Good Morning World!!! I love you!

For a few weeks now I have been kind of moping around.  This virus has had me in it's grip along with a few other things.  My little heart has been heavy.  I actually lay in bed and think of reasons not to get up and wish for the day that eternal sleep will become a reality.  But no more!

This morning I woke up to the beautiful sunshine that God has given me.  I woke up with a peace of mind that told me that no matter what today brings, or tomorrow or the next day, I will handle it and thank God that I can.  I know my mission on earth has not been fulfilled and God has lain out a clear path for me to follow.  While I do not know what is next in my life, I know I will follow that path.

Right now, it all looks pretty bleak, but this will change!  The sun is the still beautiful light shining in my window.  It shines on my kids first and then comes to stir me.  My cat is trying to crawl on my keyboard and usually that irritates me, but not today.  I am thankful I have a keyboard and a cat.  I am sad about my dog, but at least I had him for a while.  I am sure he and Shirley are together and my wounds will heal.

My church is still closed and while I do not have the comradery of the congregation, I do have the everlasting arms to hold me.  I know that professions of my faith will catch some of you off guard, but those of you who really know me will not be taken aback.  It is probably almost sacrilegious to think that a woman with as many ex husbands as I have could ever make it to heaven, but you are wrong.  I am a good, compassionate, caring person.  God knows that!  And when it is all said and done, he is the one that matters.

I thought I was lonely and actually entertained ideas of dating!  I actually had one particular little fellow in mind, but he was not a willing participant and for that I thank him.  Companionship takes two, it is kind of like a dance.  But you know what?  I have been known to dance alone before and will probably do it again.

For now, there is only one thing I need and that is my mind.  You would be amazed at what goes on in my head!  I have moved mountains and conquered the world.  I have loved and been loved and that will not change.  I do not know what tomorrow will bring.  I do not know if this virus will catch me here in my little home, but I do know that whatever cards I am dealt, I will play.

There is probably not a person reading this that knows that 60 years ago I almost succeeded in a suicide attempt.  It was a one time thing and I never tried it again.  I thought about it, but that was all.  I know there are people out there now who are struggling and I just want to say this:  If I can help, give me a call.  I can not solve your problems, but I can listen.

If you need an ear to listen, leave a note in the comments down below.  You can leave your email or phone number.  I am on facebook.  It really is a wonderful world out there!

Peace to all!

My kingdom for a horse, or son, whichever comes first.

I woke up this morning at 2:30 thinking about my first pregnancy and marveling at how times have changed.  I married Duane Seeger back in 1960.  I was 19 years old and I had known him for 3 weeks.  In hindsight, I think I might not have made the wisest decision, but then it was a good run and I got 5 kids out of the deal.  He wanted a son.  He explained that to me when he proposed.  I kind of wanted a son too, so it seemed a match made in heaven.  So we spent the first year trying to get pregnant and the next 4 trying to stop!

In 1962 I had Debbie.  1963, Patty.  1964, Dona.  1965, Sam.  We took a break, got a divorce and then had Susie and got another divorce.  I have actually sent several divorce lawyers through college.  But that is not what this is about.  This is about how the whole business of delivering a baby has changed.
I remember when Momma had my little sister, Dorothy.  It was right before harvest and back then women laid in bed for 10 days (or so it seems).  When harvest started mom had to drive one of the trucks that hauled the wheat to the elevator.  She was nursing, you know, and no one else could do that, so Dorothy laid on the seat beside her.  The rest of us kids were left at home at the mercy of Josephine.  Women did not go to the hospital to give birth.  It was done at home, usually with a midwife in attendance;

Side note here:

Origin

Middle English: probably from the obsolete preposition mid ‘with’ + wife (in the archaic sense ‘woman’), expressing the sense ‘a woman who is with (the mother’).

And you must remember that women were second class citizens until the last century.  A good horse was more highly prized than a wife.  A man could always get another wife,  but a horse was hard to come by!

