it was -13.  So I am sure she is not here for the heat!  She is here because she likes me and likes to come stay with me!  I think a lot of it is the cooking!

See, my mother used to come a couple times a year and stay.  She would con someone into hauling her out here and leaving her for a couple weeks.  When she stepped out of her conveyance, she would have a piece of paper clutched in her bony little fingers.  This was handed to me before the second foot hit the ground.  It was the "Things I want to eat" list that she had been working on.  She need not have bothered since it was always the same.

1.  Cream puffs with that filling you cook.

2.  Tomato soup made with home canned tomatoes and milk.

3.  Salmon patties with onions like I like.

4.  Potato Salad and don't put Miracle Whip in it or sweet relish.

But this is not mother, this is Sister Mary and her desires are different.  She will eat what ever I put in front of her.  Well, not the beets.  And she does not eat enough to keep a bird alive.  That may change.  She sets at the kitchen counter while I am in the kitchen and nibbles at Carmel Corn that her daughter, Tina made for her. We got a bag of Clementines she also likes.  And coffee!  Girl is coffee hound.  Someone gave me some coffee beans for Christmas and we had a bit of a problem there.  I use my coffee grinder to pulverize Habanero's for a dip I make (and sell to a choice few).  Now, I do not think she was real fond of that first pot of coffee!  Then there was the problem of getting it just the right degree of strongness.  Finally solved that problem by buying a can of Maxwell House Breakfast Blend!

My mind does tend to wander.  I was going to tell you about the new pajama's Mary has.  She got them for Christmas and they are pink.  I know the picture does not show pink, but they are.  I think Mary's favorite color must be pink!  Yesterday when we went to church she wore a pink sweat shirt with Gingerbread men on it that says, "My grandkids are Sugar and Spice."  Very pretty little lady she was!  She likes my church cause it is very old and the people are very nice.  Course they are very old also, but that is what God put us here for, I'm a thinking.

Well, I better get off of here cause she is going to be getting up in just a little while.  I went yesterday and bought her the bread she likes.  She likes the 7 or 9 grain bread, but we found some yesterday with 12 or 14 grains and it is very good.  So I will make her toast and she puts her own jelly on cause I use to much.  I do not actually eat jelly, but I think that people who eat it should put lots on the toast.

Ok, I am off to go play with Sister Mary.  I have a friend who thinks Sister Mary should be a nun!  I will sing her a song.  That always makes her smile.

Have a good one, because I intend to!

It snowed at my house last night and now it is very cold!

Well, this is what greeted me this morning!  I had gone to Lamar yesterday morning to pick up my little sister, Mary, who you shall meet tomorrow.  We hurried right along cause I knew we had a storm headed our way.  As luck would have it we pulled into the drive way just as the moisture started to fall!  If there are doubting Thomas's out there who think the Good Lord does not look after this woman, think about that one!  It continued to snow all evening and this morning everything was white.  We must have gotten 5-7 inches except for that 3 foot drift in front of the tin shed where the snow shovel was snowed in.

 Down the steps I went to go take care of the water fowl out back!  Very cold !

 This is the end of my sidewalk and here is my Lilac bush.  Way on out there is my garage, the biggest garage in town.  I think it is about 1300 square feet on the bottom floor.  Course I have it full of crap.

 Now here is what I want to show you!  See those footprints?  Those are very big feet there and they are not mine.  No one else has been outside cause the boy does not arise until noonish.  Mary is still in bed.  What do you think they are from?  I do not know.  I do know I shall keep my doors locked and keep my trusty side arm at the ready, if you get my drift.

So, this shall remain a mystery and the sun will come and melt the snow, someday, and the footprints will go away.  In the meantime, tonight is New Years Eve!  Tomorrow will be 2011!!  Good Lord the years are shooting by in a blur!  Seems like only yesterday it was 1965 and I was stoned!  Oh, not like that!  It was the height of my baby making days.  You knew that!  Now here I am no longer counting kids, or even grand kids, but great grand kids.  I look back on the years and I am sure I remember because I surely was there, but all I can think of is that old song....

Old pappy time is a pickin' my pocket, can't make him stop it, pickin' my pocket!

or something like that!

The Chemist is at work in her laboratory!

