Nuclear Power Plant or not?

I will not try to explain the use of Nuclear Power.     Neither will I try to defend either position.  Mine is more of a "what if" piece, which is what I do best.  You have all seen the images out of Japan.  This is modern technology at it's best and the worst.  Images are the best, while what the images show is at it's worst. 

I understand that Nuclear power at it's best is probably a boon to mankind.  I really don't know.  It will bring all these jobs and yada, yada.  The land of milk and honey and all that.  The thing I want to know, and bear in mind that I am a full fledged, recycling, semi vegetarian, environment loving, tree hugging fool, is what happened to the wind farms?  We build the things for the wind farms right behind my house.  The are green, clean, and quiet.  We have more sunshine than half the world making this a mecca for solar power.

Right now they are telling of the 50 men in Japan who are trying to prevent a meltdown of the Nuclear Power Plant there.  They are telling about how high the radiation levels are.  And listen to this.....they actually think this may slow down the expansion of Nuclear Reactors in this country.  Well, duh!  Ram a fork in my  eye over that one.  Oh, good, the radiation cloud is being blown out over the Pacific!  That is a rather out of sight out of mind statement if I ever heard one!  Jerk the fork out of that eye and ram it in the other one!  Now, my problems are all over because I am completely blind!  Hell, I ought to run for Congress!

Oh, yeah, I lied up there!  I do not care how safe it is, I do not want this in my back yard!  Hell, I don't want this in any one's back yard!  We are the Garden of Eden as a renewable energy source so why would I want anyone to put a time bomb in my world and haul Uranium in to feed it and hope nothing goes wrong?  Crap, I still remember what a simple "o" ring did to a shuttle full of people.  Oops!  Acceptable levels of radiation do not exist in my world!  I rank that right up there "safer statin" drugs. 

Some time back they widened the highway East of town.  Made it with passing lanes and all.  That was great, but I could not help but wonder why turning lanes were built to turn into field's where there were no roads.  Just my inquisitive mind?  I think not.  The powers who are closer to the inner circle than I am have answers I want.  Will I get them?  Sure!  All I have to do is look at the map of where this proposed plant will be built!  There it is!  The green square in that same field. 

  My job is to set here and look stupid.  I have a receiver in my bedroom in case something goes wrong out at the PDA where they are burning the chemical stuff left over from when they stored this stuff years ago.  So will I be at the Arts Center tonight at  5:00 P M? Is a pig made out of pork? Is the Pope Catholic? That would be a yes.



Spring is here!  Green things are popping up all over.  A time for rebirth.  A time to build a Nuclear Reactor next to my house?  I think not! 

I just figured this out.  The boy just came up to go to the shower.  He refuses to go with me tonight.  Nuclear Power is perfect and it is perfectly safe.  So was the Challenger.  I point out that in my short life I have been witness to Chernobyl, Three Mile Island, so many I can see in my minds eye, but not recall the year or name, and 50 men basically committing slow suicide in Japan.  He rolls his eyes and explains it saves fossil fuel!  We have lost the younger generation to video games and technology that I do not understand.  So tonight at the Sangre de Cristo Arts and Conference Center, I will be there with my old cronies. 

 Will my voice be heard?  One way or another.  There was a time when I had dirt on the County Commissioners and was sure at least two of them would listen, but I have become complacent and not kept up on that.  Bad Lou.  In this fast moving world we all need to remain vigilant cause if we don't we are going to find ourselves living in a world where 7 toes and boils on our faces and hair all gone is normal.  I myself like the world here from my deck.  Animals, birds, Llama's next door, clouds floating by with out a hint of radiation anywhere.  I can have my coffee knowing my water contains acceptable levels of arsenic, nitrates, nitrites, selenium and that the squirrel that fell in the river upstream has been purified. 

God is good.  Let's help him out a bit here!

*S*
Added note here.  Boy just came out of the shower, smiled and said, "Maybe."  I have hope for him because he is the same one that marched with me for Gay Rights, walked in the AIDS Walks for years, and attended the candle light services on World AIDS Day. 

The weight of the world equates to....nothing.

I remember when I was a kid I would see pictures of Atlas with the world on his shoulders.  Things like that stick with kids.  At that time I thought the world was very big and very heavy and the man that held the world was very strong.  I have since learned that such is not the case.

In the first place, there is no way a mere mortal could even get the world on his shoulders and if he did, where would he stand to hold it? I also remember my mother saying she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders.  I thought she must be  a very strong woman.  Funny how a kid's mind will work.

And now that I am older, I get it.  Or at least I think I do.  Usually I am a rather upbeat person and can handle what ever the world throws at me, but then there are times when the powers of the Universe conspire against me and the weight of the world begins to pile on my shoulders.  This also gives credence to another saying, "It never rains, but what it pours." 

My world was on it's axis and spinning right along yesterday afternoon until early evening.  At that time I got the phone call that we had lost a client.  This one was totally unexpected.  A young woman with a small son and a bright and shining future.  She was engaged and life was good.  Right up till that last moment.  Then I had a phone call about a problem involving ego's and power struggles that are always unsolvable and just take up time.  Little weight of the world on my shoulders, but not really bad at all.  Got my new blog up and running and feeling good.

Then came the bright part of my day when my computer lit up with my friend and confidant.  And from there it was all down hill.  Cyber space is not all it cracked up to be.  Things said in jest can not be interpurted as such in black and white.  Emails do not always end up where they were sent and in some cases may be who knows where.  Or maybe they are just ignored in favor of something better?

