Remember way back when you were dating?

I was young once and I can still remember that time.  I was young and actually dated boys.  I don't think things happen the way they did many years back.  For one thing, everybody has a car now days.  Usually given to the kid by one parent or another so they do not have to drive them around.  Back in the day, it did not work that way.  Cars were few and far between and if the boy wanted to use the car to take a little chickadee somewhere on Saturday night, the deal was made weeks in advance.  A date was a big deal back then.  The guy had to come to the door and actually meet mom and dad. Well, it was supposed to work that way, but it didn't always.

See back then I thought my parents were way to strict and old fashioned and and I just could not be bothered with those little customs that other kids held so dear.  One might say I was a bit of a rebel back then.  So I always managed to meet the lucky boy up on the highway.  Looking back, I see that I might have been sending the wrong message.  Well, I am pretty sure I was not getting the message across that I had parents who cared about me and wanted to know where I was more for my benefit than just because they were nosey!

So, I met Prince Charming up on the highway and we would go to the drug store and have a coke ore something equally decadent which cost in the neighborhood of five cents.  Dates were cheap back then.  Then we might walk around a while.  You know, look at the stars and stuff because back then there was not so much light pollution and you could see the stars.  Then back to the car and drive some where so we could see better.  Inevitably that damn car would run out of gas!  What to do now?  My idea was to hit the road and go get more gas, but his was to neck.  Neck!  We could neck all night and that car would still be out of gas.

I have always been a woman of action.  "Come on!  It will be midnight before we get back.  I ain't gonna set here all night."  And it was then that the truth came to light,  I could either give or walk.  Give or Walk?  Is that your idea of foreplay?  Well, I have also been scared of the dark most of my life, but here was a situation that would warrant closer scrutiny of whatever was in the dark.  On the one hand I was alone with an idiot who did not have sense enough to put gas in his car, thinking that sex would make that thing run.  And if we had sex, he would still be out of gas and I would be walking.  Either way, I knew I was going to hoof it home that night.

Ever look back on your life and just wonder how you could have actually been that stupid and ever lived?  I got more walking time in when I was a teenager than in all the rest of my life.  And you would have thought that the guys would have wised up at some point, but they never did.  I did finally decide all the boys in my hometown were jerks and started dating the boys from the big city.  Now those guys knew how to treat a girl!  Actually I think they were afraid of me because I had some very muscle bound legs.  Guess they thought I might kick them!

One of the guys from way far away in Dodge City caught my fancy and the rest was history.  We dated three weeks.  He met momma and dad.  Never made me walk home. Took me dancing and we drank some beer.  I got sick, but I knew I would spend the rest of my life with this gorgeous man with blond curly hair, blue eyes and a Roman nose.  Funny thing, life.  My forever lasted 10 years and 5 kids.  The Dreamer that I had loved with every fiber of my being turned out to be just that, The Dreamer.  He wrote the most beautiful love letters, but neglected to pay the rent.  He painted pictures of a most glorious future, but wouldn't change a diaper.  Guess life just kind of got in the way, and life does have a way of doing that, doesn't it?

I have come to a decision and you shall be the first to know, after me of course.

I am going to start dating after the first of the year.  Now I know, I did hang out with the tall guy for a while, but I am not sure that qualified as dating.  The way that worked is I hung out at his house or garage and kind of helped him organize stuff and we talked a lot.  Sometimes he fed me or we went out and ate.  I do not think that was dating.  I think it was hanging out mostly.  None of that personal stuff, you know.

I think dating is where the guy actually would come to the house, ring the door bell, open the car door and take me some place, like out to eat or the movies or something like that.   Maybe we could hit some garage sales.  I don't know, but I am sure if we work at it we can come up with something to do.  Oh, yeah, like the fundraiser things that I hate to go to alone, I could like to have someone take me.  OK, now comes the "someone" part.  How do I get me one of those?   Sometime back a thing kept popping up on my email telling me I could find me a man at Match.com, or Zoosk, or any number of places and all I had to do was click on there and it was free.  Let me tell you, that sounded pretty easy to me, so click I did.  That is an experience I shall not soon forget. 

