Baily

 Life goes on, or so I hear.  I look back over the years and remember life growing up at home and it seems there was always some sort of dog or cat that was hanging around the back door.  Animals were not allowed in our house back when we were growing up, but that all changed when I married and had my own home.  Below are Icarus, who now shares my bed, and Daisy and Elvira who were my last two dogs.

I still have Icarus, but Daisy and Elvira have been gone for several years.  Before them were Chile Dog, Calico, Boots, Jake, Oopsie, Tammy, Kitty, Sysnyck,  and many others.  They were all members of my family and I shared my bed with all of them.  They all hold a special place in my heart and there is a special place behind my house for their ashes and everyone of them still lives in my heart.

Most of my friends are animal lovers and have special dogs and/or cats, but occasionally a person will come to my home and not understand that Icarus is looking at them like "that" because they have chosen to set in "her" chair.  Of course, the dog is going to sniff you when you come in.  You are invading her space and she needs to know that you are "alright".

There are only a few places that my animals are not allowed to go.  They are not allowed on the table or the kitchen counter.  On top of the kitchen cabinets that end right below the ceiling is discouraged and does not happen very often.  This having been said, you should know that I am an animal person and that is that.

So it is with a heavy heart that I post this poem for my friend, Steve.  It pretty much says it all.  

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

RIP Beckham

Momma and the mink jacket.

 I recall the growing up days in Nickerson as the worst kind of poverty.  Looking back there are a lot of things I endured that were worse than the stigma associated with the Strong Street years.  Many times, I have longed for the security of that dilapidated old house with the outhouse behind it.  Through all the times of trouble and strife Momma kept food on the table and Dad kept the wood box full of wood to burn for both heat and cooking.  I remember the first butane cook stove we had.  What a luxury that was!  It was only used for cooking special meals.  But I digress!

When momma finished her course at the Salt City Business School, she found a job with Franklin Fee Investment Company.  She wore a dress to work and set at a desk doing desk stuff.  We finally moved from Nickerson to Hutchinson.  We first lived on Avenue A, but then Momma got a chance at a house on Fifth Street that she could buy.  We became homeowners.  At that point in my life, it meant little to me. What mattered most was the house next door.  It had an enclosed front porch and a sign out front that said, "Elledge Furs".  Inside the window stood a mannequin wearing a mink jacket.  Her eyes were blank as she stared into the abyss that was her life.  But that jacket caught my mother's eye!  

Mother went to Mrs. Elledge and made arrangements to pay money on that jacket "every time I get a little extra".  And she did!  We never missed a meal, but sometimes momma would pick up a little babysitting or house cleaning and that was "extra", so it went on the jacket.  We never missed a meal and at some point, the jacket was paid for, and it came to reside in our closet.  I am not sure I ever seen her wear it, but the glory of it was that my Momma had it and it was real mink!  She modeled it when she brought it home and that was the last I saw of it.  I will have to ask Donna whatever became of it.

The last time I went to Hutchinson, I drove down 5th Street.  The plumbing shop was a sewing shop and Elledge Furs, along with our house and the next few houses around it was now an apartment complex.  Dillons was still across the street, but it had gotten a lot bigger.  So much has changed since I lived there!  I recall an old adage, "You can't go home again".  Momma said that and you know what?  Momma was right!

Momma was always right!

Peace!

Aunt Beck

 That was her name.  Just Aunt Beck.  If you walked past my house at 709 Strong Street and turned right at the dead end, went across the highway that ran to Sterling and followed the driveway up to a little white house, you would end up at Aunt Beck's house.  I do not remember her at all, other than she was a short woman with her hair in a bun.  Course all women looked alike to me in my memory.  Occasionally momma would make something and dispatch me to "Take this to Aunt Beck and come straight back.  Don't bother her."  

And that was what I would do.  Aunt Beck would open the door, take whatever I had, thank me and close the door.  It was not until many years later that I actually knew who Aunt Beck was and what her function was in the Haas Family migration to Kansas.  I knew I had a cousin named Ronnie Beck who lived in town and was in the same grade I was in while attending Nickerson Grade School.  A side note here is that he had very red cheeks.  Now those of you who know me know that I also have very red cheeks at times.  That makes me think that it is a Haas family trait.

Years later I was to learn that when a member of the Haas Family in Germany migrated to the United States that Aunt Beck was the contact person in Kansas.  The members the the Haas family would get in touch with Aunt Beck and she would put them in touch with whoever they needed to contact here in Kansas.  Mostly my ancestors settled around the Hunstville and Abbyville area.  But back to Aunt Beck.

Sometimes I would walk from my house to the highway to Sterling and go up to Cow Creek and wade around looking for seashells.  Oddly enough I found a lot of them.  Jake and I used to fish Cow Creek and he and his friends would go down a dirt road to a swimming hole.  I never swam and I knew they were down there naked (or so I assumed.) and I wanted no part of that!

Now a note here about the creeks and rivers in Nickerson.  It is bounded on one side by the Arkansas River, another by the Cow Creek and another by the Bull Creek.  Normally, the only one that carries any significant flow of water was the Arkansas River.  But in the Springtime when the snow melted in the mountains of Colorado, the runoff flooded the rivers and Nickerson became isolated.  At least I think it was what happened.  I know when I used to travel to Hutchinson in the Spring, I had to go 50 Highway because all the little creeks long 96 highway would be over the road.  Now what any of this has to do with with Aunt Beck is beyond me!  Back to the subject.

Now, I could bore you with stories of my lineage, but I will not.  The gist of this is mostly to satisfy my own curiosity.  There was a time, I would ask one of the grandma's or mother, but not anymore.  I have lost track of all the cousins and of course, all the aunts and uncles have long since passed to their reward, so I have to rely on genealogy and I am pretty lazy when it comes to looking thing up.

So, having consulted my book that has all the answers, apparently Aunt Beck was my great grandfathers first wife.  Or, she could have been a sister to his first wife.  Sure do not know who to ask at this point!  But anyway that is all water under the bridge and I could say about anything and there is no one around to dispute my memory.  That is the best part of being old!

So anyway, it snowed last night.  According to the old way of thinking, we have 7 more snows until we are done for the year.  Guess we will see.  

You all have a good day today and I wish you Peace and Prosperity for the coming year!

And remember, you cannot sprinkle showers of happiness on someone else without getting a few drops on yourself!

Me, covid, and liver and onions!

 That sentence right there breaks every rule in the English language!  That having been said, let me forge ahead with my tale.

Over the last 2 years I have become pretty much a recluse.  I venture out to the store and church and that is about it.  I am fully vaccinated, but I did contract Covid about a year ago.  I did not like it.  I was incapacitated for 2 full days and nights.  I would not call it "sick" because sick entails a lot of throwing up and I rarely get sick.  I did take to my bed for two days with respiratory symptoms that caused me to once more renew my lifelong commitment to God, Mother and the flag.  That was over a year ago!  I had a small gathering for Thanksgiving and a granddaughter tested positive for Covid, so she gathered her brood and left.  Her mother remained with me and she immediately tested positive, so we quarantined for about a week.  So...

I test weekly and wear my mask when I go to the store.  Now I have always been a fairly "out and about person", but Covid has changed that.  So I have decided to make a greater effort to be social again.