Suffice it to say when the downward spiral begins there is not an easy fix, so by bedtime I was rethinking this whole life thing.  It seems that life actually can be equated  to doing the Texas Two Step on the way to the grave.  You know, the old two steps forward and one step back?  And  if you turn around and look backwards you are just liable to back right into the open grave. 

My nights get very long when I try to solve the world's problems.  I tried putting all my thoughts in piles and labeling them.  Pile number one was things I could do nothing about.... Egypt, Mubarac, the weather, death of a client went in one pile.  Things I could do something about in another pile...problems at church,  burned out ballast in the kitchen light, hole in the dining room carpet, the new blog went in another pile.  Then came the insurmountable problem of misunderstanding with a friend.  Personal relationships have always been hard ones for me.  And the sad part is that they still are and sometimes I just walk away when I think I am right.  Does not mean I am right or wrong, only means that is how I deal with life when it is more than I can understand.

God grant me the power to accept the things I can not change,  change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.  or something like that.

The potato is growing! Better hurry!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=180601681132&ssPageName=STRK:MESE:IT

See that link right there?  That is for the hottest item on eBay today and time is running out!  Anyone who knows me also knows my passion for the Southern Colorado AIDS Project.  I thought I would like a little potato soup and here was this little fellow, just begging to be picked.

This guy is sprouting so I can not guarantee anything except that it is a potato.  It is injured as all of our hearts are at one time or another.  Why am I telling you this?  Go see this prize for yourself and somebody better get to bidding.

I am going to have an auction a month and lord only knows what will turn up next!

This was last year's Christmas Tree!

Now even I have to admit that is a sad sight for a Christmas Tree!  That was last year and this year is shaping up to be a little bit better.  This poor dead tree is laying out by the trash barrel and is well on it's way to becoming compost!  Bret and Amanda have the big tree up over there where the treadmill is so we are good to go.  Course if someone hits the button the tree is going to shoot out through the front window.

Today would have been Kenny's birthday, had he hung around, but we know he did not.  Being a widow pretty much sucks if you want to know the truth of the whole matter.  Divorces are so cathartic!  Mother always told me, when I was ranting and raving  about something one of the idiot husbands had done to bring about the latest divorce, "If you are ever a widow your husband will take on sainthood."  Mothers are always right!  I do not understand that, though, because I am a mother and I am not always right!  I digress.

I have been alone 7 years.  That is a long time.  From Thanksgiving until the end of January, I pretty much stay in a funk.  I had lunch yesterday with a minister friend and he was telling me how lackadaisical he has been the last few weeks.  We talked a bit and then he mentioned his mother had been gone just one year.  I then explained to him how the grief cycle works.  Anniversaries are just that.  We may not even realize, but when we put our finger on it, we know.

So does life go on?  Sure it does.  We mark one month, then one year, then 5 years, and so it goes.  What is our alternative?  There is none.  Do our memories become less acute?  Sure they do.  What was raw emotion fades to a dull ache and that eventually turns into just another day.  Another page on the calendar and just another day to get through.  Sometimes I actually think I am going to be happy again, someday.  For now it will just have to do that the Christmas Tree is up and I think it is pretty.  I will spend more time in church this season and do a little more volunteer work.  I am actually going to Colorado Springs for the volunteer party at SCAP.  Never did that before, but Linda is insisting on it this time.

So as we enter this Holy Season, I want to tell you Merry Christmas way early.  I will miss Kenny this year, but I miss him every day anyway.  I think all the little fellow ever wanted was for me to be happy, so after seven long years I am going to work on that and it is going to start this Christmas.  I have friends and family.  I have people who love me and need me and if I can spread the cheer, that is what it is all about.  And remember,

Jesus is the reason for the season!

SCAP is represented here at World AIDS Day.

Here is the Southern Colorado AIDS Project table, although in all honesty it is now known as Southern Colorado Health Network operating as SCAP or vice versa.  I forget.  When I started my volunteer work there more years ago than I like to admit it was SCAP and so that is how I will remember it and that is the name I will use because it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks.  Arf! Arf!

Starting with the back row we have John Mark Hild, minister at the Metropolitan Community Church here in our fair city.  Next is me and then my com padre, Aaron. Aaron is my buddy and makes me laugh like a loon!  Not often I find someone with a mind that works like mine!  See the back row all has on the Focus shirt.  We do that so we remember who we are.

On the front row on the left is the lovely Linda Lorraine, SCAP case manager and other things.  She is our stabilizing force and we love her.  She is always there when we need her, and she is there when we do not need her, and when we need her, but don't know we need her.  The woman is what you call "devoted".  That happens in this business.  Show up a few times and pretty soon you feel like you are needed!

And last but certainly not least is Bill Sharpton.  He works in the Colorado Springs office which is our boss.  I do not know exactly what his title is, but  do know he is single!  His sister was a very good friend of mine and I miss her so much.  Somewhere I have pictures of Marty and the big red turkey that liked to come visit at my house, especially when Marty was there.  That turkey loved that girl and tried to set on her lap and I have pictures of that little endeavour. 

OK, there you have us in all our glory.  Motley looking crew that we are!  Hey, we try!  If we could clone these four people here we could set this world on fire because these are some of the best Colorado has to offer and I am damn glad to be standing in the middle of the finest Colorado has to offer! 