OK, I am going to let you people see what happens in my kitchen when I am not cooking.  See this stuff here?  This is chap stick, or Lip Balm as I prefer to call it.  Now this particular concoction is made with Hemp Seed Butter, Hemp Oil, Beeswax, almond oil and e acetate.  It is out on it's trial run under the name "Lip Bong".

I had a lot of people offering suggestions for names all the way from Hippie Stick, Seeds and Stems, Calm Balm, to Moss Gloss.  I just thought Lip Bong hit the funny bone.  So far this is a rousing success, but I have not yet listed it on eBay.  May find my little self looking for a new place to sell.

After those tiny tubes are filled I need to let them cool and then put a label on each one.  Next comes the job of slipping a tiny little shrink wrap around each one and get out the hot air gun and shrink to fit.  If I am taking these to a sale I slip a tag with a string on it through the shrink wrap before I shrink it.  That gives me a place to put my price.

Now you can use this lip gloss and still pass your drug test.  I would not recommend eating it, though.  Not because you will get high, but because all that grease will no doubt make you very sick.  This stuff is green and kind of has the taste of swamp water, so I am sure I need to make a few adjustments to my little formula.  As a by product, however, I have some facial scrub that is wonderful.  See this butter had seed shards in it.  I had to strain them out.  So I mixed that stuff with some of my body butter and smeared that on my face!  Girl, I have the softest face in town!

Stay tuned for what happens next if and when anything comes of this.

Christ Congregational Church in Belmont.

I perchance decided to attend Christ Congregational Church in Belmont a couple Sundays back.  I can do this.  Want to know why?  Christ Congregational Church in Belmont and First Congregational Church are both members if The United Church of Christ.  And if that is not enough, we share the same minister.  Reverend Jeannine Lamb is Pastor to both churches.  We are separate but the same.  Kind of unusual and lots of fun!

As luck would have it Christ Congregational Church was taking a "Noisy Offering"  on this Sunday.  Christ starts services at 9:30 so I had plenty of time.  There is little Bernadette dancing around with the stainless steel bowl for us to throw our change into.  First Church does not do this.

 And there is the bowl of money up close and personal.  I do not remember just what this bowl of money was going for, but it is usually something very worthwhile, like things for the migrants, or school supplies, or the dog pound.  You just never know!  See the idea is to bring all your change on the appointed day and throw it it this bowl and make lots of noise, hence the term, Noisy Offering!

 See those feet?  Those belong to Pastor Lamb.  She is standing on the little step stool that Scot so kindly built for her so she could see over the podium.  See, the guy before her was very tall, so he needed a tall podium.  Pastor Lamb may be a little thing but I am here to tell you this,  that woman knows how to fill a pulpit!  Size ain't no issue!

 Here is Pastor Lamb looking for her little footstool so she can show it to me!  What a very nice lady!

Now that the New Year is here, we change times.  First Church will meet at 9:30 and Christ will meet at 11:00.  I personally prefer the early time, but that is just me.  So, if you are in the market for a place to worship, we have the real deal for you!

Christ Congregational Church, UCC is located at 1101 Liberty Lane in Belmont and holds service at 11:00 AM every Sunday.  The building was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright's grand daughter and built in the 1950's. It is an open and affirming church and a great place to go.

First Congregational United Church of Christ is located at 228 East Evans and holds service at 9:30 AM.  This church was built 131 years ago and is on the Historic Registry.  I love both of these churches, but am currently a member of the First Church.  Since I got Pastor Lamb wherever I go, I still have the best of both worlds!

So, you go to your church and I'll go to mine, but we will both walk along together!

Merry Christmas!!

Well, it is here.  The longest awaited day of the year.  I went to church last night and was absolutely amazed at how many people were there that I had never seen before!  My little church was filled with strangers and the best part is many of them were young people!

For many years I have been a cynic as to why people treat Christmas as a pagan holiday and a time to celebrate lord only knows what.  It is feverish shopping, ostentatious over decorating, over indulgence of every sort, and gotta have a drink cause it is Christmas.  Last night gave me insight into what exactly is going on. 