Last night I had my dear friends, Rebecca and Ron over for liver and onions.  I like to cook and I like to have people in for meals.  I think most people are gregarious and that old saying "No man is an island unto himself." comes to mind.  Now on to the jest of the conversation that led to this blog post.

The subject came up of the blog that I have, that you are now reading.  I used to write regularly, but now it seems my main thing in life is to doze in front of the television while Ken Jenning regales me with the afternoon version of Jeopardy! 

Well, to make a long story short, I invited them for supper last night and the fare was Liver and Onions.  A good time was had by all and I sent the leftovers home with them.  It was nice to have someone to talk to beside myself!  Conversation is defined as an exchange of ideas between two or more people.  Now granted, I do occasionally talk to myself, or sing out loud, but this is different.  I say something, then they say something and it goes on like that!  

So, thank you, Rebecca and Ron, for coming to my house and talking to me!  We will have to do this more often!  Next time I will cook something besides Liver and we will include Ross in the dinner party! That should be fun!

Peace!

December 23, 1983

 That was a very long time ago!  A lot has changed since then, but a lot has remained the same.  It is 0 degrees right now, then it was -8.  Kenny and Gene Baugh had been working on a drive line for the tandem dump truck.  They went to Pueblo Brake to pick up the repaired one and they were closed.  Gene went home and Kenny and I went to Canon City, picked up a marriage license and proceeded to the Senior Citizens housing where we found a retired minister to "do the deed".  

And here I set 40 years later.  Temperature is hovering around the zero mark with no hope of warming in the near future.  I am alone now in this house where I have lived for 40 years.  There are a lot of memories here.  Some are sad but they are mostly happy.  I used to have 2 dogs and a couple cats, but now I just have one cat.  I have driven the same car for 6 years and have no need to buy a new one.  I have one calico cat.  I don't want any other color.  Her name is Icarus and for those of you who know who that is, yes, I do know that Icarus was a male and yes, I do know my cat is a female.  Sherman named her.

It was so cold yesterday that the geese never left their house.  I opened their door, but they stayed inside the wire part.  I will not be surprised to find a dead goose out there today.  I have had those things since Bret was 7 years old and he is 31 now.  I do not know how long they live, but I am strongly thinking they may outlive me!

I started this yesterday and lost interest.  Today is actually the day before Christmas, or Christmas Eve as it is known.  I will not be going to church tonight as I have become pretty much a hermit because of Covid.  I had a friend stop by yesterday afternoon to tell me he would pick me up and take me.  He had a little trouble understanding that I am afraid of crowds.  Covid has pretty much left me crippled socially.  A lot of people do not understand what a panic I go into when I think of going into a crowd of people.  But it is what it is.

So today, December 24, 2022, I want to tell all my friends, Merry Christmas.  Sorry my phobia is getting in the way, but there you have it.  I love Christmas and I like to watch it from the safety of my home.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Peace.

Santa Claus is coming to town!!

 Momma said it so it is true!  It is funny how so many years later the things momma said, come back to haunt me!  Especially things like, "You can't judge a book by its cover."  "You reap what you sow." "Never look a gift horse in the mouth."

I am not sure a lot of them made any sense at all, but nonetheless they seem to pop up fairly regularly in my everyday life and they seem to be most apropos to a situation I find myself in at the moment.  Now do not leap to conclusions that I have gotten myself in a pickle again, because I have not.  My life seems to be spinning along beautifully and I hope that will continue and not go spiraling out of control as life sometimes does!

It is the Christmas season and while the birth of the Christ child never ceases to fill my heart with joy, there is all the fa de la that goes along with bringing out the best or worst in some people.  I do not buy into the trappings of the season.  I do not fight the crowds to buy a gift for friends just for the sake of buying a gift for someone.  I do that all year long and Christmas is reserved for the birth of the Christ child.  I go to church.  I come home.  I do not drive slowly by the houses that are ablaze with lights and the meter on the side of the house is spinning at top speed.  I do not fight the crowds at the parade or at the mall.  Covid is always in my mind.  I do not want that stuff!

I do spend time remembering when the kids were young.  As a single working mother with five kids, Christmas was not always as nice as I would have liked and the table was rarely loaded with the bounty of the harvest!  One Christmas we had corn dogs, because that was what the kids wanted and it was cheap!  Daddy usually took them over Christmas break and Santa was a little more giving at Daddy's house.  That was fine with me and has absolutely nothing to do with my memories at this point.

The saying "It is what it is", comes to mind at this time.  Not sure if it is relevant at all, but there is a lot of truth to that statement and it has helped me over more than one rough patch!  Gibby said that and he was a very wise man and one of my most trusted friends in the days gone by.  He was one of the first to die from AIDS.  His was the first panel I made for my Memorial Quilt which hangs in the Library on Abriendo.  

The saddest part of getting old is the dimming of my memories!  At least I think that is it, but then again I am blessed with selective memory!  I remember things very vividly, and while that may not be exactly how it happened, it is how I remember it.  Momma used to say "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,"  and that is how I remember things.  My journaling may not be exactly how things happened, but they are what I remember.

"Never let your right hand know what your left hand is doing."  "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." But, the best of all is "It is what it is."  And there you have it in a nutshell.  

Christmas is coming and this will be 81 of them that I have lived through.  Will this one be different?  Of course!  They all are.  But 6 days after Christmas, I get another shot at doing it right.  New Years with the resolutions to "do better this year."  I used to quit smoking every January 1, but it never worked out because I had no willpower.  I finally quit, but I do not even remember the date, nor the year.  It has been a very long time though!

So, just in case I do not make it back to this site for Christmas, I want to wish you all a very happy Christmas!  Remember the baby Jesus.  I know different religions do things differently, but just know that all roads lead to the manger and then to the cross.

As Tiny Tim would say, "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

Peace!

Hindsight is 20/20 looking back!

 My momma, the wisest woman in the world told me that years ago. I sometimes wonder if my kids will ever look back and remember anything I said.  I sure hope they do.

Growing up in a house that was home to six kids we all had our place in the hierarchy.  When my father married my mother, he had 3 sons from his first wife who had died.  They had been placed in an orphanage because he could not care for them.  The younger two were adopted into homes but kept in touch over the years.  The oldest left the orphanage at age 18 and mostly wandered the world.  

Of my family growing up, Josephine was oldest because she was the first born to my mother.  She had a different father than my dad.  Her father was supposedly a gangster in Chicago.  Who knows!  Then came Jake, who was the only son, simply because he was the only son.  Then came me, a bright and shining star on the roster of children!  Not really.  That put me in the middle child position which is not a place anyone wants to be.  But there I was, nonetheless.  Then the others who mostly tended to favor my father in coloring and mannerisms.  Donna and Mary were next followed by Dorothy who was the youngest.  Her sole claim to fame is that she was the last one born to my mother. 

Mary was always my dad's favorite.  There was never a question about it: It just was.  When Mary went to Junior High School and they had a dance, my dad went to town and bought her a beautiful white prom dress.  It was so soft.  Mary met and married her future husband when she was 13 or 14 years old.  He was 15 or 16 at the time.  I think.  I am a little foggy on the ages, but they were both very young. I do know I borrowed her prom dress when I married Earl Duane Seeger in 1960.

I look back down the road that I have traveled, and it makes me very sad.  My mother tried to give us kids everything we wanted and needed when she herself had been through trauma that I would never know about.  There are only two of us left, me and Donna.  I wonder if Donna ever thinks about our childhood.  I wonder if she remembers it the same way that I do?  I do know she squeezed a baby rabbit so hard once that it bled out its mouth and she put it in a drawer and covered it up with a washcloth, but it died anyway!