It seems as I wind this down that I have been given a most rare opportunity to work side by side with some of the greatest people on this earth.  In all my years of bopping around with the SCAP crowd, the Pueblo Community Health Center, Pueblo Health Department, the Gay Community..........I am sorry!  The whole of Southern Colorado is tied together and I can not name names without missing some one or some place.  Just know if you are reading this, Lou Mercer loves everyone of you and I thank God every day that he put everyone of you in my path!

Together we are going to fight the good fight and since we are all winners, you know what that means!

And now, the candle light service for World AIDS Day.

This is our tree all decorated on December 1, 2010.  The red ribbons each have at least one name of someone who has been claimed by AIDS.  We were inside for the program and when it was over we picked up a candle and wrote a name on a ribbon and processed out to the amphitheater.  When we got outside the candles were lit, because there was some sort of something in balloons and the community college did not want us waving flamesaround. 

                                Up on top there is my friend Diane from the Indian Nation who is also the nurse at the Pueblo Community Health Center who holds sway at the Collaborative Clinic.  She is in her native dress and the woman is a real beauty.  And want to know something else?  She has a twin sister so if you happen to have access to this album you will see a close up of her also.  If you look back there behind Eddie Three Eagles and to the right of the drummer you can see them.  Aren't they cute?

So, anyway, after we got outside, we hung our ribbons on the tree and said aloud the names that we were placing there.  I only did two names this year.  I get tired of putting my friends on a tree.  I guess I am selfish that way and over the years my list has gotten so long that it is redundant.  I always do Mark though, because he was such a vital part of my life for so many years.

After the candles were lit and the ribbons hung, and the names said, Eddie Three Eagles purified the ground and then blessed the tree.  He then sang Amazing Grace in his native tongue and then we joined him as he sang it again.  That was  so moving! 

When the whole thing was over everyone went around in a collapsing circle.  Another moving thing.  When we went inside we lingered just long enough to pass out the hugs and Eddie Three Eagles gave me a peck on the cheek!  Hugs from everyone and home after a very long and rewarding day.

December 1 will come again!  It always does and it will always be World AIDS Day.  Next year I suggest you find a candlelight observance some where near you and attend.  There will be one, of that I am sure because the world is full of Lou's and John's and Erik's, and Annalees.  Call your Art Center, or your Health Department and if no one can help you do it yourself.  Our first observance was at our Arts Center outside in the freezing cold, but we were there and for this disease to ever be overcome it has to be out there and it has to be talked about.  People have to be educated and it starts with the young ones. 

Our testing at the college turned up not one single case of HIV.  Do you think that was an accident?

Johnson and Johnson isn't just baby products anymore!

You always thought Johnson and Johnson made baby products, didn't you?  Well just guess again!  These are two of the most prestigious people to walk through my life and I want to tell you about them.  Now you see there are three people there, so I will introduce you to them, starting on the left, because that is how it is always done and you know me, a stickler for protocol!

On the left is Merilou Johnson, MSW, MPA who I barely know. Her official title is Program Director Colorado AIDS Education Training Center.   I just met her Wednesday, so like a good little girl I thought I better figure this out quick!  I knew by the very virtue of her being here she was important, and right I was.  Those letter behind her name mean she is very educated in public service both on the social level and public administration.  See when you see an M like that it means Master and that is top of the line. Since I only met her briefly, I do not know her well, but I would dearly love to set and visit with her after researching her with my able Google toolbar.  This woman can tell us some tales I am sure and is a vital part of this continuing fight against this disease that I seem to have landed in the middle of for some reason.  To Merilou I say, "I would love to visit with you , but I was stuck at the tables.  Please forgive me for not being there."

The next lovely little creature in this little threesome is Annalee Beck, EIS Program Director at Pueblo Community Health Center.  EIS means Early Intervention Services.  Many years ago and I mean like maybe eight (?) this service was set up specifically for the HIV/AIDS community.  As I recall I was there for the first few initial meetings but that was just to whine about not having something for the clients. This town will do anything to shut me up when I start that.  I am so happy that bigger and brighter minds then mine prevailed and a program with Annalee at the helm and PCHC at her back and Dr. Johnson and Dr. Swartz beside her has brought first class health care to my friends.  There is also a most able staff there and I would be remiss to start naming names without a full list in front of me.  I only know JoAnne and Diane personally.  I will get that full slate and thank them properly in this tiny blog. Hats off to PCHC and all the little people!

And now we come to the love of my life, Dr. Steve Johnson, MD.  Isn't he the most handsome thing you ever laid eyes on in your whole life?  That little MD on the end of is name is so inadequate to describe this larger than life icon in the field of HIV/AIDS.  His official title is Professor & Director of Infectious Disease, University of Colorado.  This man is world reknowned for his work in this field and he was most instrumental in setting up and staffing our EIS Program. I know he comes down from Denver on a regular basis to meet with clients and he and Dr. Swartz confer on every aspect of client care. While I could go on all day about this man's accomplishments I know I would miss some and I do not want to do that!  What I want to do is tell you that this is one of the kindest, most caring men that God ever put on this earth and I thank him every day for sending Dr. Steve Johnson into my life, Mark's life and everyone in Pueblo, Colorado that is touched by this man's hand.  If there is ever a cure for this scourge on human life this man will be the first to know and it will be delivered to his people that same day.  Kinda like Moses bringing down the tablets!  I love you, man!

There you have it.  I know Pueblo is a backward little town, and we operate under the auspices of Colorado Springs offices and we get our funding through them.  Colorado Springs is big and we are little, but let me tell you this......We have had or EIS program eight years; Colorado Springs got theirs one and a half years ago.  Maybe they just didn't need one as bad as we did. 