Now this was not my first rodeo as far as Christmas Eve service goes, however, this was much different.  Usually it is the Sunday morning crowd all dressed up and out after dark.  This time there were very few of the Sunday morning crowd, but there were a lot of young people.  Our church has only 3 small children.  They were not there last night, but these were young adults I had never seen before.  It was just great and made me think back to the Nickerson, Kansas, First Christian Church with Reverend Barnett.

I met a lady in South Fork (and that is another story altogether that I shall tell) many years back who told me Reverend Barnett wound up down in Texas and had lost everything in the collapse of the Savings and Loan business, which is but a dark, lurking memory and I am not going there today. 

Mother always took us to church on Sunday and of course Christmas Eve.  My father was an agnostic so he never attended any of that stuff.  Now you need to know that in the period I grew up in, poverty was the norm.  How my mother ever managed to put anything under the tree still amazes me to this day.  On the last day of school before we left for Christmas break, one of the teachers would give one of us 5 kids the tree from their room.  Which ever one of us received the tree would drag it home the mile to the house and mother would put it up. 

Then we strung popcorn or made a rope of papers glued together and draped that around the branches.  Somehow we always had hot chocolate on that special night.  Nothing for Santa though because he was getting plenty of cookies from other people.  I wish I had owned a camera then.  I do not think we have a picture anywhere of Christmas morning at our house.  But those days are as clear in my memory as if they were happening today.  One year it was an orange (always it was an orange), a book of paper dolls to cut out, and a red ball.  Once when times were really good, I got a tin  miniature doll house with miniature furniture and tiny mother, father, boy, girl and dog.  It even had a tiny patio!

Those memories are best left locked in the back of my mind if I want to be in any kind of mood to be festive today.  Why is it that the past, that was so stark and depressing, is the time we yearn for in our heart of hearts?  I think it is like my mother said, "You grew up with that.  That was your normal life.  The tasteless food is what you ate for years and since that is what you know, that is what you want."  My mother was the wisest woman in the whole world and I miss her with my whole heart, especially today. 

Christmas is about the Christ Child and it is about reaching down deep inside yourself and remembering.  I know the greatest honor I can pay my mother is to never forget my roots; to always know that the generations that went before me left a legacy that I must carry on.  I must and have tried to teach my children that we came from good stock and our roots run deep in forgein lands.  Our life is founded on honesty, truth, compassion and a steadfast beleif in God.

And that, my friends is what Christmas is all about!  Welcome Christ Child!

Twenty-seven years ago today.

Twenty-seven years ago today it was 15 degrees below zero.  There was snow on the ground and the drive line was out on one of our trucks.  Bet you think I  have total recall?  No, just some days I can actually remember better than others.

You see, at that time I was a living in sin with a man and had been for over a year.  I do not have a very good track record with the men, you know.  Seems to me that the quickest way to turn one of those fellows from a saint to a raging lunatic is to slip a ring on that third finger, left hand.  This guy was perfect.  We had the same sense of humor, same goals in life, both loved to fish, I liked his kids, they tolerated me, my kids liked him and so there was just one problem.  Could this match that seemed made in heaven remain so if it were on a 24/7 basis.

Our solution was to live together for one year and if at the end of that year we still felt the same, we would do the deed, so to speak.  So we found this little place back here on a back acre with a huge garage.  House was nothing to write home about and was in fact, not finished.  They had put a door on the bathroom and that was it for the inside.  They were getting a divorce and the price was right.  But the best part was a huge two story garage in the back that was a trucker's dream.  So we combined his house and mine into one household and set up housekeeping.

Now, I need to tell you this one little thing, Kenny was not near as liberal minded as I was.  He did not like Mexicans, Negroes, or Gays.  Well, it seems I had all those in my family and he tolerated them well.   OOPS! His daughter divorced her white guy and married an Indian!  Well, by now we were looking like the United Nations around here.  Dinner at our house on holidays looked like Calico Bean Soup!

So on December 23, 1983 we were working an Eby pipeline job down the center of Prairie.  The job was shut down for the holidays.  One of our tandems had broken a drive line so Kenny and Gene Baugh had taken it out the day before and dropped it off to be rebuilt at Pueblo Brake and Clutch.  December 23 they went to Pueblo Brake and Clutch to pick it up and they were closed for their Christmas party!  It being 15 degrees below zero the little guys decided to call it a day.  Gene went home and Kenny came in the house.  I can never forget that romantic little fellow that day.