For the record, Lavender is still my favorite color, and my mother is still the angel that I remember.  The only difference is that instead of living on Strong Street in Nickerson, or on Avenue A in Hutchinson, she is walking on the streets of gold.  She is not in any pain, and she gets to look down on me and see that she raised a very strong woman after it is all said and done.  She is waiting for me to take that leap from here to where she waits for me.  I just hope she knows how happy I am that I was raised at her knee.

We all different mannerisms as is common in big families.  Josephine was the oldest, so she was bossy.  Jake was the only boy, so he was expected to do boy things, like chop wood, take the old tomcat that ate the baby chicken to the forest and chop off its head with the same axe, and mostly just do boy things.  He did let me tag along sometimes.  Of course, we all had to cater to Mary and Dorothy, because Dorothy was the baby, and Mary was the pretty one.  Mary was also Dad's favorite.    I do not think he liked me at all, but that taught me how to raise my own kids later in life.  

I bent over backwards to make sure that I did not favor one over the other.  If I spent $20 on one for Christmas, I spent $20 on each of the others.  Later my son pointed out to me that this was wrong.  I should have bought each one a gift especially chosen for them regardless of price.  He also pointed out that he was the only boy and should therefore be granted special status!  Little turd!

But this blog is actually about my high school prom.  Mom had somehow managed to get her hands on enough shiny polyester fabric in a beautiful lavender color.  She then scraped together enough to buy several yards of lavender net to pair with it.  She sewed me a beautiful prom dress all my hand with a pattern in her head!  It was beautiful!

It is at this point that the adage, "You cannot make a silk purse out of a cow's ear." comes to mind.  The softest net is very soft and lays differently than the cheap net that momma could afford.  When the skirt was stitched together with the bodice, it left the stiff net to completely encompass my waist.  What started out to be a fairy tale night, ended up being a torture.  By the time I got home to take the dress off I had a very raw waistline that was actually bleeding. It was packed away in a box under the bed and I do not know what ever happened to it. 

Lavendar is still my favorite color.  Always will be.  Lavender is still my favorite scent, and the beautiful fields of Lavender in Grand Junction is my favorite place in the spring.   

Momma told me long ago that my childhood would be what defined me in my later years.  She sure hit that nail on the head!  My experiences of those long-ago years guide me in everything I do in my old age.  When I think of momma it is always the house on Strong Street and the old wood stove and the ducks and chickens out back.  It is the Peach Tree by the chicken house and the treadle sewing machine and the Catalpa tree by the road.

Wonder it that is what heaven is like?  I sure hope so!

Peace!

Bamboo toilet paper at my house.

 For many years I used recycled toilet paper at my house.  I thought that was the complete answer to doing my part in saving the planet.  One day it came up in the conversation with a man friend and his son.  The son was most interested to know just how they went about recycling toilet paper.  I explained that it is made from recycled paper into toilet paper.  I buy this stuff online so it is purchased by the case.  Lasts a very long time since I live alone basically.

Now, recycled toilet paper is made from recycled newsprint and things like that, so the name is rather misleading.  Granted, if you are used to the thick, soft stuff like Charmin and other high dollar products, you are not going to like my recycled stuff, nor the bamboo that I am currently stocking my holder with, however, I am definitely on the environmentally friendly side of the ecosystem.

And, as for price I pay roughly $1.46 a roll for this. That is a bit more than what I paid for recycled.  Actually, I pay $1.29 for the recycled from Who Gives a Crap.  It is never easy trying to save the planet, but I try in little ways.

I actually prefer the bamboo because it seems to be a little stronger than the recycled stuff, but honey, my old butt is not real picky!

So, the point of this is, I guess my assessment of recycle versus bamboo is what I am trying to convey.  Bamboo is a very fast growing grass that is used in lots of ways, toilet paper just being the one I am familiar with in everyday use.  Not sure if any of these can be purchased at the local grocery store, but since I just got my shipment, I am good for a while!

I do think there is a product out there called Seventh Generation which is readily available on the grocery store shelf.  Or Walmart.  Or wherever you shop;

Oh, and either one is septic tank friendly which makes both myself and the man who pumps my septic tank happy.  So go forth today and think about what you are using in your kitchen and bathroom, and have a blessed day!

Peace! 

Getting ready for new beginnings!

 Tomorrow when I wake up November will be behind me.  The bad memories can rest until next year.  It is not like shutting a door and moving on, it is just closing a door and living my life.  It all sounds good, doesn't it?  And I really wish it worked that way, but it doesn't.

I sometimes long for the days gone by when the only thing I had to worry about was whether I would be scared when my brother hid and jumped out at me in the darkened path on the way to the outhouse in the middle of the night!  Or whether one of us would drown in Vincents sandpit where we were cooling off on a hot summer day.  Or whether one of us would choke to death on a bone lodged in our throat from the big old Carp that momma caught in the Arkansas River when she seined for our supper.  Or whether that green Peach I stole off the tree by the chicken house was going to kill me for sure this time.

I remember the rabbit hutches and the babies that grew to be our supper.  I remember the nasty old Muscovy Ducks foraging for a scrap of something in the bottom of the mudholes behind the house where the kitchen sink drained out a pipe from the house.  I remember how the big red rooster used to seek me out and chase me out of the barnyard.  I remember my brother putting the baby kittens in a sack and throwing them in the river.  He wasn't being mean, he was doing as he was told.  Momma could hardly feed us, let alone a bunch of kittens.

Momma always said that people are like the seasons.  Babies are born like the Spring and are fresh and new and flourish, but when we get old we are like the Autumn.  We lose our leaves and and become skeletal like the barren tree against a cold dark sky.  

I have always accepted life in that manner.  I look around at my friend pool, and it is about dried up!  That young girl that used to race out the door and down the street to dance all night has ceased to exist.  The auburn hair is white now and the barefeet that used to fly across the floor are encased in a pair of orthopedic shoes.  The catfish that used to be fun to catch, dipped in corn meal and fried has been replaced by some sort of white, flaky stuff raised on a farm somewhere in a spring fed lake.  Most meals are steamed and fried is a thing of the past.

Fall is here and Winter is on the way!  That means I have to be careful not to slip and fall and wind up with a broken hip.  I have no desire whatsoever to jump in a snow drift or even throw a snowball at the mailman, or mailwoman as the case may be!  A trip out back with a bucket of water for the geese is about all the excitement this old broad can handle!

But I remember!  The kids today will never know the joy of walking home from school in knee deep snow.  They will never know the joy of a pair of galoshes with fur around the top that Santa Claus brought to replace the black ones that Jake grew out of and passed down to me.  They will never know the closeness of sleeping in a bed with 3 other kids.  They will never know what joy a Saturday night bath in a big aluminum tub was!  

The older I get, the fonder the memories become!  Momma always told me that someday my childhood would be something I would look back on and smile.  Something that would bring me joy.  And momma was right!

Momma was always right!

Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is far away.

 That just leaves today to get through.  Today is all we actually have, isn't it?  Yesterday was a hard one, but tomorrow will surely be better.  I had a nightmare that woke me up from a sound sleep and is not leaving me.  I was in a cemetary.  Someone or something was chasing me.  I hid behind a tombstone and then climbed a tree.  Still it pursued me.  By this time I was awake and very afraid so I just got up.  The cat was happy about that, because she is now ensconced on my lap.  She spent most of the night drapped across my head.

