I am just as serious as a heart attack!

Here I am having a visit with my geese.  There are 13 of those feathery fowl now.  This summer I did away with the pond and bought a really big stock tank.  My thoughts along that line were that it would be much easier to keep clean.  It is definitely easier.  And they love the thing.  Course I had to build them a dirt berm into it and a platform to give them footing to get out.  And in the digging process I screwed up my foot and neglected to go to the doctor so when I do get around to that I will probably have to have it amputated.  That is alright.  Easy come easy go.
So I had reason to be on the Southside a  week or so ago and happened upon a house which is currently being put on the market.  Full basement, 2 bedrooms up and 2 down.  Laundry down.  Patio. Storage shed with electric and cement floor in the back yard.  2 Car attached garage.  And neighbors.  Located on a cul de sac, so low traffic.  3 blocks from my friends Kay and Frank.  And the price is right.  I could sell this place and buy that one and put enough in the bank to live on for probably the rest of my life.
Now, I am thinking about this very seriously.  Yard work would be minimal.  Kitchen is a bit dated, but so am I.  The appliances are all new.  So is the furnace.  Only draw back is no outside fowl are allowed in the city.  Imagine the neighbors when I pull up with my stock tank and 13 honking geese!   If I could get lucky and find someone to buy this place that would take the geese and promise to never sell them, or eat them, or let the fox eat them, I would be headed for town in a New York minute. (That means really fast!)
Winter is coming on and I am sure at some point it is going to snow.  The pond will freeze.  The geese will run out of feed and all kinds of problems happen out doors.  I do not like winter.  Pueblo is not as bad as Hutchinson used to be.  We are kind of in a hole here and severe anything is just not the norm.  But if I was in town, I could just stay in the house.  Well, I still have to shovel the walk.  Except there I would have to shovel the driveway, my sidewalk and the one in front of the house. Here I just mash it down.  Cities have rules.  I forgot that.
So maybe I will just wait a little longer until I am really old and I can go into the Assisted living.  Hmmm.  Wonder if they will let me bring the 2 dogs, cat, 2 looms, machine quilter, embroidery machine, ebay crap.....
Guess I am going to be cursed with living forever!

Hey, I may be on schedule with WAD!

There is my little slide show.  I went down last night and actually started the AIDS Ribbons.  See on World AIDS Day, which will be December 1 at the Hoag Library, I have much to do.  First I had to make 2 new panels for friends who have passed this last year.  I got that done on Saturday.  They will be dedicated at our program by Rev Jeannine Lamb and Rev. Mark Hild.  That is always a very solemn occasion.
I also need to make cookies for the reception and gathering time.  I have a freezer full of those already.  See PFLAG gives out goodie bags to all the clients at the SCAP Christmas party.  So since we need 36 bags this year and have very few bakers, I will do my share.
The last thing on the agenda is our candlelight service.  This is when we dedicate a ribbon to someone who has died from AIDS.  I have 50 made and will probably do another 25 or so.  Already bought the sharpee to write the names with .  We then take them out side to a tree and hang them on as we call out thier name.  Some times we tell a  little about them.
Eddie Three Eagles and his group will sanctify the tree and grounds as per native traditions.  Now this year is special, or at least to me it is.  The Pueblo AIDS Memorial Quilt, which is my personal project, will hang on the 4th floor of the Library for one full week.  I need to write up a thing on what this is and how it came into fruition.
This will once more be an all day event.  Not at the Library, per se, but both colleges will be doing testing.  That is always a busy time.  Last year we only did the PCC campus and we had no positive results.  In this case, positive is not good.  We are testing for the HIV and positive means you have it.  So we want negative.  We are hoping for the same thing this year.
So this is what I been up to.  Hope to see some of you at the Library.  We are shooting for a 5:45 P M start.  See you there!

Wouldn't it be great if we could keep the kids little forever?