He walked in, looked at me and said,( and this is a direct quote ) "Well, let's go get this shittin' mess over with!"  Now how could a woman of my stature resist  a proposal like that!

Luckily I had a new pair of jeans and his were passable.  So off we went to Canon City, thirty five miles west of here.  Now why we did not just go to town is more than I can figure out, but Canon it was.  We picked up our license and were referred to a Senior Citizen assisted living place somewhere and assured we could find a minister there.  We did.    The minister told us to come back at 4:00 and he would be ready.  So we went and got a doughnut at the doughnut shop and returned at the appointed time.

As you know, at that time we needed 2 witnesses.  His wife was bedridden and we had to poke our head around the corner so she could see us before she would sign.  The second one was somebody wandering the halls and we never laid eyes on her.  But by then the ceremony (?) was complete, we paid our fee and came home.  Do not remember the ministers name, where we were or any of the particulars, but I know it was cold!  We came home and found a bottle of wine on the kitchen table.  Seems Gene had figured out what we were up to that cold day!  I might add that several months later we asked Gene if he would like to have a glass since it had not been opened yet and his reply was (another direct quote) "Oh shit!  If I knew I had to drink it I would have gotten the good stuff!"

We did finally talk a son-in-law (since replaced) into doing it for us.  He shook it up, popped the cork and shot me in the head with it.  Gotta' love these kids!

And to any one who wonders if it was worth it all, it sure was.  Those twenty years were what made me the woman I am today.  Kenny Mercer was the person in my life who reached inside me and brought out the good.  He was the man who gave me the self esteem to say "Yes, I can!"  He gave me a home and security and the means to be independent.  He gave me common sense to make the right decisions on this road alone.  He was not much of a church going guy, but he went with me lot.  Pastor Faye baptised him.

Now, I do need to tell you this.  He did not do all the teaching.  As time went by my bigoted, racist, Republican husband became an open and affirming member of society.  He was the first to jump on the band wagon for gay rights,
the first to defend the migrant population, and his grand kids were the greatest things on earth what ever color they were.  He went from being a staunch Republican to being an Independent and bless his little Democratic heart when it stopped beating.

So that is my tale.  Life for me this time of year gets a little melancholy, but I think Garth Brooks says it all in his song, part of which says something like this, "Some things are better left to chance, I could have missed it all, but I'd a had to miss The Dance!"
 
That part of the dance is over.  Not forgotten and the strains of the music still play in my head, and I fully expect to hear it when I waltz off the edge of this realm and into that great beyond.  I have the belief that life is meant to be just that! Do not light your candle and hide it under a bushel!  Put it on a hill where the whole world can benefit from your light.  I learned that in Sunday school more years ago then I care to remember.  That and "Life goes on."

The potato is growing! Better hurry!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=180601681132&ssPageName=STRK:MESE:IT

See that link right there?  That is for the hottest item on eBay today and time is running out!  Anyone who knows me also knows my passion for the Southern Colorado AIDS Project.  I thought I would like a little potato soup and here was this little fellow, just begging to be picked.

This guy is sprouting so I can not guarantee anything except that it is a potato.  It is injured as all of our hearts are at one time or another.  Why am I telling you this?  Go see this prize for yourself and somebody better get to bidding.

I am going to have an auction a month and lord only knows what will turn up next!

Oh, look at what day it is!!! I did it again. Curses!

Curses!! Foiled again!  Today is December 17.  In one week is Christmas and at least the tree is up.  Only because Bret and Amanda drug it out of the box, hit it a lick with the air compressor and ran around it with a string of lights.  Now I distinctly remember last year swearing that this would not happen this year. And yet here I am and the only thing under that tree is a brown box and in the box is Bret's birthday present, which is tomorrow!  Now the birthday is covered.  They got paid yesterday and when they went grocery shopping they brought home a chocolate cake laden with chocolate frosting and swirls.  My God!  I can hear my arteries slamming shut thinking about that thing!  But there it is.  When the boy turns 19 the mother/birthday party, per se, is a thing of the past.  Oh, damn good thing!

Now back to this dilemma of the Christmas that has once more crept up on me.  I do not know how it does this year after year.  And of course my back has chosen this time to have one of it's little spasming drop me to my knees three times a day spells that it has on occasions when I am unduly stressed. So, I got to think here.