Even now, I can feel the terror that the dream brought to me.  I remember the palpable terror that gripped me in my dream.  It is not going to go away easily, but I shall write and bit which always seems to exorcise my demons.  It was on this day in 2002 that Kenneth began his journey to the other side of the bar.  January 30, 2003 he made it.  It was on November 21, 2021 that Anthony crossed over.  Both of these men held a place in my heart that will never be filled.

I know in the recesses of my mind where logic dwells, that death is a vital part of life.  I also believe that there is a higher power that waits for us all to take us to a place where there is no more sorrow and no more pain.  And I know as well as I am setting here feeling the computer keys under my fingers that I will see both of these men, along with Sherman, in a much better place.

But for today, I think I will just remember them as they were.  All of them.   Momma and Jake, Dorothy, Josephine, Mary, Dad and Grandma and Great Grandma.  The aunts and uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews.  All of them.  Ex husbands.  School mates.  Teachers.  Casual friends.  Lovers.  Pets.

So once again the terror of the night has subsided.  The sun has not yet begun it's daily chore of peeking at me from the horizon, but I trust that it will soon.  So I shall get another cup of coffee and prepare to  push the demons back down and do something constructive.  After all, Thanksgiving is only 2 days away and I have company coming.  Between Covid and deaths, I have not celebrated a holiday in the past two years.  I guess it is time to do that!

Peace!

Depression rules this month!

 October and November are the two hard months for me.  Of course, when you get to my age there are anniversary deaths and birthdays every month.  And they occur in every month, but it just seems like fall and winter are the most prolific.  And then I have momma whispering in my ear to remind me that I am getting older.  I almost said I am getting old, but older works better in this context!  My mind is still fairly clear and for that I am grateful, but when I look back at the people who have left me, I get very sad.

Earl, Richard, Gene, Josephine, Jake, Mary, Dorothy, and of course, mom and dad are all gone, along with a myriad of aunts, uncles and cousins.  Just Donna and I are left to carry on the heritage.  I have lost track of all the cousins and their lineage.  I figure I am doing good to remember my kids and their  kids and those kids's kids!  I had a great granddaughter graduate high school last year!  I think I have 8 grandkids and 11 great grandkids.

Longevity seems to be a given in our family.  Either you pass to your great reward in your sixties, or you are doomed to a long and fruitful life.  Since I am now 81 years old, I am assuming I will be a centurion in the future.  Kenneth passed 20 years ago, and I have dated a few times, but I cannot bring myself to think I want to have another husband at this stage of the game!

I tend my geese and raise a garden.  I can my produce and bake and cook.  I drive myself to church and shopping and change my furnace filters when they get dusty.  I need to paint, but that is not happening.  I got the smoke detector down from the top of the wall, changed the battery, but cannot seem to twist it just right to put it back up there.  I am assuming it will beep if it needs to!  It will be much easier to turn off laying on the sewing table by my bedroom door!

Well, the day has begun and the geese want out of their house.  They need to forage through the weeds on the back acre looking for a stray grasshopper or a treasure trove of seeds.  I need to brew up a cup of coffee in my little french coffee press and get ready to face the day.

Momma always said that the old people are like the seasons when it comes to dying.  They either die in the fall like the leaves on the trees dropping to the ground, or they die in the spring, like the new leaves opening.

Momma knows!

October is almost gone!

And for that I am grateful!  October is a busy little month around here. I was born on October 1.  I have 2 children born in October.  My only brother was born October 5, 1937 and died October 31, 1965.  I was married the first time on October 30, 1960.  I might have actually been married another time or 2 in October, because I just love the whole month.  I am a Libra.

Libra is the horoscope sign designated for me and pretty well fits me and my brother to a "t".

People born under the sign of Libra are peaceful, fair, and they hate being alone. Partnership is very important for them, seeking someone with the ability to be the mirror to themselves. These individuals are fascinated by balance and symmetry, they are in a constant chase for justice and equality, realizing through life that the only thing that should be truly important to... astrology-zodiac-signs.com

• Element: Air
• Color: Pink, Green
• Day: Friday
• Lucky Numbers: 4, 6, 13, 15, 24
• Strengths: Cooperative,diplomatic, gracious, fair-minded, social
• Weaknesses: Indecisive, avoids confrontations, will carry a grudge, self-pity
• Libra likes: Harmony, gentleness, sharing with others, the outdoors
• Libra dislikes: Violence, injustice, loudmouths, conformity
• Greatest Compatibility: Aries, Sagittarius
• Career: lawyers, judges, diplomats, designers, composers, In search for truth and justice, they are good lawyers and judges, and can also be successful as diplomats, designers and composers if they have nurtured their artistic side from childhood.

And that about says it all.  

I need to think before I speak!

 It was one of those conversations that happen when you are on one subject and your fellow conversee is on another.  Ross was on his way out of town.  It was my job to take care of the cats until he returned.  He has many cats and they all have names, but the two old cats who live inside are named Queenie and Sparky.  They are not to go outside, so they receive special treatment.

The first afternoon he called and I wanted to tell him Queen Elizabeth had passed in case he had not heard.    The following conversation ensued:

"I'm inside the fortress!  Did you know the Queen is dead?"  There was a long pause during which I heard the sounds I could not identify. End of conversation.  

It was not until later when I received the following message in my email, that I realized I might have been misunderstood.

Hey Lou,

sorry not to be as sensitive about the death of the queen when I called. I was confused when you said the queen died cuz I was thinking my cat. And then the gas pump was spewing gas out of the car so it just was a confusing time.

 

OMG!!!!  I am sorry!!!  Although I am snorting coffee out my nose as I write this!!!  

 If one of the critters does not survive till you return, I will break it to you gently. I think a couple escaped to the outside.

 Your Queen is fine, although Sparkie did not greet me yesterday, but I did touch him and he was not cold, just sleeping. 

Just thought it would be fun to share this today since it is cold and dreary outside.

Peace!

Life in Plevna, Kansas

 It must have been about 1955 when I went to live with my grandma'a in Plevna, Kansas.  It was also the year I started high school.   Now there were only about 40 kids in the whole high school.  High School was on the second floor and grade school on the first.  But all that is irrelevant.  

What matters is that it was in this place I began my high school education.  Now, as luck would have it, the lady who lived right next door to the grandma's was the daughter of the man who lived next door to my home in Nickerson!  They also had an old car that ran pretty good and traveled back home to Nickerson a couple of times a month.  Mother made arrangements for me to ride with them when they did go to see her and father.

Now it becomes a little fuzzy in my mind, but I think the lady was named Elsie and I think she was blind.  I do not think they had any children.  All that is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. So once a month, I think, we would pile into the car and settle in for the 20-mile drive.  The man would fit the crank in the front of the car, wherever he fitted it, and give it a hard pull.  The engine would roar to life and he would jump into the car and as soon as the engine was running smoothly, he would retrieve the crank, close the hood, and prepare to drive the car.  It was when we traversed the road to highway 50 that the fun began!

He liked to sing!  I strongly suspect that he may have also liked to drink a bit!  Of that I am not sure!  But he did like to sing.  One of the songs went like this:

" Oh, I won't go hunting with you, Jake, but I'll go chasing women!