There were pages and pages of men who described themselves as "good looking, hard bodies, long walks,romantic, financially secure, and looking for love."  Now no offense intended here, but if he has to tell me he is good looking that is strike number one.  A 75 year old man with a flat stomach and hard body is a little hard to imagine.  I am having a hard time even imagining one with hair!  Now his idea of a long walk and mine may not be the same.  Right away I started thinking of a long walk on a short pier!  First hit I got was a guy from Pennsylvania who was ready to relocate, all I had to do was send him my email.  I may be a bit of a doubting Thomas on this "Get the man of your dreams for only $7.95.  Limited time only." 

Now, in all fairness, this may be the way to go for some people, but not for me.  Hell, I could not quit laughing long enough.  I found another way!  And it is free!  I can just pick one up.  They are every where!  My friends know single guys.  Well, mostly widowers.  So I am a widow.  That works, or should work.  All they have to do is introduce me.  Course they have to screen them first, you know, weed out the ultra conservatives, homophobes, Catholics, men afraid of spiders, and things like that.  Don't want one in a suit. No smokers.  No drinkers. Like animals.  Don't want to ski.  No racists and must like big dysfunctional families.  I am a thinking, I may be a little too particular.  You think?

Well, now that I think about it, I am not sure I want to do that dating thing.  I suppose it would probably happen at night and I like to go to bed about 9 PM.  That could present a problem right there!  And say I did date one, what if I got to liking him?  What then?  If I start liking him and he starts liking me, then we got another problem.  But if he could just like walk me to the door at 8:30, peck on the cheek and hit the road, that might be alright.  Yes, dating will be a good thing if I don't actually have to spend any time with him!  I am going to think about this some more.  When I reach my final decision I will share that with you.

Right now I think I just looked at the full moon the other night and thought about the good old days when I was a young, romantic girl.  That was when the wee, wee hours were for snuggling with a fella, or dancing the night away, not trying to kick the cat out of bed and letting the dog out for a quick minute then back to sleep.  Well, I do love my bed and I think right now I am going to go crawl in it and say my prayers.  May rethink this whole thing.  Got a whole month before the first of the year and everything is subject to change.

Didjaeverthink?

I have secrets that I will take to the grave.  We all do, I know.  May not be earth shattering to anyone if they knew them, but to me they are sacred.  Well there is only one, really.  No, there are two of them.  One is something that was never a real secret, but I knew.  Wait, make that three.  There was that first one, and then that second one.  At the time people knew, but they forgot.  Those two were never real secrets, but that third one is so secret that only me and God knows it, because the other person who knew has been dead a while and I think that person forgot even before they died. 

Oh, boy did I ever have one of those didjaeverthink days today!  I had what I thought was a friend and I came that close to telling my secrets.  Imagine how I would feel now, knowing just how close we actually weren't, had I told my secrets.  A very wise man once told me, "You know of people.  You do not know a person. Only that person can know himself."  He was right.  I have a face I present to people when I first meet them, but I am not good at keeping that face on and next thing you know, I have a new best friend and I will tell that best friend only the truth about myself.  Well, needless to say, not everyone is honest nor do they want honesty.  So, poof, there went my new best friend.

Needless to say I have a bit of a problem trusting people, so when I do put my trust in one of the friends I make, and they disappoint me, I am crushed.  I am learning lots of little lessons here on this big world of the Internet.  I am learning that as well meaning as people are, and as sincere as they appear to be, it is not the same as setting down at Starbucks and having a conversation face to face.  Eye contact means a lot to me.  I have made friends (?) with several people on the Internet and had gut wrenching conversations with at least one of them, laughed hysterically with another, been advised in business by one, know an other's grand kids by name and thought about a quasi affair with another.  So, why am I sad when one of these faceless figures disappears on me?  Hell, I don't know!

But in my favor, I must say, I still have my secrets.  The key to whether I trust you will be whether I share my secrets.  So far there is no temptation any where.  Like I said I almost told that one guy, but lips are sealed and it turned out well that I kept mum.  I set down to write this blog and things come out of me that amaze me.  You people probably know me better then the people I deal with on a regular basis!  You are my Internet friends.  Some of you are actually family and friends that I know.  Some of you are faraway friends that I have met.  Some of you I will meet at a later date, but the one thing you all have in common is you see the honest, forthright side of Lou.  When I meet a stranger the first thing they say is "I feel I have known you all my life."  I, myself, have never met a stranger! 