First stop will be Vitamin Cottage.  They had burlap Eco bags out there with heavy rope handles.  I bought 2 so I need to go back and buy 14 more of those bags.  Then 16 pounds of mixed beans at Mauro Farms.  Dig out 16 quart jars and 16 pint jars.  32 towels. Soap, lotion and body butter with a couple Lip balms and that takes care of the immediate big kids.  Then the 20 smaller grand kids and great grand kids I will make glycerin soap with a $5 bill inside.  That only leaves 7 odd sized kids to do for.  Big kids always appreciate the soap and stuff and let's face it, you can not buy anything this good anywhere but my house!

Oh, then comes my menagerie of token friends who get just a tiny love gift.  One year I donated a flock of chickens to Heifer International for  all the adults and they looked at me like I was nuts.  I felt good though and some body somewhere got an egg out of the deal! 

OK, I can see that I do not have time to set here and gas on this thing.  Oh, crap!  Now it is snowing.  Now I will have to drive very carefully so I do not slip into someone.  Can not put this off.  I am on a mission!  Now, next year, I am definitely going to be prepared.  Do not paint me the procrastinator just yet.  Where there is life, there is hope.


This is my new shopping network.  Let me know if it works!http://www.biggestshoppingstore.com/?a_aid=1880

It can only happen in Pueblo, Colorado.

I had forgotten about this until just now.  A week or so ago John, Linda and I went to the Chinese Restaurant to eat.  Nothing new and startling about that, at least not until the bill came.  As you know it is almost always accompanied by a fortune cookie.  They are fun little things to read and can usually elicit a chuckle at the very least.  Some of them even try to teach you a word of Chinese in the process.  Not so in this particular restaurant.

On the one side was what ever it said for the fortune and on the back it was repeated in Spanish.  Now luckily John is a Spanish speaking fellow, or sort of anyway.  He can interpret , but does not actually speak it.  He said it was a literal translation.  So I am a wondering how this Spanish fortune cookie ended up on our table.  In our usual haphazard fashion we managed to exit the place leaving the Spanish fortune cookies crumbled on the table and the fortunes were among our litter. 

Just wondered if any of you had ever had anything like that happen to you in your neck of the woods.

No Disneyland for my kids and they survived!

I was downstairs just now pinning a quilt in the quilter and had one of my epiphany's.  I just love that word!  So, anyway, I had the television on and heard the announcer say something about a trip to Disneyland for some little kids who were very ill.  It was then I thought how nice that was that the little kiddies can go there and have fun.  Flash back to my children.  I raised five of those suckers and never even thought about Disneyland.  Assuming it had been invented at the time.

But we have to go back further.  All my children were fathered by my first husband, the drop dead gorgeous German guy who thought Hitler was the smartest man that ever lived.  I have always had an infinity for the German guys, but Hitler was so wrong!   My roots go back to the Black Forest and the Erms, so I think that is where that comes from.  Well anyway, after 11 years we decided to split everything in half and call it a bad experience.  So I walked out with a 1957 Chevy and 5 kids.  He got the tree business and his freedom.  Seemed fair to me.  When it came time for child support, he explained to me that he did not want the divorce, so he should not have to pay alimony or child support.  That made sense to me, so that is how it stood.  Back in those days you could do that.

Now understand this, when I struck out on my own with 5 kids to take care of, I did not have a high school diploma and knew how to do jack as far as supporting myself went.  Ever hear the saying "Ignorance is bliss?"  Very true in my case.  I got a job waiting tables.  I then went to work at the Red Carpet Restaurant as a short order cook, moved up to head cook and then manager.  Had a disagreement with the boss so went across town and bought my own place. The rest is history.  Got married, got divorced, got married, moved to Colorado, got divorced, got married, got divorced, got married, got widowed and here I am.  But I digress. 

I look back on raising the kids there in Hutchinson, Kansas and wonder just what kind of mother I really was.   I know I never took them to Disneyland, but I did take them fishing!  Every Sunday in the summer we would go by a place on Second Street and pick up 6 hamburgers and french fries for $1.00.  Name of the place was  B & D Carryout.  We then headed out to the Arkansas River, or behind the Bible Camp on Cow Creek. Once we went to Dodge's Sand Pit and I caught a very big Channel Cat.  Put it in the freezer and the kids fed it to the cats.  So, here is the question I have for you.  Today all my kids love to fish.  I think even Sam thinks about it sometimes.  Now had I taken them to Disneyland would that have made an impression on them  in a very lasting way?