So put them hounds back in the pen and quit your silly grinning!

The moon is right and I'm half tight, life is just beginning!

I won't go fishing with you Jake, but I'll go chasing women."

His wife would try to hush him because there "was a child in the car," but he just sang all the louder.  He seemed to know lots of songs. but that is the one that sticks in my mind.

Sundays at our house were always special because we usually had meat of some sort.  Special was when we had a roast.  That did not happen very often, but there was always hope!

At 4:00 we would hear the car roar to life next door and momma would make sure my face was clean.  Then the horn would beep (ooga, ooga) and I would run out to the street.  The man would open the door, I would jump in, and he would close the door.  Then began the 20 mile one hour drive back to Plevna.  

I wish I could remember his name, but I don't.  Life was so simple back then!  Needs were few.  Pleasure could be found in walking barefoot in the hot sand road of Strong Street or running the back road to the sandpit.  Kick the can was the game of the night and the moon was the only light we had after the sun went down.

Go to sleep, all my childhood memories!  I sometimes long for the day when I can run out the door, jump in an old jalopy and go see my momma.

Peace!

Trick or Treat!

 Halloween is fast approaching and while it is fraught with bad memories for me, there are also a few that bring me fond memories.  October 30 is/was my first journey into the state of Holy Matrimony.  While that did not last and has a lot of sadness connected with it, it nonetheless gave me all 5 of my children.  That is good.  It is also the day my brother was in a car cras and death claimed him the next day.  So this year I am going to take a journey back to Halloween when I was but a wee lass!

As I recall, Nickerson, Kansas boasted a population of 1200 souls.  Not every street had a street light, but most of them did.  Our costumes usually consisted of paper grocery bags that momma had saved from the Fleming grocery or Berridge IGA.  These were laid out on the table after mother had cut a mouth and eyes in them.  She then dug out broken crayons that she had saved from school last year.  Each one of us colored our grocery bag as we chose.  Jake always made a scar face on his. If you recall, he had a scar on his cheek that he carried all his life because a horse kicked him in the face when he was very young.  Anyway....

We were sent into the world of free candy carrying some sort of bag which we hoped to fill with candy.  We were also reminded to say please and thank you.  And don't be greedy!  Only take one piece.  Now back in those days we did not have to worry about some one putting razor blades in apples or dusting candy with LSD.  Our biggest worry was that the next house would  have a big bowl of candy corn and our greatest hope was that maybe somebody would give us a Hershey Bar.  Candy corn was gross and chocolate was hard to come by.  A lot of the homes had home baked cookies, which was good.  Back in those days the crazies had not yet came out of the woodwork and we could do that.  Not anymore!  Now the sacks have to be filled with individually wrapped items, taken somewhere and x-rayed before eating out of them.

It was always fun going from door to door and knocking.  Usually, some lady or her husband would come to the door and appear to be surprised and pleased to see us.  Usually.  If the porch light was not on that meant they were out of candy, so we just passed them by.  The hardest part of the whole thing was when we came to a block with no houses.  That is where the big boys hid and would jump out and steal our candy sacks.  They were high school kids, so we did not know them, and it only happened once to us, so we were careful to stay in the well-lighted areas.

The best part was when we got home and momma went through the sacks.  She examined each piece to be sure her babies would not bite into a razor blade.  She did not worry about the candy being laced with drugs, because back then, we did not know about the existence of such things.  Oh, the innocence of youth!

The short time I was in Plevna with the grandma's was probably one of my best Halloween's!  Population of Plevna was 109.  Of those few souls, several of them managed to steal a horse drawn buckboard from somewhere and hoisted it onto the roof of the gymnasium at the school.  Not sure they ever figured out who did that, but I think it was some ornery little rascals from Abbyville!  Or maybe Pretty Prairie.

So, here I set in my house that sets on a back acre.  No one will come to my house, because they cannot find it.  I will buy a little bag of miniature Heath bars or Almond Joy bars, just in case.  Course those happen to be my favorite candy bar and if  someone one comes to my house, I will give them one.  But if no none comes, I will have to eat them.  I hate to think of eating something I don't like.  

So there it is!  This year instead of mourning my brother or the demise of my first marriage, I will focus on the positive!  I will remember how happy I used to be all those years ago when we lived in abject poverty on a dead end street back in Nickerson, Kansas.  All I have left of those years is one sister.  The grandma's and aunt's and uncles are all gone.  I have a couple shirt tail second or third cousins, but that is it!

I also have my memories of days gone by and the best part of that is that they are mine and I can remember them as I choose to remember them.  Sometimes my memories make me very sad, but sometimes they are very happy and I can feel love over the years and the miles.  

That is the best part of old age!

Peace!

Lagree's on the Mesa

My favorite grocery store is a pretty well kept secret.  It is one mile up the road and I pop in there several times a week.  I have actually popped in there several times a day if I am having one of those days when I am completely disorganized.  

I moved out here on the Mesa when I married my last husband 40 years ago.  At that time it was Chet's grocery store.  Kenny was a wise man and told me that we needed to support the local grocery store or the time would come when we needed a loaf of bread and we would have to make a 30 minute drive to town and back.

Sadly, the original owner sold to someone else and the store began to go downhill.  Then the roof began to leak.  Lack of maintenance began to show.  The shelves began to carry inferior brands and the store soon became a place where one shopped as only a last resort.  I think it actually sat empty for a while.  

Then, Hark!  A new owner!  The first thing on his agenda was to repair the roof!  Not more walking around buckets of rain water to shop.  It is my understanding that Lagrees also exists in Alamosa, and another town in the mountains.

You can click on the article on my facebook page and save me a lot of typing!  Here is what I want to tell you.  Lagreese is a very user friendly store.  Clerks, stockers, and even the person cleaning has a smile and will say hello.  I live a mile away from the store and twice left my purse in a cart out in the parking lot.  Both times it was retrieved and returned to me.  Not sure I can do that at King Soopers.  (Not sure I should do that any where!)

And if you think just because they are a small store you will not be able to get something, think again!  Canning supplies, dog bones, organic produce, fresh cut meat, dairy products!  All there.  If you can not find something, just ask one of the stockers.  From lye for soap making to Filet Mignon for a romantic supper.  All there.

Kenny said it best when he said "We have to support out local businesses or they can not survive and when we need something we will have to drive all the way into to town and pay the same price, plus city tax."  

Kenny was wise.  Kenny and Momma.  They would have made a good match!

Where did that girl go?

I found this picture among my souvenirs.  I think it was probably taken when I was in my senior year of high school.  For the record, I did not graduate high school.  I was too busy doing what I thought was more important, like dancing and "stuff".  After all, I had a job at some burger drive in and could bring home as much as I needed for cigarettes.  Looking back, I think I was pretty.  Even given that, I never dated.  I went to dances and had plenty boys wanting to date me, but I just wasn't interested in settling down or at least not until Earl Duane Seeger walked into the Crow Bar that night back in 1960.

That is me on the far left.  Looking at this picture makes me sad because I am the only one left setting at that table. He passed in 1994.  Larry and Maude passed in the last 2 years.  So that just leaves me.

So time marches on and this is a picture from last year.

 This is from the high tea last year and all of these kids are my great grandkids!  Not grandkids, GREAT Grandkids. I am the little wrinkled up old lady in the center.  These kids are capable of making me a great, great Grandmother! Where did the time go?