I guess probably the hardest thing for a mother to do is nothing.  There comes that time in a child's life when Momma can't help.  It is called reality.  They must make their own decisions and follow through.  That is where my son is at this moment.  His doggie has lots of problems that are not going to go away.  So.  The hardest thing in this life is to decide to euthanize a beloved pet.  Our pets never hurt us.  They give unconditional love and they do it every day, all day long.  They may not feel well, but they love us.  I can not remember how many times I walked in the vet's office with a dog, or cat, or bird, and walked out with my arms empty.  It never gets easier.  I always thought some day I would get used to it, but I never have.
I do think that I am a better person because of the animals that have gone through my life.  So tonight while I am sad, I am proud that my son can do what is right and know that he will be a better man.  More understanding because he has loved and lost.
Some one wrote a piece once.  It is called the Rainbow Bridge and it tells it just like it is.

Rainbow Bridge

There is a bridge connecting heaven and earth
It is called Rainbow Bridge because of its many colours

Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows,
hills, valleys with lush green grass

When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this special place
There is always food and water and warm spring weather

The old and frail are young again
Those who are maimed are made whole again

They play all day with each other
There is only one thing missing

They are not with their special person who loved them on Earth
So each day they run and play until the day comes
when one suddenly stops playing and looks up !

The nose twitches !
The ears are up !
The eyes are staring !
And this one suddenly runs from the group !

You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet,
you take him or her into your arms and embrace
your face is kissed again and again,
and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet

Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated

Author Unknown

This has brought me much solace.  Peace Little Oliver.  

Class? Me? No, I don't think so.

Some one told me one time that I had class.  Well, did not so much tell me as mentioned it to someone else and I over heard it being said.  So now yesterday I had  hours alone with myself in the car and I had occasion to think about class.  There seems to be more than one kind of class, as near as I can tell.
If  an older woman walks by, dressed in a sedate outfit, maybe a hat, rings on her fingers and smiling sweetly, one might say "That is one classy lady." 
If a younger woman with an hour glass figure, short skirt and lots of bling sashays by, one might say "That is one classy broad!"
If we are entertained by an act that gives us pleasure, we say "That was a real class act!"
When some one responds well under pressure, they are said to have "class".
Well, I would like to tell you what I perceive as "class".  That would be saying and doing the correct thing at all times when in a public setting.  And what brought this on?  Well, SWM (Single White Male) that I see on a more regular basis than any other SM (Single Male) wrangled an invitation to Thanksgiving Dinner at some one's house.  Now, granted had I been cooking I would have probably invited him and he probably would have eaten with me, but I did not, so neither did he.
So, he talks to himself a lot and I am privy to his conversations.  "I will take a bottle of white wine, since that goes with poultry.  I will wear my black slacks, a white shirt, my camel hair jacket, the gray, I think.  The black loafers.  No tie.  What will you be taking?"
"The car."
"What will you be wearing?"
"My green fatigues, if they are clean.  The white and green tennies.  An obnoxious tee shirt and the corduroy coat.  I will snack on a bag of Clementines and tortilla chips with Black Olive Hummus!  And Willie and Charley will serenade me all the way."  Love that country stuff.
The man is over 6 feet tall and so he definitely has the height advantage going there. And  his nose always seems to look longer when he looks down it at me!  He listens to Classical music in his garage for crying out loud!  He knows the origin of every painting on his walls.  One is to be donated to the museum in St. Louis when he goes for his final dirt nap.  (There is another one.  He prefers to think of it as his demise.)
So, to make a long story short, I am here to tell you that class is here to stay.  I am the working class, the blue collar class, the common every day country western lovin' hick or hillbilly class.  My bumper sticker reads, "If it feels good, do it!"  When I wake up on the wrong side of the sod I will be cremated and my ashes thrown to the wind.  That way I do not have to lay in a dress on a satin bed and have anyone look down on me.   But I do want to clarify something before I leave.  I have a lot of classy friends. They know which fork to use and when to not cuss and all kinds of things.  And most importantly , I know they love me just like I am and that makes the whole class thing a matter of perception on the part of the beholder.  SWM considers me a unique individual.
"Gonna' take me to St. Louis?"
"Oh, hell no!"  :)