I look back on those years and know that had I been depositing the child support check instead of the check from my second and third jobs I might have been able to give the kids more, but would that have made me a better mother?  Their dad took them on vacations.  He came and spent time with them.  They went to his home in Garden City and stayed sometimes and as they grew older spent more time with him.  We never pushed and pulled the kids.  Just told them when they got older they would understand and I think they pretty much do now.  They are all successful in one way or another. 

Sam put himself through college and is financially successful.  Dona put herself through Cosmetology School and has her own shop in Lakin.  Patty is retired from the Library.  Debbie is a survivalist in eastern Kansas and could build you a house from tin cans!  Sue is here in town and is self sufficient.  There are all honest, tax paying,  hard working, caring, self sufficient human beings.  They all love me as their mother and while Dad has been gone for many years, I still see  shades of him in all of them.

So, did they miss out by not going to Disneyland?  Or, and I just thought of this, maybe they went!  Maybe their dad took them.  I guess I never really asked them!  The point I am getting to, and I always have one you know, is this, I did the best I could with the tools and the knowledge I had at that time.  It is always easy to look back and see how it should have been done.  I sometimes wonder if I knew way back then, what I know now, just how my life would have played out on the big screen?  I should not have ever married the first one, but then I would have no kids.  Don't want that.    Everything and everyone that has touched my life, however briefly,  has made me exactly who I am today.  So if you love me today, you have to love the past that brought me to this point.

Don't ask me for all my little dark secrets, cause I have forgotten most of them.  Can't get the toothpaste back in the tube and not sure I want to try.  Just know that I will love each and everyone of you just exactly as you are with all your idiosyncrasies and I ask that you make me the same deal.  When you look at Lou, what you see is what you get!  I may come with baggage, but I carry it well!

This was last year's Christmas Tree!

Now even I have to admit that is a sad sight for a Christmas Tree!  That was last year and this year is shaping up to be a little bit better.  This poor dead tree is laying out by the trash barrel and is well on it's way to becoming compost!  Bret and Amanda have the big tree up over there where the treadmill is so we are good to go.  Course if someone hits the button the tree is going to shoot out through the front window.

Today would have been Kenny's birthday, had he hung around, but we know he did not.  Being a widow pretty much sucks if you want to know the truth of the whole matter.  Divorces are so cathartic!  Mother always told me, when I was ranting and raving  about something one of the idiot husbands had done to bring about the latest divorce, "If you are ever a widow your husband will take on sainthood."  Mothers are always right!  I do not understand that, though, because I am a mother and I am not always right!  I digress.

I have been alone 7 years.  That is a long time.  From Thanksgiving until the end of January, I pretty much stay in a funk.  I had lunch yesterday with a minister friend and he was telling me how lackadaisical he has been the last few weeks.  We talked a bit and then he mentioned his mother had been gone just one year.  I then explained to him how the grief cycle works.  Anniversaries are just that.  We may not even realize, but when we put our finger on it, we know.

So does life go on?  Sure it does.  We mark one month, then one year, then 5 years, and so it goes.  What is our alternative?  There is none.  Do our memories become less acute?  Sure they do.  What was raw emotion fades to a dull ache and that eventually turns into just another day.  Another page on the calendar and just another day to get through.  Sometimes I actually think I am going to be happy again, someday.  For now it will just have to do that the Christmas Tree is up and I think it is pretty.  I will spend more time in church this season and do a little more volunteer work.  I am actually going to Colorado Springs for the volunteer party at SCAP.  Never did that before, but Linda is insisting on it this time.

So as we enter this Holy Season, I want to tell you Merry Christmas way early.  I will miss Kenny this year, but I miss him every day anyway.  I think all the little fellow ever wanted was for me to be happy, so after seven long years I am going to work on that and it is going to start this Christmas.  I have friends and family.  I have people who love me and need me and if I can spread the cheer, that is what it is all about.  And remember,

Jesus is the reason for the season!