Mother called it like it is when she said,  "When you are over the hill, you pick up speed."

Rest in Peace, Momma.

 

Rethinking that flight!

Lou Mercer Words of Wisdom: Welcome to Texas little Colorado girl!

 I hit the send button on that post last night and went to bed.  My mind immediately told me, that I was not going to sleep and it was right, but then it always is, isn't it?  Momma told me more than once that everything happens for a reason and we all know momma was always right.  Momma was always right.  So this morning I will reveiw with a clear head .

Was that flight deliberately detained to make me suffer or was it perhaps detained to change the course of my day to make me just late enough to avoid a car wreck or something else that was in my future that only God could know?  Something bad, or to give me something good?  Or was it even about me?  

God has his own way of reaching down and touching people and places that need touched and I like to think that He spends way more time taking care of me than I take thanking him for doing it!  And you know what, it may not have been about me at all!

Maybe the man setting beside me needed to hear something I said.  Or maybe the lady two rows back who was so helpful in charging my phone on the bank of chargers needed to help someone that day.  Maybe she was missing her mother.  Or someone on that flight, or someone waiting for that flight to land needed to be detained to avoid a situation.  Or maybe the man across the aisle who could not set still needed a lesson in patience.

I do know this was harder on my son and my friend Ross, then it was on me.  My mother had a caveat that she spat out fairly regularly and that was this "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong."  And I have come to know that when something goes wrong it immediately (if not sooner) snowballs into an avalanche, much like the lemmings walking off the cliff!

So, in the cold hard light of day, I have this go say..I had a wonderful trip down to Dallas, and had a wonderful time seeing the sights and my friends (They are actually Sam and Allen's friends, but they accept me.)  I made a (hopefully) new friend on my 12 hours on the plane.  There were restroom facilities, and I did not suffer a bit.  I wanted to get home earlier, but that did not happen.  So be it!

Thank you, Sam and Ross, for being so caring and considerate in the drop off's and pick-ups so I did not even have to worry about anything!  

And thank you God for always being around close enough to catch me if I fall!

Welcome to Texas little Colorado girl!

So last week I went to  Dallas, Texas.  Sam and Ross got their little heads together and Ross delivered me to the airport in Colorado Springs, reported to Sam and his shift was over after the plane left the ground. Sam met me at the baggage carousel and I was then  under his watchful eye.  There is something to be said about the good care he gave me.  Kind of makes me wonder who raised him!

Sam eats vegan so I told him I wanted the same diet while I was there.  Gotta' say it was an experience.  He made vegan a very pleasant experience although it is very time consuming.  The one deviation he did make was to feed me two eggs for breakfast every day.  Being a little older I do need protein and eggs are a good source of protein.  Three square meals a day is something I could get used to.  He also took me to see Grapevine, Texas, which is definitely unique and worth the trip if you ever get down that way.  Starbucks was a morning ritual.

Needless to say, I had a wonderful visit and my departure day was soon here.  So Sam and I got up early (5 AM) so we could make the 7:30 departure time.  He dropped me at the door and headed back home.  After I was releived of a few items at security I travelled up to gate.  A 7:43 departure would deliver me to Colorado Springs where Ross would scoop me up and I would be safely deposited at my home before 10:00.  Things were right on schedule, but then that old  "The best laid plans of mice and men, oft times go astray", came into play.  The Colorado Springs Airport was too foggy to land.  The piolet circled a few  and then decided to go to Durango for fuel.  Then they (there are 2 of them on every flight) decided to set there for 2 hours.  Next they decided to "deplane".  So we all went in.  About 2:30 or so, they decided they were "out of hours" and could not fly any more.  The decision was made by the powers that be, which sure as hell was not me, that a whole new flight crew would have to be flown up from Dallas.  That would only take a few hours.

Finally they arrived.  After much "to do" we were loaded back on board, and the engines roared to life.  We must have taxied a couple hundred yards when the plane stopped.  Captain was explaining to us that we were waiting for the mechanics to investigate a "funny sound".  I am sorry, but in my wildest dreams an airplane far up in the air and a "funny sound" are not acceptable in my books!  By now it was getting dark and I was NOT having fun!  I must admit that  the man in the seat next to me was a very nice man, fun to talk to and helpful in every way.  His name is David and he lives in Colorado Springs, but travels a lot.  He explained to me everything that was going on and how it was all routine mostly and all for my safety.  And now it was dark!  What had began as the start of a 58 minute flight was now entering 12 full hours and not over yet.  Ross was on his third trip to pick me up and I was setting in a plane on the runway with no hope of ever getting home.

To make a long story short, I did finally get home at 9 something PM.  Sam and Ross have decided that the next trip I make will be when Sam drives halfway up from Dallas and Ross drives halfway down from Pueblo and meets him with me being exchanged during lunch.  I cannot help but say American Airlines sucks.  I do not ever want to go through this again.  Meeting David was the only good thing.  Oh, wait, there were several other young ladies who were very nice.  All in all, most of the passengers were understanding and took my bitching and moaning in stride. I think I was saying what they were thinking.

Now it is my bedtime, so I shall toddle off to crawl in my nice warm bed.  Life for the most part is good, but sometimes it just kind of gets tedious

Momma said

 When I come to a place in my life where I am not sure which way I should go, it seems momma always pops up in my mind.  She always had the answer.  Whether she knew the question or not was usually a whole 'nother kettle of worms!  She passed before my husband, so I spent many years muddling through without her wisdom.  It is just a good thing that I lucked out and had a good, honest man in Kenny.  I do not know how I made it this far!

The one thing she did leave me with is something I will share with you.  When one of my friends or one of my husbands had disappointed me beyond belief and I expressed this to her that "I thought I knew him better than that", she said, "You never know anyone.  You know of them.  You know the part they let you see."  Those words have came back to haunt me more than once.  Sometimes it breaks my heart to know momma was always right, but she was.

I try to take tentative steps in my life and if nothing pops up in my path, I do pretty good.  I seem to have raised 6 kids who are pretty much responsible and successful and I think for the most part my life is pretty good.  I know one thing for sure, I took/take very good care of the geese !  I got the first 3 goslings when Bret was 8 years old.  He is 30 now and they are still alive.  

My plan was to sell this place when the geese were gone and travel around the country spending time with the kids and grandkids.  Not happening!  Like momma said "The best laid plans of mice and men ofttimes go astray."  I have a hard time typing because I have a cat that insists of laying on the keyboard.  I have a 2400 square foot house and this is the only place she can find to lay.

Fall is in the air and it will not be long before I am out there shoveling my way to the goose house so I can break the ice on the tank so they can drink. I buy 150 pounds of goose food a month which I unload and put in a barrel to feed them.   And I cannot even pet them!  They have never pecked me, but they are not conducive to physical contact.  Well, hell, neither is the cat!  When I try to pet her, she bites me.

So, it is 6 AM and the sun is going to pop up here pretty quick and start my day.  I guess it beats the alternative doesn't it? 

Or does it?

Nine eleven, 9/11/01

 Kenny had gone to work.  click here

We remember: click here

Enough said.

Kinda' funny how the dating thing works.