The people I meet on the Internet are faceless friends.  Sometimes I have a picture I can put with a face, but there you go.  Is that face the face that actually goes with that name?  One of my friends is apparently a bull dog!  One will not tell if they are male or female.  I have a closeup of Amy's mouth.  I met Jacci in Blackwell, Oklahoma and Ely at the bottom of Missouri.  My son has raised his voice at me more than once over what he refers to as my insane behaviour, but he does not understand.  I do not just run around and meet people wily nily.  I first have a connection with them.  Then I feel their vibes.  And I always say my prayers.

OK, I am willing to bet I have strayed from the topic again.  I know one thing, I am getting hungry so it must be supper time.  I am going to run my spell check (I love that feature),  read this over and see if it makes any sense at all, and if it does I will hit the publish button!

Hey, I understand this and that is scary in and of itself!! 

A full moon over Pueblo, I hope it's shining on you!

I was going to post a picture of the full moon, but I do not seem to be able to locate the moon picture.  Do you like my title?  That should be a country song.  They could change Pueblo to Tulsa,  oh wait!  They already did that!  It seems like Shelly West and Somebody Frizzell sang that and it was a great hit.  Seemed like I really liked it.  Seems like someone will need to tell me who the guy was.

I love to look at the moon, whatever phase it is in.  It is so far up there and I am so little down here in comparison.  Makes me realize just how infinite the heavens really are.  I was laying in bed last night thinking about the dying part and I do not think that will really be so bad.  Probably not going to be anything I can put on this blog when I do it, being as how it will be one of those "once in a lifetime things!" 

I have been with several people when they took that last breathe and it does not seem to be anything except a peaceful passing over to the other side.  I think I will rather enjoy it.  However, I am also pretty busy right now enjoying what is going on here.  How I got off the subject of the moon is beyond me, but you know how my little mind works.  I am doing good kick starting myself in the morning without trying to keep me tracking in a straight line!

OK, here is where I think I was going with this moon thing.  I love to look at the moon in all of it's phases.  Crescent is nice and reminds me of a dinner roll.  I know if it is tipped to hold water there will be no rain.  If, however, it is tipped so water can run out, gonna rain!  When it is about half it is great and I do not know what that means, but I think it is kind of good fishing.  But when the moon is full and bright I love to look at it.  I guess they call that a harvest moon, or just a full moon.  I know I need to watch for werewolves.  I think it is also the lover's moon.  Well, that entails having something I do not have access to, so I will just go with the werewolves.

I know I have heard that the full moon effects people with mental problems, but I can not lay my hands on any statistics, so I just have to say, I have heard.  I love the moon and I am very glad it stays up there.  It must have a very strong string.  Someday I will go to the ocean and spend a month on the shore and keep notes.  Until then......... enjoy the moon for whatever reason you are looking at it cause it was really pretty last night.

If you have access to a honey pie, grab their hand and go outside and gaze upwards.  Just tell them Lou said!

Have a good one.

The worst part about old age is getting there.

Did you ever just stop and think, "Where did the time go?  When did this happen? I am old!"  I did that today.  I realized that I am no longer young!  I did not feel old this  morning when I got up, but suddenly came the dawning of the realization that there will be no going back, no second chance at a first anything.  This is it and it is down hill from here to the end.  From the cradle to the grave sort of thing.

It seems like only yesterday, I was a little barefooted kid running the streets in Nickerson, Kansas without a care in the world. I do not remember being cold, but I don't remember being warm.  I do not remember being hungry, but i don't remember being full, either.  I went to school and apparently I learned something.  I remember babysitting to buy my mother a stainless steel mixing bowl because I had broken her glass one.  I remember clod fights, kick the can, watching the calf die, and eating green peaches.  I remember Howard Fein poking his false teeth out at me and scaring me half to death.  I remember many things, but I don't remember getting older.