Lucky for me, I went to the hospital for all my births.  The first one, Duane dropped me at the front of the hospital and called the next day to see what I had.  He came 3 days later to take me home and rail at me for not having him a son.  I kind of liked her and she was really cute.  For the next 2 years, we repeated that scenario until I finally got it through my thick head that he REALLY wanted a son and I finally had one in 1965.  He did not want him named after him and he had no idea what he DID want.  I had always coveted the name Samuel Reuben.  Everyone knew that.  So I told the nurse my choice and she was aghast!  It was a Catholic hospital and that was a Jewish name. So I caved and named him Earl Edward.  Back in those days I would not have said shit if I had a mouthful.  I have gotten a backbone since then.  Today he is still called Sam.  He was always Sam and he will remain Sam.  Somethings do not change.  

Now I had a son and Earl Duane actually came to the hospital to pick me up.  Boy was I surprised!  Sadly, our life and relationship did not change because I gave him a son.  But life did go on for both of us.  He has been gone for many years, but one of the girls still lives on the land in Lakin, Kansas.  

Now, I must confess, when I crawled out of the bed 3 hours ago, I was thinking about Wakeeney,  Kansas and events that had transpired there, but I digressed.  I must remember to do a blog about places we lived and how the rental of apartments had changed from back then.  Right now I have to go do other things, because I am old now and my duties have changed.  

The old testament comes to mind at this moment. Not sure of chapter and verse, but I know I knew it at one time....

Go forth and mulitply!!!!

I been rode hard and put away wet!

Husband number 3 had a hard time understanding his second wife.  That was me!  He found it necessary to go to my mother and complain to her that I was not totally dependent on him and did as I "pleased" most of the time.  He had no say so in how the kids were raised, blah, blah blah.

Now you need to understand that at the time I married him, I owned my own home, operated a resturant, (Lou's Kitchen) and supported 5 kids with no child support.  The man was nuts for ever marrying me in the first place and he sure was not interested in being a father to someone else's kids, so I did not know just what he expected.  The kids spent a lot of time in Garden City with their dad and since he paid no child support, I figured that was alright.  He was their father after all!

But back to the current husband and his need for a clingy, dependent woman.  Sorry, buddy, I have never been clingy, nor dependent.  I knew who paid the bills and I knew whose paycheck went into the bank for that purpose.  So when he sought my mother's advice he might as well have beat his head against a brick wall.  She just explained to him that I had been screwed over a couple times and that I had a hard time trusting anyone to "take care of me."

He was upset that I did not jump up all happy and cheerful first thing in the morning.  She told him that if that was the case, he should just leave me alone until I was ready to be happy, cheerful little thing.  I do recall several times when he was so hung over he could not function, but that was alright, that was him.

When he went into the spiel about me managing my own finances and not making the kids dad pay child support, she explained to him that since that was a futile endeavor it was best that he just not meddle n my finances.  

" You know, Charlie, it is kind of like when you ride a horse.  You gotta take it easy on the horse and when you put it in the barn, you have to groom it and cover it so it won't get sick.  You see, poor little Louella has been rode hard and put away wet!"

He decided at that point that my mother was as crazy as I was.  He just couldn't understand the dyamics of an independent woman.  So we came to Colorado where he was sure I would worship at the alter of Charlie.  In all fairness I tried to be the mousy little thing he wanted, but that just wasn't in my chemical makeup, so we divorced.  Then we remarried and then we divorced again and both moved on.  

Now I am not sure why this is on my mind this morning, but it is.  So now you know and you can do what you will with this worthless little bit of knowledge.  One thing is for sure, I have no secrets, so if anyone wants to blackmail me they are S O L.  I trust you all know what that means.

The one thing I have learned in this life is that no one is responsible for my happiness, but me.  My last husband and I were happy until the day he died, but I think that was because we respected each other and were happy with ourselves, which left us free to be happy with each other.  If I could find another man like that, I would be all over him,   But I think God broke the mold after he made him.

So peace and prosperity to all from the broken old nag here on South Road!

I remember the Quarantine signs.

Quarantine was a word that struck fear in our hearts.  That was back in the days of Nickerson.  Mumps, Measles, Diphtheria, Chicken Pox and then came Polio.  I do not know what all we were quarantined for back then, but it was just common knowledge, that if one of the kids came down with anything, the whole house was isolated.  You did not have to ask anyone, you just did it.