I recall when I was 18 years old and in a hurry to find a husband to father my children.  I had my criterea.  Number one, he must be handsome.  Number 2, he must have a job.  Number 3, he must love me.  The first two were easy to find.  Since all handsome meant to me was that he not be covered with zits, that was about it.  The first three years of high school seemed to be spent overcoming the teenage acne.  Then after graduation, or in the Senior year, most of the boys started jobs.  By the time a boy reached the age of 20 he was pretty well on his way into adulthood.

So when I met Duane Seeger,who was 3 years older then me,  he was hell bent on marrying and starting a family.  A home would come later.   So after a whirlwind courtship of 3 weeks, we announced our intent to wed.  The wedding would be in 2 days at the chuch on Sherman street.  That marriage lasted 10 years and produced a total of 5 children.  He had met all the criterea, he had a job, he was handsome and thought I thought he hung the moon.  Number 2 met none of the criterea and that marriage lasted 3 months.  Then along came Charlie.  He was handsome and successful.  He brought me to Colorado. I married and divorced him twice.  Sadly he was a philanderer.  Then came Henry.  That one lasted 3 months.  Kenny was the keeper and I spent 20 years in a solid marriage with a man who did not fool around on me, did not drink, never hit me and never forgot a birthday or anniversary.  Sadly I lost him after 20 years.  Mother told me once that if I ever lost a husband he would live in my memory as perfect.  She was right!

So now it is 20 years later and I look at the crop of men to choose from and I am astounded at the lack of interest I can muster!  Since I have now matured to the age of 80 I cannot date a man older than me, because that crop is dead.  If I rake through the ones younger than me they are looking forward to retirement and want to travel.    Get too young and I am robbing the cradle and I do not want to have to get up in the morning and pack his lunch for work!  I can not even find one that wants to dance. Country Western music is the genre I prefer, but all the guitar pickers I used to date are dead and gone.

I guess maybe I just need to set back and enjoy my old age.    

Looking back.....

 Looking back at my life I can see clearly now!  All the things I should have done as opposed to the things I actually did.  My very clear looking back memory show me setting in the church office with the Reverend Rush J. Barnett.  His wife, Genevive and daughter, June bug were some where in the house, but I was in the office talking about my future.  Reverend Barnett was preacher at the First Christian Church in Nickerson, Kansas.  It was one of three churches.  There was the Baptist Church and the Methodist Church.  There were no other churches.  No Catholic Church.

Anyway, I was 16 years old and we were discussing my future as a missionary in Africa.  As soon as I was 18 years old, I could begin the firm plans as to education and all that stuff.  It would be a non paying job, but at 15, I did not need money.  A little food and the clothes on my back.  The church would be responsible for all my travel and I had no other needs at that point in my life. Ah, but the best laid plans of mice and men oft' times go awry!  Not sure I know where I picked that up, but alas it is the God's truth if it were ever written.  Reverend Rush J.Barnett along with his wife and precious baby were transferred "back east."

His replacement was there within a month.  Reverend Johnson and his wife, whatever her name was and his pimply faced son moved into the parsonage.  I do not remember the son's name, only that he was creepy and had a bad case of acne.  Dreams of Africa were laughed out of my head by this new preacher.  Mother finished her schooling, and it was not long after that we made the move from Nickerson, Kansas, population1009 people to Hutchinson, Kansas, population 29,000.  We never traveled back to Nickerson, though it was only 12 miles.  We never bothered finding another church.  I never bothered dating either.  I did not seem to really fit in anywhere, so I took up drinking.  I had a friend whose father made home brew.  Since he was rarely home, we had free rein on the liquor cabinet.

I dropped out of school my senior year, fell in love shortly thereafter.  We were married 3 weeks later and began the life of moving from town to town with my husband working as a tree trimmer.  Our home was usually a furnished apartment in a town where Duane worked until the tree jobs ran out.  Then we would throw our meager belongings in the car and move on to the next town.  It was life as we lived it and being young and in love it worked for us.

Or it did until he decided he wanted to have a baby.  I thought a home first was the order of the day, but not in his world.  I pictured a vine covered cottage with a baby on the floor and he pictured something else.  I was never sure just what he had in mind for security.  I was pretty sure of one thing, if I was going to have a baby there was going to be a doctor and a hospital somewhere in the picture. And there was.  We were two novices at the business of building a home and family with no tools whatsoever, and no guidance from anyone.  But we did it.  We managed to have 5 of those little babies and they have all grown and gone now. He wanted to build an empire for his kids.  That was his dream. 

But I want to tell you that we ended up with 4 girls and one boy.  They are all functioning members of society.  They all pay taxes and most of them vote.  They may actually all vote.  I can not tell you if they are Republicans or Democrats, but I would bet most of them are Independent.  Mother was a fire breathing, Rush Limbaugh following Republican.  I am Independent.  Mom and I never really discussed politics.  I paid for her subscription to Limbaugh's newsletter, but I never read it.

Now, I am the mother.  I am the Matriarch!  My momma told me that.  The Patriarch died many years ago.  He is gone, but he is not forgotten.  60 years ago Lucy and Duansie built the framework of the Seeger Empire.  After we divorced and he built his home in Western Kansas we thought about reconcilling, but that was not to be.  We were now two completely different souls. Several years later we met some where and I asked him, "Well Duane, how is the Seeger Empire nowadays?"  Without missing a beat he replied, "The Seeger Empire is a tad bit shaky!"

But it was his dream and he lived it.  I am glad I was there for part of it anyway.  Humble beginnings is what life is all about.

Fly high, my first love!  We are leaving a legacy in the five kind, loving children we bore and raised to adulthood.  

Gotta' take credit for that!

Is there still love even at my age?

 When I first met Earl Duane Seeger 68 years ago, I knew immediately what love was.  One look in those sky blue eyes, a toss of that sunshine blonde hair and the muscles rippling in his arms and I was in a tailspin.  He was fresh out of the service and looking for love!  He had a job and a car and lived with 2 of his brothers.  A short 3 weeks later we were standing in front of the minister in the Presbyterian Church on Sherman Street  in Hutchinson, Kansas.  His mother had come in from Jetmore, Kansas and a blizzard sent her and Walter back before the service began.  October 30, 1960.  One or 2 of my sisters were there.  I can still close my eyes and remember my first love.

They say you never forget your first love and I believe that to be the gospel truth.  I know he loved me till the day he died and I still hold a very special place for him.  The marriage lasted 10 years and produced 5 beautiful, healthy children!  We shared custody and no one paid child support.  Some times the kids were with me and some times with him.  Even when I married husband #3 and moved to Colorado, the kids traveled back and forth.  Child support was never an issue.  Early on when the kids were with me full time he made the statement "Why should I pay you child support?  You have the kids and I have nothing."  Made sense to me!

So now, many years later he is gone.  I am a widow of 20 years from my 5th husband.   I live in a 2400 square foot house and do not even date.  Church on Sunday, Lagrees grocery through the week and occasionally the little grandson spends the night.  I do have a male friend and sometimes I make lunch or supper for us.  I have coffee with his brother a couple times a month if I remember.  I work as a seamstress for the local uniform store to make a little extra money.  That is my life.  That and taking walks around the neighborhood several times a week and going to the doctor in the spring for my annual checkup.

So what I am wondering this morning, is when did the fire go out and complacency set it as my new normal?  There was a time when I marched for gay rights.  A time when Martin Luther King's dream was also my dream.  When child abuse and neglect would bring me toe to toe with the offender.  A time when I would grab my fishing pole and head to the river all alone to catch the "big one".  A time when a man in a pair of tight Levi's was like waving a red flag in front of a bull!