I remember having babies, catching fish, and getting divorced.  I remember burying my brother, sister, father, mother, friends, husband, and pets.  I remember tears and laughter, good times and bad times, having money and being broke, but for the life of me, I can not remember growing old.  It just seems like one day I was young and the next day I was not.  The body that used to jump the fence, run a mile, dance to the twist, and unload 50 pound bags of feed, just quit cooperating.  The mind that was so quick with a comeback has slowed to a crawl.  Now the body seeks creature comforts of warmth and a soft bed.  The mind likes to drift back to another day and time.  Back to when the kids were babies and all I needed to be happy was a roof over my head, food in my belly and hope for tomorrow. 

Now my life stretches before me like a long black, endless ribbon of a highway with no beginning and no end.  Do all people face this mortality?  What a waste!  We start out as helpless little babies needing someone to care for us and move through a maze called life to end up as helpless old people needing someone to care for us.  Oh, the irony of it all!

I wish I had it all to do over!  If I could have another chance I would seize each day and savor it from dawn to dark.  I would examine every minute of every day and write each night in my journal and plan every tomorrow so that every day would be important to me and to everyone I knew.  I would hold my mother tight.  I would sing to my brother.  I would rock my children.  I would have been a missionary to the poorest of the poor and the sickest of the sick.  I would not have shed selfish tears for myself, but would have wept for the world and would have made it a better place instead of just drifting through in my own willful way.

But, alas, I can change nothing.  I set here a lonely old woman with my delusions of grandeur, and wish it were different.  But all my wishing changes nothing.  I just hope that when I get up to the pearly gates I can remember the one quote that fits this situation:  "Of all the things, of mice and men, the greatest of all, What might have been."  Or something along that line.

Jingle Bell Boutique all stocked up and ready to go!

Here is what a craft sale looks like when it is all stocked and ready to go!  Looks different than it did yesterday, doesn't it?  Today I am going to go around and take pictures of things that I think are special.  I bought a little sign that says, "Sarcasm, just another service I offer."

 This is my little corner of the world and I am really doing pretty well there.  Course I am a pusher, you know.  My arch enemy (Bet you did not know I had one of those, did you?) was in yesterday and we did a very good job of ignoring her.  Funny part was , Lyn stopped by and her arch enemy was also there at the same time as mine!  How fate works to try and set our Karma's to rights and how hard we work to keep it from happening.  Almost humorous.

Ok, I got to hit it.  If you get a chance hop on out to Pueblo West, 127 Spaulding in the VFW Hall!  I will be there until 5 and then I am out of there.

Have a good day, and be kind to each other.  Do as I say, not as I do!

The Jingle Bell Boutique is doing #32 in Pueblo West today!

 The Jingle Bell Boutique is starting today, but this is what went on yesterday!  This is the VFW Hall in Pueblo West where this little shindig will happen! This is at 9:00 yesterday morning.  Do you notice how bare this place is?  That is because the workers are not here to set up the tables.  Oh, Wait!  I am none of the workers!  Grand daughter Deven and I are going to get to help!

The unique things about the craft fairs that you walk into, searching for that perfect little something, is that they all start out the same way, in an empty room.  Somebody has to show up and set up tables.  Here you see all the tables set up nicely.  Bear in mind they are not where they belong, but see those 2 guys back there?  When they get through hanging that lattice or peg board, the tables will start being placed.  Now see this happy little lady here?  This is Mary Jo Cavender.  She belongs to the church I used to go to so I have known her for several years.  She is without a doubt one of the best cooks in the world.  I think that is one of the reasons that I put off changing churches.  But she will ply her wares here and I will no doubt be sick when I leave today!

Now you can see some of the tables back there all covered and placed.  Today when I go in I will take a shot of how the place looks.  You are going to be amazed at the transformation.  This is the 32nd annual Boutique and my first year.  So I am a virgin of sorts on this one.  Finally!

Now, not everybody gets to do this boutique, so I consider myself very lucky.  Of course I do have a rather unique product and an in with one of the ladies there, Marjorie Bratzler.  Marjorie makes handwoven baskets and those alone are worth the trip to Pueblo West.  She is an artist extraordinaire!  Whoa!  Hope I spelled that right! 

If you get a chance run out and see us today and tomorrow, that is November 19 and 20, 2010.  We will be there from 9-5, just like the working girls!  I am going to watch the door for you and bring me something to eat that is not chocolate and full of sugar.  As luck would have it my little corner is right across from Mary Jo!