November 22, 2002

Very few dates live in memory here in my head, but this one does.  Nine years ago this morning my husband passed away here at home.  I was not aware of this.  I knew he was not doing well and I planned a little visit to the doctor that morning with the little fellow in tow.  He did not like to go there so I was girding myself for that little confrontation.  We have always been early risers, he more so than me. So it was unusual that I was up and he was still in bed.  I knew he had a rough night so I thought I would just let him sleep and I pulled the door shut behind me.  I sent Bret off to school and then decided to get him stirring so we could go to the doctor.  He seemed disoriented and that frightened me, so I called his daughter, Jackie who lives right up the road.  She came and then we called 911.
They arrived in very short order and assessed the situation.  Did he have a DNR?  Yes, but it was with papers that since had been moved and I could not lay my hands on it.  Fatal mistake #1.  If you have a Do Not Resuscitate order, keep it in your hand at all times.  Or at the very least within arms reach.  Do you know what happens if you don't?  The rescue crew will resuscitate you and put you on life support and there you will stay. If you think "putting them on life support " is the end of it, it you are sadly mistaken.
Life support is exactly what it says.  A machine breathes for you and another beats for your heart.  Kenny had a very strong heart so it kept beating without the help of a machine.  The first few days in the ICU he remained in a coma.  When he awoke from that and looked around he began to cry.  He had apparently been in a much happier place and I, through my ineptness had forced him back into this world.  And there he remained.  For three weeks he was in ICU.  Then came the point when he was stabilized enough to "take him off the respirator."  That sounds very simple, doesn't it?  Not so.
When a machine breathes for you for three weeks, your body begins to accept that as normal.  They have hospitals that are skilled at respiratory care and know how to remove a patient from the respirator with great success.  Or so they say.  So off we went to Colorado Springs, to a place called Semper Care.  And there he stayed.  I went every morning and came home evey night.  Bret was in grade school so I tried to maintain some semblance of normality.  Yeah, right.
Kenny never spoke again.  He did know us and his friends came to visit.  His kids were in and out and his mom, sister, brothers, ex-wife, the preacher, whoever would pop in and his eyes would light up in recognition.  Or at least at first they did. 
Man was not meant to be kept alive on machines.  He began to have seizures, brought on by the staph infection, Merza.  That was cleared up.  By then we began to notice that he was not his usual self.  Then it returned.  More seizures and by then it was evident that there was brain damage from the seizures or high fever or something.  What now?
If putting him on life support had been hard, taking him off was even harder.   That is a chore I would not wish on my worst enemy.  For some unknown reason all of his kids were there that morning that the decision was made.  I had kept Bret home from school and brought him to the Springs with me.  I guess we all just knew it was time.  We met with the Chaplain and the arrangements were made.  Then began our long watch.  The oxygen was left on, but the machine was turned off.  After all the time he had been on the machine his body had learned to replicate the breathing.  Towards morning it began to slow and at 5:23 A.M. on January 30, 2003, it stopped. 
The purpose of this post?  What words of wisdom do I have for you today?  Just this.  Get your affairs in order.  Have a DNR?  Put it on the refrigerator where mine is now located.  If God chooses to remove me from this place today, I want to be able to go peacefully.  Kenny would have liked that, but it did not happen.  Losing that man was like losing my will to live, and going on alone is not what I had it mind, but that is what we call life.  So that is what I will do until I hear that trumpet call in my mind and then I am out of here! And you bette wish me God Speed!

Are you talking really fast? Or am I listening really slow.

Made the mistake of going through the drive through at Wendy's in Pueblo West yesterday.  Have you been through one of those lately?  Damn near a fatal mistake.  First, I do not have the menu committed to memory, so I have to actually look at it.  Well, no, the first thing that has to happen is I have to manuver the car into a position so I can SEE the menu.  That being accomplished I then need to see the words.  Now I wear trifocals so one of the three levels of glass should afford me the ability to actually see the words.  Now seeing the words and awakening my taste buds to that particular item is usually like passing something through congress.  And it helps to have some little chickadee blasting through the speaker "Yareddy?"  "Reddynowhuh?" 
Now there was not another car in sight so I am sure I was not holding up the line.  I finally had to tell her, "Listen honey, I am 70 years old and any meal I eat may be my last so I want to be sure it is something I will remember on my luge ride to the Pearly Gates.  So cool your heels and I will call you when I want you."
Apparently that either ticked her off or appeased her cause she got very quiet.  I finally decided on the value menu hamburger with french fries and no drink.  So I called her back to the mic.
"I would like the hamburger and an order of french fries on the value menu."
"Yawantcheeseonthat?"
"Huh?"
"Yawantcheeseonthatornotcheese?"
"Huh"  This girl was talking way faster than my ears could listen.  "Wait a minute, just let me slow that down."  I put my brain in warp speed and played it back to me. "You want cheese on that or no cheese."
"Ok, I got it.  No I do not want cheese on that.  For future reference had I wanted cheese I would have ordered the Cheeseburger for 40 cents more."
"Whatsizefriessmallmediumlargeorsupersize?"
"Huh?"
"Whatsizefriessmallmediumlargeorsupersize?"  Once more I played the warp speed slow down and play back game.  "What size fries?  Small, medium, large, or supersize?"
"Well honey, which size comes on the value menu for $1.19?"
"Small."
"Ok, I will take the small."
"Whattadrink?"  I immediately translated that and told her, "Nothing."  Not going to guess what I might have ended up with on that one.
" $2.47."  And I took that as a dismissal.  Since no drawer was proffered and no hand came out the window I took that as a signal that I should proceed on the drive way to the next window.  Sure enough a hand popped out, grabbed my money, an pushed a sack towards me, which I grabbed before it hit the ground.
Now this is an open letter to all you little fresh faced little newbies entering the work force.