These three angels are standing in front of the Pueblo AIDS Memorial Quilt.  I don't know if Colorado Springs has anything like this, but if Bill or Richard would get in touch with me I would be most happy to help them start one.  We have had ours since 1996 and it is a wonderful way for people to connect and express feelings.

Alrighty then!  Better get out of here before I fill up cyber space!  See you tomorrow for another little lesson in World AIDS Day 2010!

World AIDS Day planning committee at work!

Here we are at Joe's Coffee Shop in the basement of Pueblo Community College.  This is our first year to  be on the campus at PCC and I must say it has been a real treat!  They have been most accommodating and the friendliest  people I have come across in a very long time.  Why it just makes me want to go back to school!

First I have to tell you who all these people are and if I knew I would sure share that with you.  Not really.  I did not get my little release like I need to go around the table naming names, so I am just going to point out a few.  Needless to say they are all friends of mine !  OK, top picture.  See that kid on the right with the dark shirt and glasses?  That is John.  He is on the National Quality Center Consumer Advisory Council Steering Committee.  Quite a prestigious fellow.  We just went and had Chinese before we came so he is probably dozing off, but more about him in another post.  The empty chair is mine.  The two ladies on the left are with PCHC. One is our co leader along with John.

Bottom picture on the right is Eric.  We used to go to church together, but I changed.  The lady with her back to me is one of the PCC Staff who is most kind.  Another one is behind her head.  The lady on the left is with Pueblo City/County Health Department.  So there you have a loose accounting of the people it takes to plan an event of this magnitude and actually pull it off with any degree of decorum.  Tomorrow is our test!!

Events will start at 9:00 AM and run until 7:30 PM.  Pueblo Community Health Center will offer free testing the first part of the day and then SCAP and IMPACT the rest of the day.  Dr. Steve Johnson, MD Professor & Director of Infectious  Disease, University of Colorado, will be our Keynote Speaker.  Our guest speaker will be Merilou Johnson, MSW, MPA, Program Director Colorado AIDS Education Training Center.  They are no relation, just share a last name. 

I have not met Merilou Johnson, but I have met Dr. Steve Johnson and can attest that he is one of the kindest and most intelligent men I have had the good fortune to visit with in my time in this business.  He and Dr. Swartz were Mark's doctors for the last several years of his life, so I had the good fortune to visit with them both every month.  They are both very caring men which is a necessity in this area of medicine.

Now for my far away friends, you should know that this is a coup!  I figure this is going to be the biggest WAD Commemoration to date in this fair city.  Right now I have to go finish Rick's panel or I will be standing there tomorrow night with egg all over my face and this whole table full of people glaring at me.  Not me, man.  I am looking forward to tomorrow and hope when I come home it is with a feeling of accomplishment!

Hey look I got that widget!

Now I realize this widget is not where it belongs, but it is here. By the time I get to the AIDS Walk on October 9, I may actually have it where it is supposed to go.  Or not.  For the moment I can bask in the glory of success! Which brings me to another point, but you could see this one coming couldn't you?

I can remember way back when one of my teachers, Mrs. Howe to be exact, told us about computers. I am torn at this moment because I so want to tell you about Mrs. Howe and our mutual disrespect for each other and how I learned about computers. So here is what I will do, I will mark it down in my little black book to write about Mrs. Howe and I will now tell you of the computer learning experience.

At that time I was but a wee little girl in the 4th grade and Mrs. Howe was our teacher.  Also at that time an adding machine was about as good as you could get for use in your mathematical equations which consisted of plus and minus. They were very heavy and awkward and had a handle on the side which you pulled down each time you made an entry.  So Mrs. Howe started telling us about new things that were being made and they would add, subtract, multiply and divide. She said they were very big and could fill a whole room and put off a lot of heat.  Little did I realize that this was the precursor to this thing I now type on.

I had a nephew, not the stoned one, who told me how often knowledge doubles and it amazed me to see that he was correct in his figures.  Just think back to 50 years ago, which a lot of you can remember very well.  1960 probably the 10 key was in everyday usage.  Typewriter was a big awkward thing that set on top of the desk or electric ones were probably coming into being.  When Sam brought home his first Word Processor, about 1984,  I was dumb founded..  That was way to complicated for me. Fast forward to today.

I can set here on this thing in the comfort of my home and type this blog, hit a button and in 3 seconds or less some guy in Germany has it translated and on his screen reading every word in German and you know I did not do that! Knowledge is indeed doubling, but rather than every five years now it is about the speed of sound..

I remember when I was getting my accounting degree 30-35 years ago we still did the columns with a pencil and added them in our head.  Ok, I had a calculator I used to double check, but we are talking 30 years ago, people. Now we enter it all on the computer which puts it in the proper accounts, issues a profit and loss and figures how much tax you owe.

I was very near the top of my class and the Dean knew me on a first name basis, but when I got tangled up with these computers I figured I was done for. Almost was, but I figured this is how it is, so I better figure it out.  Now  I have 2 kids that look at me with glazed eyes when I start talking html, bytes, and things like that. My oldest son works with them as a vocation. Bret uses them to download music and Debbie is knowledgeable. Other daughter plays games on hers.

So the world moves on and I shudder to think what new things I am going to have to learn before I can poke the toes skyward and fly away.