You should know this upfront; I never had any of the childhood diseases.  I was born with the constitution and the immune system of a horse.  While the other kids languished  on their sick beds, I carried on my life as normal, although I could not leave the house because I would be a "carrier."  I have a theory on why this was.

I was never laid low by the childhood diseases, but I was constantly in the sick bed with inflamed tonsils.  My tonsils would be so red and swollen, that mother worried I would suffocate.  Finally, at the ripe old age of 10 or 11,  my tonsils were removed.  I often envied the kids who got measles, or chicken pox because they got to eat canned soup and all that good stuff.  The only thing that seemed to sooth my inflamed tonsils was ice cream, which we rarely had.  (But when we did have it, it was homemade!  It was made in the crank ice cream maker with heavy cream, lots of sugar and eggs and fresh peaches.!)

I am following the CDC guidelines and not going out.  I see this is letting up in China where it started, so that is good.  It will no doubt subside here at some point.  At least I hope so.  In the meantime I just remain hopeful.  I am a hoarder by nature so the larders here are full.  My mother was a hoarder before me as was my mother-in-law.  It traces back to the poverty we endures way back when.  MIL was the worst I have seen.  If there was a tablespoon of anything left, it went into a piece of Saran Wrap and was stashed in the freezer.  I have been known to throw that little tidbit away!

So here I set, alone in my house, with lots of time to write and guess what?  I have writer's block.  I can not think of a damn thing I want to share with anyone!  I guess this is just the curse of old age.  It has taken me 3 days to write this much.

So, I am going out and do chores, then drive over and drop off a package at the drugstore and then come home.

Have a good one!

This was a while back!

It has been probably 5 or 6 years since I ventured to this place with a friend.  I think I would like to go again. 

The day we went here I was accompanied by a big brown dog that net me at the starting point and  went all the way to the top with me and then led me back down.  He was very friendly and wagged his tail and left when we got back down. A few years later I had gone to Taos and returned home through San Luis so I could take pictures.  The same dog greeted me when I stepped out of the car on the edge of town!  At least it seemed like the same dog and I petted him without getting bit.

My first (and only) visit to the little church on the top was a hurried trip since my companion seemed to be a little hung over and did not seem to be enjoying himself much.  I have come to the conclusion that I need to pick friends who are more apt to not need a drink.  Just sayin.'

So, my dear little Irene, just click on the blue words and Can you guess where we are?

My friend, the Republican is alive and well in Kansas!!

I have a friend in Kansas who is a Representative in the Kansas Legislature.  He is a Republican.  Joe Seiwert and I have been friends for a very long time.  Not sure how I met him, but I do know that the highlight of any trip to Kansas is meeting Joe at Skaets Steak Shop on the corner of  23rd and Main right in front of the fairgrounds.  Rarely do I ever meet a man that has the same sense of humor that I have, but Joe is one of them!  And we laugh and laugh!

He is a farmer or was.  I think he has now turned his farm over to his kids and I assume he is still a Representative, and I am sure he is still a Republican.  (They never seem to change!)  I do know that when I know I am going to Kansas, I put the word out and Joe and I will meet for coffee!  We actually discuss things like wind farms, state of the union, economy and the upcoming election.  Every cell phone I have had sports a picture of Joe and I at Skaets right up until the one I carry now.  I have not been back to Kansas for several years.  I do miss those trips, but life seems to be holding me here.

What I can not get straight about this whole Democrat/Republican snarling is why it has to be that way.  I have a list of friends and family that I have unfriended on facebook because they tend to want to shove their beliefs down my throat and it just isn't going to happen.  Joe seems to understand and be able to see both sides of the argument.  He never turns red and calls me stupid, which I sure appreciate!