I guess what I want to know is this:  At what point did I become an old woman and leave the vibrant being I used to be soaking up the sun in a solarium some where?  Is there an internal clock in all of us that one day just shuts off all the emotions I used to have and turns on the nap in front of the television through the news mode?  And through the Jeopardy! I used to like?  I still like to cook, but that is because I need to eat.  I take a shower every morning, but I do not even see the reasoning behind that because I do not even get dusty most of the time.  When did dancing all night end and 8:30 bedtime begin?  Is this all there is to life?

Do not misconstrue this missive as me complaining about my life.  My life is good.  I am secure in my retirement.  I do not want to join the Red Hat Club or volunteer at the local food bank.  Sixty five years ago my dream was to be a missionary in Africa.  I wanted to feed the hungry and comfort the sick, but instead a blonde headed, blue eyed Greek God crossed my path and I never got back on track.  I guess what I want to know is this:  Do any of you out there ever regret the path you followed?  

Momma always said, "You can not get the toothpaste back in the tube."  That just means that nothing once done, can ever be completely undone.  If I had never met Earl Duane Seeger, my life would definitely be different.  Better?  Probably not because I would not have the kids I have today.  They are my legacy and my life.  

But sometimes I just wonder had I actually made it to Africa, would I have made it back home?  I could have been in a pot and been dinner for a bunch of cannibals!  God works in wonderous ways, his miracles to perform.  

Peace! 

Life here on South Road goes on as time flys by me.

 The January 6 hearings are over for now.  The tomatoes are in full bloom and the watermelons seem to be reluctant to grow, but life goes on here at my house.  I am once more in isolation because someone I was around has Covid.  Patty Lynn is here for a visit and she was with me, so at least I have company!

The tomatoes are in full bloom and I see tiny little green ones setting on the vines.  I think I have about 40 plants, so I should be good.  Of course the well is acting up and the pump man has been here once already. The 2 pepper plants I planted have refused to grow, but the zucchini looks like it will be feeding me pretty soon.  The Broccoli  refuses to head.  The geese are still alive and well, and I can not remember how old those things are!  Bret was 8 or 9 when I got the first 3 and he is about to push 30 over the edge, so you tell me!  I thought the damn things only lived 10 years or so with proper care.  According to my calculations I have bought and dumped into the barrel 72 bags of feed.  That means I have lifted 3600 pounds of grain.  Not to mention the cost of about $1000.  And that does not count the expense I incurred when my flock consisted of 37 ducks and 17 geese, which were all eaten by the neighborhood foxes.

But all that is irrelevant at this point.  My flock now consists of 5 ganders and 2 hens that show signs of perhaps living forever!  The grass in the back yard is non-existent!  What I now have for vegetation is something called Purslane.  This is an edible weed that the good Lord has blessed me with to keep me healthy.  

What is purslane good for?

• The health benefits of purslane may include its ability to possibly aid in weight loss, improve heart health, and ensure the healthy growth and development of children. It may also protect the skin, build strong bones, and increase circulation.  
• You can google it yourself.
• So I have been busy harvesting,  cleaning, and freezing this stuff.  It is every where in my yard so the good Lord must want me to do that!  Now there is a plant that kind of looks like Purslane which is poison and will kill me if I eat it, so I tend to stay away from that one, or at least I hope I stay away from that one.
• So, anyway, life goes on here at my house.  Hopefully I will be getting a new door on the back of the house soon.  I have been paying taxes on 2 bathrooms for 40 years and this past year I actually had the second bathroom added.  I had called the property tax people to tell them that I was paying taxes on a bathroom I did not have and she explained to me that I did have 2 bathrooms.  That was one of those conversations that left me shaking my head.  So, now I do have 2 bathrooms and I match the description on my tax bill.  At least I feel better now that I actually have the second bathroom.  Hopefully I am going to put a new door on the back of the house sometime soon.  The door I have now has a doggie door and a tiny burglar could creep in if I were to forget to put the cover on at night.
• So that is how things are in my world at the present time.  I have to go let the geese out for the day.  I put seven to bed last night and hopefully (?) 7 will come out this morning.  Patty will be making plans to head back home on Friday unless one of us tests positive for Covid tomorrow.  Keeping my fingers crossed that this crap goes away some day.
• Peace!

Life in the land of Covid.

 Wending my way through this life has been interesting to say the least.  As I enter my (what I hope are) twilight years, I find myself in a unique position.  I have gone though my life without a lot of medical problems.  The removal of my tonsils when I was 12 was the only surgery I really needed.  I still have my appendix and have very few medical issues.  A few tetanus shots, necessitated by stepping on rusty nails, was all I ever needed.  Until now.

Welcome to the land of Covid!  I did the responsible thing I got my vaccinations.  I had 4 of them to be exact.  I wore my mask.  I isolated.  I did everything just like the CDC recommended.  And for the first  year all was well.  And then I had some work done on my house.  Very nice man.  Single and only a few years younger than me.  An anti-vaxxer.  He was careful.  He wore his mask.  Ya da, ya da, ya da. He caught Covid.  When he was first diagnosed, he called and enquired as to all my family and friends, sure that my house was ground zero.  Nope.  I didn't have it, nor did any of my friends.

He finally traced it back to some one he had worked with on some plumbing job.  So he let me off the hook on that one.  Yes, he was going to get vaccinated!  Then, no, he was not getting vaccinated.  He did not know what was in the vaccine.  Of course he doesn't know what is in the food he grabs from the deli every day either, but you know how men are.

And then, after two years of dodging the Covid bullet, I finally seen the second line appear on my covid test.  I was devastated.  I had been so careful, but I had him for supper one night and the next morning he tested positive for a second time in only a few months. That was all it took.  Responsible?  I think not.  Talk about Typhoid Mary!

I do have to say this, if you are vaccinated and still get Covid, you will have a lighter case.  I am very glad I was vaccinated, because had I not been, I am sure I would not be writing this today!  For the first day I slept most of the day and ate very little.  Second day was not much better.  I am still in quarantine.  I do not care if I ever leave this house again.  I do not want this again!  

The above was written several weeks ago, but it is still fresh in my mind.  I do not want to get that crap again, but here is the deal.  It is still out there.  It is still being passed around and I am sure it is still killing people.  I have the masks that I wear which are the approved ones, but I seem to be the only one wearing one.  I went to Walmart yesterday and there was myself and one other old lady with a mask.  I go in the neighborhood drug store and they wear no masks.  A few employees wear masks at LaGreese, but very few of the customers wear one.

I used to have Covid stats in my toolbar and checked them every day, but then I decided that was no longer necessary.  So where do we stand on Covid?  I do not know.  I sometimes think I am the only one worrying about it, but then I may be the one in charge of worrying.  The sad thing is I remember the days of iron lungs in hospital corridors and the death toll from polio.  I remember the days before vaccines for childhood diseases when quarantine signs were tacked on the front doors of houses and the inhabitants could not leave until the doctor said they were clean and free of germs.

I also remember that when I had my babies, I dutifully took them for thier  "childhood" vaccinations.  There was never a question of whether they wanted them or not, just something we did.  It was being good citizens and that is what good citizens did.  It is a little hard to find people of my era that does not carry the small pox scar. And now there is something going around called Monkey Pox.  De ja veau?

Could very well be!