Off to church in my new tee shirt.

http://www.firstgiving.com/loumercer

Got to put that in first thing everyday so you be sure and get the message.  I am almost ready to go to church and I am going to wear this new tee shirt the kiddies brought me from Washington.  It is black and it says "I am right 98% of the time.  Who gives a crap about the other 3%!"

Isn't it amazing how quickly our children adjust to our personalities?  I think this boy spent a few years thinking I was a bit flaky, but even at that , he snapped out of it a lot sooner than his sisters did.  My oldest daughter was 24 years old before she came to me and said, " You know I used to think you were not very bright and not at all wise to the ways of the world.  I am truly amazed how smart you have gotten in just the last few months!"  Way to go Debbie.  She now has a son who is figuring out that she is a little smarter then he thought. 

Motherhood is an amazing journey and I fear it is one I shall never fully understand nor completely appreciate.  Don't get me wrong, I would in no way ever hope that I had not undertaken this journey, but if I had even one inkling of what lay ahead I think I would have paid more attention to my own dear mother.  Hell, I would have fallen at her knee and never taken my ears off of her!  But now the best part of all.  I have learned to accept my failings as a mother because of something a therapist told me "You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time."

There!  Now you know I have been to therapy or have I?  Got some high class friends you know and I might have just gotten a bit of free advice.  You do know I was not the perfect mother, but I tried. At least this tee shirt shows this particular kid figured momma out way early in the game!

Have a good one and try to remember "You can not sprinkle showers of happiness on other people without getting a few drops on yourself".

AIDS Walk in the Garden is coming up and I need money!!

Ok, here is the deal!  I done signed up for the Walk in the Garden which is sponsored by a whole bunch of businesses, but here is what you need to know, the link will get you where you need to go to add to my fund.  I have my very own team,  well if 2 people are a team.  Eric and I are going to go for it.  Our team is named Loosey Goosey and I am depending on you people to help me out here!

We are going to walk in the beautiful Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs, Colorado on October 9, 2010.  Oh, I sure hope the weather is nice and the snakes are all asleep.  I do not know how far we have to go, but however far it is you know I am going to finish.  Never left a job half done yet!

I have been trying to get a widget on here for 2 days and as you see I did fail miserably at that little task, but here is a link.  Click on it and you will hopefully go to my page that raises money.  All our team donations goes to Pueblo Clients. 

Ok, gotta dash, but I will be back begging again!  Might as well donate and get it over with so we can talk about something else!

I am waiting!

http://www.firstgiving.com/loumercer

Southern Colorado AIDS Project at Publo Pride Day!

Here I am on August 22, 2010 down on the HARP River  Walk at Pueblo Gay Pride Day.  These are a few of my friends from Southern Colorado AIDS Project.  On the left is the Reverend John Mark Hild of the Metropolitan Community Church here in Pueblo.  Directly behind me is Eric, a volunteer. The tall good looking guy there is Bill Sharpton.  He works for SCAP in the Colorado Springs office. If you recall the white panel on the AIDS Quilt with all the AA coins is his sister, Marty.

Gay Pride was quite a little event this year.  Makes me remember back to the beginning of my venture into the Gay Community in Pueblo.  I think it must have been about 1990 or 91 when I found PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). There were 3 of us mothers and we met in the basement of the Red Cross Building on Pueblo Boulevard and prayed no one would know we were there.  We've come a long way, baby!

We now have a presence all over Pueblo in the form of youth groups, activist groups, clinics, support groups, World AIDS Day services, Southern Colordao Equality Alliance, and a scholarship program at the Community College.  I am sure there is much more, but this is good for now.  I am very proud to say the torch has been passed to a new generation and us old ladies that were there in the beginning can now set back and let the young'uns handle the load.  They have boundless energy and are all gung ho' on this and I am very glad.  This is one time we can truly enjoy the fruits of our labors.  Was not sure I would see this day 20 years ago.

Hey, have a good one today and every day, bearing in mind that Neil Armstrong made is own statement years ago when he said, "That is one step for man, and one giant step for mankind!"  Keep putting one foot in front of the other whether you are on the moon or in Pueblo, Colorado, or Podunk, Georgia.  Any step forward is something to be proud of and 2 other mothers and myself are proud of Pueblo, Colorado!!

Pueblo AIDS Memorial Quilt #6; Final entry.

It is a shame that my camera has decided to give me only blurry pictures.  When I get my new camera I will replace this blurry little thing!  But for now, I just want to get this finished and be done with it, and move on to other things.

This panel will start in the upper right hand corner with

Mike Darrell

7/22/57-6/26/2006

Mike was a very good friend to both myself and my husband.  He came here from Houston, Texas with a friend.  He was a handyman of sorts and a mechanic extraordinare.  He loved his motorcycle and rode it wherever he went if there was not a hurricane gale blowing.  He could fix the car or the diesel truck.  What ever needed done.  He was also an artist and a musician.  I do not know how many flutes ( and I call them that for want of a better word ) he had.  I think they were Irish pipes and that boy loved Irish music.  His head was full of  music!  He and his friend started going to my church, but soon found it was not the proper match and went across town to the Christ Chapel.  He was very active over there and fit like a glove. 

I miss Mike very much.

The blue on on the bottom left belongs to
James Smith
1957-3/29/2005
James was a good friend to my friend, Robert.  Robert helped make this panel and he knew James loved Christmas.