But this is not about politics, it is about a strange friendship between an old woman who is a Democrat and a very stalwart Republican that have enjoyed a 10+ year friendship even without speaking for years at a time.  I had fallen heir to a bunch of cheap jewelry several years back and in it was a little golden tie tac which is an elephant.  I immediately thought of Joe.  It rolled around the desk a while.  Then I put it in a cubby hole on the desk.  The little grandson found it and wanted to play with it, so I decided it is time to mail it to Joe Seiwert, my Republican friend.    There really is no story to tell, it just is what it is.

So, Joe, every time you wear this, think of me!  I will be in Hutch this summer come hell or high water and I will be most happy for you to buy my lunch!  And until we meet again, 

May the road rise to meet you and the wind be ever at your back!  I love you, my friend!

A mothers worst nightmare.

Raising 5 kids on my own was not an easy undertaking and came with a lot of lessons learned the hard way.  When I was very young Aunt Helen came to Nickerson and brought us kids all something.  This was her way of showing us she cared.  This one particular year, she paid my dues to the Brownies and bought me a Brownie dress and cap.  I was so proud, until I went to the first meeting and found a bunch of snobbish girls who did not care that I had the dress and cap, I was still from the wrong side of the tracks.  (This is a misnomer that I shall address at a future date.)



The girls were rude.  They were girls I went to school with and they were rude in school, so I do not know what I expected to change.  I never went back.  The dress, cap and pin were disposed of some where.  Mother did get the dues in cash.



Fast forward to many years later when I found myself newly divorced with 5 kids and several full and part time jobs.  Debbie was the oldest and must have been in the second grade or so when I enrolled her in the Brownies.  At the time I was just starting as Dinner Cook at the Red Carpet Restaurant  under the tutelage of  Bob Bailey.  My ex-sister in law, Rosie Seeger was my babysitter and it was summer.  Rosie lived in the south end and the restaurant was in the north end two miles away.



The Brownies first outing was a picnic on the Arkansas River in the southern part of Hutchinson.  A get acquainted sort of thing.  The leaders assured me that they would drop Debbie off at Rosies after the picnic, so off I went to work.  At 2:00 o’clock the phone rang and Rosie said Debbie had not been dropped off as promised.  I called the leader.  She informed me that she thought I must have picked Debbie up as she was not seen after they came up from the river.  My heart dropped!  Then I became angry.



“You said you would drop her off at the sitter.!”

“Yes, but I thought you must have picked her up!”



Words were exchanged as to her mental state and the police were called.  Bob covered for me and I raced to Rosies.  As luck would have it, the policeman in charge of the investigation was Ronnie Moore, who had been a classmate of mine in school.  He assured me that everything would be done to find Debbie and I should just set tight and he would keep me up to date on what was going on.



This was back in the day when the telephone was hooked to the wall and if you were expecting a call you needed to be near the phone.  I waited at Rosies because it was closer to the place where she was last seen and the other kids were there.   I had plenty of time to envision Debbie falling in the river, or some man grabbing her, or being hit by a car.  Since I did not know where she was I sure did not know where she wasn’t!  I could envision all sorts of things and none of them were good.  Do you realize how slowly time passes when you are waiting with a life in the balance?  All I knew was  that Debbie was missing.



Ronnie was my rock through that ordeal and I do not think I ever properly thanked him, nor did I ever see him again. 



It was about 3:30 when the phone rang and Bob explained to me that Debbie had just walked into the back of the restaurant looking for me.  She had walked all the way from the Arkansas River through the south end of Hutch to 13^th and Main which was probably 2 miles to find her mother!  I guess it was a good thing that I had taken them to the restaurant several times when I went to make bread on Sundays.  Otherwise she would not have known where the restaurant was.  She had walked past Rosies street, past  fifth street where we lived and found the place where mommy should be.  It seems her experience with the Brownie division of the Girl Scouts was about as warm and fuzzy as my experience all those years ago.



There is one thing I have learned from motherhood over the years and that is this:  Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs I will ever have.  There is no rule book.  Hind sight is better than foresight.  And no two kids are alike.  The psychology that works for one is wasted on another.  I earned every gray hair in my head at the hands of my children.  And lastly, while it does not pay very good wages every little success; every little “I love you mom” and the card on Mother’s Day; all are priceless. 


It is what it is.