Dear Who ever you are,

    I am old.  My ears have apparently not kept up with changing times.  They are slow.  When you speak to me you need to leave spaces between your words.  At the end of the sentence there will be a period which indicates a breathe before forging to the next sentence.  Like this..."Hello, Old Lady.  I know you are slow witted and not always sure what you want, but I will give you a little time to decide.  I realize you did not wake up this morning knowing what you would want for lunch at a fast food place and since you are paying and eating it I will let you decide.  And I realize your bladder is only so big and I will not push the super size drink out the window at you."  Or something like that.

   I choose Wendy's over the other places because of the fresh faced little girl and Dave Thomas and his honest appeal.  MacDonalds has a reputation of luring children with thier ads so I never go there.  Burger King is alright, but seems a little pricey and austere.  I actually prefer the Senior Menu at Village Inn, but that involves setting alone and I do not like to do that.

   You need to know that since you are just entering the work force you probably have 50 years ahead of you during which you will no doubt encounter a lot of us old farts, but remember this, some day you are going to look down at the cuff of your shirt and see your mother's hand coming out of the sleeve.  To interpert, this means some day you are going to be old.  When I was young we were taught to respect our elders.  To help them across the street.  And if we encountered one who seemed a little confused we were to be patient with them.  Try it.

    In exchange for that, I will pay my bill promptly and move out of the way for the next customer.  And I will smile at you, because I actually like people and I know the next generation will be the one that slaps me in the nursing home.
   So have a good day and take pity on us old people.

And those are my thoughts for today. Today I will take a sandwich with me. 

Oh, I been so busy!

Well, if you wonder where I am, try Pueblo West at the Jingle Bell boutique.  And if you wonder what I am selling, try the Arse Lookin at You face and body butter.  Had to run home last night and make a bunch!  And for those of you who do not know, I only have two hands.  So I am giving you a quick update and then into the shower, off to the West and stop and mail out 100 Crown Royal bags to a lady in MN.  Lovely lady named Mary who is going to make a quilt and I hope she sends me a picture.  I am sure she will.  Got the Crown Royal bags from my niece in Oklahoma (Hi Cindy) and they are to sell and raise money for my SCAP clients.  Can not beat a deal like that!

I think the weather is supposed to get nasty, but I hope not.  I plan on going to Lakin, Kansas for Thanksgiving.  Course it will be my usual 8 hours on the road and 2 hours visiting.  Got the geese and animals to take care of, you know.  But it is not the length of the visit, but the quality that counts.  Sam said he might drive up for the day.  We will see. 

Course then Friday is the Parade of Lights.  As I recall every time I go to that I about freeze to death.  I was dating that guy in the high rise that sets right off Union and had I kept that connection I could have watched the parade from the sixth story balcony.  But you know me and how this dating thing goes.  Men require time and when was the last time I sat still and did not fall asleep?  That ticks them off.  Well, sorrrrrrrrrrrry!

So now I am off to do the 8 hours at the Boutique.  I promise I will get back to interesting stuff as soon as this is over.  Sunday is church and then break down the tables, etc. at the VFW.  Then Monday meeting with the Insurance and Century Link.  Then I should have a breather.  So bear with me.  :)