The one on the right belongs to
Gilbert Finn
4/18/59-1/6/07
This was Robert's very best friend.  They were together constantly and Robert is pretty much lost without Gilbert.  He also loved Christmas. Robert put a lot of thought and love into both of these panels.
Now last, but definitely not least, we come to my friend
Mark Belarde
3/28/67-12/29/06
This picture shows Mark and me on Santa Claus's lap at the AIDS Christmas party in 2002.  I am not sure that this was the real Santa. I first met Mark in 1992 (I think). He was riding a bike, walking and very active.  He was the proud possessor of 75 T Cells.  Shortly there after his mother passed from a massive heart attack.  I told Mark that I would do what I could to take her place in his life.  I made that my mission.
I registered as his Personal Care Provider through Argus Home Health. Thus began my career in the AIDS Health care Services, but that is a whole 'nuther story!

I started out working with him 6 hours a week, just doing laundry and household chores that he needed help with.  Mark had a very strong constitution, but unfortunately the meds never worked for him.  As years passed slowly by his immune system weakened and his T cells fell. the last 3 years of his life they hovered around the 2 mark.  At one time they were zilch.  I graduated to more hours and was finally doing 48 hours a week and a family member spent nights with him.

I will not bore you with details of our 15 year's together, suffice it to say, I became very attached to Mark and his family.  I became the mother he had lost and he became the son who needed me.  Through trips to the emergency room and  picnics in the mountains, long walks and dirty laundry, physical therapy and shopping trips, eating out and eating in, we formed a bond that can never be broken. 

I finally came to the realization that I could no longer take care of Mark.  I knew I could not do it and he could not do it.  It was time to let go.  The hardest part of life always seems to be the letting go part.  We can do until we are at the point where no more can be done and we realize it must be done.

So it is fitting that
Mark Belarde
be my final entry in this journey to completion of the Pueblo AIDS Memorial Quilt.

With a heavy heart I bid a fond farewell to all my friends who have gone before and will keep the flicker of hope alive that some where, some how I can live long enough to see a cure and a vaccine for this dreadful disease.  Until that day, I will continue to work with AIDS clients. I will add panels to my quilt and display it when called upon to do so.  I will pray ceaselessly and support the cause in whatever way I can.  Will you join me?


 

Pueblo AIDS Memorial Quilt #5

Well, this picture is pretty blurry, but it will just have to do until I can get another camera.  We only have this installment and then one more and we will be done with the Pueblo AIDS Memorial Quilt. 

In the upper left corner we have

Robert Coghill

8/21/1954-7/19/2003

As I recall Robert served in the USMC.

Martha "Marty"Rayble

8/22/1953-4/9/2005

Marty was a very good friend of mine and spent a lot of time at my house.  The coins you see on the panel are AA tokens representing 13 years of sobriety.  Each one says "To thine own self be true."  Marty was good at that! She came one day to my house and we were in the front yard.  The neighbors had an old red turkey that ranged free.  This old tom turkey decided he wanted to set on Marty's lap!  We laughed so hard that day!  But that was Marty! Rather then being afraid or offended she could find humor in most situations!  

 Her biggest mistake in her life was being a good wife.  Like so many women I meet, and men too for that matter, love is a killer.   

At the bottom on the red panel we have

 Dennis Klovstad.

3/10/1956-7/17/2003

I do not know how tall Dennis was but I am sure it was about 6'5".  When I would turn around and find myself eye level with a belt buckle I knew Dennis had arrived!  He was a pretty solitary soul and kept to himself, but if I worked it just right, I could get a smile out of him.  This part is very sad; one year he came in and handed me a small envelope right before Christmas.  I opened it and inside found a note card with a teddy bear.  Dennis had written; "Thank you for being my friend" and enclosed a $1.00 bill!  He did not have much, but he would share what he had.  That card made my Christmas that year!  I still have that card and someday when  I am no longer alive, someone will find that card and I sincerely hope it brings a tear to their eye also.

                                            

Here, among the dancing Indians, we find my friend  Shirley .

Shirley Rezendes

7/9/1983-3/?/2002

Shirley loved Indians and may actually have been part Indian.  Another case of a woman loving a man.

Brent Hanna

7/31/1968-8/7/2003

Brent was a southern gentleman in the truest sense of the words.  Very genteel and very easy to talk to.  Miss that boy a lot!

John

2004

Sometimes this is all I allowed to put on a pane, but when I see it, I remember and so does his mother.

P M

2004

Another one.  This belongs to a teacher and the first thing he had to teach me was how to pronounce his first name.  First we had to spell it so I could visualize how to pronounce it.  Whole process took almost 15 minutes and I will say this, I remember to this day and will probably never forget!  A wonderful man who loved a wonderful woman.

There you have this one!  This has stirred up a lot of memories, but they are mostly good.  Of course part of all memories is sad, but the good is there also.  So I bid this batch of my friends a good night and a fond farewell.  It was a very trying year.

Pueblo AIDS Memorial Quilt #3

This is the third panel that I am highlighting in this series.  Just noticed on this that 2 of our guys passed on the same day.  Probably a lot more about these panels then I noticed at the time.  Taking care of them has been a definite labor of love and I shall miss them when someone else takes over the job.

In the upper left is my friend
Wally Miller
3/15/1965-7/23/2001.
I knew Wally for 3 years before I discovered how well we were connected. I was giving him a ride home and we started talking about the University and when he attended. I told him my son attended during the same time. Who was my son? When I told him it was Sam, he said, "Oh, my God! Sam was my best friend!"  That friendship was soon revived. Wally was such a dear!

  Elsie
6/26/30-/12/03.
I did not know Elsie very well.  Only that she was our oldest client and she loved to cook as well as eat. Her husband was a lot younger than her, but took very good care of her until she passed.

Myron
12/19/72-12/21/03
I did not know Myron well, just that he liked to hunt and especially loved the Colorado Rocky Mountains.

Paul
2/22/62-4/26/03
Paul was a dear and a very lost little soul.  He had the saddest brown eyes in the whole world most of the time, but when he found something amusing they would light up the whole room. He fought alcholism his whole life and lost.

Felix
9/30/66-10-19-2000
I never met Felix, but made this panel and gave him my Mickey and Minnie Mouse because I knew he would want them just by the way he was described to me.  He loved roses and had many of them at his home.

Jenny
8/22/71-9/6/01
This panel was made by her mom and 2 young sons. It is a work of love and it shows.  Her sons are big boys now, but still reflect the gentle nature of their mother.

Dennis
2/8/54-1/19/01
Dennis loved flowers, finer things in life, his home and most of all his dogs.  He is sorely missed by friends and family and the dogs.

Dennis
8/21/50-7/23/01
Here is a guy who knew what good was!  Dennis loved Kentucky Fried Chicken and I think Colonel Sanders was his hero! He also like bright, flamboyant things, to include flowers.

And there you have this installment.  Will try not to let so much time expire next time.  This represents another 8 lives cut short to the disease we pay so little attention to nowadays. I had a guy explain to me the other day that AIDS is now a thing of the past and that there is a cure.  I told him he might want to check that one out a little closer!

Pueblo AIDS Memorial Quilt #2

This is the second panel I am highlighting. I don't know if you realize, but these are not presented in the order of constuction, but in a rather willy nilly fashion that pleases me.  And what is that saying, "If momma is happy, everybody is happy!"

In the upper left corner we have a particular favorite of mine. I made this out of the slinky stuff you would use for a dress if you were someone who wanted to show case something! I made it as a pillow case while Allan was still with us, but he soon learned it was nothing you could sleep on, because it made you sweat! I had also made him a nature stationary to hang on his wall. But that shall be another post! Allan was born 4/29/1967 and passed 5/26/99. We had a surprise birthday party for him a week early.  Good thing! He was Colorado Diving Champion one year. He was offered a "Full Ride" Scholarship to Brown University which he declined because family was more important to him.  My adopted son is named after him. He weighed 83 pounds when he died. His mother passed a few years later.  I miss them both!

Below Allan is Reverend Blong.  3/15/1926 to 7/26/1999. He was a very beloved Priest to a friend of mine.  I made this panel for her.

The next one is Jeffery 12/22/1963-8/9/2000.  I did not know Jeffery although I made this panel. The world has lost an artist!

The last one on the left is for my friend Judy.  11/14/1946-10/14/2000. Now here was a woman who knew how to cook!! Mashed potatoes required BOTH butter and heavy cream and butter on top!  I am sure she is in charge of the kitchen up THERE!

The top one on the right is for Tracey 2/22/1964-8/6/1999. Tracey was a very lovely girl. She actually died of heart problems, exasperated by the medications.  I made the basic panel, but it was designed and painted on my her friend,Mike.

The second on the right is for Daniel. 4/22/1954-1/30/1998.  There are 2 necklaces on here that Daniel wore constantly. He was a very colorful fellow. I made this panel for his mother.

Now we come to Mark. This person did not want anything known about Mark, but did want to memorialize him in some way. She comes when the quilt is on display.

And now we come to one of the more moving panels.  This is for our little Daniel Yarnell. He was born 10/10/1984-9/22/2000.  He was not 16 yet when he passed. His mother made this panel for him and since she has also written a book about their journey, I am sure she will not begrudge me using his name.  Daniel was so special. He loved Beanie Babies and had a website with some of his pictures on there. On hot, hot days, when we had picnics at the office, Daniel would show up in his coat, mittens and a wool hat.  How can your heart not bleed for this kind of suffering?  Daniel will always hold a special corner of my heart, as does Allan.

As I think back, there is not one I have written about yet that does not own a piece of Lou Mercer! And we still have more to meet.

Pueblo Aids Memorial Quilt Panel #1.

This is the first group of panels that were assembled for our quilt.  The blue one on the top left is for Craig.  Craig was a friend of mine. He loved Charlie Chaplin and if you look closely you will see Charlie on his panel. You will also see his little dog. He was born 6/6/60 and passed 3/12/94.

Below Craig is Shawn. Shawn was born 8/26/66 and passed 7/31/97. I did not know him very well, although I made this panel for him. He loved to cook and he loved the great outdoors and his panel reflects that.

The yellow one with the red heart belongs to David. He was born 8/25/47 and passed 8/23/89. This block was made by his sister. His sister has worked tirelessly to keep AIDS in the fore front of our minds and to always be sure there is an observance of World AIDS Day every year on December 1.

The one on the right with the eagle is for Randy.  He was a very good friend of my nephew.  He was born 5/15/63 and passed 10/1/91, which just happened to be my birthday.  He was in the Marine Corps. Seems ironic in the world before "Don't ask, don't tell" that one who held "Semper Fi" in highest esteem should die of AIDS.

Down below on the left is Frank.  He was born 6/12/62 and passed 11/13/95.  I did not know Frank, but I helped his brother make this panel.

The panel with the dove is for Steven. He was born 4/12/52 and passed 4/5/95.  I received a frantic call after there had been an article in the paper about the quilt from Steven's Aunt.  Would I please make a memorial for her nephew.  It says on the panel that he is missed by his sisters and mourned deeply by Aunt Kathy.  That is all I know about him.

The rainbow music panel belongs to Danny.  It was mde by his mother.  Below is a picture of the big panel that is in the big quilt in San Francisco.  A labor of love. He was born 5/26/60 and passed 10/12/93

The green one is for Father James.  He was born 5/6/37 and passed 10/25/89

So you see, there are young and old, gay and straight. There are brothers, fathers, nephews. The face of AIDS takes many different form, but one death is not diminished by a thousand deaths.  Each one is unique in it's own way and by the people who are left to mourn.  Please look on this post as an act of love  and watch for the next one.

Pueblo AIDS Memorial Quilt; Inception and Evolution.

I now know the year!  In 1996 I had given a class on building a panel for the big quilt in San Francisco.  Someone wanted to know why there was no memorial of any kind for people who had died from AIDS in this area; why it was all so far away.  So a few of us got to kicking it around. I don't remember who all was there and if I did I could not tell you anyway as that is a matter of privacy. (Did I say that out loud!)

AIDS was at that time a very misunderstood disease. We have come a long ways, but it is still misunderstood.  It is a different kind of misunderstanding now though.  People actually  think there is a cure for AIDS.  Nothing could be further from the truth. It is no longer a Gay Disease and knows no class distinction or color line. People are now living far longer, thanks to the "cocktails". But they are now dying from aging factors. The medications are so strong and the body is so toxic from them that bodies are aging very quickly. PWA's (People  With Aids) never did die from AIDS. They died from opportunistic infections contracted through a compromised immune system.

I digress! I am not here to give you a history of the disease, I am here to tell you why we have this memorial.  We thought about doing copper leaves on a brass tree. That was cost prohibitive. All kinds of ideas were kicked around and nothing fit just right. Then I had the brilliant idea, "Why improve on perfection! Duplicate the Big Quilt only do it little." That was the perfect fit! The quilt is displayed several times a year.  Always on December 1, which is World AIDS Day  and then a couple more times. 

The blocks are 12 inches by 24 inches. The big blocks are 3 feet by 6 feet. That is the size of a grave. Our blocks are miniatures of the big blocks but they are no less reverent. Each block is stitched with love and memories and represents some one that was loved by someone. Not all the blocks have names. One says just Mark. Some give the full name, birth and death and a detailed picture of that persons life.  The most moving block.... 

I think I will save that for later.  I will get my first post up on Wednesday. It will be the first section we  finished.  I have got to be honest with you on this point, I am not sure I will be able to do more than 2 posts a month on this quilt. My heart and soul is in every block that is on this quilt. Some of these people were people I was very close to at one time or another.  Some were children of friends, some were husbands, some lovers of friends. This will be very draining on me, but I fill back up rather quickly when I am doing something that I am as passionate about as this project.  See you on Wednesday!

Pueblo AIDS Memorial Quilt

Ok, I been promising this for quite some time, so it is time for it to actually come to fruition!  I am going to do the history of the Pueblo AIDS Memorial Quilt, but first I have homework for you!  I need you to familiarize yourselves with the original AIDS Quilt.  Here is your link: AIDS Quilt   Just click on that and away you will go.  I set it up that way!  This will give you all kinds of resources so when I actually start writing about our quilt, you will not feel that you are in Never, Never  Land.

By reading on this site you will be able to see the correlation, between the big quilt that lives in California and our quilt which lives in my basement! The big quilt is not displayed all together any more, because there is no place that can hold the complete work.  It is rather displayed in panels as they are requested, ie. if it is in Texas they will send mostly Texas panels, but you can request  a panel and that one will be sent.  It is definitely a work of love.  So, go do your homework and I will probably get my first installment posted Sunday or Monday.

Have a great weekend!!

Got to weigh in on Tiger Woods!!

This will be short and sweet, but since everyone else has an opinion, I have to state mine also. Somebody once told me that opinions are like bathroom habits, everybody has them and they usually stink! That being said, here is my opinion:

If the cookies are missing from the cookie jar and you have no crumbs on your shirt, it is kind of hard to prove anything. You can deny it from now on and only you will know for sure. If, however, you continue to run back to the cookie jar someone is going to catch you! Odds are not in your favor on this!  Trust me!

Now we come to Tiger and these are the facts: Tiger was pretty well covered in crumbs and there were definitely several cookies ready to talk about what they saw and and discuss exactly how much those cookies ended up costing! Pretty well established fact who had their hand in where and sounds like the cookies were pretty willing to be taken on this trip.

So now we have the confession. Did anyone expect him to stand up there and deny this? Did we expect him to apologize to the cookies that jumped out of the jar, knowing full well where they would land? I do not know exactly how many cookies the man devoured, nor do I care. It would behoove me to state here that I don't think the cookies need an apology.

Ever been caught with your hand in the cookie jar? About all you can do at that point is cowboy up and issue a very sincere apology. In my case, it involved a canary, a cat, an open cage, and my mother! Had all the items not been there, I might have been able to lie my way out of that, but I never had that chance.

Back to business! My hat is off to Alina Woods. She has more grace than I could ever hope to muster. She has more faith then most of us. For Tiger I have these words of advice: I hope any sex you  had was
safe sex. At this point that is all I have to say to him, but then since I volunteer at Southern Colorado AIDS Project where they have free testing that is always my gut reaction. A little honesty is going to go a long way in this case and time will tell. All favorite sayings from my dear Mother.